Dawn
// Day 100
The morning light shines through the kitchen as Hope stands at the stove. She turns around with a pan in her hand, flipping the last pancake onto the plate that Atticus holds out for her. She proudly tells him, “Okay, there’s your two chocolate chip pancakes in the shape of mickey mouse.”
“Whoa!” Atticus eyes light up as he sits down with his plate, quickly grabbing the can of whipped cream.
Kelley walks into the kitchen and leans over his chair, kissing him softly on the head and smiling, “Happy first day of school, buddy.”
Hope sits down next to her son, a chuckle escaping her lips as she watches him scarf down his food. “Are you excited?” Atticus nods excitedly with his mouth full.
Kelley walks over to the hot water heater, pouring herself a morning cup of tea. Sitting down with everyone else, she takes her first sip. “Are you going to miss us?” Atticus grins, knowing that big kids don’t get scared, and just shakes his head no.
Hope tries to speak more words of encouragement. “You’re a good boy, Atty. All grown up. You get to spend the whole day with your teacher and classmates. How fun.”
Atticus’ expression falls, but only slightly. Confused, he stares at both his parents. “You won’t come to get me at lunch?”
“Not this time. But you get to have lunch with all your new friends that you’re going to make. You’ll also get time on the playground!” Hope points out.
“What if I just want to read my book?” Atticus asks, setting down his fork on his empty plate.
“But the playground has swings. You love swings!” Hope counters.
Atticus is quiet for a moment before his eyes light up with an idea. “Well I can just read my book on the swings!”
Kelley can’t help but laugh, side eyeing Hope. “I swear, you are your Mama’s boy.”
“Kelley!” Hope exclaims, laughing too. She turns her attention back to their son and instructs, “Alright, Atticus, you better go brush your teeth and change. Mommy can help you get ready. I’ll do the dishes.” She watches as Kelley stands up and motions him to follow.
Hope washes everything and packs the dishwasher tight when Atticus runs back into the kitchen, fully dressed for school. “I’m all ready!”
Hope looks at her son from head to toe. He’s dressed in jeans, a button up shirt, and the new bow tie he picked out just for the first day. She feels the deep hole in her heart ache as she realizes that this is just one of many firsts they’ll never get to experience with Kaden. Fortunately, Kelley appears, distracting her from letting her emotions get the best of her.
“He’s going to be a hit with the ladies.” Kelley teases her son, winking at him in effect.
Atticus’ face scrunches up in disgust. “Ew, I don’t like girls, Mommy. I just want to look smart!” He grins cheekily before realizing, “Oh, I forgot my backpack in my room.”
Kelley watches him run off, completely dumbfounded. She side eyes Hope for the second time, “Yeah, he’s for sure yours.”
Hope rolls her eyes, shoving Kelley playfully. She’s glad that everything was going well, that Kelley was finally finding some light despite their dark circumstances. She quickly ushers them all out of the house and well on their way to school.
-
They are first greeted by Atticus’ teacher, who seems very sweet and a perfect fit for him. She gives them a quick tour around the classroom and they mingle with other parents sharing this bittersweet moment. When it finally comes time for parents to say goodbye, Atticus shrinks into Kelley, gripping her jeans firmly.
Hope rubs his back, trying to reassure him, “Remember what we talked about? You’re going to have so much here.”
Atticus looks around before quietly murmuring his fear. “I don’t want you to go.”
Kelley decides to bend down, becoming level with the five year old boy. She holds his hands, telling him gently, “We will be right here to pick you up at the end of the day.”
Atticus immediately throws his arms around Kelley’s neck, hugging her for dear life. He mumbles again, “No, I want you to stay.”
Kelley just hugs him back, feeling a couple tears stain the back of her shirt. She whispers, “You’re a big boy now, Atty. I know you can do this.”
Atticus finally pulls away, sniffling, “But…but…Mommy, what if you get sick and you need me to lay with you?”
