Strangers On A Bench

Song : She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles

Anya was pacing in front of Arcadia. Today, she had to inspect the whole building for Lexa; to see how much work they would need to carry out to make it viable and secure again. Ayden tugged at her sleeve.

“Aya? Why are you walking?” the boy asked.


“I’m not walking.” Anya answered. Ayden didn’t seem to buy it, since he threw a sceptic look at her.

Anya chuckled. Ayden was to spend the day with her. She was on “baby-sitting duty”, Lexa had said. The girls wanted to look through a range of good schools for Ayden, near Lexa’s place and they didn’t want Ayden to be bored following them. Clarke had suggested they take him to Arcadia to spend the day with Octavia – who wasn’t doing anything, since she wasn’t on any mission, and as Anya needed to go over there for work, Lexa had suggested she take Ayden with her.

Now, Ayden and Anya were waiting for Raven to come open the door. That’s why Anya was pacing, actually. I mean, there wasn’t anything between Raven and her, but man she couldn’t stop herself from embarrassing herself when she was in front of the brunette. Sure, they had texted a few times, first to flirt a little but mostly to talk about Lexa and Clarke. Anya had to say, things had not been easy during the last couple of weeks, and from what she had heard from Raven – because Lexa wasn’t much of a big talker, was she?- things were not going to be easier.

“Rae!” Ayden shouted when he saw the girl opening the door, hugging her good leg.

Raven laughed, hugging the boy back, but Anya didn’t miss the fake smile and the hiss of pain Raven escaped when Ayden was clinging to her.

“Hello there Woods” Raven greeted Anya, who still hadn’t moved, focused on Raven.

Damn, Anya had to admit, the Latina was gorgeous. She wasn’t very tall; like a head smaller than Anya, but she was still capturing Anya’s eyes every time she was moving. Anya quickly shook her head to get rid of those thoughts, because Raven was Clarke’s friend and Anya was Lexa’s cousin and she didn’t even know if the Latina was attracted in women and every other reason Anya tried to convince herself of.

“You comin’ or what?” Raven said, holding the door for Anya.

Anya nodded and followed Raven inside the building. It was quite simple, really ; stairs, heading to doors. Nothing more.

“Ayden, Octavia’s here, do you want to go play with her while I show Anya around?” Raven asked the boy, making Anya’s heart double its rhythm.

If Ayden was going to play with Octavia, that meant there wouldn’t be any barrier between them. Only Raven and Anya. In a building. Stop it Woods, Anya scoffed herself.

They dropped Ayden at the Blakes’ apartment. Octavia was super happy and surprised by the prospect of Ayden staying alone with her; in the past Clarke had been so paranoid that she had always requested at least two people around her child, just in case something happened. Octavia was impressed that she had left Ayden under Anya’s guard too; I mean, Octavia could understand Clarke would let Ayden be alone with Lexa, but Anya...? Clarke and her didn’t seem that close. Or maybe Clarke was just getting rid of her paranoia and beginning to trust people again. Octavia couldn’t complain; Ayden was the sweetest child, and she was thrilled to spend some time with him.

In Lexa’s loft, Clarke was finishing getting ready while Lexa was reading a few papers from work. She had taken the afternoon off to spend it with Clarke – a prospective Titus had absolutely not been thrilled about it all- but she still needed to get some work done. Especially to justify the fact that she had randomly bought a whole building for no reason; since she wasn’t about to give it to Nia. Now, she had a new building to take care of, and still another one to find for the "Queen" of Azgeda. Although she was doubting Nia really needed one for the company.

Lexa closed the files on the kitchen table, waiting for Clarke to come out of the bathroom. But Clarke didn’t show up.

“Clarke?” Lexa rose from her chair, worried not to hear any sound.

She entered her bedroom and lightly pushed the bathroom's door, calling Clarke's name another time. Then, she saw Clarke looking at herself in the mirror. Then, Lexa understood what seemed to bother the blonde, and her heart ached in her chest.

