Lost And Insecure!

Lost and Insecure!
Part II

College part1

"Click that one more time, I swear I might actually shove it at your arse" Raven huffs turning in bed to face the wall before hastily pulling the quilt over her eyes.

"Sorry Ray" Clarke says while checking her phone one final time before shoving it under her pillow. It was just passed midnight and Clarke had been tossing and turning since she placed her head on the pillow and switched of the lights. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and she was sure it wouldn't be the last either as college life had taken a dramatic turn in this second year. The work load had doubled which resulted in Clarke not having much time for much else and to make matters worse Lexa was working harder than Clarke and Raven combined due to the video Raven had put on social media over a year ago. Since Lexa sang in that open mic bar, Lexa's life seemed to turn in to a unexpected beautiful storm, millions of people watched and shared the clip until it was literally everywhere. Now, Lexa has a manager with high hopes and much greater plans which is one of the reasons Lexa is working harder than everyone. Not only is she having to keep up with her studies, her manager manages to get her to be the opening act for a already well known artist. Yet today Clarke is anxious, extremely anxious. Not only has Lexa not called yet, but tonight was the first performance Clarke had missed due to a exam in the morning and having to be up extra early. She couldn't help but check her phone again.

"Right that's it" Raven huffs turning in the darkened room to face her annoying best friend. "What the hells wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong" Clarke says a little startled despite knowing she really should have expected it. Raven was the grouches sleeper she had ever met, well other than Anya. Raven and Anya were a great match when she really thought about it, she could only imagine what it would be like if one woke the other in the morning, resulting in them telling each other to fuck of with a shove and a grunt until Raven would get in a bigger mood which would result in Anya tightening Ravens Jars until she speaks with her again.

"Nothing's wrong" Raven snaps. "Nothing's wrong" she repeats with more annoyance. "Clarke you haven't stopped tapping at that stupid key on that stupid phone, until that stupid light lights up this whole stupid room" Ravens says a tad more dramatic than necessary. It not like the button makes a noise. "So if I were you, I would start talking before I seriously do shove that phone at your arse, and I'm not sure you would want it lit up in there"

"That's a lot of stupids"

"Clarke!"

"Ok, ok" Clarke says with wide eyes while already moving to sit up against her headboard. "It's Lexa" Clarke says looking to the phone in her hand.

"What about her?"

"She hasn't called yet and I'm abit worried" Clarke half lies.

"I'm sure she's fine. She's a big girl"

"I know" Clarke says twitching her lip to the side as she clicks her phone to life once again.

"Spill. What's really wrong?" Raven says with a knowing look.

"I haven't seen her in two weeks" Clarke says more quietly. "I feel like we just, there's not enough time in the day. She's working so hard, I know that and I'm so proud, but I'm just.." Clarke hesitates feeling silly for saying it.

"Scared?" Raven questions more softly.

"It's stupid I know" Clarke says with a huff dropping her head back against the wall. "it's just she never doesn't call, you know?" Clarke says "and today she forgot."

"It's not stupid" Raven says with a sympathetic smile on her face as she moves across the room to her best friend. "but I will tell you, she loves you" Raven says softly with a genuine smile. "You know that more than anyone, you're just letting your fears get in the way. You're stressed, she's stressed but that doesn't mean she's forgetting you" Raven says trying to pull her friend back to the real world. "You need to stop listening to jasper and Cheryl telling you she's going to be super famous and run of with someone else" Raven says with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk "They are just winding you up"

"I know, I don't listen to them anyway" Clarke says still half lying. She's not blind, Lexa gets more points and stares every time they go out together, she may not be a high rolling diva yet but her name is certainly out there. Yet  Lexa was still still typical Lexa, she never notices anything until someone actually approaches her asking her for a autograph, which always results in Lexa frowning with a why would you want my autograph look. It makes Clarke laugh every time.

"Clarke, go sleep" Raven orders. "She probably fell asleep from exhaustion and you will have hundreds of miss calls in the morning" Ravens says confident in her own words.

"Yeah" Clarke says. "Thanks"

"Yeah, just stop clicking your stupid phone" Raven snaps playfully before heading of to her own bed. "Now if you would kindly not wake me up unless there's a fire or you have food for me. Otherwise google your problems" Raven smirked already burying her face under her pillow.

