Chapter 5
‘So,my mom died in a fire.I still don’t know how the fire got started and I can’t remember much of anything except my dad telling me to take Sam outside.He was still a baby back then.Come to think of it,I don’t really remember much about my mom either,if it weren’t for the few photos that managed to be saved from the house I woulde’ve forgotten how she looked like by now.’
‘Dean,I’m sure your mother was an incredible woman.’Castiel responded.
‘She was.’he drew in a sharp breath ‘The love of dad’s life.That’s why he never got over it ,never healed.Always suffering after the loved one.And we didn’t do much to help,so…’ now Dean was starting to fidget in his chair,unable to make himself comfortable.That’s when Castiel knew not to push any further but analyze once again everything Dean said.
It was amazing how he got to study Dean like a book but he for the first time actually enjoyed it.Even when he was telling him how he never got to have friends or a real home before he returned to Kansas a year ago ,in a messed up way it made Castiel happy to know this.He wanted to strangle John for everything he did to Dean and his brother but the man was already dead.That wasn’t the worst part though.It was how Dean described everything like it was his fault that his mom died ,that his father started drinking,that they moved around,that they sometimes starved when John didn’t return from the bar fast enough and sometimes when he did he forgot he had kids.He knows that Dean,of course,blames himself for the car accident too.He never told Castiel much about that,but Ellen informed him vaguely of the situation.He knew Dean was in the driver’s seat and Sam was in the passenger’s seat and John was in the back and that he died before the ambulance arrived ,but nothing more because Ellen herself probably didn’t know more judjing by Dean’s talking habits nowadays.
‘I understand what you’re saying,but that’s no reason for him to give up on taking care of his kids.’
‘Eh,we were fine.’Dean shrugged him off with a fading smile on his face.
‘And you expect me to buy that?’here Castiel crossed the imaginary line he made for himself but he couldn’t resist it.To hell with John Winchester’s A+ parenting!
‘Yeah,well.I still don’t blame him.’
‘Why?’ Castiel asked,genuine curiosity coming to the surface.He tried to hold still in his chair when he just wanted to pace around the room but he knew he would give out an unsettleing vibe so be used his impeccable self-control.Funny thing:there was kind of no self-control around Dean.But what was he talking about?He wasn’t currently kissing Dean’s problems away like he wanted to do so many times before so he was way better at this than he thought.
‘Because!’Dean snapped.
‘You know that’s not an actual answear.’
‘It’s all I got.’
‘And it’s ok.Now I can see how you’re closing in on yourself again because you fell like you’re on unknown territory and I’m going to ask you to try to stop.’ Castiel found out that a little bluntness with Dean in the right moments really helped him.Sometimes Dean actually tried to listen and that did nothing short of bringing a big smile on Castiel’s face which Dean always responded to with a shrug.
Such a righteous ,conficted man like Dean ,fighting his way out of darkness under Castiel’s eyes and actually allowing him to help on his way made him want to wrap his arms around his client and carry him to safety.His client.Fuck.
He was interested in him.That was conflict of interests.He wasn’t allowed to feel that.He could get in trouble,drag Dean with him. Dean just needed some guidance,not a crazed therapist having crazy dreams about him.What the hell was wrong with him?He never thought about this.He was so wrapped up in Dean’s problems that he forgot about his own.DeanDeanDeanDeanDeanDean and wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrong were two damned words that refused to leave his mind.He felt dizy all of sudden.He wanted to go home for the first time in years.Castiel loved his job and his office and the concept of helping people,but right now as every single problem in his life made it's way to the surface of his thoughts ,he wished nothing more then to be surrounded by the warmth of his home.
‘Hey,Cas.You ok?’a voice shatterd all of his thoughs like thin glass.It was Dean standing in the doorway,shy but slightly worried smile on his face.Castiel couldn’t help but smile back.Just two more second and then he’ll be alone.
‘Yes,Dean.Thank you.’he nodded.
‘Awesome.See ya’ Friday.’and then he was gone.