It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them

Clarke was still healing, and most of the bruises on her body were already fading, but you could still see every spot where Finn had hit her, every piece of skin which had been cut or bruised. Clarke was looking at herself with such hate and disgust and sadness that it instantly made Lexa want to throw up.

Clarke hadn’t seen her coming, and the brunette slowly slid both her arms around Clarke’s waist, hugging her from behind. Clarke jolted a little, surprised, but didn’t break her look on the mirror in front of her. Then, her eyes crossed Lexa’s on the glass, and she lowered her head in shame.

It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl

Clarke was ashamed, really ashamed she had let someone hurt her and her child this much without doing anything. Ashamed at herself for not being able to defend herself. In the glass, all she could see was this useless abused woman who couldn’t keep anyone safe. She was ugly. Worthless. And now, Lexa was here, caring about her, touching her, hugging her, and she couldn’t find a single reason why such a person would be this way with her.

She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help

Lexa sensed Clarke’s pain, and gently kissed her shoulder. “Head up, girl. Look in the glass” Lexa murmured into Clarke’s skin.

Clarke looked up, locking her eyes into green ones.

“Do you want to know what I see, when I look in this mirror?” Lexa asked, her voice still low and gentle.

Clarke weakly nodded.

“When I look at the woman in front of me” Lexa said, “I see someone with cracks. A lot of cracks”.

Clarke frowned; she was not expecting this kind of answer.

She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

“I see someone with a heavy past, someone with some demons too” Lexa continued, and Clarke was feeling even more ashamed now.

“But”, Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s shoulder again, “I also see someone still standing. Still here, still fighting. You have cracks Clarke, you’re not invincible. You can break from time to time but you are not too broken. You can still stand. You are strong” Lexa kissed Clarke’s neck, “you are powerful”, the brunette turned Clarke around to make the girl face her so she could kiss Clarke’s still bruised cheek, “and Clarke, you are so, so beautiful to me” Lexa whispered the last words.

A tear rolled down Clarke’s face, which Lexa quickly wiped away with her thumb. “You, you are not worthless” Lexa said again looking Clarke right in the eyes, as if she was reading Clarke’s thoughts, “don’t let anyone, or anything make you think this way”.

Clarke couldn’t take it anymore, and buried her face into Lexa’s safe embrace. Lexa felt some tears falling on her shirt, but let Clarke get rid of her pain. Lexa’s heart was burning and breaking into thousands of pieces in her chest for the blonde, who she was completely and utterly falling in love with. Lexa wasn’t afraid anymore. She wasn’t afraid to admit it.

She heard Clarke sniffle, and the blonde looked at her with glassy eyes. “Thank you” Clarke said. Lexa smiled back, gently leaning forwards to peck the blonde’s lips. “You are very welcome”.

Clarke lightly smiled, and buried her face into Lexa’s neck once more, chuckling this time. “God, I hate being emotional”.

It made Lexa laugh, and after a few minutes of hugs and light kisses, they were both ready to go out.

Back at Arcadia, Raven had almost shown Anya every spot in the building. Anya had noticed how Raven’s braced leg was now more trainer on the ground, and she knew the brunette was surely in pain. Anya hadn’t mentioned it yet; she had the feeling Raven wouldn’t accept the help anyway. But now, Raven wasn’t even trying to hide her pain anymore.

It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you

“Raven, your leg is hurting” Anya stated.

“Yes” Raven answered, still walking on the corridor to show Anya the last important spot of the building.

They reached the basement, and Anya’s eyes widened; it was in very bad shape, and she couldn’t even figure out how the building hadn’t already fell apart.

“So, you’ve seen it all. What do you think?” Raven asked, discretely leaning on the wall to support herself. Anya noticed it.

“Honestly... It would be easier and cheaper to just destroy the damn thing and rebuild” Anya sighed.

Raven nodded, appreciating Anya’s honesty. This building was crap, she knew it already; there were some apartments they had chosen not to live in, by fear they would collapse or worst.

“Shall we go back up to see if Ayden hasn’t tired Octavia out yet?” Raven said, trying to laugh, but Anya could see the pain on her face. Also, they had like four stairs to go back to Octavia’s apartment. There was no way Raven was going to be able to go back up without help, and even the Latina knew it.

