the shape of us
For the next few weeks up until December the group begins spending all their free-time training with Lexa. Everything goes okay, Octavia gets pissed at Lexa for not pronouncing the different Latin spells correctly, Lexa then tells her that no one uses Latin spells anymore and they stop talking for an hour or so.
Then Octavia gets reminded that it’s a life or death situation and than she’d much rather see the ‘life’ part of it.
When Christmas break comes around all of the students go home except for Lexa and the others. Lexa always stays at Watford for Christmas, she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go. Plus, she likes the way it’s so quiet. When she was younger she dreamt of becoming The Mage’s helper and always be able to walk around Watford whenever she wanted, even when it would be closed.
But the others don’t normally stay for Christmas. They go home to their families or friends and have a hoot of a time, at least that’s what Lexa imagines. Raven has asked her a few times if she’d want to join her and her family, but she feels like Christmas is such a personal time, she’d feel like she’d be intruding in some way.
But since it’s their last year they all called their families and told them they’re staying at the school. Snow has been falling ever since December started, it’s now turning into grey slush beneath their feet.
It’s the 25th and they’re exchanging presents in Lexa and Raven’s room. It’s the biggest one of them all – a lot of people accused The Mage of giving Lexa that room on purpose, which she probably did to be fair.
Raven gets some little metal animals that you can put together and tear apart and build up again. Octavia gets a few books and notebooks that she’s wanted for a while. Lincoln, a football signed by different sports-people no one but him knows who are. Jasper gets a hat and some socks – he keeps losing his. Monty, a new hard disc and other little bits and pieces for his computer. Clarke gets a necklace with a little paper swan on it, a symbol she’s always loved.
When it gets to Lexa she’s half asleep, after eating her own weight in Christmas pudding she’s not feeling too good. But she unwraps the folder filled with pictures from every year at Watford. There are photos from Lincoln’s first soccer match, the time Jasper lost a bet and had to eat breakfast in the dining hall only wearing his boxers – the teacher’s got to mad at him he almost got expelled.
Lexa closes the folder when she starts to feel her throat scratching and her eyes wetting more than usual.
They spend the rest of the day playing games and watching movies. Lexa has this warm, fuzzy feeling inside her stomach and she doesn’t remember ever feeling it like this. It’s filling every vein and muscle and bone in her body with a feeling of… Gold.
“You’re okay? “ Raven asks Lexa when the movie ends. They must be able to feel Lexa’s magic or something because they’re all looking drowsy and giggly.
“Yeah, just happy, “ Lexa answers and smiles when Clarke rests her head against her shoulder. Lexa puts her hand on her thigh and enjoys how the feeling inside of her grows.
Three knocks on the door send everyone up on their feet, if not, then right when The Mage shows her face in the doorway they’re all standing up.
“Indra, “ Lexa says, surprised and not realizing she used her first name.
“Lexa, “ She says with that deep, hoarse voice she has. “Looks like you’re enjoying your Christmas. “ She looks around the room, Jasper’s asleep on the floor. He probably won’t wake up unless the floor beneath him disappears.
“Yeah, “ Lexa says. She feels awkward, somehow. People always sort of fears The Mage. But Lexa understands her, sometimes. She doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.
“I came over to give you this. “ The Mage says and pulls out an envelope from within her cloak. It’s a stained piece of paper. “Please, “ The Mage says when Lexa’s about to open it. “Open it later. I want you to enjoy your night. “ She leaves and Lexa feels kind of bad that she didn’t even think about giving The Mage a Christmas present.
Or a hug. She could really give The Mage a hug right now, it just seemed so right to hug her at that moment.
When the third Christmas movie ends and most of them are asleep, Lexa grabs the envelope from her desk and opens it.
Her eyes shift over the paper, reading the words over and over again.
Clarke wakes up first. She grabs Lexa’s hand while her hands are still closed, filled with sleep.
“What’s happening? “ Clarke asks. She must be able to feel Lexa’s magic overflowing. They all wake up minutes after.
“I… It’s the letter The Mage gave me. “ Lexa stumbles over her words, it doesn’t make any sense.
“Here, I’ll read it. “ Raven grabs the letter out of Lexa’s hand and clears her throat a little.
"The Mage.
You must understand that having such an important – though, still dangerous – person living amongst hundreds of students is not a wise choice.
I understand that she is the last of her clan, and that the 13th clan was slaughtered because of their beliefs, but that does not make it any safer for her, or for anyone around her.
She was weak when she was born, didn’t live up to her name or place in the clan. But as The Insidious Humdrum murdered the members, she got their power.
She is now the most powerful wizard alive and the last member of the 13th clan, that makes her a target for the Humdrum.