This time when Clarke puts her head on the pillow and tries to sleep, she doesn't think about the fear of Lexa and her growing apart. She doesn't think about Lexa one day saying all this is to much stress and dropping Clarke to loosen the reins a little. Instead she thinks of Lexa's first performance on a stage where she was expected by a waiting crowed. She couldn't suppress the smile that was brought to her lips as Lexa had a mini breakdown before, ready to rush backstage as far away from the crowed as possible muttering she couldn't do this while already removing the guitar that was resting on her shoulder. She remembers the fear buried deep in those green eyes when Clarke held on to her wrist bringing her close. She remembers Lexa's begging eyes to help her as she rest her forehead against Clarke's with shaky breaths and a rapid heart beat. So Clarke did, she wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck bringing a thumb to her cheek and stroking it soothingly telling her 'I believe in you' Clarke had whispered with a gentle smile. 'I know 'you can do this' she confessed while bringing Lexa closer to her as she took steps back so they had the privacy of just one another. She watched Lexa calm down enough for her body to relax into Clarke's even more for support. You would have to be blind to not see that Lexa was more nervous than she had ever been in her life while clinging on to Clarke. So Clarke told her one more thing and each time to this day Lexa had said she thinks about it each time backstage. She had said 'Sing for me and more importantly sing for your mum' Clarke whispered her eyes dropping to Lexa's guitar with the engraved inscription her mother use to tell her
'H.W The strongest form of magic'
After that Lexa found the courage to get on stage but through out her whole song, her gaze remained fixed on Clarke with that smile Clarke had fell so madly in love with.

--

"Do you want to die today?" Raven huffs opening the door.

"Um. No" Lexa hesitates confused.

"Then I guess you have the wrong door" Raven says rubbing at her eyes while closing the door.

"Wait" Lexa says stopping the door from closing "I'm sorry if I woke you" She says sheepishly.

"If? If you woke me? Lexa what do you think people do at 2am" Raven snaps making Lexa more nervous. Somethings never changed, the fact that Lexa could build the courage to get on stage infront of hundreds of people, yet still became nervous with a one on one discussion always fascinated Raven and Anya, so much so they would tease her until they erupted in laughter. Clarke of course always reassured her with whispers and gentle touches admitting she finds it cute.

"Sorry" Lexa apologised again "I'll just come back later" Lexa rushed to say already turning around pressing her hand to her forehead like it was the dumbest idea she ever had.

"Get your arse in here before I shove Clarke's phone at your arse!" Raven says rolling her eyes while opening the door wider.

"Clarke's phone?" Lexa questioned walking past the Latina in to the dark room, her eyes instantly falling on the sleeping blonde. Her smile lit up immediately, and she no longer cared for Ravens answer.

"Long story short. You're in the dog house for not calling" Raven says and Lexa only just catches it as she already feels herself being pulled closer to her girlfriend.

"What?" Lexa says furrowing her brows.

"Talk to your girlfriend not me" Raven says already diving in her bed. "Now please. Shut up." She huffs pulling her pillow back over her face for the third time that night. 

This was a in the moment kind of thing and if Lexa was honest she hadn't entirely thought It through. She had been laying in bed in her dorm room aiming to fall asleep but as the time ticked her eyes just refused to close as she thought of her girlfriend two and a half hours away. Tonight was the first night she sang infront of a crowd without Clarke there and things couldn't have gone any worse if they tried. As she stood on stage for the first time without Clarke in the audience she realised she had nothing to focus on that would distract her from all the judgemental eyes on her so her pitch was of and her nerves were well and truly back and kicked up a notch. To make matters worse after the performance had come to a end she rushed back stage with a urgent need to speak to Clarke only to discover her phone had been nicked. As Lexa placed her bum on the edge of Clarkes bed she had never been more grateful for a little bit of light shinning through the window because even when Clarke was unconscious to the world she made everything better by just being close. For the second time that night for the exact same reason a hint of a smile touched Lexa's lips as she reached out to brush a thumb over Clarke's pale cheek. Three years they had been together now and it still scarred Lexa how reliant she was of Clarke, how she could make every negative thought vanish from just one look that Clarke reserved only for her. Her heart almost melted when Clarke sighed in her sleep before turning around with a stir beginning to slowly wake.  

"Lex?" Clarke mumbled rubbing at her eyes as they struggle to open

"Hey" Lexa whispered sliding her bum across the bed closer to Clarke as Clarke sat up. "sorry I woke you" she whispered already bringing her forehead to rest against Clarke's who still looked confused and half asleep. God, she really did miss her she couldn't help breathing a sigh of relieve.

