marriage bitches!!! part 1
You have entered the chat: ass kickin' avengers
You have changed the chat to: wedding!!!
patrioticsass: everyone!! we have set a date and venue for our vow renewal!!
winteriscoming: can you just call it a wedding damn
winteriscoming: you're making us sound like a middle-aged couple who just reconciled from their divorce scare
richbich: i mean half of that is true,,,,
winteriscoming: shut
patrioticsass: bucky,,, we already had a wedding
russianhoe: bitch what went down five years ago was not a fucking wedding okay??
patrioticsass: it was to!
russianhoe: if you call thor drunkenly officiating your marriage with his barely legitimate licence while everyone in the room including you and bucky snot cried a wedding than romance doesn't fucking exist anymore
patrioticsass: yeah but remember the reception??
richbich: your reception was us sitting awkwardly while bucky snot cried into the $3000 armani suit i graciously gifted you with. he kept repeating "i have waited for this moment since i was six years old,,,, fuck"
richbich: you broke the ring. the ring i expertly crafted to fit The Bionic Arm of Death™'s ring finger. i was so proud of it......
winteriscoming: yeah,,,,,,, but you adjusted the ring steve gave me
richbich: yeah and if you break that one ill freak the fuck out. don't fucking mess with you shit
winteriscoming: you mad? fucker
russianhoe: ANYWAY
russianhoe: what date and venue did you guys select??
patrioticsass: April 6th, 1:00 AM at Avengers' Tower :)
richbich: first of all,,,, my building is not a fucking WEDDing venue okay???
richbich: second of all,,,, isn't april 6 tomorrow??
winteriscoming: damn tony!!! you can do math????
richbich: shut the fuck barnes where is your Master's degrees in electrical engineering and physics???
russianhoe: calm down,,, im sure steve meant April 6th, 2018
patrioticsass: no. the wedding is tomorrow :)
russianhoe: jdjhdbasbdwjhebhjw
russianhoe: WHAT
winteriscoming: we decided that we couldn't wait another minute to relieve the feeling of being bonded together. eternally
richbich: that was fucking disgusting ew
russianhoe: WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME THE WEDDING WAS GOING TO BE SOON. BITCH I DONT EVEN HAVE MY BEST MAN SUIT AND YOUR TELLING ME THAT I HAVE TO HAUL ASS TO A MALL AND GET ONE???? I DONT EVEN HAVE A MAKEUP PLAN. OR A HAIR PLAN. FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK I AM UNPREPARED!!!!!!????!?!?!!?
patrioticsass: natasha please calm down!!
patrioticsass: bucky and i have been obsessively planning this day a month after we got married. we have had your best man suit for about a year now. and don't worry about your hair and makeup plan, we already have one :)
russianhoe: BUT MY SPEECHCHCHHCC
winteriscoming: yeah thats the one thing we didn't plan lol haha
russianhoe:...
russianhoe: tony
richbich: going to starbucks right now to get you a lifelong supply of iced americanos
russianhoe: thank fucking god
russianhoe: your girls gonna have to PILE ON that concealer cause im about to pull a fuckfest all nighter
patrioticsass: you don't have to do that!! im sure bucky and i can help you!!
winteriscoming: NO WE CANT BYE EVERYONE
winteriscoming has left the chat.
patrioticsass has left the chat.
russianhoe:... they went off to have pre-wedding sex haven't they
richbich: yep
russianhoe: damn
April 6th, 3:56 AM
You have received a message from: russianhoe
russianhoe: hey clint my man!!!! haha sorry for waking you on vacation like this put could you,,,,, maybe,,,,, check my best man speech???
watchlikeahawk: damn,,,, which friend is getting married this time?
russianhoe: steve and bucky,,,, maybe
watchlikeahawk: THOSE FUCKERS THEYRE GETTING MARRIED AGAIN WITHOUT ME???? SHITBGGTTT
russianhoe: please please please I have no time for you to freak out like this!! can i just type out my speech and you critique pleasssseee it needs to be perfect,,,
watchlikeahawk: im pissed as all fucking hell right now what the fuckckckckkc
watchlikehawk:... sure
russianhoe: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
russianhoe: okay here it goes
russianhoe: Hello, everyone. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you all for attending the vow renewal of these gays right here (laughter). Okay, that is the closest thing you will hear to a gay joke in this speech. Tonight, I wanted to truly and sincerely honor these two amazing men. Bucky, when you met Steve, you were only six years old, while he was just on the brink of four. I've always wondered why a six year old would fall immediately in love with a three year old, but I digress. Through out your lives, you have supported each other through death, war, awkward teenage erections, and even more awkward straight phases. But, somehow, you found each other again. I remember when you lost your arm, Bucky. Steve was by your side the entire time, through physical therapy, the birth of The Bionic Arm of Death™, and the emotional aftermath. There is no doubt in my mind that you love each other til the end of time. I truly hope you do. And let's face it, you guys will still be the hottest husbands in your eighties. Goodnight, everyone.
russianhoe: so,,, how was it???
watchlikehawk: fuck,,, that was so gay and so great,,, i am crying
russianhoe: it was that good??
watchlikeahawk: yes. fuck yes.
watchlikeahawk: now go the fuck to sleep. i love you
russianhoe: i love you too :)
You have received a message from: winteriscoming
winteriscoming: do you have any idea why clint sent the "honey, you've got a big storm coming" meme to steve and i before just fucking blocking us???????