With the lonlyness came the priority of his last thoughts.He couldn’t think straight.There were all these ideas in his head like what would Dean say?Would he freak out?Would he be cool but still not want Castiel as his therapist anymore?Would he report Castiel?Would he get in trouble?What happened to the best therapist?Was he really falling for Dean Winchester who had more problems than hair?Was that because he didn’t have sexual intercourse in a while?Should he go search for some?Would a night with a stranger take this edge?Should he give up on Dean because he was an idiot?That was a solid NO.
Still his head was hurting ,his breaths were shallow and he wanted to sleep for a week.Ignoring all his other work,he quickly checked his notebook to see if there were other people scheduled for today and luckly it was just Dean.Just Dean…
He never got home so fast .Although it was 1PM ,he went to take a shower and after all of his disturbing thoughts still refused to leave him,he borrowed a page from Dean’s playbook and opened a bottle of bourbon to help him go to sleep and surprisingly it worked.Castiel couldn’t be more glad that he got drunk.
Dean got to the motel quiet late that day, but hours of walking through the town would do that to you.Hours when Dean got to walk and to think.That’s about all he did thse days,but now it seemed a little bit relaxing which was a plus but still the blue eyes that haunted him always found a way to disturb his peaceful atmosphere and today was no exception.
He was so attracted to the guy it seemed unreal.All that struggle of his to stay away from other potential victims got rotten when Castiel flashed him that beautiful smile,Dean’s thoughts forgotten as if they never existed.And sometimes he was scared that it was getting out of hand,but never cared more to think about it past just wrong ideas.He was playing it cool so it was all fine.He thought.It’s not like something would ever happen.Dean was pretty sure that was a rule or something that said it was wrong to have other relationships with your therapist outside the office.Plus Castiel would probably think he’s sick…well,sicker.
Dean himself couldn’t explain how he ended up displaing his life in front of Cas,but it sort of didn’t bother him anymore.He sure as hell wasn’t bothered when he saw Castiel listening so intrigued like he actually gave a damn but that’s probably what means to be a shrink,spending your days listening to pathetic idiots who couldn’t do so much as manage their brain matter.He really was pathetic.Whatever pity smile he got shouldn’t make him feel better,no matter who the smile’s owner was.He should be disgusted.With himself.His dad was right.What kind of good son ends up this way?Dean’s not a good son,or brother,or just person.He’s not.
Waking up to the crude reality felt like a punch to the gut.Well at least Castiel’s face was gone from his mind ,only the disappointed look on his dad’s face to take that place.Just.Awesome.
The next day passed in a blur thanks to whiskey and Dean couldn’t be more happy about it and people asked why he was drinking.It helps the days pass.But today was Friday and he had to go to meet with his therapist,which even if he will never admit,made him kind of nervous and excited at the same time.It felt refreshing and new ,every time he walked through those doors and knocked…sometimes…and Castiel smiled and they would talk and sometimes neither of them would truly say something,but now Dean knows how Cas refferes to ketchup as a vegetable .
Without acknowledging it,he entered Cas’s office and went to sit down as always but something felt completely different.Cas gave him a shy smile but barely raised his head from the papers that he was so meticulously stacking.He finally squared his shoulders and locked his gaze but it felt icy to Dean and he was worried for a second that he did something wrong,but Castiel smiled again and spoke.God,there were bags under his eyes and he seemed so tired.
‘How are you doing,Dean?’
Even his voice was lower and it didn’t feel ok at all to talk about him.It never felt good to talk about himself,but this moment especially.Now Dean was burning with curiosity to know what’s got Cas on his heels.He had to play it cool.He was glad his so called charm wasn’t gone.
‘M’fine,Cas.’ He nodded slowly and opened his mouth as if to speak again,but Dean was way ahead of him. ‘On the other hand,you don’t look so good.’
‘Yeah,well’ he brushed off Dean’s statement ,scanning the room behind Dean to preoccupy his time.
‘Did something happened?’Dean tried again,this time more unsure of his words and Castiel must’ve noticed because he shaked his head with the fakest smile ever.
