Vriska's version of the story
Tonight is the night you will propose to your beloved girlfriend, and everything is going perfect. However, she has been quite weird during the dinner.
“John, this giant shrimps look weird.”
“Those are lobsters, Rose.”
“They have the same orange armor, so whatever.”
Rose takes out her cigarette tube and ignites a cigarette. Why is she even smoking so early, and at a restaurant? Oh right, smoking section.
“Hey Johnny, can you tell that guy to bring us a bottle of wine?”
“But you already drank two glasses of Rhode Island tea.”
“Do I have to explain it clearly? I am a responsible adult that can afford all the alcohol I want.”
You should have considered Rose’s liberal consumption of alcohol. At least she is sober enough for the surprise you have for her.
“A cake? You are such a sweetie John, but I can’t eat this. It would be a crime against my figure.”
“Rose, you don’t need to eat the entire cake, but I heard the ice cream is really good.”
“Are you seriously suggesting that I should eat all this carbs?”
“Not really, but…”
“Whatever, if you insist I will break my diet just for you.” Rose takes a bite. “Are you hap… ouch!”
Rose spits the ring you put in the cake, and she looks angry at you.
“What the fuck, John?!”
“Rose, I…”
“Not only do you cause me harm, but you also want to propose to me?! I thought you were better than other men, but it seems I was wrong.”
“Shut up!”
Everyone at the restaurant looks at you two and pauses everyone sound for just a second.
“Excuse me?”
“Rose, this was supposed to be our special night, but now that I think about it, you have been a brat the whole night!”
“I don’t have to listen to this bullshit. In fact, I am a lesbian. I have been a goddamn lesbian the whole time.”
“Are you really just going to reveal this now after years of dating? Why? Why date me if you don’t really love me?”
“Because it was fun to play with you, but now I grew bored. It is time to end this game and move on, Egbert.”
Rose walks away, and you are left holding a box with a ring. Later, you walk out of the restaurant and see Rose vomiting in a trashcan. Not a big loss after all.
Today.
“Vriska, are you sure you aren’t projecting yourself?” Kanaya asks.
“Maryam is right.” Dave adds. “Most of the descriptions you used for Rose fit your personality.”
“Are you guys doubting the objectivity of my story? John told me every detail of that night, even the parts that make him seem like an asshole. Did Lalonde forgot to tell you about how she hurt her mouth with a ring, Kanaya?”
“I… I don’t know how to counter that argument, and it is true that Rose did had an alcoholic phase.”
“Both stories have been so entertaining, but they have the flaw that they had been told by people who will defend their respective romantic partner to the death. Rose is my sister and John is my bro, so I am a more objective third party that has heard from both of them, and also done some research.”
“Dave, just tell the fucking story already.” You say and wait for his version of the story.