we'll grow soon enough
She's exiting but scared, whatever's waiting for her at Watford is something she'll have to be ready for. But she's not, she hasn't been for the past seven years. Every year since she was eleven years old, she's had this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she sits down in the train. It's like she wants to go there, see her friends, and talk to Indra - or The Mage, as she likes to be called. She misses Indra, The Mage. She's the closest she's ever had to an adult caring for her, although sometimes she's not sure if The Mage actually cares for her or if she's just interested in the stuff Lexa can do.
No matter what The Mage makes sure Lexa gets fed and has a place to sleep at night. And that has to mean something.
But Lexa misses her friends, most of all. She misses the crazy things they do and say and she misses every fight they've ever had - and there has been a lot of fights. She misses Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty, Murphy and Clarke. Of course she misses Clarke. But with the kiss at the ending of the last school year, she's not sure what to expect. Everything happened so quickly. The Death Angel, that had been hiding at the school for almost two years, had come back out. And Lexa was in a bad mood that day and when she's in a bad mood, well, it gets riskier to be around her.
See, with the amount of Power, capital 'p', Lexa possesses it's more likely to spill over the edge. It took The Mage a year or so before she found out how to make sure Lexa didn't blow up the entire school with a sneeze.
All Lexa has to do it make sure she's not sad, angry, upset, scared or anything other than calm. Some of the other kids, the ones who aren't scared of Lexa, like to mess with her. They tell her she's on her Power Period and that she should be locked up somewhere to keep everyone safe.They tell her she's on all sorts of drugs to keep herself calm and that's why she's so stupid all the time. They tell her she can't even be aroused or ells she's kill everyone.
It took years (and a few broken arms and legs and she even burned off one girl's eyebrows) before Lexa learned to ignore them.
But now she's on her way back to the school and she finds her mental list of everything to keep her calm when she'll be walking through the gates.
1. Keep breathing.
2. Ignore the people starring and the people who are walking away from you.
3. Ignore everyone.
4. Go to your room and wait for Raven to come.
5. Don't fuck this up.
The train stops and she gets out. There are still a few minutes of walking through the forest before she gets to the gate.
It felt like seconds because now she's standing outside a massive, silver gate with the words 'Magic separates us from the world: Let nothing separate us from each other'. The first time she stood there, eleven years old, she thought that was going to be her first tattoo, that she'd get it written on her forehead for everyone to remember. It sounds so promising; she was being welcomed to a new community.
And she was, she really was.
But then the goblins attacked the school and Lexa tried to fight them on her own - no one else dared. And then she almost died, but Clarke grabbed her hand and told her to go crazy - she must've read the stories about Lexa to know that - and Lexa did, in fact, go crazy.
She screamed as loud as she could and she kept screaming until she could feel her lungs burn and then she stopped to look at the fried corpses of the goblins, laying all around them. And the kids, the little children that she had shared a seat with on the train, they stood in front of the castle and they were crying, they were terrified. Lexa thought they were scared of the goblins but they were scared of her.
Then the bullying started and it got worse and worse. She thought she might run away. She tried a couple of times. But The Mage told her she had to be stronger and fight through the children's words, that Lexa was there for a bigger reason that to be happy and to learn. She was going to save the world one day.
A guy she hasn't seen before - there are so many people at the school she sees a new face every day - stands before her. He tells her to stand still.
"Why? " Lexa asks, almost out of breath from hurrying through the forest to get here.
"The Mage says the Humdrum could try and sneak in here, looking like you. " He almost smiles. Obviously he's not a big fan of Lexa's, not a lot of people are.
"Great, " Lexa says. "Now what? "
"Are you the Humdrum? " He asks and Lexa can't stop herself from laughing.
"That's your way to make sure the Humdrum won't get in here? "
"Just answer the question, crazy. " Lexa flinches when he calls her that. Then he opens the gate before she even gets to answer, so she walks in.
"Why- "
"I knew you weren't the Humdrum when you flinched. The Humdrum wouldn't care about me calling it crazy, crazy. " He almost spits.