‘I think it did.’Dean tried again,this time more blunt.
‘I think it isn’t your problem.’ Castiel snapped,jaw clenched and eyes squing at him but still calm in a way.Ok,that was a little rude.Dean was just trying to help.And with a little bit more thought to the problem he knew exactly how to make it work.Dean raised from his chair and started pacing around the room for a minute or so until he stopped and looked Castiel straight in those ocean blue eyes.
‘We’ve been talking for like..what?..two months now.Actually I’ve been talking and you’ve been listening but still.You get me.’ His eyes turned from squinted with annoyance to wide open with shock.It was exactly what he was aiming for.Cas was doing this kind of shit to him all the time so maybe he could pay back. ‘I’ve told you almost everything about me and come to think of it…I don’t know that much about you.It’s not fair.’
Castiel was freaking gaping at him and Dean couldn’t be more happy about it.So he continued telling him about the equality between a therapist and his pacient even though he didn’t know shit about this sort of things but he was doing well if Castiel’s face was anything to go by.
Castiel started to regain his senses because he was closing his mouth and his death cold stare was right in place,right where he left it.
‘Dean...’he called quietly.When he didn’t stop talking,Cas raised his voice.That rendered Dean mute.They were practically staring at each other and when it finally became uncomfortable.Dean got closer to his desk and and started pacing again.
‘I don’t know what to say,Cas.I’m sorry.I tell you everything about me and you always take notes and you might as well know my shoe size from all the things you have in there,but you still refuse to tell me stuff.I mean I feel inferior or exposed and I don’t think it’s good for my mental health,but I hope we can fix this ,if not I’ll have to go to someone who belives in equality no matter what and who doesn’t think tomatoes are fruit.’Dean flashed his cockiest smile like he knew that this was engame and he was the winner.
‘But they are,Dean!’ Castiel raised from his chair,a hand placed on his desk for support.
‘I refuse to believe I’ve been eating pizza with fruit,Cas!’Dean responds with the same angry-mocking kind of way.Everything went silent for a second there where Dean started to think he overstepped his boundaries but before he got too far into his thoughts,they both started laughing .
After a few minutes or maybe seconds,Dean couldn't really tell, of laughing that quickly turned into basically starring at each other...again, he shrugged off the awkward silence and tried again, but this time in a more friendly manner.
‘So you want to talk about it?’Castiel just smiled in response.
‘Is that a yes?’
‘There’s nothing to talk about,really.It’s most probably just days of endless work catching up with me.I’ll be fine.’Castiel turned to sit down breaking their contact and Dean won’t lie,he was a bit disappointed but he wasn’t about to stand down.
‘I do mean what I said.’ When Castiel gave him a confused frown he knew he had to develop,the guy was a psichatrist not a mind-reader after all. ‘About not knowing anything about you.Not feeling like an equal.’
‘Dean,I understand.But talking about me is nothing other than a great waste of your time.’ Castiel had this sincere look on his face and Dean knew the time for a chick-flick has arrived but he was ready to play his part.Besides if he actually meant what he said then he had another thing.
‘You didn’t just say that now,did ya’?’ Dean asked with a low chuckled but Castiel didn’t respond exept that freaking disorientated look.God,he was really gonna’ make Dean spell it out for him. ‘Look,I get bored of talking all day,every day about me.I’m not that interesting.But you,on the other hand,you seem like a cool dude and I want to get to know you.Get to know the guy that I'm tattling my life to.’
‘Dean..’
‘Again!With the ‘Dean’ and the grim!’he said his name purposely tring to imitate the way Castiel said it.He was always trying to stop the fun…yeah,fun.He needed to relax,not that Dean didn’t see that the first time he entered his office ,but now it’s just struck him as one of Castiel’s needs for fuck's sake. ‘Come on it’s not gonna’ hurt.I thought you’d be more fun.’ He complied ,sounding like a stupid five-year old,but he was too deep into the game to back down now.
