Dave's version of the story
Tonight is the night. You are going to do it, you are going to make it happen.
“Yo, John. This giant shrimps look sicknasty.”
“It’s because they aren’t shrimps, but lobsters like the ones from the Amanda Show.”
Here comes the big man, and he is bringing the dessert with a special surprise for the lady.
“My man, my sweetheart, my soul mate, I can’t eat this brick of chocolate and frosty the snow man’s children.”
“My girl, my sun, moon and stars, my Khaleesi, you can just eat the icea cream, babe.”
She is doubting at first, but then decides why the fuck not. So then she takes a bite of that sweet ice cream, and bam! Let’s bring Team Sleuth cuz this shit got real.
“Rose Rose Rose, are you ok?!”
Rose is chocking on the ring you bought with your well earned money, and it seems she needs someone to give her new life before it is to late. That is why a big hottie waitress, like those from Hooters but with clothes, does her the Heimlich and crushes Rose’s ribs like if they are made of cardboard. The ring is shot like a proyectile towards your nose, making a fountain of blood as epic as those effects by the great Tarantino. It really hurts and the pain can only be described with noises only known by eldritch abominations and a few fans of the works of Guillermo del Toro.
“Jegus, my nose!”
Rose can’t hear you because she is unconscious. Then, the hot waitress that resembles Pharah from Overwatch tries to give her mouth to mouth breathing, and Rose wakes up only to starts smooching with her.
“It keeps happening!” You scream while there is lesbian make outs in the floor of Restaurante Cortez.
Today.
“So, what do you two think of my version of the story?”
“…”
“…”
“Kanaya? Spiderbitch?”
“…”
“…”
Vriska falls to the floor unconscious, and Kanaya is paralyzed and spilling spit from her mouth without noticing.
“Did I broke your minds or what? I just told a recompilation of facts with my unique narrative style. I could even get an Oscar as a writer. I have to write this for my future anthology of ironic stories. Sounds good?”
“Fuck…” Vriska is rolling on the floor until she is stopped by a wall.
“Dave…” Kanaya finally snaps out of her trance. “Please, don’t tell a story ever again.”