Stars
// Day 145
“Are you ready?” Hope asks one last time, taking her phone out.
“Yeah!!!” Atticus screams, clapping his hands together excitedly.
Hope locks eyes with Kelley, eagerly waiting for answer. Kelley takes a deep breath, steadying her reservations about making a big announcement. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Hope nods, and begins to dial. They finally decided to share their news with their families. They spent the previous weekend with her Mom, who was nothing short of overjoyed for them. Kelley had managed well, so Hope suggested they facetime her parents and siblings next. Thankfully, Kelley agreed.
The phone finally connects and voices greet them. “There they are! Good morning!”
“Hey, guys!” Hope waves at the screen before here, genuinely happy to see all of her in-laws. Kelley waves quietly, putting on a smile. Hope asks, “How are you all?”
“We’re doing well. Just finished having brunch together.” Dan speaks for them.
“I want to see! I want to see!” Atticus tugs on Hope’s legs. Hope bends down to share the screen with him. He grins, “Hi Grandma! Hi Grandpa!”
“Hey buddy! How’s school going?” Karen asks, wishing they could all be together in person.
“I love it! I’ve made lots of new friends and I have a really nice teacher.”
“Is that Atty?!” Voices in the background shout, rushing over.
Atticus giggles waving to the newest faces on the screen. “Hi Uncle Jerry! Hi Aunty Erin!”
“We miss you, bud!”
“I miss you too!” Atticus smiles. He suddenly grabs Hope, whispering loudly in her hear, “Can we tell them now?”
Hope chuckles at the little boy’s impatience. She nods, “Alright. Mom, Dad, and everyone, Atty has something to show you.” She flips the camera to show Atticus’ full body. He stands proudly with his hands on his hips.
Dan inches closer to the screen, slowly reading, “World’s…Best…”
Erin gasps in the background before their dad could finish reading. Jerry’s hugging his wife all while shouting his disbelief. Atticus begins to laugh and jump around, causing Hope’s grin to get even bigger while watching all of their reactions. Karen has a hand over her mouth, still totally speechless.
“What?” Dan’s still confused, trying to keep up with everyone’s surprised reactions. “What’s going on?”
Erin points and yells, “Dad, read Atty’s shirt!”
“Well I’m trying to! Atty, son, you have to stop moving. Your grandpa’s a slow reader.” He mutters to himself again, “World’s…Best…Big…Brother.” He just finishes when his eyes begin to grow wide. “Are you serious?”
Hope takes the camera, flips the screen back around, and sets it down on the table before them so that all three of them are in view. She lets Atticus climb on her lap as Kelley sits beside her, revealing her small bump. Kelley offers her best smile, confirming, “I’m pregnant.”
“Way to go, sis!” Jerry shouts from the background.
Erin quickly grabs the camera, her face shining brightly. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it, Kell. I’m so happy for you guys! Do you know how far along you are?”
“Yeah, just about five months.” Kelley admits.
“Already? Wow, gosh. Time flies…”
Hope feels Kelley tense beside her and decides to intervene a bit. “Everything is starting to fall back into place for us…it feels natural, it feels good.”
Erin nods in agreement, handing the phone back to her parents. Karen still hasn’t said a word, her eyes already getting tear. She looks up and down at Kelley, sighing in relief, “Oh honey…”
Dan shrugs, “Timing couldn’t be more perfect.”
“What do you mean by that, Dad?” Kelley’s tone suddenly shifts, her arms crossing. Hope can already tell her walls are starting to build up.
Dan’s caught slightly off guard. He stutters, “I don’t…I just am glad to see you doing so well, that’s all. This baby seems like it’s a really good…thing…for you guys.”
Kelley frowns, “Well of course it’s a good thing.”
“Kelley, sweetheart, we aren’t trying to-”
“Do you think we shouldn’t have another one? Because believe it or not, we talked about this long before…”
Hope sighs, quickly taking the phone and cutting Kelley off to diffuse the situation. “We’ve been planning this for some time now. It’s kept us busy, that’s for sure, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We actually have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for today.”
“Which we’re going to be late for if we don’t start heading out soon.” Kelley points out.
Hope tries to ignore Kelley, but knows she’s right. “Yeah, we really do need to get going, but hey, we can’t wait to see you all at Thanksgiving! That’s still the plan, right?”
“Yes! It is!” Karen gratefully follows Hope’s lead. “We booked flights the other day, so I’ll have Erin send over the confirmation details. It’ll be lovely to be together again.”
Hope nods, and then lets Atticus say goodbye to everyone before hanging up. She hopes Kelley’s alright, but she doesn’t want to have a conversation in front of him. She waits until they drop him off at Pinoe’s place on the way to the doctor’s for a routine ultrasounds.. She observes Kelley out of the corner of her eye, pointing out, “You’re a little quiet.” Kelley continues to stare out the window in silence. Hope brings up, “I’m glad we told everyone…”
Kelley nods, murmuring, “Yeah…I’m glad it’s over.”
Hope grimaces, still not sure why Kelley still seemed to distance herself from her family. Was she embarrassed? She wishes she could read her wife’s mind, but instead with one hand gripping the steering wheel, she uses the other to reach over and take Kelley’s hand. She lovingly intertwines their fingers. “You okay?”
