"Tell me I'm wrong, Nat!" Y/N screamed, throwing his arms up.
"You're being ridiculous!" She screamed back, hands on her hips.
"Oh am I? You bail on all our plans, leave early, come home late, barely answer my calls! And I don't remember the last time we had sex, we lay on that bed with a huge distance between us and it bothers me, it's breaking my heart but you just don't care!" Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as he faced the woman that was simultaneously the worst and best thing to have happened to him.
"You're overreacting as usual," she rolled her eyes, "I have a busy job, Y/N so sometimes I have to cancel plans and sometimes I can't be home in time to eat dinner with you but that doesn't mean I'm giving up on us, it just means I'm busy!" She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, fed up with this conversation, "as for what else you said, saving the world makes me tired, so excuse me for not wanting to have sex."
"I can't believe you." Y/N shook his head while letting out an emotionless laugh.
"What?" She snapped, hands back on her hips.
"You have an excuse for everything. You can't admit we're falling apart, and that means you don't care that we are."
"No, I just don't think I should leave a mission early to have dinner with you as proof that I love you, or sleep with you when I'm exhausted just to get you off my back." Natasha said bitterly.
"Wow. I'm going to stay with Sam for a few days, have you and your stuff gone when I get back." Y/N said, grabbing his jacket and keys and leaving before she could reply.
Tears were streaming down his face by the time he reached his car. He didn't want him and Nat to be over, he loved her, but he just couldn't do it anymore. He didn't have it in him to keep on trying only to have her knock him back. She didn't want to try, and he was done with everything being one sided.
He sighed as he put his seatbelt on and pulled out of the driveway. Tears were blurring his vision but he kept wiping at his face, wanting to wait until he was at Sams until he completely broke down.
He turned the the radio on, thinking some music would calm him down, however when he heard the song playing he regretted it instantly. Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco began booming around his car and within seconds the small amount of resolve be had crumbled, and he broke down sobbing.
He wasn't paying attention, so when he ran a red light and a lorry turned the corner to his right, he had no idea, only seeing it right at the last second, which by then was too late. He only had time to gasp before the lorry hit his car head on and everything went black.
***
"This is all my fault." Natasha whispered to no one in particular. She, Steve, Sam and Clint were all sat in the waiting room. Nat had been on autopilot since she got the call. She called the guys and told them calmly what had happened and to meet her at the hospital. She then drove herself to the hospital, and was told by a nurse that Y/N was in surgery, and she'd have to wait.
It wasn't until this very moment, the four of them sat grim faced and silent that the situation really dawned on her. Her husband could die and it would be all her fault. She let him leave, and she might not even get to apologise for the things she said. How was she supposed to live with that? She wasn't sure she would be able to.
"Natasha-" Steve began before she cut him off.
"Don't, Steve. I don't need you telling me I'm not to blame and he's gonna be okay, I can't deal with that right now." Her voice cracked and she started crying. She didn't care that the others were witnessing this, she was hurting.
Clint put his hand on Natasha's but said nothing. Steve and Sam looked at eachother, their faces tight with worry, but they too said nothing.
"I should've known married life wasn't for me. I don't know how you do it, Clint. How am I supposed to be an Avenger, Shield Agent and wife? I can't say no to missions, I can't say no to flying across the world to kick ass, I have to do what I have to do." Natasha sniffed, her nose starting to run as she cried harder, finally opening her eyes to everything Y/N had been saying.
"It's not always easy," Clint began, squeezing Natasha's hand, "sometimes I go weeks without seeing Laura and the kids and sometimes that causes us to argue, causes her to get mad at me, but she knew what she was signing up for when she married me, and now we make every moment we're together count. Maybe Y/N wasn't really aware of your job description, not enough anyway." Clint smiled sadly at Natasha and she said nothing, letting his words sink in.
"Right now worry about him getting better. I hate to be blunt, but marital issues won't matter if he dies." Sam said matter-of-factly.
Clint and Steve shot him a glare which Natasha saw.