"Am I dreaming?" Clarke croaked furrowing her brows while bringing her hand around the back of Lexa's neck holding her there just incase she was.

"I hope not" Lexa grinned refusing to laugh as she two held Clarke like it had been a life time since they last held one another while watching every bit of Clarke slowly adjusting to consciousness. "I've missed you" Lexa confessed her eyes flickering to Clarke's dry lips before back to blue eyes which were scanning Lexa disbelievingly. "I'm here" Lexa confirmed once more pulling Clarke even closer.

"I've missed you two" Clarke whispers back after a moment her hand reaching out to trace Lexa's cheek gently before trailing down her jaw line. Lexa savoured the moment, closing her eyes at the touch as she pushed further in to warm skin. You would think it had been years since they last saw one another. "What are you doing here?" Clarke questioned still surprised in her voice but excitement beaming right through as she bites the corner of her lip.

"You have a exam in the morning" Lexa admits "I wouldn't miss it, I know how nervous you get" She confessed her eyes dropping to delicate lips once more craving to take them and place them on her own. Two weeks was far to long.

"Its 2am" Clarke says with a amused smile while climbing over Lexa's lap and snaking her arms around Lexa's neck. "You look beautiful by the way" Clarke whispers finally catching Lexa's lips with hers in a slow earth shattering kiss. If Lexa's heart wasn't ready to burst out of her chest she might have smirked at Clarkes amusement and blushed at the compliment which she could still never get use to, but her heart was ready to explode as Clarke's tongue brushed against hers so delicately with the taste of toothpaste, but like she said it had been two weeks. So lexa moaned instantaneously against Clarke's lips as she  melted her body even more against her delicious curves. When Clarke tried to break the kiss, Lexa placed her hands on the back of the blondes back pressing her closer, refusing her to part just yet. Just a little longer Lexa pleaded as she sucked on Clarke's bottom lip the way she loves it.

"You have missed me" Clarke pants between kisses, gripping Lexa with a little bit more force from the sensation rippling through her body.

"Ahh come on!" Raven snaps throwing the pillow that was covering her head at the two girls. "Really! I'm right here and you're drying humping like three feet away!" She says not in the slightest bit shocked.

"Sorry rae!" Clarke says through a laugh climbing of Lexa's lap "Forgot you were there" she admits.

"Well I am. Now shut up! God, what's a girl got to do to get some sleep around here?" she huffs

"Sorry raven" Lexa says more shyly her cheeks blushing pink as she bows her head in embarrassment, she to had forgotten all about Raven.

"Get in bed you dork" Clarke smirks pulling on Lexa's hand refusing to let go for even a second as they climb beneath the sheets together naturally falling in to one of their favourite positions with Lexa's hands wrapping tightly around Clarke's top. For a few moments they stayed quiet trying to make out one another's facial features in the darkened room, while allowing silence for Raven to fall asleep.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you" Clarke whispered after a while nuzzling Closer to Lexa like her life depended on it.

"I think I do" Lexa breaths gripping on to Clarke's top that little bit tighter. One of the hardest things to get use to since living separate was not being able to fall asleep with Clarke every night. Sometimes in the dead of night Lexa would lay awake tossing and turning until she pushed herself to FaceTime Clarke needing to see her, or fall asleep feeling like she was right beside her. Clarke of course would happily oblige and rest her phone against a pillow as they both fell asleep, only to wake up with the call ended with morning texts from the other confessing how beautiful they looked this morning. It didn't compare to the real thing, but it certainly helped. "Clarke" Lexa whispered moving closer to Clarke so they were breathing the same oxygen. "Can we not leave it two weeks ever again?" Lexa questioned nuzzling Clarke's nose with her own. "I don't think I can do that again" Lexa admitted more vulnerably.

"Me neither" Clarke admits with a gentle smile resting her hand on the side of Lexa's neck and curling her fingers to play with the baby hairs. "Lex"

"Yeah"

"How come you didn't call?" Clarke questioned her eyes shifting for a moment with her own vulnerability.

"My phone was stolen" Lexa admits "Its part of the reason I'm here" She confesses. "I couldn't sleep without speaking to you, and I just.." Lexa stuttered shaking her head.

"Just what?" Clarke soothed knowing Lexa had trouble expressing how venerable she really could be.