‘And I thought you’d be more quiet.’Castiel backfired as calm as ever but still wearing a fading smirk.It was only when he caught sight of Dean’s shocked face that he understood what he said.Dean was offended.He had the joy of seeing this man for ten minutes not weighted by his problems and now he ruined it all.Dean would go back to his cold exterior and icy stares and Castiel would yet disappoint someone else.
Just when Cas was about to apologize for his humorless joke,Dean did this amazing thing where he just smiled and nodded and Castiel felt lighter than a feather.
‘So,are you gonna tell me something or we just get back to staring?’
This is how Dean used to be like?Before the accident?Before everything?That’s quiet a transformation, Castiel thought.And now Dean is asking him,getting close to begging him ,to tell his life story and for unknown reasons Castiel finds himself willing to spill all of his secrets and insecurities before this man to judge.Whatever,just to see that smile again,just to even the plate ,to stop making Dean feel like a inferior human being.In Catiel’s eyes he was an equal and even better person.With all of this attention on Dean’s character in Castiel’s mind ,there’s a shade of uncertainty ,maybe even fear coursing throught this beautiful mental object that has mostly everything to do with the green-eyed man that was standing in front of him right now.Fear of unknown maybe.Maybe regarding the problem that got him in this in the first place.Uncertainty of his feelings.Feelings for Dean.Feelings that grow on him more with every single minute he spends with this man.He pushes the dark thoughts away as he takes in more air in preparation for his next words.
‘I was born in a big family.’ He blurtes out and from where Dean was looking through his small collection of books on the other side of the room,he could see he had his attention so he kept talking. ‘As you might know,my sister and my mother are dead.That left me with three big brothers-Lucifer,Michael and Gabriel and with an absent father.’ The moment he said absent Dean locked his gaze with a kind of charming ,yet still demanding vibe.He wanted to know more and Castiel was happy to oblige. ‘Except ,maybe,Gabriel and Anna ,when she was still alive,I was never that close with my brothers and my father made sure to keep his distance so I never got to know him even a little bit.’ And Dean seemed so moved by this story that it almost made him tear up ,but he continued to remember his painful past just because he wanted him to.This was really stupid and he knew he would hate himself later for it ,but for now he just kept going.Maybe because he couldn’t make himself stop. ‘It was all a little bit…painful…I guess,for me to live without the comfort that my family should have provided me,but I won’t blame them.They all had their problems.And it was all peaceful that way.Until I decided to be an even bigger ‘freak’ and let the family know of my true sexual orientation.’ At that Dean’s eyes widened and Castiel could see pretty clear the question mark in his gaze ‘I am sexually attracted to men,too.When I told them about it,dad was-as expected-uncaring and just kept doing his work without even a pat on the back or a thought or something.Gabriel was the one that told me to just do me and that he was proud of me,but Michael and Lucifer were truly digusted and I never did anything about it,I silently listened to all of their rants and names that they would use to label the people like me.And after about two years ,I left for college and never came back.’ Being caught up in his own memories didn’t allow him to see Dean standing right in front of him,hands on the desk and still having that defeated face on.As eliberating as he thought sharing his past with Dean would be ,the one thing he sure as hell didn’t need was the man’s pity.
Dean leaned in closer over the desk and whispered ,like talking with a normal voice would hurt him.
‘I’m sorry.’ He simply said ,but Castiel wanted to scream and to kick and to punch and to scream some more.He got up again to go to bookshelves where Dean was standing a few minutes ago.
‘I don’t need your pity.’ He bit.
‘Good.’Dean responded,seeming so sure of himself that it made Castiel shudder . ‘Cause you’re not gonna’ get it.’Now Dean was leaning on his desk,eyes boring holes in Castiel's back,silently begging him to turn around already.When he did ,Dean started speaking again. ‘I just said that I’m sorry.I’m sorry for your douchebag family and I’m sorry that you lost your mom and your sister and I’m sorry that you were misunderstood and misjudged ,but don’t think of it as pity.I know,kind of,actually how you feel and I certainly know better than to pity you right now.Call it empathy.’
