You promise?
"Mommy, look." Aden showed Clarke his drawing. There were four people. Two adults and two children. Clarke looked but only for a second. It reminded her of what she could have. It was so painful to look at this kind of drawing.
"This is a very pretty drawing. Who is it?" Clare knew she needed to be strong for her son.
"This is you, this is Mom, me and Ontari." He pointed his little finger at the forth person.
"Ontari? Who is it?" She hadn't heard that name before. She was curious and looked at her son.
"She is my best friend. We play together on the playground. And Mom says she could be in preschool with me next year. It would be so cool." Aden smiled widely and took another paper to make another drawing. Preschool? His best friend? In that moment, Clarke realized how much she had missed on her son's life.
"Your best friend? Tell me about her." She smiled at her son. She played it cool. She wanted to know about everything she had missed. Clarke promised herself that she would never leave her little boy again.
"She's nice, funny. We play in battle together. She isn't like most girls. She like building towers with me. We ride a bike together. And she is pretty." Aden looked at his mommy.
"Someone's blushing." Clarke smiled and Aden made a face.
"I'm not blushing." He tried to deny it.
"Okay, okay. I'm glad you have friends. I love you." She kissed his head and hugged him.
"I love you too mommy." Aden snuggled into his mother. "Can we watch some cartoons? Please?" He looked at Clarke with his puppy eyes.
"Of course baby." She took the remote and turned on the TV. The picture was lovely. A mother and his son snuggling on the couch. Clarke was happy. For the first time in a year she smiled. Truly smiled.
Meanwhile Lexa was in Anya's apartment. The blonde needed to go to work so Lexa was alone. Actually, it was what she needed right now. She needed time to think this all through. She wasn't mad at Clarke for losing their child. She knew it wasn't her fault. She was mad about the lies. She was mad because she couldn't be with Clarke when she needed her the most. She was mad because Clarke decided to deal with this by herself. Lexa was her fiancee of course she wanted to be there for her. She would've gone there if she had to. She would've broken her contract and brought Clarke back. She didn't want Clarke to deal with this by herself. The most painful thing was definitely lying.
Lexa was sitting on the couch with her phone in her hands. She was thinking about calling Clarke. But what did she want to tell her? She didn't know. She didn't know how to talk to her. The brunette looked at her phone and tossed it somewhere on the couch. At this moment she heard someone unlocking the door.
"Anya, you should be at work. I told you I'm fine." Lexa yelled from the living room.
"I'm not Anya and you're not fine." A familiar voice said and Lexa turned around in surprise.
"Raven? What are you doing here?" Lexa didn't know Raven had a spare key.
"I'm being a good friend." Raven went to the kitchen and took two glasses in one hand while the other held a bottle of whiskey. The younger brunette went to the living room and put all the stuff on the table. She poured the golden liquid into both glasses. She handed one glass to Lexa and looked at her. "Drink and tell me everything."
"Raven I can't drink. I need to go home later. I can't be drunk."
"I'll call Clarke later and tell her you won't be coming home for the night. Now... Drink and tell." So Lexa told her everything she knew. She told her about her fear and insecurities. By the time she finished talking Lexa was slightly tipsy. She drank her glasses faster than Raven so it wasn't surprising.
"So I told her to get out but she didn't want to go so I went to Anya. And that's how I got here." She sighed and took another sip. Raven just looked at her and shook her head.
"You know you're being idiot?"
"I'm being idiot? Why? She lied to me."
"She's suffering from depression. Did you forget how she was when her dad died?"
"You're taking her side?" Lexa was shocked by Raven's attitude.
"I'm not taking any side. But you know how hard that was for her. And now she's lost a child."
"It was my child too."
"Yes it was. But you told her to go there. You suggested it. I'm not saying it's your fault because it isn't. But she went there for you. She lost your child there. She knew that if she told you that back then you would've blamed yourself. And I'm sure she didn't want that."
"But she should have told me." Lexa poured herself another glass.
"She should. You had every right to know. But you need to look at this from both sides." Raven looked at Lexa's pained eyes. "Something tells me you're not mad at her."
"Of course I'm mad at her. She didn't tell me. She lied to me for months." Lexa said angrily. Raven didn't know how she felt. No one knew.
"No. You're mad at the situation. You're mad because you couldn't be with her when it happened. You're mad because you don't understand why this happened to you. You're mad because you couldn't help her." Raven put down her glass and hugged Lexa. She was crying at this point in the younger brunette's arms.
"I should've been there for her. I should have brought her home. I thought it would help her. It was our child." Lexa couldn't and didn't want stop her tears from falling. She needed it. She needed to let it all go.
"I know. But it's not your fault. You can be there for her now. You can help her now." Raven didn't try to silence her. She just held her and let her cry.
"I don't know how. I don't know if I can forgive her for lying."
"No one is asking you to. She hurt you. No one's expecting you to forgive her right away."
"I'm not gonna apologize."
"You don't have to. You did nothing wrong. But she needs you. And I know you love her."
"Yeah I do."
They stayed like this and talked to one another about something else. Lexa was glad that Raven didn't want to talk about it longer that they should. They drank the whole bottle and decided to watch something.