"I really missed you" Lexa admitted. "I messed up tonight, I normally just watch you in the crowd and sing to you, but today you weren't there and all I had to focus on was everyone else watching me expectantly and I just got really nervous" Lexa admitted "I don't think I'm cut out for that kind of career. I Cant even get through a performance without you guiding me through" Lexa admitted finally connecting her eyes with blue. "plus i miss you so much" Lexa admits knowing its the main reason they haven't seen one another as often as she wants to. "You never make me feel so small on stage like everyone else" she admits fiddling with Clarke's top between her fingers.

Clarke's eyes flickered sadly over her girlfriends face for a moment, not really needing to think about what to say but more on how to phrase it correctly. She hated it when Lexa would sink in to herself, doubting everything she can do by not being strong enough or good enough to do something she has already been doing incredibly. Clarke knew this was just a part of the woman she loved and it followed her everywhere but Clarke would always be there to catch her when she's crashing in self doubt, Because she knew none of it was true.

"Babe" Clarke whispered cupping her girlfriends cheek before shaking her head with a tender smile. "Do you remember what Alan said to you when he wanted to manage you?" She questioned softly knowing her girlfriend remembered all to well the strange encounter.

"He told me he believed in me" Lexa admitted.

"He did" Clarke breathed with a soft smile "He didn't know you. He owed you nothing but still after seeing your video he reached out which he never does" Clarke breathed playing with Lexa's fiddling fingers as she takes them in her own. "He believed in you, he believed in your voice and he believes that you can do this" Clarke says even softer. "Do you think all singers just get on stage and never get nervous?" Clarke questioned "Because that's not the case loads admit they still get nervous before each performance and some say it never leaves but eventually you learn to have fun with it, you learn to not worry about what everyone's thinking because really if they didn't like you, they wouldn't be there watching you" Clarke explains through a whisper her eyes flicking over to Raven still sleeping before back to her focused girlfriend. "i believe you can do this" Clarke breathes " I think you were born to sing Lex. It runs through your veins" she admits not needing to say Lexa's mothers name. "You're new at this and things will go wrong and i know you're going to over thing and analyse everything but don't" Clarke says softly reaching down to peck Lexa's lips. "Because you are pretty incredible if you ask me" Clarke breaths "I cant wait to buy your first number one album" She grins looking in to beautiful green eyes.

"How do you do that?" Lexa questioned green eyes looking deep in to blue like Clarke is the only treasure in this world. She's the only thing she will ever really need.

"Because i love you, and i know how your brain works" Clarke admits nuzzling her nose against Lexa's "i wish you could see how rare and beautiful and talented you are" Clarke admits hovering her lips over Lexa's "Now shut up and kiss me before I start missing you again" Clarke ordered through a cheeky grin. So Lexa did. She kissed her until Clarke giggled against her lips ordering her to sleep which Lexa still fort against for a few moments knowing Clarke was just as weak for her as she was for Clarke. They kissed until they felt a ache and a flutter in their chest, they kissed until they were tired and all snuggled up holding one another like they had been craving to do for far to long. They kissed until all the darkness that seeped in their life's in the time they hadn't touched had faded away till it never existed leaving nothing but one another.

--

"I'm going to fail" Clarke whined hitting her head against the door as her girlfriend watched amused. She couldn't help it, she cracked a smirk because she absolutely adored this Clarke, the one that fell to pieces and panicked like she never had before each time it had only gotten more dramatic. "I'm so tired" She whined

"sorry" Lexa apologised pulling at her girlfriend with a pout. "I shouldn't have come over last night, I should have waited till this morning to surprise you" She says while wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist.

"Don't be so absurd" Clarke frowns "It was the best idea you ever had" She admits holding Lexa just as tight. 

"You nervous?" Lexa questioned through a already growing smile.

"What could have possibly gave it away" Clarke says seriously looking at the door to the hall like it was the door to hell, like she did the year before, and the year before that.

"Well don't be" Lexa grinned pecking her girlfriends lips before she could object. "I believe in you, just as much as you believe in me" Lexa grins. "So instead of panicking I want you to go in there, and show everyone what i already know"

"and what's that?"

"That you're not only beautiful" Lexa whispers capturing Clarke's lips in a teasing way with a smirk as she pulls away seeing blue eyes fallen shut. "i will be waiting when you're done"

"Hmm. Don't you have to go college yourself?" Clarke questions with a raised brow her eyes still struggling to pull away from Lexa's teasing lips.

"i do. But to hell with today" Lexa mumbled pecking Clarke's lips once more. "One day won't hurt. Besides I've really missed you"

"I like a bad girl" Clarke flirts her arms tightening around Lexa's neck and pulling her even closer.

