smoke without fire
The next three days go by quicker than ever. Lexa’s been around the school a lot more than she’d planned. She wants to see everything, she wants to note down everything that has changed since she left before summer.
The group hangs out by the football field a lot, watching Lincoln practice with some of the other kids. He’s the team captain and he’s got the job to make sure the new ones who’ve joined the team are ready for the game next week.
The sun is shining. Something unexpected in the middle of August in England, or wherever they are. No one really knows. All they know is that somehow they always end up at Watford.
“I’ll go down to the goats, guys. “ Lexa smiles.
“You and the goats, “ Raven says, followed by a laugh.
“It’s so weird. “ Jasper grins. But they all wave goodbye.
Lexa’s wearing her school clothes again, but with a warmer jacket. The sun might be shining, but it’s pretty late in the afternoon and, you know, it’s England. It’s really fucking cold.
She gets to the fields after twenty minutes – that’s how big the area is. She’s pretty much on the other side of Watford. The goats are all over the place. Lexa takes a few deep breaths and then opens her fist in front of her.
She tries to relax as much as possible, keeping her breathing nice and slow, and then she thinks about her magic pouring out of her, out through her hand. It feels nice, in a way. To pretend to know how to control your magic. To pretend that you’re not a ticking bomb.
After a while she gives up, nothing happens anyway. So she sits down on the grass and empties her head. She likes being here. She likes the sound of the goats chewing and the sound of the wind and the sound of everything. This is probably her favorite place on Watford.
After a while she hears someone coming, so she gets up from the grass and turns around. Clarke’s standing not very far away from her. Lexa’s stomach starts playing tricks with her, it’s weird. She feels her hands get sweaty and her heart beat skipping beats.
It’s so weird.
But suddenly Clarke’s face changes to a big, warm smile and she runs to Lexa as fast as she can and Lexa stands there, enjoying every second of knowing what’s to come.
Clarke gets to her and meets her in a hug so tight and overwhelming they both fall to ground, laughing. They lay in each other’s arms for a few seconds too long before they both sit up and look at one another.
Clarke’s hair is shorter and the red color she accidentally conjured on her hair last year is gone. It’s nothing but curly, blonde hair. It’s almost golden. Lexa had forgotten how wonderful Clarke’s hair is.
“Hey, “ Clarke says after a while. Her hand is still on Lexa’s knee.
“Hey, “ Lexa says, almost out of breath.
“Shit, I totally forgot how fucking powerful you are. “ Clarke laughs. “I feel pretty, uhm- “
“Drunk on magic? “ Lexa asks, nervously.
“Yeah, that’s it. “ Clarke laughs. Her hands are shaking.
“I’m sorry, “ Lexa says, because she doesn’t know what else to say. Plus, she is sorry. It can’t really be a nice feeling, suddenly being involuntary drunk.
“It’s okay. It’s nice, “ Clarke says. She looks down at her hands and now she notices how much she’s shaking. “Wow. “ She laughs, amazed.
“Yeah, I got that effect on people, “ Lexa says and smiles when Clarke laughs at her joke. She’s not good at making jokes. The fear of people not laughing is too powerful. It’s funny how the thing that The Most Powerful Wizard On Earth fears is jokes.
“I’ve missed you. “ Clarke smiles. “All summer. All I’ve been thinking about has been that… That kiss. “
“Capital K, “ Lexa says in a low whisper.
“Yeah, capital K. “ Clarke laughs. But then Lexa doesn’t say anything else, because what would she say now? I’ve been thinking about it too and it was amazing and nice and I loved it. I loved every second of it. But the fact that I had to kill a powerful, evil creature for you to kiss me just shows how horrible I am for you. And just us being friends is putting you in such an incredible danger, so the thought of our friendship every growing and becoming more than that is terrifying. But know, if I wasn’t The Chosen One I’d be all over you right now.
So as Lexa keeps her mouth shut, Clarke begins to panic. Lexa can see it instantly. She removes her hand from Lexa’s thigh and she looks away and wrenches her hands and fingers. She clears her throat, which just makes everything ten times worse and she knows it.
“You look skinny, “ Clarke says, suddenly.
“I do. “ Lexa answers.
“Have you been eating less, again? “ Clarke asks, because that’s one of her biggest worries.
“I have. “ Lexa answers.
“Why? “
“Because I needed to. The Mage send me to Liverpool. “
“Fucking Liverpool, “ Clarke says and it makes Lexa laugh. They sit for a while, Clarke talks about her summer. She spent it at home with her mother. She visited Octavia a few times, but Abby’s not a big fan of Octavia’s family. Though, she went to Bellamy’s funeral and helped set it up, no one wanted Octavia do that alone. No one’s that cold.