Get rid of her or we will. "
Raven is left breathless, she’s fuming.
“I fucking knew it! I knew that son of bitch knew why the Humdrum is after you! She said she didn’t know and she knew, that piece of shit liar. “ Raven drops the letter to the ground and gets up form the floor.
She paces around the room, back and forth from the beds to bathroom.
“My family… They used to fight by the 13th clan’s side, “ Octavia says as she reads through the letter, not believing it the first – or second – time.
Lexa doesn’t know what to say. She’s eighteen years old, she’s known The Mage for eight years and it’s only know she decided to tell her who her family is and why she’s being attacked by a monster.
They all go to bed soon after, too tired to think more of it.
As Raven turns in her sleep, a seizing pain shoots through her leg, it’s familiar and it wakes her up instantly.
She curls around herself in her bed as she fights for air. She can’t open her eyes – or maybe they are open and she’s just gone blind – nonetheless, she can’t see anything. She lets out a scream and it’s not that it helps screaming, but she keeps doing it over and over and louder and louder.
Lincoln, Octavia, Jasper, Monty, Clarke, Lexa and Murphy are all standing around her bed, she can see them now. They’re panicking. Octavia and Clarke are running out of the room, probably calling for help. Jasper and Monty are trying to stay out of the way for Lincoln who’s doing different numbing spells. Lexa’s panicking near the bathroom, looking for the medicine Raven was given when it all happened.
Murphy is sitting next to, combing his fingers through her hair, trying to make her calm down. But she’s shaking and she’s hurting, God, she’s never felt a pain this strong.
She can see Clarke and Octavia coming back into the room, they’re saying something. Raven can’t really hear it, something is making her hearing go weird. She thinks she heard the word ‘nurse’ or something like that.
Her throat it starting to hurt from screaming, she’s still screaming. She can’t stop now, it’s like a sort of relief in a way.
The next time she opens her eyes she’s lying down on a hospital bed. She remembers it from year ago when she hurt her leg. The old nurse is giving her potions and doing different spells, but nothing’s working.
In the end Raven passes out from the pain.
“You fucking did this to her! “ Murphy screams at Lexa, everyone’s taking aback by how sudden this comes. He was so quiet, whispering sweet, calming things to Raven, just minutes ago. Now he’s all up in Lexa’s face, pointing at her, spitting out curse words like they’re his way of breathing.
“You ruined her! You’re the one deserving to scream in pain, Lexa! You’re the bad one here, “ He says and whips out his wand – not a lot of people use their wand, Murphy’s always used, though.
“Man down! “ He screams and Lexa falls to the ground, screaming in pain. Everyone around Murphy’s pushing and hitting him, but he’s determined to keep his focus on Lexa.
A minute later three guards come out from the hospital wing and drag Murphy with them. They evaporate with him when they realize he’s still doing the spell.
Lexa stops screaming shortly after, but she doesn’t stop shaking. Her head is pulsating and her hands are clammy but freezing cold. She gets up from the ground, supporting herself to the outside wall of the hospital building.
Clarke is standing in front of her, helping her stay up. The others are all over the place, talking with some guards who want to know what happened.
“I… I can’t… “ Lexa stutters, looking down at Clarke who’s looking almost as hurt as Lexa.
“Lexa, no! “ Clarke calls as Lexa runs away from her, towards the forest. She’s done this before, kept running even though her lungs hurt and her legs burn. But this time Clarke catches up with her and grabs her wrist to stop her.
“It’s not your fault! Don’t listen to him, he’s hurt, okay? He didn’t mean- “
“But it’s true! “ Lexa cries, she didn’t realize she was crying but now that she’s thinking about crying, the tears are spilling out of her.
“I hurt Raven because I wasn’t thinking. I’m the reason she’s in the hospital! I… I saw Maya and Bellamy and Finn in my room and they were yelling at me, telling me everything is my fault and it’s true! I thought the veil had lifted and that they were back but that couldn’t be possible. “
Lexa’s sobbing as she falls to her knees, Clarke following her to the ground, keeping her arms around Lexa’s.
“It hurts so much to be the bomb in all of this. But I’m not feeling the pain, I’m seeing how it’s hurting everyone around me. I’m killing the people other people love! I’m hurting the people who’ve been so lucky to fall in love with someone else! I’m the bad guy here, not the Hum- “
Lexa could’ve kept going on and on about how horrible she is, Clarke knows that. That’s why she decided to shut her up the best way she could think of, by kissing her.
Lexa has not been outside of The Mage’s office many times. Every time she ends up there it’s because she’s asking something of her. And with everything The Mage has given Lexa, she hates asking for more.
