dorito motherfucker part 2
russianhoe: you stupid fucking dorito motherfucker
patrioticsass: What The God Damn Hell Is Your Damage
russianhoe: idk steve maybe im tired of your husband snot crying into my fucking dolce & gabbana shirt okay maybe that's what my damage is
patrioticsass: omg is he okay?? why did he go to you??
russianhoe: ... u are so fucking dense
richbich: wait what happened??
richbich: my Gay Drama senses are tingling
russianhoe: i'll tell you what fucking happened. steve made james think that he was breaking up with him for real and he came to my house, drunk as fuck, with a fucking cat named "cousin seirge". he has been listening to lemonade by beyonce for hours. he has stole my 'juicy' shirt.
patrioticsass: oh my goodness
patrioticsass: have him call me right now.
russianhoe: don't you think i haven't tried that??
russianhoe: i think you need to call him first
watchlikeahawk: will he even answer though
patrioticsass: you know what fuck it im calling him
richbich: im fucking sweating
richbich: i thought birthdays were supposed to be a fun time surrounded by ur friends and family,,, not that i would know,,,
russianhoe: shut the fuck up
patrioticsass: ok he isn't picking up
patrioticsass: what the hell do i do oh my god
watchlikeahawk: okay don't panic steve this isn't your fault
russianhoe: what yes it is
richbich: for the love of god text him !!
patrioticsass: okay okay okay brb
You have received a message from: patrioticsass
patrioticsass: bucky? i am so so so sorry. this whole thing was a huge misunderstanding and it was all my fault. im sorry for being such a fuck up. just come home.
patrioticsass: please
patrioticsass: i love you, so, so much
patrioticsass: buck?
patrioticsass: do you seriously think that you could just ignore me and i would fuck right off? because im not going to
patrioticsass: i have made a god damn mess of your 28th haven't i
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: bucky
patrioticsass: i won't give up on you
patrioticsass: til the end of the line, right?
You have entered the chat: Bucky's Birthday Extravaganza
patrioticsass: he isn't picking up what the fuck
russianhoe: oh wait i forgot to tell you
russianhoe: he blocked you on imessage, twitter, facebook, and basically every other platform available
patrioticsass: well god damn natasha maybe you could've told me that before i texted him 27 times
russianhoe: oops lol
patrioticsass: fuck.
watchlikeahawk: hey steve, tony and i can text him for you?
richbich: wait what am i doing?? i was too busy eating my popcorn and sipping my tea
watchlikeahawk: this is a groupchat bitch you damn well know what i said
patrioticsass: thank you guys so much
watchlikeahawk: np :)
You have received a message from: watchlikeahawk
watchlikeahawk: hey, bucky? would you please text steve back? he has something very important to say to you
winteriscoming: :')
You have blocked: watchlikeahawk
You have received a message from: richbich
richbich: text steve back you salty motherfucker
winteriscoming: I don't know her :))))
richbich: um yes u do,,, ??
You have blocked: richbich
richbich: okay what the fuc k
You have entered the chat: Bucky's Birthday Extravaganza
patrioticsass: well??
richbich: he memed me
russianhoe: ... and ?
richbich: the he fucking blocked me
patrioticsass: clint??
watchlikeahawk: yeah same here
patrioticsass: well shit
patrioticsass: nat, i am going to your place
russianhoe: um wtf don't ???
patrioticsass: I AM GIVING BUCKY HIS BIRTHDAY GIFT I DONT GIVE A FUCK
patrioticsass: TONY YOU ARE COMING WITH ME
richbich: wtf why
patrioticsass: BECAUSE IF MY HUSBAND TRIES TO STRANGLE ME WITH HIS BIONIC ARM THEN YOU COULD MAYBE POSSIBLY SAVE ME
richbich: um why would i want to help you with ur Gay Drama??
patrioticsass: bc u love and appreciate me with all of your heart??
richbich: had it not been for the laws of this land, i would have slaughtered you
patrioticsass: ... i'll send you pictures of thor's ass??