Kelley gently squeezes her hand in return. Looking over, she nods in reassurance. “Yeah, a little nervous about the appointment, but nothing out of the ordinary. I’m good.” She truly means it. She’s been sleeping longer each night and getting by each day with more strength than before. Ever since they told Atticus about the baby, he wanted to be involved in just about everything- from nursery themes to baby clothes, he always had an opinion or question. Hope and Kelley found it endearing, but mostly relieved that he had taken the news so well. It made it easier on them, too, even if announcing it to the rest of their family wasn’t on the top of Kelley’s to do list. All she knew was that growing their family might just be exactly what they needed to heal- and of course, monthly trips back to Jersey. Kelley lived for those trips. Despite their life in Seattle slowly taking shape, she needed their son to know that they’d never forget about him. Hope slowly pulls into a parking spot and turns off the car. She’s about to get out when Kelley’s grip on her hand only tightens. “Wait.”
Hope relaxes in her seat. She gives Kelley her fully attention. “Kell, are you sure that-”
“We get to find out today.”
“Find out what?”
“If we’re having a boy or girl.”
“Oh.” Hope realizes but still not sure where Kelley was heading.
“Well do you want to know?”
Hope notices as Kelley makes eye contact with her for the first time throughout the entire ride. She thinks for a moment, remembering what they decided with the twins. She shrugs, “I think you know my answer.”
“So you don’t want to?”
Hope shrugs again, “We decided not to with the twins, right? I liked it. It kept things exciting, you know.” She realizes that Kelley had averted her eyes once again. She’s not sure what answer Kelley’s looking for. “But if you want to do things differently this time around, I understand. I honestly don’t have a set preference. I’d love our baby the same.” When she still doesn’t receive a response from Kelley, she asks her point blank, “Do you want to know?”
“Yes.” Kelley all but blurts out. “It’ll be easier, I think. I’d love to start buying clothes already and don’t you think Atticus would like to know? I know he hasn’t asked us yet, but you know that question’s coming. Plus, I’m so impatient.”
“Well then we have our answer.”
For the first time since the accident, Hope sees Kelley’s eyes genuinely light up with excitement. She can only smile and help her out of the car. They’re settled immediately into a room where their doctor greets them. They keep their eyes glued to the tiny screen in the room. Kelley’s hand finds Hope’s when a little blob suddenly appears and a heartbeat fills the room. The doctor observes the baby’s vitals in silence, which seems like forever and causes Hope to interrupt sooner.
“Is everything alright?” Hope can’t help her anxious tone.
The doctor smiles right back at them and nods. “Perfect. Your baby’s growing right on track and all vitals are in a good range.” Hope lets out a small sigh in relief. The doctor turns to Kelley, “How are you doing, Mama?”
“Really great.” Kelley, too, is grinning from ear to ear as she just stares at the little life inside of her.
“That’s want we want to hear. The baby will continue to grow and you should be noticing some kicks here and there. All of that is perfectly normal. Feel free to contacting me any time though if you have questions or concerns.” The doctor returns her attention to the screen, squinting hard. “Now for the exciting part…you wanted to find out your baby’s gender, yes?”
Hope’s about to open her mouth in agreement when Kelley beats her to it. “Actually, I don’t want to.”
Hope frowns at Kelley’s sudden change in mind. “You don’t?”
“Yeah.”
“But you said in the car...”
“I just decided not to.” Kelley shrugs, trying to explain further, “We didn’t know with the twins, so why not keep it the same?”
“Uhh…alright.” Hope’s still a tad confused by Kelley’s choice. Looking at the doctor, she smiles anyways, “Whatever she wants.”
// Day 150
Hope and Kelley settle down on the swing set on the back of Carli’s porch. They arrived just moments ago and after settling a tired Atticus in his room, they grabbed some drinks, and headed out back. Carli opens the sliding door and hands them a blanket. “Here you go. It’s been getting chilly around here.” She settles down in her own chair, observing mindlessly, “I think we’re going to have a rough winter.”
“That’s what people are saying back in Seattle as well.” Hope comments, throwing the blanket over Kelley and herself.
Carli watches as Kelley snuggles closer to Hope as time goes on. She remarks softly, “You two look good.”
Hope smiles in return. “You all settled in?”
“Yeah, pretty much. We’ve definitely got our routine. I forgot how much I love Seattle…it’s really a beautiful place, especially this time of year. We actually had dinner with Pinoe the other day.”
“Oh yeah? It’s been a while since I talked to her.”
“Same old, same old.” Hope chuckles thinking of their friend. She jokes, “I’m not sure I want Atty spending too much time with her…”
“Yeah, you better be careful with that crazy aunty.” Carli laughs along. She turns to look directly at Kelley. “How about you, Kell? You definitely look better than when I last saw you, color in your face and all. No more morning sickness?”
“All gone, thank goodness.” Kelley grins before continuing to fill their friend in. “We actually had another appointment just before coming here. According to the doc, everything looks good. We even-” Kelley suddenly brings a hand to her stomach, letting out a gasp in surprise. “Oh my god.”
