Standing here right now is killing me, don’t you understand that?!
‘So, what’s going on? Why are we all here?’ Beca asked, as she looked at all of the Bellas sat around the table.
‘I have some news.’ Chloe grinned giddily at her friends.
Beca pouted slightly in confusion. ‘Are we still going to eat?’
Chloe rolled her eyes playfully. ‘After I’ve told you my news, yes.’
The Bellas looked at Chloe expectantly as she prepared to tell them all her news. The redhead put her hand on the table, showing off a shiny new ring.
‘I’m engaged.’
The Bellas screamed in excitement, getting up to hug her and tell her how beautiful the ring was. Except for Beca, who remained seated; her face stoic.
Her brain felt numb. Engaged? Chloe is engaged?
‘Beca?’ Aubrey’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. ‘Are you going to congratulate her or?’
‘Actually.’ Chloe said quickly before Beca could think of a response. ‘Beca I wanted to ask…would you be my maid of honour? As well as Aubrey of course.’
Beca looked up to meet Chloe’s eyes. Those blue fucking eyes. ‘I-I can’t.’
Beca herself couldn’t believe she’d just said that, let alone the rest of them. Chloe’s face crumpled, making the brunettes heart beat a little harder than it already had been.
‘But why?’ The redhead practically whispered.
‘Chloe, I- I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.’
Chloe shook her head angrily. ‘No. No, I want a reason as to why one of my best friends in the entire fucking world won’t be there for me on my wedding day.’
Chloe swearing? This was bad. Really bad, but there was no way Beca could go back now, all of her feeling were rushing through her, and now all she could do was tell her.
‘Because holy shit Chlo, I’m in love with you, and it’s the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know what to do with these stupid fucking feelings, and I just sometimes feel like I’m drowning and then you appear and suddenly I can smile a little easier but at the same time I can’t breathe because you’ve consumed all the air from my lungs.’ Beca took a deep breath, not finished with what she wanted to say.
‘Beca, I…’ Chloe started. ‘I didn’t even, and then with Tom and being around you with him I just-I didn’t think it would upset you.’
‘Upset me? Chlo, it fucking killed me. It kills me.’ Beca’s voice wavered as she said it, tears streaming down her face which she roughly wiped away with the backs of her hands. ‘I want you to be happy. I really do. I just didn’t know it was going to be so hard for me, which you know, it’s fine because I’d suffer for you any day, but there’s a part of me that knows it’s not okay and I need to learn to let you go.’
Chloe swallowed. ‘Beca please.’
‘Don’t you get it? It hurts too fucking much to watch you be with him.’ Beca all but shouted. ‘Standing here right now is killing me, don’t you understand that?!’
Chloe’s eyes were watering from hearing all of these things pour out of Beca’s mouth, from seeing her best friend in so much pain because of her. ‘Beca please, we can work it out okay? I need you.’
‘Chloe, I wish for nothing more than to be there for you, I swear to God I’d do anything to be able to do this.’ Beca tipped her heads back and sniffed, trying to force her tears to go away. ‘But if I do this it might just ruin me.’
The Bellas stood around the table, with absolutely no idea what to do to help the situation. They’d never seen Beca like this before, and to be honest; it broke their hearts.
Beca paused for a moment, and looked back at Chloe. ‘Being without you will kill me, but being there will kill me too. It’s unfair of me to ask you Chlo, but I need you to tell me if you want me there now or not? Because I will be there for you if you need me, but I just need you to understand what this is going to do to me.’
Chloe stood frozen to the spot, unable to say a word. Beca looked at her expectantly for a moment, before rocking on her heels, and nodding.
‘I’m sorry. I am really really fucking sorry Chloe.’ Beca grabbed her coat and left with tear streaks down her cheeks, without looking back.