"Clarke Griffin" A man calls her name for her to step forward with her identification.

"You did that on purpose" Clarke says quickly turning to Lexa.

"Not a clue what you're talking about" Lexa grins proud of succeeding so easily in her mission to make Clarke forget about the exam for a few moments completely. "I thought you liked a bad girl?" Lexa questioned pushing Clarke towards the door before she got time to panic more. "I love you, good luck" She whispered pecking her lips once more.

"I love you two" Clarke called before turning to face the gentleman at the door.

--

"Costia!" Lexa beamed sitting at the coffee table as she watched her best friend approach.

"Legs!" Costia grinned "Glad you called" she beams wrapping her arms around Lexa before placing in a seat opposite her.

"Will people ever stop calling me that?"

"Hell no, Anya got that burned in our brains since high school" she grinned "Its fitting" She admits "Where's Clarke?"

"She has her biology exam today"

"Bless her. She still act like the paper is a terrorist?" Costia questioned making Lexa laugh.

"She does actually" Lexa smiles. "She was hitting her head on a door today"

"Better than last year then, when she sat on the floor refusing to go in because she will just fail anyway" Costia laughed remembering the scene before entering the exam room herself wishing Lexa luck getting her to move. "Feels like forever since i last seen you"

"I know" Lexa says twiddling with her scarf between her fingers. "have i missed anything?" she questioned sipping on her milkshake.

"Not really, same old" Costia shrugged "You missed a party last weekend it was crazy!"

"Why what happened?" Lexa asked curiously remembering Clarke mentioning a party that she went to.

"Bellamy got his nose broke. Anya kicked off at Raven, shouting and screaming literally the lot! Clarke fell of the patio steps and hurt her ankle so we shoved her in the corner for the night to complain to some woman named Niylah. I hooked up with Finn" She laughed living in the memory. "Crazy shit"  Lexa wasn't really sure what question to ask first, she just heard from Clarke that it was the normal party.

"Niylah?" Lexa found herself asking not so obviously.

"that's what you choose to ask from all that?" Costia laughed. "You jealous bean" She grinned. "She's just someone in Clarke med Class, apparently they get on so Niylah looked after her, mainly because her complaining was really annoying. Your girlfriend is quite the dramatic little thing" She stated "Anyway yeah Bellamy got in a fight for pushing some bloke away from Raven and grabbing her arse. So typical Anya got the wrong end of the stick wondering why Bellamy was trying to be Ravens knight in shinning armour and accused them of something going on"

"and you and Finn?"

"Well we have been flirty for ages, so i won't say we just fell in bed one another, i think it was a bit of a build up and the alcohol helped" Costia admits taking some of her coffee. "He's good in bed i tell you that" Costia grinned "Clarke could have shared this information" Costia laughed without thinking. Lexa froze at those words trying no to cringe as the mental image popped in her head.

"I'm so sorry Lex" Costia apologised cringing herself "i didn't think"

"Its fine" Lexa says after a moment trying to swipe her memory clean and Clarke just being hers. "So you like him?" Lexa tried to compose herself so Cleared her throat sitting straighter.

"I think i do" Costia admits. "He's a gentleman. What about you? How are you and Clarke?"

"We're great" Lexa suddenly starts to beam because she had never loved anyone more. "I've missed her so much"

"She has missed you too" Costia admits "She's very mopey and constantly on her phone"

"Yeah" Lexa grins "me too"


---


She didn't have to wait long for Clarke, she was one of the first people out the hall and judging by her beaming smile, she must have done perfectly fine. A squeal of delight came next as Clarke run the rest of the way towards Lexa jumping at her as she snaked her arms around her neck for Lexa to catch making her laugh.

"I take it you did well?" Lexa questioned through a toothy grin as she watched Clarke's hair fly backwards looking over joyed.

"I'm not sure but i think i aced it" Clarke beamed. All the earlier stress and panic once again vanished like it never existed in the first place. "Now i get to spend of the rest of my day wrapped around my girlfriend" Clarke said excitedly placing her lips on Lexa's. "Can i take you on a date?" Clarke questioned eagerly. "we haven't had one in so long and i need one" She pouts tightening her grip around Lexa.

"If that's what you want" Lexa says her smile dying down as she lowers Clarke back to her feet. "Where were you thinking?" She questioned.

"Now that. Lexa woods, is a surprise" Clarke says seductively with a cheeky glint.