“Do you want a horseback ride?” Anya said, winking at Raven, getting closer to her.

Raven’s eyes widened as she understood what Anya was going to do. “Don’t you dare, Woods...” she threatened the girl, but Anya didn’t listen.

In a single motion, Anya had already picked up Raven and put her on her back, graving the stairs. “Anya! Let me down!” Raven protested.

“Not a chance! It’s not every day that I get to carry THE Raven Reyes!” Anya joked to make Raven accept the help more easily, referring to her as “THE” Raven Reyes, as she was calling herself. And it seemed to work, because Raven laughed, and soon they were in Octavia’s apartment when Anya finally put Raven down.

And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

“Hey!” Ayden said when he saw the girls coming up the stairs, “it’s not fair! I want a horseback ride too!” he pouted, making everyone laugh.

Anya took the kid on her back and run around in the apartment to district him while Octavia was helping Raven with her brace. Raven never talked about it, she didn’t want anyone to consider her as inferior or weak, but there was things she couldn’t do, or things she had to do if she didn’t want to be in pain all week. Octavia helped her getting on the couch and remove the brace so the girl could massage her leg. Raven hated the fact that she had to do so at least twice a day, even more if she had been walking or doing something which could tire her muscles off.

Raven had never admitted it, but she was having a hard time not having Clarke around for this. Of course Octavia was great, she wasn’t making a great deal about it, but Clarke was the best with dealing with her leg. The blonde had been a nurse for a while, so she had treated Raven as a patient, not as a friend, and Raven had been really glad about it. She didn’t need pity. And she was fuckin’ glad Clarke was back. Raven was in pieces, and Clarke was the glue who had kept her from totally breaking. Clarke had understood. Clarke had been what Raven had needed her to be. Raven was full of cracks, but thanks to the blonde, she was still standing.

Octavia helped her put the brace back into place, and then they all sat on the couch, turning the TV on and eating chocolate with bread at 4 pm. Anya didn’t know what she was supposed to do; her job in Arcadia was done, but Ayden seemed happy being with Octavia and Raven, and besides Lexa and Clarke hadn’t given her any indications about what to do next. Anya made sure her phone had the sound on, in case Lexa wanted to join her, and she decided that they could stay a little longer here. Octavia didn’t seem to mind as she was holding a glass of fruit juice for Anya. And Raven smiled when Anya sat down next to her. Yes, she could definitely stay a little longer.

Clarke and Lexa had been visiting schools for two hours now. One lady had even asked if they were married, making the girls blush a lot. The schools were all great, really. Well, there was one they both didn’t like, and they had crossed that one out of the list immediately. They had taken the list down to two schools, each one as good as the other, located a few blocks away from Lexa’s apartment. And as they couldn’t decide between the two, they had decided they would come back to the schools with Ayden, letting him make the final call. Clarke was beginning to get stressed a little; she hadn’t spoke to Ayden about going to school again, what if he didn’t want to?

Lexa had obviously understood what was troubling Clarke, and had reassured her by saying that the schools were great, and that even she wanted to go there. This had made Clarke laugh, and warmed Lexa’s heart.

The girls  headed out of the last school,
“So, what next?” Clarke asked Lexa, who shrugged.

They could go fetch Ayden at Arcadia, or they could spend some time together. Alone. Bonding. Then, Lexa remembered something, making her smile.

“Why are you smiling?” Clarke asked.


“Would you like to go on a date with me? Right now?” Lexa said with a smile still on her face. Clarke chuckled as she remembered their conversation, and furiously nodded.

“Ok then, let’s go” Lexa smiled. They were walking for a minute when their hands brushed against each other. They didn’t know who made the first move, but a few seconds later, Clarke had her hand entwined with Lexa’s and the two of them had beamed smiles on their faces like teenagers.

In front of the place Lexa had led them to, Clarke stopped, recognising the café. It was the same one Lexa had taken Ayden and her, on one of the first times they had met.

“We’ve been to this place before” Clarke said while Lexa nodded.
They entered the café and sat inside. A waitress brought her the menu, and Clarke frowned.

