the avengers™

You have entered the chat :ass kickin' avengers

winteriscoming: everything that could have went wrong went wrong wtf

patrioticsass: i just,,,,, wanted to be happy for once. just this once

richbich: oh come on u guys it wasn't that bad!! we just still got to see the show at least

russianhoe: if you call the events of last night "not bad" then idk anymore

patrioticsass: i mean he's right we did see the show,,,,, im just not sure i enjoyed it the way i should have,,,,,, my night was ruined even before the show started and it kind of ruined the whole thing for me i quess,,,,

winteriscoming: babe you were crying the entire time saying"this is the most amazing fucking thing what the fuck"

patrioticsass: oh yeah

russianhoe: but yeah the show was really good actually!! everything before that was shitty

winteriscoming: yeah

richbich: uh huh

patrioticsass: agreed

watchlikeahawk: dammit what happened???? i wasn't even there

russianhoe: oh yeah i forgot you couldn't make it,,,,,,, you fake fucking fan motherfucker

watchlikeahawk: jeez nat im so sorry that my small child had to go to the hospital to get stitches,,,,, somebody call the fucking authorities

russianhoe: well next time tell the little fucker to be careful 

richbich: yeah nat what a clumsy little shit lol

russianhoe: EXCUSE ME???? WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY FUCKING GODCHILD??? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS SMARTER, DEADLIER, AND MORE BADASS THAT YOUR FATASS COULD EVER BE, SO DON'T YOU DARE EVER MAKE THE  MISTAKE TO FUCK WITH HER, NOT EVEN BEHIND HER BACK. YOU THINK THIS IS SOME FUCKING JOKE? MY GODCHILD WILL SHIT FURY ON YOU, JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT

richbich: ...

winteriscoming has sent an image: ohfuck.jpg

patrioticsass: wow

watchlikeahawk: what the fuck

winteriscoming: ... are you ok natalia?

russianhoe: im fine just a bit protective of my godchild/niece/reason for living haha

russianhoe: where were we????

watchlikeahawk: .... could you maybe possibly run down the events of last night

winteriscoming:  sure man. everybody else down??

patrioticsass: i believe its too,,,,,, traumatic 

richbich: jesus don't be so fucking over dramatic lol 

russianhoe: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. HOW. DARE. YOU. STEVEN GRANT RODGERS-BARNES DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR RUDE ASS COMMENTS. HE IS TOO GOOD, TOO AMAZING TO HAVE HIS FEELINGS MARRED MY SOMEONE SO FUCKING SHITTY. STEP THE FUCK OFF. STEVE HAS THE ABILITY TO WIPE YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH WITH THE GRACE AND PRECISION OF A  POWERFULLY SKILLED ASSASSIN ALL THE WHILE LOOKING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN ANY OTHER FUCKING CREATURE ON ANY PLANET IN ALL OF EXISTENCE, BUT HE'S TOO MUCH OF A GOOD ASS PERSON TO DO THAT. I BET YOU FEEL REALLY FUCKING SHITTY RIGHT NOW. 

richbich: ok what the fucj

winteriscoming: i mean,,,,, she's right tho

patrioticsass: nat what's wrong with you???

watchlikeahawk: CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

russianhoe: ok lol

russianhoe: so it was 7:00, we are waiting for the subway to arrive to take us to the theatre. at that point everything was going smoothly except that you couldn't make it. so we called up bucky's liitle sib becca and they came with us

russianhoe: and then some guy just came up to becca and started???? talking them??? and the he literally fucking groped their boob. hard. 

russianhoe: boi you should have fucking seen james steve tony and i omg

russianhoe: james was the one to actually punch the fucker in the face after they kneed him in the dick. and they were like crying,,,,,, bc u know,,,,

russianhoe: and we all just huddled them into a lil (big) hug and and they were like fcuk.. im so emo.

patrioticsass: and then we were like "??? we survived lol nothing can get worse than this.." 

patrioticsass: and as it turns, we hopped on the wrong fucking subway to the other side of the goddamn city

watchlikeahawk: omg

winteriscoming: omg it took us like 15 mins to figure out where the right train was remember

winteriscoming: but we made it!!! 