Lexa remembers the day Bellamy died as if it was yesterday. They were twelve years old, all of them, and it was their second year at Watford. They had all settled into their routine quickly, all of them loved Watford more than anything.
The Mage, Indra, had strengthened the fence after the goblin attack the year before. But, Indra’s not strong enough to strengthen the fence by herself and the other Mages weren’t there to help her. So the Humdrum had teleported gremlins inside the walls.
Bellamy and Clarke were training some spells out on the field. Lexa was not far away from them, she was with the goats. She likes watching Clarke train. There’s something fascinating about watching her control her magic. It’s something Lexa never will be able to do.
Suddenly the gremlins were everywhere, they were all around the field. Lexa ran to Bellamy and Clarke, but suddenly Bellamy dropped to the ground. It happened so quickly. Clarke ran to him, he was dead long before she’d fought her way through the gremlins.
When Clarke had dropped down, Lexa screamed for her to lie down on the ground. She did. Lexa took a deep breath and started screaming, she felt like she had to scream to get her power out, she doesn’t do that anymore.
Her power poured out of her and killed all of the gremlins instantly. But it was too late. Bellamy was gone and it was because of Lexa, she knew that. Everyone knew it, hell, even Bellamy must’ve known it the second he felt the gremlin’s sword go through his chest.
It hurts to think about it, so Lexa tries not to.
Lexa walks to her room a little after Clarke went back inside to greet the rest. Lexa sits down on her bed, Raven’s reading one of her comics. It’s only a matter of seconds before The Mage comes in. Her head held high, there’s some tension between her actions and her mind. Lexa can see it instantly.
“The Mage, “ Lexa says and gets up out of bed. Raven hasn’t seen or heard anything, she’s wearing her headphones and she’s probably listening to the same music as she was a few days ago.
“Raven! “ Lexa hisses and Raven looks towards her and sees The Mage. She jumps out of bed and rips off her headphones.
“The Mage, “ She says, the same surprised tone as Lexa’s.
“Please, Raven Reyes, leave us for a minute, “ The Mage says kindly, she almost smiles. Which doesn’t make sense because her fists are clenched, one of them around her sword.
“Of course, “ Raven says and leaves, she takes her comic magazine with her, along with her phone and headphones.
“What’s wrong? “ Lexa asks as soon as Raven closes the door behind her.
“Everything is wrong, “ The Mage says. She sounds almost helpless.
“The Mages are getting more and more upset about me keeping you here. They’re saying you’re getting too powerful, that magicians all of the world want to come and meet you in person, just to feel your power. “
“What? Why? “ Lexa asks, forgetting to be respectful. “Miss, “ She corrects herself.
“You did slay a dragon one year- “
“I didn’t slay the dragon! The rest of the school did. I didn’t want them to! It didn’t have to die! “ Lexa says, failing to keep her voice down.
“Please! “ The Mage hisses. “Calm down, “ The Mage says. She must’ve felt Lexa’s power dripping out of her, fuming over. Lexa didn’t even notice. That’s the scary part. She doesn’t feel her own magic until she’s mid going off.
“I’m sorry, “ She says, shaking.
“I’ve told them to mind their own businesses. But they want me to send you away. “ The words almost hurt Indra as she says it.
“No! “ Lexa screams, forgetting how close she was to go off just seconds ago.
“Lexa calm down, “ The Mage says in a controlled, calm voice. But Lexa doesn’t hear it. She doesn’t understand.
“How will it help sending me away? I’m safer here! Everyone’s safe here! I can’t, Indra. I cannot leave this place! My friends are here! “ She screams.
“LEXA! “ The Mage says. Her hands are shaking now. Lexa can see how her power is affecting The Mage. The Mage isn’t a strong wizard, she’s a smart one. And Lexa’s power could easily kill her. That’s why the Humdrum is after her. It want’s to use her magic to kill everyone. Or something like that. Lexa’s not sure, but that’s what makes sense to her.
“I’m sorry! “ She yells but she can’t calm down. She falls to her bed and closes her eyes. Suddenly she feels The Mage’s hand on her shoulder. Lexa’s breathing fast, but Indra’s firm grip is calming her down.
“Just breathe, okay? I won’t send you away, never. “ The Mage says it with a strange tone in her voice.
Lexa falls asleep soon after and when Raven gets back in the room she doesn’t wake Lexa up to ask her why the entire room is smelling like smoke. She just opens the window and lights a scented candle, as always.