richbich: HELL YEAH LET'S GO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
russianhoe: okay what the fuck tony are u literally so gay that you would risk dying by James Buchanan Rogers-Barnes' Scary Metal Arm of Death™ for a few low quality pics of thor's ass
richbich: :,))))
russianhoe: ,,, that is the gayest thing i have ever seen and i have had sex with multiple women
patrioticsass: EVERYONE SHUT UP
patrioticsass: TONY I HAVE THE RING
patrioticsass: LETS GOOO
richbich: bye y'all wish us luck ;o
You have received a message from: watchlikeahawk
watchlikeahawk: tony hi can u please give me updates on the Gay Drama™ i am sweating
richbich: of course my dude
richbich: well, natasha wasn't lying when she said that bucky was listening to Lemonade™ on repeat we can literally hear 'formation' from outside
watchlikeahawk: are bucky and steve talking??
richbich: um no???? steve is loudly banging on natasha's apartment door really fucking loudly though
richbich: there's this old lady who lives next door who is currently standing outside who is giving me the Eye™ as if im the man who is yelling "BUCKY I LOVE YOU PLEASE OPEN THIS DOOR" at the top of his lungs smh
richbich: OH WAIT BUCKY HAS FIRED BACK
watchlikeahawk: what did he say???
richbich: there was the sound of glass-shattering against the door followed by bucky screaming "FUCK OFF!! YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART HOW DARE YOU TRY TO FIX THAT"
richbich: STEVE HAS RESPONDED
richbich: "BUCKY PLEASE IM NOT BREAKING UP WITH YOU I SWEAR THIS IS JUST ONE BIG MISUNDERSTANDING I LOVE YOU"
richbich: " MISUNDERSTANDING??? EXPLAIN WHY I HAD TO GIVE YOU BACK MY FUCKING WEDDING RING??? HUH???"
richbich: steve is crying and idk if i should comfort him or not lol
richbich: anyway
richbich: there is now complete silence
richbich: "come outside, buck. i'll give you all the explaining you'll need."
richbich: that sounded vaguely sexual lol
richbich: BUCKY HAS OPENED THE DOOR
richbich: JESUS HE LOOKS BAD!!! HE LOOKS LIKE HE GOT REKED BY HIS OWN MOTORCYLE GOD DAMN
richbich: wait a second somethings happening
richbich: STEVE ROGERS IS ON HIS KNEES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN HE IS ON HIS KNEES
watchlikeahawk: bitch what???!!!!@!!!
richbich: HE PULLED OUT A RING WHTA THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
richbich: BUCKY JUST GASPED SCREAMED
richbich: it's a very pretty ring!! it's bucky's original but the bullet that steve told us about is french braided around it??? it's gorgeous
richbich: bucky is staring at the ring very intently
richbich: AND A LOOK OF REALIZATION HAS CROSSED HIS FACE
richbich: AND HE'S CRYING
richbich: WAIT
richbich: "bucky, i love you so so much, and that will never change. this ring only represents a fraction of that, but for now, i hope it will suffice." he slowly slides the ring onto barnes' finger
richbich: AND BUCKY IS FULL ON WEEPING THIS IS THE GAYEST THING I HAVE EVER WITNESSED
richbich: STEVE JUST INHALED AS IF HE WAS ABOUT TO ROAST THE HELL OUT OF HIS HUSBAND AND I HOPE HE IS
richbich: WAIT NEVERMIND!!!
richbich: "james buchanan rodgers-barnes, will you marry me again?"
richbich: NATASHA JUST SCREAMED FROM THE BACKGROUND I RELATE
richbich: HE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!
richbich: AND KNOW THEY ARE KISSING LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL GAYS THEY ARE
watchlikeahawk: HELL FUCKING YEAH
richbich: 126 high-quality pictures of thor's ass has just been uploaded onto my phone :,))))
watchlikeahawk: this is the gayest day of my entire life and i am loving every second of it