Hope jolts in panic, staring at Kelley and looking for any signs of distress. “What?”
“It moved.” Kelley speaks slowly, her mouth gaping open in awe.
Hope immediately rests her hand on Kelley’s bump, her eyes also filling with wonder. She exclaims, “That’s a kick!” She turns to her best friend, “Carli, you have to feel this!” The older woman obliges, also feeling quite literally the miracle of life.
“Oh, this one is definitely going to be a striker.” Hope jokes.
Kelley rolls her eyes, “How do we know those aren’t hands? Could be a keeper, too.”
“No, no, this kid has your blood. Those are for sure kicks from really strong legs.” Hope’s dead serious.
Kelley can’t help but laugh, getting Carli to laugh along with her. Carli agrees with Hope though, “I don’t know, Kell, you might have a runner faster than you. Good luck keeping up.”
Kelley looks down, still feeling every kick. “What a strange feeling.”
When the jokes and laughter die down, Carli looks at them both. She tells them honestly, “I’m so happy for you guys.”
“That means a lot to us. Thanks, Car.” Hope replies.
Carli then questions, “What does Atticus think?”
“Oh, he’s nonstop when it comes to the baby. He has so many questions. It’s adorable.” Hope tells her.
Kelley looks back in towards the house. “Speaking of Atty, we should wake him up before dinner. He’ll never sleep tonight.”
“I’ll go get him.” Not more than five minutes later, Hope returns with a tired little boy. But once, he sees his favorite aunt, he runs over and gives her a hug.
“Hey, sweetie.” Carli hugs him closely.
Atticus pulls away, all exhaustion having left his bright blue eyes. “Aunty Carli, guess what?!”
Carli chuckles at his poor attempt to contain his excitement, having a slight idea of where this was heading. “Hmmm…what?”
“I’m going to be a big brother!” Atticus shouts, giggling.
“Whoa! Is that so?”
“Yes! I’ve already been a really good big brother. I helped Mama paint the walls of the baby’s room and I helped Mommy choose toys. I even picked out a little stuffed animal all by myself!”
“Aw, buddy, that’s so sweet of you. You must be great help to your mommies.” Carli comments as Atticus wonders slowly over to his parents, leaning into them as they hug him close. He eventually climbs atop the swing set with them.
His full attention towards Kelley’s bump, he whispers softly, “Hello? Baby?”
Kelley laughs softly, guiding Atticus’ hand to lay it on the bump. She instructs, “Just wait a moment.”
A couple seconds later, Atticus’ head whips up as he looks frantically between his two mothers. He’s bewildered by the touch. “Mommy, did you feel that?! There was a little push!”
“That’s the baby kicking.” Kelley explains to him.
“Really?”Atticus now places both hands on her, eagerly waiting for another interaction. He giggles loudly and leans closer. “Hi baby sister, I’m Atticus. I’m going to be your big brother!” He feels another push against his hands and his entire face lights up. “Mommy, she knows me! She knows I’m her big brother!”
Before Hope and Kelley could even open their mouths, Carli beats them to it. She tilts her head out of curiosity, “It’s a girl? When did you find out?”
“Uhm, well, we didn’t.” Hope begins, further explaining, “We want it to be a surprise actually, like the last time.”
“Oh…” Carli pauses to think. She gently corrects, “Atticus, sweetie, you may not get a baby sister. There’s a chance you could get a baby brother, you know that right?”
“A brother?” Atticus perks up slightly before shrugging back against his parents. He doesn’t say another word.
Hope nudges him softly, “Are you alright, buddy?’
Atticus looksback up to his mother. “I just want a baby sister, that’s all…I already have a brother.” He speaks with the kind of logic that only a five year old holds.
Hope feels her chest tighten and it’s suddenly more difficult to breathe in the air around them. She glances over to Kelley, who predictably has her head down, refusing to make eye contact. She’s at a loss for words, but fortunately Carli notices and does her best to lend a helping hand.
“Hey, Atty, did you know that it’s okay to have more than brother? It’s really awesome, actually. Little brothers love looking up to their older brothers, and you’ll always have someone to play with.”
“I guess…” Atticus shrugs, failing to convince any of the adults around him that he understood.
Carli sighs and gets up, offering a hand towards him. “Why don’t you and I get started on dinner?” Atticus jumps off the swing and takes his Aunt’s hand, following in her direction.
Hope and Kelley are left alone outside, thinking the exact same thing without having to say anything at all. It only takes a few minutes of silence before Kelley leans her head against Hope’s chest, muttering the possibility. “What if it’s a boy?”
Hope tries to reason, “Atticus will learn to love the new baby. Once the baby’s born, I’m sure he’ll be so infatuated that he won’t care whether it’s a boy or girl.” She sighs. “Kelley, he’s going to be just fine.”
Kelley mumbles, “I knew this would happen.”
Everything is suddenly clear to Hope. Kelley still had her worries about the baby being a replacement. She thinks back to the doctor’s appointment and confirms, “This is why you don’t want to find out, isn’t it?”
Kelley’s demeanor glazes over once again as she looks out into the distance. Her silence speaks for her.