"You're right." She said. She blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes, taking a deep breath before standing and going to the nurses desk. "Hi I'm Natasha, Y/N's wife, can I go and see him? We've been waiting long enough."
The nurse looked up at Natasha sympathetically, "Mrs.Y/L/N, he's only just got out of surgery, it will be a while before he wakes up."
"Can I just sit with him until he wakes up? Please?" She pleaded.
The nurse thought for a moment before relenting, "Okay, but just you. Your friends will have to wait until he wakes up." She stood, motioning for Natasha to follow.
"Thank you so much." She followed.
Once inside the room, Natasha sat beside the bed, taking in Y/N's appearance. Two black eyes framed his broken nose, a dark gash ran across his right cheekbone and his eyebrow looked swollen. He also had a broken leg and collarbone. The surgery had been because he had bleeding on the brain. All had apparently gone as smoothly as possible in the operating theatre, but his head injury had been severe and they told Natasha when she arrived that there was a 20% chance he may not wake up.
"I can't do this." She whispered before bolting from the room. Seeing him like that, it made her feel worse and she couldn't cope.
"Nat, where are you-" Natasha was gone before Steve could finish the sentence. She jumped in her car and drove down the road before parking in an empty street.
She wanted nothing more than for him to wake up and be okay, but it was unlikely he would and if he did, could she really divorce him after this? Her guilt would convince her to stay with him and she knew that wasn't right. He deserved better. He did nothing but love and cherish her. He was always there for her, always supporting her, and yet here she was more worried about her own guilt than him. That told her all she needed to know. Somewhere along the way she gave up on her marriage, but he never did. Not once.
She balled her hands into fists and punched the steering wheel, over and over, screaming in frustration. She didn't want to do this anymore. She hated herself for only just now realising their relationship was over long ago, long before this. She could have saved them a world of pain if she'd just left him earlier.
"He was so stubborn for giving me second chances, for not giving up on us." She whispered, hands sitting on top of the steering wheel in loose fists now that her anger had subsided.
***
It took Y/N's eyes a few moments to get used to the light, but when they did, he looked around.
"You're awake!" Sam shouted in relief, jumping up to get a nurse.
"Thank god." Steve sighed, hugging Clint.
"Where's Natasha?" Y/N's voice sounded hoarse and dry.
Steve and Clint shared a look before Clint spoke.
"She er, she was here, but when she saw you like this... She left."
Y/N's mind thought back to the argument they'd had, how unbothered she was, how he'd as good as kicked her out. He sighed.
"She blames herself." Steve added.
"Can I use someone's phone?" Y/N asked. His head was pounding and his eyesight a little blurry.
Clint wordlessly handed over his phone and Y/N dialled Natasha's number.
"Look I'm sorry I left, but-" she started.
"It's me, Nat."
"You're awake!" She sounded half relieved, half surprised.
"This isn't your fault, okay? Just please come to the hospital and we can talk about this." Y/N pleaded.
"Everything's different now," Natasha whispered, "you're hurt." Y/N knew what she was implying, could they really break up now he'd almost died? It broke his heart even more.
"I'm a big boy Natasha, I'm not going to make you stay with me because of this." She opened her mouth to say something but he carried on, "I just want us to talk, at the very least leave things on a better note. You owe me that." He looked down and frowned.
After a moments silence Natasha replied, "Okay, I'll come, and we'll talk about this soon." She put the phone down before he could reply.
He handed Clint his phone back, a frown still on his face. He'd have a few, probably awkward, days with his wife before that life ruining chat. The chat that confirmed the ending of his marriage to the love of his life. The chat that would leave him wondering if there was anything he could've done to fix this. To fix them. As much as he knew it was for the best, it still hurt him in ways he couldn't explain.
Natasha put her phone in her pocket and sat for a moment, thinking. This was the right thing to do, she knew that, she just wished it wouldn't hurt so much, and that she didn't feel this guilty.
With a sigh she started up her car and made a U turn, driving towards the hospital.