Kelley realizes his fears stem deeper than what they might expect. He’s a smart kid; he knows something’s been off with Kelley lately. She’s touched by his thoughtfulness, nevertheless- he has the same sincerity as Hope that makes her fall hard. “Oh thank you, sweet boy. But I’m feeling a lot better now. Mama’s going to be with me all day and she’ll take good care of me.” She looks up at Hope before trying a different tactic, “How about this, at the end of the day, we’ll get ice cream together. Would you like that?”
Atticus listens, following up with, “Can I get ice cream and chocolate milk?”
Kelley smiles at his bartering. “Only if you listen to your teacher and have so much fun at school.”
“Okay…” Atticus begins to give in, taking his backpack from Hope. He looks at them both one last time, “You promise you’ll pick me up?”
“I promise.” Kelley nods.
Atticus hugs Kelley tight before running off to join the rest of his classmates. For the first time in awhile, Hope sees love fill Kelley’s eyes. She comments to her softly, “Definitely a mama’s boy.”
-
Hope and Kelley spend their free time running errands all day. They pick up groceries and restock the fridge, and then make their way to the specialty furniture store for babies and walk up and down aisles for hours looking at cribs. After settling on the perfect one, they stop for lunch.
Pulling out her phone, Kelley mentions, “So my next doctor’s appointment is about a month away. Are you free on the first Monday of October?”
“Don’t know off the top of my head, but I’ll clear my schedule.” Hope replies, finishing up her iced latte.
“That’d be awesome.” Kelley nods, scrolling through the rest of her calendar mindlessly.
Hope watches her in silence for a few moments and notices her genuinely calm demeanor. She observes out loud, “You seem to be feeling a lot better this week.”
“Yeah,” Kelley shrugs, “It seems like the worse of the morning sickness is over.”
“I’m glad,” Hope tells her honestly, “Now I know how you must’ve felt watching me. I hated seeing you like that.”
Kelley looks up from her phone, her eyes piercing Hope. “I’m healing.” She doesn’t have to say anything more.
Hope decides to bring up something that’s been on her mind. “You know, I’ve been thinking, we really need to tell Atticus about the baby.” She watches Kelley nervously, looking for any sudden changes in her expression.
“Oh, right.” Kelley says, rather platonically.
Hope shares her reasoning. “I just don’t want it to be a huge surprise for him.”
“I think it’s going to be huge, regardless.” Kelley points out before sighing. “We can’t wait a little longer?”
“Kell, we both know he’s too observant to not ask about why your stomach is growing so big.” Hope reminds her.
“True.”
Hope can tell by her one worded response that she’s hesitant. She pries, “Is there a reason we shouldn’t tell him?”
“No, no…” Kelley quickly manages to get out. “He’s going to find out eventually. I just…I just want to make sure we do this right. I know you’re thinking it too, Hope.” Her voice shakes slightly, “I don’t want him thinking this baby is a replacement.”
“Kelley, he won’t think that.” Hope half-heartedly convinces her, as deep down, this worried her too.
“But what if he does? He’s smart.”
“Atticus is smart for his age, but at the end of the day, he’s still a five year old. He’s going to be so excited about being a big brother, that those thoughts won’t even cross his mind.” Hope tries to convince her own self with her words.
“Yeah, I guess so…” Kelley finally relents, “We can try telling him after school today.”
“Sounds good to me.” Hope knows she’s taking a shot in the dark, but she continues, “You know we can’t keep this a secret forever. Atty isn’t the only one who we need to talk to. You’re already starting to show.”
“Well, Carli already knows, right? Who else?”
“Our families!” Hope exclaims in disbelief, “My mom’s coming over next weekend, so we can tell her then.”
“Okay.”
Hope pauses before prompting Kelley, “And what about your parents and siblings? Don’t you think we should give them a call?”
Kelley folds her arms, an act of defense. She mutters, “It’s not their business.”