"Don't piss me off, dude. I just got here, " She says and walks up the hill to get to the castle.
She's been there for five minutes and she can already feel the heat rising in her fists. She takes three deep breaths, goes through her list again and again and again, until she's standing outside the entrance of the castle.
A few people are walking in and out, more faces she's never seen before.
"Crazy, " Someone hisses from behind her.
"Fucking crazy, " Another one says. None of them are anywhere near her, they're all somewhat scared their words will have an effect on her. Sometimes she actually thinks about going off, saying it was an accident and that they were teasing her to do it. It might even sound possible. But then she thinks about how likely The Mages, not just Indra but the rest of them from other schools around the world, will let her stay at the school to make sure she's there for when The Humdrum decides to try and kill everyone.
So she takes a deep breath and pushes her way through the group of people who've gathered around her, and she keeps walking until she gets to her room.
She drops her backpack on her bed, it's on the opposite side of the door, Raven likes to sleep as close to the door as possible. It was probably something she thought about the moment she found out she was sleeping in the same room as Lexa. She needed to be close to the door if Lexa suddenly had a nightmare and went off - that did actually happen a few times when she was younger.
She starts unpacking and changes into her school wear. It's a pair of black jeans, a shaggy, yellow tank top and a thin, leather jacket with the school's logo on the back. She could wear a cape, but she's not doing that anymore. When the kids started telling her she was playing a superhero, she didn't like the cape, no matter how many times Clarke told her she looked cool with it on.
She hates the cape now.
Lexa drops to her bed and, without even trying, she falls asleep.
"Lexa. " She jumps up from the bed and looks to the door.
"In- The Mage, " She says, getting up and standing straight. She tries to fight the urge to run to her and hug her. She always does that, fights.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you, you must've had a long journey here. "
"You did send me to Liverpool, miss. " Lexa tries not to sound annoyed, but she is.
"I wanted you to get away from here, to see the world with a different light, " The Mage says and walks to the window, looking down at the fields. The goats are walking freely around, grassing.
"You wanted me to go to Liverpool because they're almost out of magic, miss. " Lexa knows that. Liverpool doesn't have a lot of wizards, she wouldn't be recognized as much as she does in London.
"Correct. " Indra's voice is stern. She has one hand on her sword and one behind her back. Her chin is lifted and she's looking down at Lexa, even though Lexa's taller than her. Indra just has a way to always look down at people, it's her way of showing that she's in control. She's always in control.
"You killed the Death-Angel at the ending of last year, Lexa. " The Mage likes to state facts. It's like she's making a mental list of everything that's happened.
"I did, " Lexa says, confused.
"And you didn't hurt anyone. "
"That's a surprise. I did blow up the old classroom building, miss. "
"You did. And the other Mages aren't happy about hearing that. So, please, tell what happened and why you decided to kill it alone, not getting help or anything. " The Mage obviously isn't a big fan of Lexa's decision.
"I saw it on the fields. It was feeding on a unicorn, a pure bread unicorn, and I had to do something. I tried to do different spells, I even had my wand out and everything, miss. But it hit me and it started hurting, a lot. So I passed out and when I woke up the building was dust and the Death-Angel was gone. My friends told me they saw it through the windows, everyone did, and it just started burning. That I was burning it. I don't remember it, miss. I thought I was passed out, dead. I don't know, I didn't know I was doing it. I did it alone because I didn't want people to get hurt, miss. Too many have died because of me- "
"And more will. But, surely, millions more will die if you don't fight when the time is ready. Save your powers for the real fights and let me take care of other evil creatures that may come. " The Mage turns from the window to face Lexa, straight on. "You need to be careful, " She says and Lexa's almost sure she can see some sort of heartbreak in Indra's eyes. As if she's scared something will happen to Lexa and not just because if Lexa dies the rest of the world will die, but that she actually cares for her.
"Yes, miss. " Lexa lifts her chin a little.
The door slams open and in comes Raven, a million bags and her phone playing some sort of dubstep song, on full speaker. She stops dead when she sees The Mage.