‘Thank you,Dean.’ He smiled at him hoping for this to be over ,but he saw that Dean was unsettled,so he anticipated there was more coming.
‘Cas,I’m sorry,in advance,for this.But,how did your mom and your sister die?’now,he knew he crossed the line but he was way too curious to pass this up.
‘Another time,Dean.’ Castiel replied ,no emotion on his face what so ever.
‘I get it.Thank you for telling me though.’
‘No problem.’
‘I mean,it probably helped you pull that stick out of your ass for a little bit .’ and that was another line crossed,but Dean knew it was time for him to leave,but now he also knew that Castiel was an amazing person with an unfair past that helped him with his shit ,so Dean was gonna return the favor as best as he could.
‘It most certainly did.’Castiel chuckled.
‘Let’s celebrate tonight.’Dean threw an idea there as casual as he could but probably the frustration in his eyes was giving him away.
‘Excuse me?’
‘Yeah,celebrate,you know.Me having proof that you’re a real person and not a serial killer and you telling your backstory to a complete retard,huh?What do you say?’
‘You are not a retard,Dean.A little insecure,yes and angry and compulsive and…’
‘Ok,I got it!’ Dean cut him off.
‘But surely not a retard.’Castiel finished off.
‘Is that a yes?’Dean found himself asking that particular question more often with Castiel.
‘I don’t know.I was supposed to go to Charlie’s for movies and popcorn and probably girltalk.She’s been having a long week.’
‘Awesome.Bring her along.The more the merrier.’
‘I suppose we could do that.’ Castiel gave him a thoughtful look to which Dean just smircked.
‘Great.What time and where were you supposed to meet her?’
‘Well,she was gonna come by at 7 and then I was going to drive her home.’
‘I’ll be here at 6:55 and you could drive us all to the bar since I don’t have a functioning car.’Dean turned around on his heels and went for the door ,saying a casual ‘See ya’ as he exited the room.When he finally left Castiel spoke to the empty room ‘This is going to be fun.’ And then went back to his desk to get ready for his next appointment,the smile never leaving his face.
As the hour got closer ,the time passed way slower than it should’ve for Castiel.He felt selfish when people were talking to him and he wasn’t at the top of his game ,but he had a kinda-sorta-date to attend and he was excited.Like for real excited and nervous.Charlie was right.He was way too uptight.He needed to relax.Still struck with awe from remembering the day he had ,he showed the last client out.It was 6:50 and Dean was supposed to show up in 5 minutes.He wasn’t that blind,ok?Dean wasn’t Superman.He would probably be a little late.Actually,if he thought better about it,Dean would look pretty good as Batman.Maybe it was because of his kind eyes ,seemed like a do-gooder or possibly the chiseled jaw,most certainly the…
The door opened abruptly and a smiley Dean walked in.Castiel checked the clock.6:54.Hm.So,maybe Dean was Batman?His eyes darted through the room before landing on the other man.He looked…different.Black leather jacket and jeans that stayed lean on his hips with the unseparable hunting boots.Dean was handsome.Truly beautiful.Not that Castiel failed to realized that the first moment he laid eyes on him ,but now it all struck him so hard that he thought he was gonna be sick.This was the way Dean dressed when he went to a bar…to pick up nice girls for shameless one night stands.There it was again.The sick-feeling in his gut.Now he wanted to slap himself for being jealous but probably Dean would have something to say about that.He brushed the unrequiered feelings off and shrugged.
‘Charlie should be here soon.’
‘That’s ok.We’ll just wait for her.’he said going to his desk to plain sit his ass on it.Normally Castiel would tell him or any other person to behave ,but he didn’t have it in himself tonight. ‘How was your day,doc?’He asked with the same big smile he had when he entered the room.Castiel smiled back and lied that it was ok and everything was coming up great and everything was just…awesome.
‘As good as your day was,I can’t wait to go to that bar and drink something.That always helps with the relaxation part.’
‘Dean,I don’t..’