Hope shakes her head, not understanding at all while Kelley’s being the most stand offish from her own family. She reprimands, “Kelley, this baby is going to be part of the family now, so it is their business as much as it is ours. Like you said earlier, you’re healing. I am too. I just think that letting our families in will help us with moving forward. We don’t need a huge announcement or anything. All I’m asking is for our families and close friends to know about the baby.”
“But what if they think this is all happening too fast?” Kelley’s fears finally come to surface.
“Like we’re replacing Kaden?” Hope begins to realize that maybe Kelley’s the one who needs convincing that despite them having a new baby, they’ll always save a special place for Kaden in their hearts. “This isn’t our fault, okay? We found out you were pregnant before accident. We have no control over this timing.”
Kelley remains quiet, thinking hard. She knows she’s just afraid of their new lives, so she gives in once again. “Fine, we’ll tell them.”
“Okay. Good. Thank you.” Hope grabs Kelley’s hand as a sign of unity. She weakly smiles, “They’re going to be so happy for us. I just know it.” She pauses before bravely asking, “You are too, right?”
Kelley looks up at her and nods, offering her own smile in return. “Yeah, I’m happy.”
Hope brings Kelley in close, whispering, “We aren’t going to forget about him. Ever.” She feels Kelley cling on to her tight and they stay like that until Hope breaks them apart, standing, “Come on, let’s go pick up our kid.”
-
The small family gathers around a table at the corner of the neighborhood favorite ice cream shop. Hope and Kelley watch in pure admiration and delight as Atticus goes on and on about school in between licks of ice cream.
Kelley can’t help but laugh at the speed of Atticus’ movements and words, “Slow down, bud. You’re going to choke on your ice cream.” She smiles, “I’m glad you had lots of fun.”
“I can’t wait to go back tomorrow!”
The two parents share a look of relief before Hope begins the conversation they talked about having earlier. “Atticus, your Mommy and I want to talk to you about something.”
“Am I getting a puppy?” Atticus’ eyes widen.
“That’s the chocolate milk talking.” Hope raises a brow.
“Aw, please! I really really want one!”
Hope shakes her head, “You’re not getting a puppy, but you are getting something else. In fact, it’s better than a puppy.” Finally capturing Atticus’ fully undivided attention, she looks over at Kelley who nods in reassurance. She continues, “Atticus, you know how Mommy’s been getting sick a lot lately?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s because there’s a baby inside her tummy.”
Atticus’ jaw drops and Hope knows that if he hadn’t already finished his ice cream cone, that would’ve been dropped too. His eyes grow bigger and bigger. “A…baby?”
“Yeah…”
“Whoa…” Atticus stares at Kelley’s stomach, eventually pointing directly at it, “Why is it in mommy’s tummy?”
Hope chuckles at his innocence. “The baby is really tiny right now, but it’s staying in Mommy’s tummy for now so that it can grow big enough to come out.”
“Well what happens after it comes out? Who’s going to come pick it up?” Atticus begins to fire questions.
“Well, the baby isn’t exactly going anywhere. It’s going to stay with us.” Hope tries to explain in another way, “Atty, you’re going to be a big brother!”
“Awesome!!!” Atticus shouts, earning looks from all over the shop. He gets out of his seat and walks to Kelley, hugging her tightly. Kelley can only return his kind gesture, her anxiety calming down instantly. He looks back towards Hope, “Do you think the baby will like to play with me? Or read with me?”
“Of course!”
“Do I get to feed the baby too?”
“Sure, why not.”
“Good, I don’t want the baby to cry because it’s hungry.”
Kelley looks down at their sweet son, bringing him close. “You’re such a good big brother already.” She receives a look of relief from Hope. This wasn’t so bad after all.
“But Mommy, how did the baby get inside your tummy?”
Kelley laughs, replying while she ruffles his hair playfully, “I think that’s enough questions for the day. Just drink your chocolate milk.”