"Shit, " She says and drops her stuff on the floor, just a little inside the room.
"I'll get going, " The Mage says with a confused look on her face, it's probably her reaction to the horrible music Raven's playing. She leaves the room quickly.
"Fucking shit, " Raven says again and Lexa starts laughing, something she hasn't done all summer. "You could've at least texted me! I didn't know she was in here! " Raven yells and collapses on her bed.
"That was great, " Lexa says and sits down again. She always feels her shoulder drop a little when The Mage leaves the room. It's like she only truly relaxes when she's not there, and she's not sure that's a good thing.
"Screw you, Lex. " Raven laughs and turns off the music.
"I've missed you, Raven Reyes. " Lexa grins.
"I've missed you too, freak. " Raven laughs. It's weird how if anyone other than Raven called Lexa that she's be hurt, angry, upset. She'd probably go off or something. But when it's Raven it's fine, Raven can pretty much call everyone anything and they wouldn't be mad about it. Raven is the definition of cool. She's the only one in the group who's got actual friends out side of the group. The others like to tease her about it, Lexa thinks it's a good thing.
They talk for a while about their summer. Raven's been to India and Greenland and a million other places. She's probably seen so much she could talk forever about it, but she lets Lexa talk about her boring summer in Liverpool, although Lexa does think the buildings are cool and the people are pretty. It's probably just because she was forced to be there that she didn't like it.
When they’re done talking they decide to go down to the dining hall, it’s already late at night. It always surprises Lexa how fast the first day goes. They walk down the swirly staircase, which connects the girls’ hallways to the entrance. A staircase, just like the one they’re walking on, is on the other side of the building, connecting the boy’s hallway to the entrance.
Then, from the entrance and down a hallway, through big, open doors, comes the dining hall. It used to be Lexa’s favorite place at the school. It’s the only place were everyone are together at the same time. Plus, Lexa’s always too skinny when she gets to the school after a summer of surviving on very little. It’s the place for her to stock up, build up her power again.
Lexa and Raven walks past the first few tables, it’s always the new kids that sit there. A hundred new kids. Every year The Mage picks one hundred children from all over England and they get to go to Watford. Lexa’s never been more happy than the day The Mage found her on the side of the road, crying, and told her she was going to go home, finally.
The Mage had been watching Lexa, she’d been noting down how Lexa’s power grew more and more powerful.
The new kids start to gaze as Lexa walks past them. She has that effect on people, Raven likes to joke that it’s because she’s so handsome. In reality it’s because Lexa’s magic is so powerful it’s always affecting every magician around her. People get drunk on her power, that’s how The Mage explained it to her her first year.
Lexa once asked how it feels for Raven to be around her all the time.
“It’s like I can do anything. You could tell me I can fly, and for a second there, I might even believe it. “ Raven had said. “But it’s only when I haven’t been around you for a while, you know. People get used to it. You lose your thing, “ She said jokingly.
It doesn’t really make sense to Lexa how other people feel about her magic. She doesn’t even feel it herself, only when she goes off. Then, it feels like a million pounds being lifted off her shoulders at once. It’s the best feeling in the world, the best and the worst.
“Hey! “ Jasper jumps up from his chair with that boyish grin on his face. He hugs Raven and then Lexa. The same does Lincoln, then Monty, then Octavia and then they all sit. Murphy’s there too, but he doesn’t do hugging. Although Lexa’s sure he might need a hug once in a while.
She knows she does.
“Where’s Clarke? “ Raven asks as they sit down as the table, eating the food that’s been put out for them.
“She won’t be here for another few days. “ Octavia smiles.
“Oh, sorry kid. “ Raven laughs, referring to Lexa missing Clarke, maybe she’s referring to Lexa kissing Clarke before school ended. No matter what, Lexa’s kind off sad that Clarke’s not here. But at the same time she’s kind of happy. Now she has time to relax and think about what to say to Clarke.
It’s nice.
She's back. She's finally back.