‘I hope it will help with that stick that has undeniably shoved itself again up your ass.’ Where he would complain,Castiel found himself laughing,where he would roll his eyes,he smiled,where he would feel weighted by daily problems,he felt lighter than air and as he suspected it was all because of Dean.Dean freaking Winchester.
Somebody knocked lightly at the door and Castiel shouted for whoever that was to come in.After two seconds of waiting a red-haired woman made her way in the room with a loud ‘What’s up,bitches?’ She went straight for Castiel to hug him.When the hug was over she patted him lighly on the back and extended her hand to Dean and Dean shook it smiling.
‘I’m Charlie.’she introduced herself.
‘Dean.’ He responded and in that moment Charlie’s eyes went wide and glanced for a second at Castiel with an expressionless face and Dean was completely confused so he kept talking. ‘I’m one of Castiel’s patience and I’m here in an attempt to pull the bat out of his butt.’
Charlie half laughed-half snorted at that and Dean was proud of himself for a joke well made.He was mentally patting himself on the back.
‘Funny!’Castiel recoiled.
‘That‘s how people would describe me as,yes.’Dean quickly said.When Charlie fixed him with her stare he began talking again to tend the awkwardness .‘So,you’re a Star Wars fan.’ He pointed to her shirt.
‘Duuuh.I'm in pain just waiting for the new movie to come out.’
‘Now we’re talking.’Dean pointed to the door ‘Shall we?’
Castiel and Charlie both nodded and her and Dean continued their nerdy conversation throughout the whole ride where Castiel just remained a listener ,never intervening.Moslty because he got nothing to say,but it was ok,because he got to hear Dean’s opinions and see the passion in his eyes as he spoke names Castiel has never heard.
The bar was crowded and lights barely made it possible to see anything clear beside colourful shapes and silhouttes ,but with Dean’s experience he safely guided the newbies into a more cornered booth where the music wasn’t that loud.Not that he didn’t enjoy the setting but tonight he was more concentrated on the people he was with than himself.Chalie and Castiel were sitting on one side of the booth and Dean on the other side.
‘The music is so…loud and completely not understandable.How can people dance to this?!’ Castiel shouted over the music ,which earned him a louder snort from Charlie but Dean was feeling cocky tonight.
‘Settle down,grandpa.It’s not the best music,I agree,but the kids are having fun.’
Castiel just squinted his eyes at him and Dean thought about telling him that if he tried to intimidate him,he looked like an angry kitten ,so it wasn’t working,but he decided against it.Instead he told them he was going to buy them some drinks to start off the night already,but mostly he just wanted to leave them alone to talk a little bit.He liked Charlie,she was awesome and he had this feeling that he was gonna see her again,but he still couldn’t help but feel like an intruder so he gave them a little time to talk.
The bar wasn’t as crowded as he expected but maybe it was because most people were on the dance floor enjoying the music that was a violation against the code of good music for Dean ,but he loved to get into arguments with his therapist so he played the game.He spent several minutes at the bar,first waiting for the bartender to come,then for the drinks to be ready,then because he got to talking with tis beautiful brown-haired woman,who seemed so graceful and who Dean thought about taking home for tonight and as the conversation was escalating ,he remembered what it was like,to have one night stands,to like to be unstable and just lonely at the end of the night.This was the first time Dean entered a bar since before the car crash and he didn’t even think about it.
Through all the talking and the whispering and the barely there laughs , a nervous Castiel was eyeing him from across the room and as soon as Dean saw him,he wanted to leave the woman and go jump and Cas’s arms and tell him that he’s the one he actually wants and live happily ever after.But,unfortunately for Dean,this wasn’t The Little Mermaid ,not that he wanted to have a fishtail or something.
So Dean excused himself politely and gave the bartender an order for five rounds of shots for the table that they were seated at .Then he took the three glasses of whiskey and went back to Castiel and Charlie keeping that relaxed smile on his face,but the truth was he was getting more agitated by the minute.