“Lexa.”


“Yes, Clarke?”


“This is all almost written in french” Clarke said, not understanding a single word.

“Oh. Yes, it is” Lexa confirmed. She had never paid attention to it before, as she understood the language well. It was one of the many things a bilingual person had to deal with; the languages sometimes became mixed up.

“I can’t understand french” Clarke said with a sigh. She loved the language, really, but it was too hard to learn.

“That’s ok” Lexa shrugged, “I’ll translate”.

Clarke concentrated, remembering something. “Last time we were here. What did you take?”

“Un café viennois. Why?” Lexa raised a brow.

“I want this. Un cafey vieynois.”

It made Lexa chuckle, because Clarke talking in french was really cute.

“What? Don’t laugh!” Clarke said, lightly hiting Lexa’s arm, “where did you learn to speak french anyway?"

Lexa tensed at the question. Then, she remembered it was Clarke. She could talk to Clarke. She could open herself to her. It was ok.

“I lived there. With my parents” Lexa explained. Clarke was looking at her with interested eyes, wanting to know more.

“Anya and her family used to live there, too.” Lexa took a deep breath. “My parents died when I was young. Then, I went to live with Anya. That’s why we are so close”.

Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers, not saying anything, not pushing her to continue her explanations if she didn’t want to, but showing Lexa she was there.

“We moved  to America with Anya’s father’s job. But Anya’s parents eventually died, too.” Lexa said. She felt Clarke gently squeeze her hand.

“And then I inherited all of the twelve companies part of Coalition Corp. And moved to Polis” Lexa finished her explanations.

She looked up at Clarke, expecting to see pity in her eyes; she was surprised when she saw everything but pity. Compassion. Understanding. Support.

“You moved a lot.” Clarke said, “So, teach me some french.”


It brought a smile back on Lexa’s face.
“What do you want to learn?”


“I don’t know!” Clarke shrugged, and then thought, “How do you say hello?”


“Bonjour” Lexa answered, and Clarke repeated the word with a sweet american accent.

“Ok, I got this one” Clarke said, “How do you say... fuck?”

Lexa raised a brow at the question, “the bad word, or the verb?”


“The bad word.”


“Putain. Or we say merde, which means shit” Lexa answered, and laughed when Clarke said the words.

“French is cool” Clarke concluded after an hour of learning new words.

Lexa smiled, because French was even cooler coming from Clarke’s mouth. They had finished their drinks, and Lexa paid for it. When she did so, Clarke noticed something she hadn’t noticed before; Lexa was wearing a kind of backless shirt, revealing a bit of her tattoo.

“Lexa?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo on your back” Clarke murmured, fascinated by the circles on the girl’s back. Clarke was aware of the one on Lexa’s arm, but not the back one.

Lexa frowned first, because she knew she had explained it to someone, and then remembered she had talked to Ayden about it, and it’s not like Clarke had seen her naked. Which she hadn’t. Yet.

Lexa turned a bit on her chair so Clarke could see better. “What are the circles for?” Clarke gently asked, showing Lexa she didn’t have to answer the question if she didn’t want to.

But Lexa wanted to. She wanted Clarke to know everything. She wasn’t ready to tell her everything yet, but she was getting there, step after step. “There is a circle for every person I cared about. Who died” Lexa answered, remembering when she had had the first two circles tattooed on her back.

Clarke absently nodded, eye-tracing the tattoo. She didn’t ask who those individuals were. She knew Lexa would tell her when she would be ready.

But Lexa had other thoughts, as she got up and held her hand for Clarke to take. “I want to show you something”, Lexa said.

Clarke raised a brow at the girl, but took her hands anyway and followed Lexa outside.

“Oh wait Lexa” Clarke remembered, “I just have to call Octavia to see if everything is going ok. I’ll be quick”

“Okay” Lexa smiled while Clarke was calling Octavia.