Clarke looked at her watch. Lexa should have been home half an hour ago and she still wasn't here. The blonde had called her twice but there was no response. She didn't know why she had hoped that Lexa was going to show up. She sighed and looked at Aden who was playing in the living room. He was the reason she had hoped that Lexa would come home. It was the moment when her phone rang. She immediately answered without checking the caller.
"Lexa?" You could hear hope in Clarke's voice.
"Sorry blondie. It's Raven. Lexa won't be home tonight."
"But she promised. How am I supposed to tell that to Aden. He has a surprise for her."
"Figure something out. Now you know how she felt when you broke every promises you've made?" That sentence was like a punch in the guts for Clarke. Raven knew it was too harsh for the blonde. "Shit... Clarke sor..."
"Stop. I deserved that. Just... Take care of her. Please?" Clarke's voice was about to break. She really had hoped that Lexa would come home.
"Yeah no problem Griff... And I didn't mean it."
"You did. Anyway... I need to go." She didn't want to cry and she knew that if she continued this conversation she would.
"Clarke..."
"Bye Raven. Thanks for letting me know." Clarke quickly hung up. She wiped some free tears from her cheeks and called her son. "Aden. Dinner is ready." The little boy came into the kitchen and looked at Clarke.
"But mom isn't here. We can't start without her."
"Mom isn't coming for dinner. Go and wash your hand."
"But she promised she'd make it to dinner." His chin dangerously shuddered. Clarke knelt before him to looked at him in the eyes.
"I know she promised you but something came up and she needs to stay at work a little bit longer." She didn't want him to cry. "After dinner we can play Mario kart. What do you think?" She suggested hoping to distract him.
"Yes! Can I pick first?" His face lit up right away.
"Of course monkey. Now wash your hands and then we can eat." He ran off to wash his hands.
After dinner they moved to the living room and started to play. They played for an hour maybe when Aden put down his controller and looked at his mommy.
"Mommy? How long you will be staying with us?" Clarke was taken aback by this question. She looked at her son curious as to why he would ask her something like this.
"What do you mean?"
"You weren't here for a lot of time. I missed you very much. I don't want you to go again." He stood up and sat on his mother's lap.
"Oh sweetie. I'm not going anywhere ever again. I'm not leaving you. I'm staying for good". She hugged him tight and kissed his head.
"You promise?"
"Yes baby. I promise."
"But you won't break this promise like you did last time?" These words hurt her so much. But she knew that her son was right. She had broken a lot of promises.
"No Aden. I won't break this promise." She stroked his back.
"Can we go to the playground tomorrow? Mom doesn't have work so she can go with us."
"Of course baby. If the weather is clear we can go." They stayed like this untill Aden fell asleep in her arms. Clarke lifted him up and put him to sleep. She went to her bedroom, changed in some shorts and t-shirt and laid in bed. The pillow smelled like Lexa. She burried her face in the pillow and let her tears flow. She thought about how her relationship had changed. She played with the ring on her finger and was wondering if she should take it off. She wasn't sure about anything. Lexa didn't trust her. Her own son didn't trust her. But she loved them. She took a photo from the nightstand and looked at it. She decided she would fight for this family. No matter what. A few hours later she finally fell asleep.
Lexa couldn't sleep that night. Anya had come back from work to two drunk girls in her living room. She told them to go to sleep. Lexa was put in the guest room while Anya took Raven to her bedroom. When Lexa was laying on the bed she stared at the ceiling. She thought about it over and over again. She thought about the wedding which was supposed to be in three weeks. Keyword: supposed. She didn't know if there would be any wedding. Did she still want the wedding? She tried to imagine herself and Clarke taking the vow. She felt butterflies in her stomach. Of course she still wanted the wedding. Did she trust Clarke. No. She didn't. But she loved her. She wanted to fix it. She wanted to trust her again. She stood up. She didn't care if she was drunk. She went home. She wanted to be there. It took her a while to reach her destination but eventually she made it. Lexa entered as quietly as she could. She was proud of herself. She opened her bedroom's door. She looked at Clarke. The blonde slept peacefully. Lexa smiled and came closer. She saw how Clarke held a family picture in her hand. She saw dry lines from tears on her cheeks. The brunette sat next to Clarke and put a strand hair behind her ear. She stroke her cheek and smiled. In that moment Clarke woke up slightly. She blinked a couple of times.
"Lexa?" She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Was Lexa really here? She turned on light. She really was here. She looked at her watch and checked the time. It was 4 am.
"Hi." Lexa looked at Clarke in the eyes.
"Hey."
"I'm a bit drunk." The brunette chuckled a bit and sighed.
"Lay down. Try to sleep. I'll go to the guest room." Clarke tried to stand up but a soft hand stopped her.
"No. Stay with me." She looked at the blonde with sad and tired eyes.
"Are you sure? You're drunk. I don't want you to regret that in the morning." Clarke told her honestly.
"Stay." Lexa repeated and laid down. She opened her arm widely so Clarke could snuggled into her. When the blonde laid next to her Lexa wrapped her arms around her and held her close. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes in silence before Lexa spoke up. "I'm still mad."
"I know."
"I don't think I can forgive you right now."
"I know." There was another couple of minutes of silence.
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too."