Pick me, choose me, love me
‘Meredith, I, uh. Please listen to me.’ Addison said as Meredith started to walk away, Addison reached for her hand to pull her back to face her. ‘Please.’ Addison sighed. Meredith turned to her and nodded once. ‘In my office? It’s not something I want to talk about in front of the Seattle Grace gossip trail.’ Meredith didn’t say anything, she just walked towards Addison’s office and sat down on the couch when they got inside. Addison wanted to sit next to her but she didn’t want to upset Meredith any more than she already had so she kept her distance. ‘I have to try…he wants to try Mer. I know I said I wouldn’t do this but you have to understand..I, uh, I promise I’m not trying to hurt you Meredith.’ Meredith scoffed. ‘That’s exactly what you’re doing though…again. And Derek doesn’t wanna try and make your marriage work, he just wants to keep us apart. If he wants to try with you why has he been trying to get me back for the past few months? He doesn’t want you Addie, you’re wasting your time.’ Meredith spat out the words bitterly. ‘Listen, I’m sorry that I’m hurting you but you don’t know Derek, you dated him for what a few weeks? Months? I don’t care…I’ve been married to him for years. He wants to try and I can’t just walk away from that. Marriage is a commitment and yeah, me and Derek we screwed that up but we are trying to fix it now. I hate that this is hurting you, it’s hurting me too because contrary to what you think I love you, I always have, but I love him too so I have to try.’ Meredith stood up from the couch and moved closer to her. ‘So these past few months, you’ve been waiting for Derek to chase you? Using me until he came knocking on your door?’ Meredith asked angrily. ‘You know none of that is true, Meredith. It’s been incredible, I never thought I’d ever see you again and then we’re in a relationship again…it was amazing but.. it doesn’t change the fact that I am still legally married to him and we have to give it one last try.’ Meredith got up and kissed Addison who at first responded to the kiss that was heated from the get go due to the fact that both women were angry but after a few moments she pushed Meredith away from her. ‘No, Mer. We’re done, okay? I’m sorry but I can’t.’ Addison said as tears fell down her cheeks. Meredith nodded and turned away from Addison and went to leave the room but stopped at the door and turned back to her. ‘Please Addie, I know you love him but you love me too and I love you in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.’ Meredith had moved closer to Addison as she spoke and was now holding Addison’s hands in her own. Addison gave Meredith a sad smile and let a few tears fall down her face. ‘I love you Meredith, I really do but my choice is already made. I’m choosing Derek, choosing my husband. I’m so sorry.’ Meredith nodded and stepped forward and pulled Addison in for a hug. Addison wrapped her arms around her. When Meredith pulled away she walked to the door and turned. ‘Bye, Addie.’ She whispered, and it really was goodbye.
‘She picked him. Even after I made a ridiculous speech. I was all ‘pick me, choose me, love me.’ It was sort of pathetic really. I don’t beg…I’m not that pathetic but I did that and she still chose him. I really thought she was in this with me, for real this time. These past few months with her, they were amazing but she chose him.’ Meredith said as she sat with Cristina in her living room. They were passing tequila back and forth and discussing their screwed up relationships. ‘You know what we need?’ Cristina asked, raising an eyebrow at Meredith. Meredith smiled and watched as Cristina smiled too. ‘Dance it out.’ They both said and got to their feet. Meredith made her way over to her stereo and played some music before going back to Cristina. They danced wildly to the music for a while and didn’t even notice when Meredith’s room mates came home and stood watching them for a while. It wasn’t until they both dropped their bags and joined them that either of the women saw them. The group continued to dance for most of the night. They stopped occasionally to get more alcohol and to talk about everything that was going on but they always ended up dancing again until they fell asleep on the floor. They’d probably regret that in the morning.