Nothing really important took place in the next hour other than talking and just getting to know each other better,including Charlie and by now Dean was really thinking of Charlie as his long lost sister,besides Jo of course…who he hasn’t talked to in a month.Yep,he still needed more achool.By the third shot he noticed something realy funny and that was Castiel laughing.The guy was totally hammered after three shots.THREE!It took like six shots for Dean just call himself ‘a little buzzed’,but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining.Turns out drunk Castiel is way more fun,which was to be expected,but Dean was struck with how much he enjoyed just looking at Castiel and listeing to his really stupid jokes.
‘Hey,Dean.’Castiel called.
‘Yeah.’
‘What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?’ Cas asked,barely maintaing his ‘straight face’
‘I don’t know,Cas.What?’Dean was mocking him so bad and just enoying himself.It was all great and he felt like he didn’t have a care in the world.
‘Robin,get in the car!’ Castiel responded in a lower voice probably trying to’imitate’Batman and immediately started laughing ,even Charlie seemed to have loosened up.He was completely disappointed by their low alcohol ressistence.
By the fifth shot,Chalie was leaning back on the couch smiling at the ceiling and Castiel had the cutest sleepy eyes,only Dean was almost sober,which he hated but saw as a good thing actually as he needed to get his friends and himself home safe.
He stood up and stated that it was 1AM and that it was best for them to go home and he got a groan from Charie and a nod from Castiel.As Dean imagined,Castiel wasn’t able to walk without a little support and Charlie concentrating enough to hold herself up,so it was Dean who half carried and half dragged Castiel to the car.To make it all better,apparently hammered Castiel was a talker.So he talked about everything.Mainly bees,which made Dean conclude that it was an unhealthy obsession and that they would have to talk about it.
As he opened the door to the backseat,Dean could feel Castiel become heavier but he still supported the man.When he was finally safely seated he leaned into Dean,so close..Dean could just close the space between them and it would be…
‘You are very strong,Dean.’ Castiel whispered.To that Dean nodded awkwardly.When he finally got himself into the driver’s seat he asked Charlie for Castiel’s address and hers so he could drive them home.
Halfway throught the ride to Castiel’s house ,Charlie looked at him thoughtfully and said:
‘You know Cas likes you,right?’
‘Yeah.And I like him.’ Charlie seemed unsatisfied with his words.
‘I mean like like ,you know?’
‘I know.And I like like him too ,you know.’He managed to keep casual like this was no big deal but holy shit.This was one situation he never thought he’d find himself in.
‘Good.’she stated thriumphantly .
He arrived at Cas’s place in fifteen minutes,more or less with the stop and Charlie’s house and the goodbye’s and it took him even more to get Castiel to drink some water and wash his face and get undressed and tuck him into bed as Castiel kept laughing and joking about Dean being the mom friend and a total buzzkill,which in this particular situation it was very true and Dean was not ashamed to admit it.As he watched Castiel for another couple of seconds before turning to leave ,Castiel clutched his hand and pulled him back and Dean let himself be pulled back despite all of his life conceptions.Thenas he was staring at Cas waiting for him to do something ,the man finally spoke,actually it was more of a mumble,but Dean heard it perfectly.
‘Stay with me.’
As much as Dean would just love to freak out ,he leaned over Castiel and starred at him as he said with an apologetic tone:
‘I wish I could,but I can’t.’
‘Why?’ Castiel asked pouting,the disappointment in his voice loud and clear for Dean’s ears to hear.
‘Because I like you and I don’t want to ruin it.And you’re drunk and what you just said might just be the alcohol talking and I don’t want to see you regretting these words in the morning.’
‘But..’
‘Tell me that when you’re sober and we will talk,ok?But for now go to sleep.’Dean advised before getting his hand out of Castiel’s grip.He left the room in a hurry,but still heard Castiel’s loud snored as he was exiting his house.
And he wanted to slap himself for disappointing Castiel and kiss himself at the same time for his great self control.Dean walked to the motel room where he layed for hours just asking himself what the fuck he’s going to do about this before sleep finally stole him away.