Clarke went a few steps away, while Lexa was looking at her. Clarke was beautiful. The wind was making her golden hair even more wavy and Lexa loved it. There was something in Clarke, maybe the way she was standing, that was capturing Lexa’s eyes. Lexa knew she was screwed. She knew there was no coming back from it now. And as surprising as it was, Lexa didn’t want to. She wanted to take the risk, even if she was going to get hurt at the end. Clarke was worth it. She wanted to try again. After Costia’s death, she had tried so, so hard, to convince herself that love was weakness. But Clarke... Clarke was making it look easy. Clarke was turning love and affection into powers. It couldn’t be a weakness. And after all this time... Maybe this time Lexa wanted to be consumed in love again.

Clarke got back from her call with Octavia. “Seems like they are having fun” Clarke said, “Anya said she would bring Ayden back at our place around 7”.

Lexa nodded, a bright smile on her face. Clarke had said our place. And it really was.


“Ok, where are we going?” Clarke then asked, looking at Lexa and intertwining their fingers together.

“Aya you’re cheating! You can’t take this way!” Ayden yelled in the living-room, completely into the car game they were playing.

Monty, Jasper and their respective girlfriends had came home from work, and the boys had thought it would be fun to install the new PS4 console on the TV, starting a big competition. And now, everyone was screaming, throwing advises to allies and threats to enemies. Even Anya was part of the game, playing for Team 1 with Octavia and Monty, while Raven, Jasper, Harper and Ayden were part of the other team. Of course, Ayden was more like a supporter than a real player; he was still a little bit young to play it correctly, and he loved encouraging his team anyway.

This round was opposing Raven against Anya, it was ugly. The two girls were really focused, with Monty and Jasper yelling techniques at them. They were all competitive, so everyone was 100% involved in the game.

“back off Woods!” Raven growled when Anya’s car blocked her the way, making Raven’s fall into the roadside.

Anya smirked, but not too long, because soon Raven was back full speed and doubla Anya just before the finish line.

“YEEEEES TAKE THAT BABY!” Raven screamed in joy.


“That’s my girl!” Jasper congratulated her while Ayden was dancing in joy in front of the TV.
“We are never going to hear the end of it” Octavia huffed, leaning back into the couch in frustration.

“Don’t be sad O” Raven said with a big smirk on her face, “one month on dishes duty, it will pass by in a blur!”

Octavia groaned, throwing a pillow into Raven’s face. “Anya I hate you for losing.”

Anya sighed too, because she knew Raven would never let it go. They handed the remotes to the boys, and got into the kitchen to get something to drink.

“So, that was fun!” Raven said, once sat in the kitchen.


“Oh shut up already” Octavia huffed, handing her a bottle of water.

Screams erupted from the living-room, and they turned around to see what was going on. Jasper and Monty were yelling at each other while playing; very funny to see. Then, Octavia pointed towards Ayden, laying down on the couch.

“Looks like someone is beginning to get tired” Octavia chuckled.

“Yeah, I should probably go. I said to Clarke he was going to be back at 7” Anya said, smiling while watching the boy progressively lose his fight against sleep.

Octavia and Raven nodded. They had learned to be punctual, all of them. They were never late. Or if they were going to be late, they were always sending a lot of texts to be sure at least one of them knew about it. Too many things had happened because of people being late.

“Thanks for today. It was fun” Anya thanked the girls. “We should do it again. Sometime" Raven said.

“So you can kick our asses again? I think I’ll pass” Octavia huffed again, making the others girls chuckle.

Clarke and Lexa were walking for some time now, hand in hand, in a comfortable silence. From time to time, Lexa would point to something, showing Clarke some statues or mural painting in the streets. Clarke hadn’t really told Lexa about her art yet, but Lexa had noticed some sketch books in Clarke’s bags with drawings who were too good to be Ayden’s.

Clarke was really appreciating their “date”; she used to love being outside, in the open space, and it was really good to be able to go out and feel safe. Clarke hadn’t felt safe outside in a long time. They entered a park, and Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand begin to shake. They approached a bench, and Lexa stopped walking.

“Ok” Lexa said, trying to gain courage. She wanted Clarke to know about Costia. They had talked about her a little at Christmas, but Lexa wanted Clarke to know a bit of her past, too.