watchlikeahawk: but this sounds pretty tame so far,,,, except for what happened to you becca im so sorry that happened them!!

winteriscoming: aw omg its okay!! it just kind of scared them a bit

russianhoe: but anyway, the worse part of the night arrived when we arrived at the theatre

watchlikahawk: k im scared wtf tf happened 

richbich: we get our tickets scanned. we get our merchandise before the show bc we're smart like that. and we get directed to our orchestra seats-the best in the theatre. but there were was a family of 5 sitting in our fucking seats

winteriscoming: and not just any family, no. it was a typical white, conservative family. white as fuck. just picture a stereotypical white family and that's them. there was a mom, and dad, and three girls.

winteriscoming: we were all like ??? wtf these are our seats and so nat went up to the parents and said, EXTREMELY FUCKING POLITELY "hey guys, i think you may be sitting in our seats :)" and she showed them our tickets and seats numbers 

winteriscoming: and then the fucking mom went "sorry sweety :)))) but these are our seats :)))) maybe you got fakes ones, you all seem the type to buy cheap tickets online :))))) sorry :))))))))))))))))))"

winteriscoming: AND TONY STARK, ONE OF THE RICHEST MEN IN AMERICA WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE

richbich: yeah it was pretty fucking appaling

richbich: and so becca was like "let me see your tickets please :)))))))" and they checked them

richbich: AND IT TURNS OUT THAT THEIR TICKETS WERE FAKE. I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THEY GOT IN

patrioticsass: and then they just sat there denying it like

patrioticsass: some foul words were exchanged, including my favorite "get out of the fucking seat monkey dick we paid actual money that we earned on these tickets" (courtesy of my sibling-in law becca)

watchlikeahawk: fuckin savage

russianhoe: And that was when it happened.

russianhoe: white conservative dude turns to his wife and says "i knew we shouldn't have come to see this shown martha. after all, the whole cast stinks of liberal, pansy scum. serves us right for seeing a f*g show" 

watchlikeahawk: oh my fucking god 

russianhoe: and there we where, young, liberal member of the lgbtq+ community listening to that disgusting shit, i was tearing up. but steve

winteriscoming: my fav part of the entire night to be honest

patrioticsass: oh c'mon i was just doing the right thing

winteriscoming: it was brave

winteriscoming:  i love you so much babydoll, til the end of the line

patrioticsass: i love you too. more than you can imagine, til the end of the line

richbich: it would be really dandy if you could stop sexting while we try to re account the events of last night so stop please :))))

winteriscoming: you jealous? you robot fucker

watchlikeahawk: omg

russianhoe: ANYWAY

russianhoe: steve goes up to this man, stares him straight in the eyes, and gives him an entire speech about american patriotism. full on goes uncle sam on the motherfucker. i dont actually remember the whole thing, but i remember he said "america is full of people of every race, shape, gender, and sexual identity. if you believe that for one second, you are above the minority, then you are truly betraying the ideal that this country was built on; that all men are created equal."

russianhoe: at this point, bucky's dick was out

winteriscoming: ... true

watchlikeahawk: nasty

winteriscoming: ANY DAMN WAY

winteriscoming: the whole theatre was applauding for my husband while i sobbed in the corner over how lucky i was to be married to such an amazing human being

winteriscoming: and the guy punched steve in the eye

russianhoe: you could literally see james' face turn red with fucking hatred and disgust and on the actual verge of murdering the guy, but steve held him back from acting like a stupid fuck

russianhoe: and steve was crying a bit

patrioticsass:  it fucking hurted 

richbich: im sure it did hurted

patrioticsass: shut the fuck up you crusty ass toe you know what i meant

richbich: so the theatre' staff escorted the man and his family out of the building while we took our seats and wallowed in the victory of defeating the White Conservative Family

russianhoe: The End

watchlikeahawk: that was fucking,,,,,, wild

russianhoe: and you know what guys?? maybe the night wasn't that bad after all

patriotic: sorry nat but my fucking black eye will probably tell you otherwise

russianhoe: shut

russianhoe: i meant that the show was v good and isn't that enough? we saw lin-manuel miranda's masterpiece you guys

patrioticsass: rt

winteriscoming: rt

richbich: rt

watchlikeahawk: let's get some fucking denny's