But this time she’s not there because she wants something. She’s there because she needs something.
It takes two knocks on the door before The Mage opens it quickly, she’s clearly stressed about something. But Lexa’s not here to be nice.
“Lexa, “ The Mage says her name like she’s the center of the world. The most important person there’s ever lived.
“The Mage. I’m sorry to disturb you, but I need you to release the student John Murphy from… Wherever your guards have taken him. “ Lexa stands with her hands folded behind her back, chin high and a chest forward – the same way The Mage does whenever she’s discussing something political and Lexa’s there.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, sorry. “ The Mage’s voice is cold and harsh, that’s probably the main reason no one likes her very much. She’s a leader, leaders have to be that way.
“He didn’t do anything wrong! “ Lexa tries to fight the frustrated tears that she’s already shed once today.
“I am not going to give you special permission, Lexa. Respect my choice or leave, “ The Mage says.
“I’m not asking you to give special permission! I am asking you to be reasonable. He loves her and he tried to hurt me because I hurt her! “
“But that’s the thing, Lexa, he didn’t just try. He did hurt you. He used a spell, a fighting spell, on another student in the means of hurting- “
“If you don’t let him go more people will hate me, Indra. I am trying to fix things… Things that don’t seem to be able to get fixed, okay? But by locking him up or throwing him out of the school… That just makes it worse. So, please, listen to me and let him go, “ Lexa says. She doesn’t even realize how she’s just been walking inside The Mage’s office before she stops speaking.
The Mage is looking at her in a way she’s never done before. She’s angry. She looks… Proud.
“I will let him go. “
Lexa runs back to her room to find Murphy sitting outside of it.
“I’m sorry, Murphy- “
“No. Don’t do that or say that or whatever. It won’t help anyone here. “ He walks inside the room the second Lexa unlocks the door.
“I’ll forgive you when Raven’s okay again, “ He says as he sits down on Raven’s bed. “They’re sending her away, for now. They told me it wouldn’t help anyone if she stayed here. I’m going with her. “
Lexa feels this heavy weight inside the gut of her stomach.
“That’s good, “ Lexa says, thinking that now two of her friends will be gone for when the Humdrum decides to attack.
“Try not to hurt anyone else whilst we’re gone, “ He says and that’s sends Lexa off. She turns to face him, gets up from the chair she was sitting on by the desk and just start screaming at him.
“I am so sick of you doing that! You’re so ignorant to how I or anyone else is feeling! You think my life is just a walk in the park, don’t you? Well, it’s fucking not! Everywhere I go, people stop and stare or point at me or call me names or they look at me like I’m the worst person in the world… Because I am! “
She takes a step back, feeling how she’s overflowing again.
“When I was young, before I started here, I had no where to go. I was a child alone in this stupid world without a single soul giving a rat’s ass about me! I know how it feels to be alone! It was horrible. But the feeling I get whenever someone reminds me of what I’ve done… Without even realizing or doing anything… That’s the one that’s killing me! “
She’s not even looking at Murphy anymore, she’s looking at herself in the mirror that’s hanging on the wall next to the door, over Clarke’s bed.
“Don’t you think I know that I scare more people than the Humdrum? The reason people fear the day the Humdrum comes is because that’s the day I have to actually try and use my magic… And everyone here knows that I don’t know shit about how to do that… I will probably be the reason for more people dying than the Humdrum… Than the monster! “
“Lexa… “
“No! Just… Hate me as much as you want, I don’t care. It’s not like I have enough time here to actually be able to do anything about it… Just know that I hate myself even more. “
“I… “
“Don’t… I get it. Just promise me that when all of this is over… You have to protect Raven. She needs you, okay? Just… Stay safe, “ She says and leaves the room, failing to close the door completely behind her.
A week goes by. Raven and Murphy left a few days ago, when it was safe for Raven to travel. Now Lexa’s lying in her bed, alone, slowly realizing why she woke up.
There’s a panicked screaming going on outside, she can hear people run back and forth from the hallway. A bright, orangey red light is burning outside of her window, something’s on fire.
Lexa shoots out of bed, gets dressed and puts her hair up in a ponytail. Her hands are shaking and she thinks she’s forgetting how to breathe.
Outside her room people are running and crying and screaming. They’re either running out of their rooms or running into them. At the end of the hallway, near the staircase, she sees Clarke. She’s talking to a young girl Lexa’s seen a couple of times, she doesn’t remember her name.
“Lexa! “ Clarke pulls her in for a tight hug and then lets go. “It’s here. The Humdrum is here. “ Clarke’s words are something Lexa’s expected, almost waited for, for a long time.
Lexa runs down the stairs, she can hear Clarke running right behind her, and outside. She pushes past the people running in and out of the building, boys and girls are all over the place. Some are bleeding, some are not saying a thing, eyes full of chock.
As Lexa gets outside to the fields she sees the many people lying on the ground. They’re not moving. She can see Octavia in the distance, helping people get away from the place were there once was a building.
Now it’s nothing but dust and ruins.
The air is filled with loud noises, you can almost feel them banging against your eardrums. Lexa can see kids running away from something, but a dark, red toned smoke is surrounding it, leaving it hidden.
Lexa runs towards it, but stops when she feels Clarke’s sweaty hands grab her wrist.
“Lexa, don’t. We’re doing this together, you promised. “ Clarke’s words are soft, almost whisper. It makes no sense that Lexa hears them so clearly with everything going on in the background.
“Together, yes. “ Lexa breathes and they run past the people running towards them.
“Hey! “ Jasper, Monty and Lincoln calls, they’re much closer to the dark smoke than the girls are. They run towards them, but it’s too late.
The Humdrum walks out from the cloud of smoke, revealing itself. It’s a perfect image of Lexa when she first came to Watford. Eleven years old, thin and weak. But the eyes are black and there’s a wicked grin smeared across its face.
The boys are casting different spells, hitting it with every single on of them. But it doesn’t budge, it almost seems to find it funny.
The Humdrum raises its hand and lets out a horrible laugh. A black stream of light shoots out of its palm, hitting Monty’s stomach. He falls to the ground and doesn’t get back up.
Lexa screams at the sight of it and runs towards it, faster than she’s ever run before. She leaves a wall of fire behind every step she takes, running around it to prevent anyone from getting too close to it, but also to trap it in there.
Lexa can hear Clarke’s screams fill the air, telling her to stop.
Clarke whips out her wand, she’s never really used it before. It feels weird in her hand. But she thinks about every spell she’s ever used to put out the fires Lexa has started over the years. Jasper, Lincoln and Octavia come to help her, repeating water-spells over and over again.
A small gap between a couple of flames appears and they all run for it. The fire consumes the air behind them again.
Clarke sees Lexa standing in front if the younger Lexa, the Humdrum. They all start spitting out spells. Lincoln uses a spell that casts a bright yellow light around all them, the Humdrum gets annoyed and spits Latin words as it shoots another dark stream of light out of its palms.
The second Lincoln hits the ground with a pained look on his face, Octavia screams until she looses her voice. She thinks of every illegal spell, every spell that’s supposed to kill the person that gets hit by it within seconds. She only stops doing them when the Humdrum turns to her and laughs a husky, lazy laugh.
Octavia falls by Lincoln’s side as the beam of light from the Humdrum hits her.
“Clarke! Don’t! “ Lexa screams. She can see how she’s running towards it, wand held high in the air, a pained look on her face.
Lexa screams the words woman in chains and sees how Clarke’s legs gets wrapped in metal chains and falls to the ground. Lexa mouths an apology to Clarke when she sees how tears are streaming down her face.
Lexa closes her eyes for a few seconds and thinks about a spell The Mage taught her. She imagines a sort of shield, see-through, light but strong, oozing out of her and over her friends. She imagines how it’s hovering around Clarke who’s almost right next to her, over Octavia, Lincoln and Jasper who are all together on the ground.
She puts it there, thinks about how it’ll stay there and protect them. Keep them warm and safe for now.
“Lexa! “ Clarke screams from within the shield. She knows what Lexa’s about to do and she’s doing everything she can to get out of the chains.
Lexa turns to look at her, smiles, gives a soft wave and takes in a deep breath.
“LEXA! “ Clarke screams through her tears and the pain as the chains wraps even tighter around her legs when she tries to wiggle out of them.
“May we meet again, “ Lexa says loud enough for Clarke to hear.
“Please! “ Clarke screams and yells and she curses with every step Lexa takes towards the Humdrum.
Lexa stand in front of it, almost close enough to touch it. She takes a deep breath and as she exhales she lets go. Of all of it. She feels how she’s not overflowing, she’s creating holes in herself. Letting her magic pour out, flow along the grass until it gets to the monster standing in front of her.
She keeps going even as she falls to her knees. She opens up her arms, she can feel how every bit of power lets go of her and flows into the Humdrum.
She opens her eyes as a hollow feeling runs through her body. The vision of the Humdrum standing in front of her, screaming as its skin burns away from all of the magic pouring into it.
“It’s over… “ Lexa whispers and breathes through a soft grin.
She turns to look at Clarke but before she sees her everything goes white and quiet.
It’s over.