“This is a special place, to me” Lexa murmured, waving her hand around, “this is the place where I met Costia.”

Clarke smiled at her, encouraging her to go on. The blonde remembered Lexa telling her about this girl she had lost, on Christmas. She knew Lexa wasn’t trying to make her uncomfortable, but probably needed to get it off her chest, and Clarke was glad Lexa was opening herself to her.

“She was funny, and sweet and lovely” Lexa chuckled, “but I never had time for her. My work was keeping me up all day, all night too when I would come home. But Costia never complained, until...”

Lexa stopped. She wasn’t ready to tell Clarke the circumstances of Costia’s death yet, but she didn't want Clarke to think she was not trusting her or anything. But Clarke understood, and lightly squeezed Lexa’s hand.

“After she died, I was broken” Lexa continued in a tiny voice, “and I didn’t think I could care about anyone else like this”.

Clarke’s heart stopped, because she was sure Lexa was confessing the fact she cared a lot about Clarke. Obviously Clarke knew it already, but it was something else to hear it. Clarke wanted to ask Lexa for more, but didn’t want to push the girl.

“You have cracks, too” Clarke said instead.


Lexa turned around to face Clarke, nodding. “I have cracks too”.

“But you’re still standing.”

“I am” Lexa confirmed with a tiny smile. She wanted Clarke to know that the things that had happened to you didn’t need to define you if you didn’t want them to. She wanted her to know that she was her own person. She could be the person she wanted to be, and that the scars she had didn’t have to make her look anything else than a fighter.
Clarke leaned on Lexa’s shoulders, admiring the view from the bench spot. When Lexa felt the blonde shiver because of the wind, she smiled.

“Let’s go home” Lexa whispered, leading the way.

They were back in the flat for ten minutes when Anya brought Ayden back. The boy was sleeping, and Lexa quickly went to pick him from Anya’s arms. If Anya was impressed by Lexa’s caring side, and if Clarke’s heart was melting by the attention Lexa was giving her son, they didn’t show it.

Lexa took the sleeping boy into her bedroom. She really wanted to talk to Clarke about making the guest-room into a child bedroom for Ayden, but since they hadn’t spoke about it with Ayden or Clarke , she didn’t want the boy to wake up tomorrow morning without knowing where he was.

Once Ayden had been put in bed, Anya stayed for a last coffee before heading out. Lexa went to make a few calls to Titus to talk work things while Clarke was getting into some pyjamas.

Clarke was back into the bathroom, looking at her own reflection again. She didn’t know what to think. Everything Finn had done was still written on her memory, on her face and body. 

Her face was still not totally hers yet, that was true, but it was better every day. Then, she heard Lexa saying goodbye to Titus, and she smiled. She remembered the girl telling her she was beautiful. Clarke chuckled, because she could still feel every spot Lexa had kissed her, earlier in the day. She was worthy, to Lexa. And curiously, it was all that mattered.

And then she'll get stuck
And be scared of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone, but used to be mine

Lexa was waiting for Clarke under the blankets. They still hadn’t spoke about sleeping arrangements, but Lexa didn’t even think about it. She was getting worried though, as Clarke was taking a long time to come out, and didn’t want to find her in the same state as this morning.

But Clarke exited the bathroom, turning the light off and slid under the covers, snuggling against Lexa’s body. It made Lexa smile as she was putting both her arms around her girl.

“Thank you for today” Clarke whispered to the brunette, kissing her.

Lexa melted into the kiss, and slowly Clarke was on top of Lexa, kissing her lips, her nose, her forehead, her cheeks, every piece of skin Clarke could have access to. The blondes locks were tickling Lexa’s face and made her wiggle into the kiss. Clarke smiled too, and then dropped herself onto Lexa, burying her face into her neck. Lexa chuckled again, sliding a hand under Clarke’s shirt, drawing small circles on the Blonde’s back. Clarke hummed in contentment as Ayden was coming closer to Lexa, too. She put her other hand on Ayden’s back, and the three of them were fast asleep, making good dreams.

She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine