I shall cross this river
It hurts her eyes when she opens them again. A strong, bright light burns her eyes and she has to close them again, rubbing them to make the pain go away. She sits up and she can feel how her head is spinning. She feels like she’s breathing in dust. Her lungs are burning.
She pushes herself up on her elbows until she feels a crushing weight surround her, it’s Clarke. She’s hugging her.
Lexa moans in pain and when she opens her eyes again she sees the familiar face hovering over her.
“How are you feeling? “ Clarke asks when Lexa’s sitting up against the wall of bedroom.
“Weak… “ Lexa says. She’s never felt like this before, like there’s something she can’t do. She has no energy… No power.
“I’m sorry, “ Clarke says. “The Mage says you used all of your magic when you killed the Humdrum- “
“It’s gone? “ Lexa asks, thinking back to what happened a minute ago.
“Yeah, we think so anyway. Nothing’s happened in the past week so- “
“Week? “ Lexa asks, taking a sip of the water bottle that’s standing next to her bed.
“You’ve been out for week, “ Raven says and smiles. “Welcome back. “ Lexa leans over to hug her tight and sees the wheelchair Raven’s sitting in.
“It’s okay, “ Raven says when she notices Lexa starring at it. “It’ll get better. It always does. “ She smiles.
Lexa looks around her bedroom. Murphy and Jasper are sitting across the room on Raven’s bed when Lexa remembers what happened to the rest of the group.
“Octavia and Lincoln and Mon- “
“They’re okay! Don’t worry, “ Clarke says and looks at her. She looks terrified with every breath Lexa takes, fearing it’ll be the last. “They’re at the hospital now. They woke up a day after everything happened. The doctors think that the shield or whatever it was you made, healed them in some way. “
The next day Lexa wakes up with Clarke by her side. Their bodies are tangled together, Clarke’s still sleeping. Lexa moves her hand up to comb through Clarke’s soft, golden locks when three knocks on the door appears.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- “
“It’s okay, “ Lexa whispers and sits up a little. She does it slowly, trying not to wake Clarke up. She can’t even begin to imagine how little she must’ve slept whilst Lexa was out. She knows she wouldn’t have slept at all if it were Clarke who was hurt.
“It can wait, “ The Mage says, but she doesn’t mean it. She sits down on Raven’s bed, something she’s never done before.
“Everything’s okay? “ Lexa says.
“I hope so, “ The Mage says and looks out through the window over Lexa’s bed. “Eleven people died that day. Their families were here the day after. We’re having a memorial in a few days and I would like for you to say a couple words about what happened. “
“Eleven… “ Lexa repeats, making her grip around Clarke’s back tighter just from the thought of her being one of the eleven.
“Will you? “ The Mage asks.
“I’ll do it, “ Lexa says and when Clarke turns and mumbles something about Lexa being loud, The Mage leaves the room with an eased smile.
The memorial starts three days later. Everyone’s wearing their school uniform, the black one. People are crying as they hug each other goodbye. The school will be closed for the next year or so, just to get everything back together.
People will attend a school near Germany or France as long as Watford is down.
The students’ families are here, saying hello to old friends or how sorry they are for the parents’ who lost their child or children.
“Ready? “ Clarke tugs at Lexa’s tie as they stand near the stage, waiting for a couple of teachers to end their speech.
“I don’t know, “ Lexa says. But she leans in to kiss Clarke softly on the corner of her mouth and an ease falls over her, leaving her nervous and not so much scared.
“I’ll be cheering for you, “ Clarke says and it makes Lexa let out a soft laugh. The Mage says a few words before she asks Lexa to join the stage. A few people clap, others start to whisper.
“I want to start of telling the parents who’ve lost something or someone how sorry I am. I know it was my job, my goal, to help and save everyone here. I failed and I am sorry. I can’t imagine how hurt you must be, how angry and how upset. Nothing I say will or can help you, but know that my heart and my thoughts will be with you in the darkest of times, like this one. “
Lexa takes a few deep breaths as she lets the papers with her notes on fall to the podium she’s standing behind. People are no longer whispering, a few are actually looking touched by her words.
“What happened here is a tragedy, “ She says, her words echo over the stage and the crowd who are gathered around the stage. “Something evil came, the Humdrum came, and it destroyed, hurt and killed. It hurt my fellow students, my friends and that is something I will never forgive. At this moment we don’t know what happened to it, to be honest I don’t remember.
“I was told that when I… When I let go of my magic, my power, it crushed it. If the prophecies are true then it’s dead. But for now we know nothing. I know I have not been popular in this world. I know that I have hurt people. “ She looks down at Raven who shoots a caring smile back at her.
“I know that I have been the reason people have died, not just tonight, but before. “ She whispers a ‘sorry’ to Jasper and he wipes away the tear with his hand and sends her a comforting nod as she continues. “I was put in this world eighteen years ago. When I turned eleven a woman came to me and told me that one day I would be saving the world.
“Before that happened I was alone. I was dying. There was not a single person in the whole world that cared about me. Then I came to Watford and instantly I made friends. I made enemies as well, but I didn’t care about that. As long as I was surrounded by the people I love.
“Watford, The Mage and the students here gave me a life I could never even dream about having. This place might have put people in danger, it might have made bad decisions over the years or been the place of sorrow and sadness to some. But this place is also the greatest place in the world.
“Yes, I have only ever really been in the UK and nowhere else, but I swear to all of you that you will never find a place with more love or care than Watford. That is also why it makes me sad to think about how when I leave today… I won’t ever get to come back.
“So to all of you who are so lucky to only just have started here… You better enjoy it. “ Lexa laughs a little and the crowd laughs with her. She looks down at her papers and sees how her tears place little spots on them.
“Because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to start over and get to do all of this again, better, of course. So Watford, The Mage, students and families… Thank you for everything and… From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. “ Lexa’s voice breaks in the last sentence and she walks down the stage before people even begin to clap.
But as she falls into Clarke’s arms behind the curtain, they do. People clap and a few even whistle. They’re cheering for her, showing a form of respect she’s never felt before.
“You did so good, “ Clarke says and kisses the top of Lexa’s head, wiping away the tears that are still hanging onto her jaw.
It doesn’t take long for people to start leave. Murphy and Raven leave first out of the group. Monty, who’re being held up by Jasper – his legs aren’t the best yet – leave shortly after. Octavia and Lincoln walk away holding hands and kissing each other – they’re okay now.
So as Clarke and Lexa sit down together at the edge of the stage, as families evaporate their way out of Watford, they think about what’s next.
“You’re so warm, “ Lexa says as she lays her head on Clarke’s shoulder.
“It’s because I’m more powerful than you are now. “ Clarke laughs.
“It feels weird. Like this ball of heat inside of me finally stopped burning, “ Lexa says.
“I’m sorry you had to lose your powers- “
“It was worth it, “ Lexa says and looks up at Clarke who’s already looking at her.
“What now? “ Clarke asks and kisses Lexa’s forehead.
“Lets go home. “ Lexa smiles and turns to kiss Clarke fully.
Lexa can feel it in her stomach, this is so much more powerful than her magic.
This is stronger and thicker. This is more gentle and warm, but at the same time it’s scarier than she’d ever imagined.
She can’t wait to start her life in Clarke’s arms.
This is her happy ending.