"I look forward to it" Lexa beams taking her girlfriends hand in her own as they begin walking of campus back to Clarke's dorm.

"You should" Clarke winks kissing Lexa's cheek.

--

Three years and Lexa still felt her fingers tingle with pleasure and excitement when ever Clarke would get excited or be close in general and today was no different as she sat in the passenger seat of her own car while Clarke drove with a blindfold over her eyes. The blindfold had become a regular thing with Clarke claiming it makes the intensity of the surprise better without having Lexa looking out for signs for a clue, so now Lexa would just sit back with a glowing smile as Clarke kept hold of her hand only letting go to change gear.

"Are you going to tell me yet?" Lexa questioned already knowing the answer.

"Nope. Not a chance"

"Can i take the blindfold of?"

"If you want to turn back around and head back home, sure." Clarke says simply and Lexa only wishes she could see those smug lips because Clarke knows that's not going to happen in this life time. Lexa loves Clarke's surprises almost as much as she loves Clarke. Almost.

"Can i have a clue?" Lexa questions squeezing her girlfriends hand.

"You will like it" Clarke says after a moment.

"That's not a clue" Lexa laughs turning to her girlfriend in the darkness which the blind provides.

"Fine. You will love it" Clarke grins squeezing Lexa's hand cheekily right back. "Just sit back and let me romance you"

A few more minutes pass where all that's heard is the music from the speakers while Lexa's continues to play with Clarke's fingers. When the car comes to a holt Lexa looks around the car like she can finally see, which makes Clarke laugh that little bit more whispering idiot while kissing Lexa's lips.

"Can i take it of now?" Lexa pouted to excited to wait.

"One minute" Clarke laughs stepping out the car and around to Lexa's side to help her out. "I'll guide you" Clarke explains holding Lexa's hand and leading the way.

"right we're here" Clarke grins stepping closer to the brunette to take the blindfold off.

As Lexa's eyes adjust to the light taking everything in, her smile quickly forms recognising the place almost immediately.

"The beach" Lexa whispers with a breath of beautiful memories. This was where Clarke brought her on there first date only the stars were already out Betime they got here. This time the sun was only just beginning to set with seagulls flying around near the shore. It looked beautiful.

"Good surprise?" Clarke questioned nervously pulling Lexa closer against her chest.

"Very" Lexa hummed capturing Clarke's lips with her own before deepening it with her tongue, the sweet sound of Clarke's moan had Lexa already ready to combust and take Clarke home right now, but that wasn't the plan. She could wait a little longer, just a little.

"Come" Clarke ordered pulling at her hand to sit on the blanket Clarke had laid before she removed the blind. "Do you remember out first date?" She questioned knowing full well none of them could ever forget it.

"how could i forget?" Lexa questioned as Clarke placed her legs either side of the brunette for Lexa to lean back in to her chest to watch the sunset.

"I never felt more lucky" Clarke admits cutely before cheekily adding "You let me remove your top and bra" she smirks wiggling her eye brow as Lex knocks her chest with her elbow while blushing bashfully.

"Clarke" Lexa whined burying her face in the blondes neck.

"I'm teasing" Clarke whispers wrapping her arms around Lexa before looking out to the sunset. "It's beautiful" She breathes and somehow despite Lexa's love for beautiful sites she really couldn't take her eyes of her girlfriend.

"Clarke" Lexa says softly catching her attention "Raven said something about me being in the dog house last night?" Lexa questioned twitching her lip to the side, she was aware of the saying but she wasn't exactly sure what she had done wrong and it had been playing on her mind all day.

"oh nothing" Clarke says looking back out to the sun. "It was just me being silly is all"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing" Clarke says again squeezing Lexa gently. "It doesn't matter now"

"It does to me" Lexa says quietly fiddling with the hem of Clarke's jeans.

"It was just me being silly, really. I couldn't sleep and i just kept checking my phone, it was getting later and later and you never don't call" Clarke says quickly like she wanted to rush the conversation away. "i hadn't seen you in two weeks and we've both been really busy, and i missed you and i duno"

"Clarke" Lexa says softly turning in their embrace with a questioning look, Clarke was getting nervous and she is almost never nervous, which made Lexa worried.

"I was just, it was my own insecurity's. I thought that maybe you were slowly leaving me behind" Clarke venerable than Lexa had ever seen her. "I mean i know you are working so hard, and that kind of life can take people away but, i just i just got scarred for a little bit that you were wearing of me" She admits pulling Lexa on her lap just to be closer, because even the thought of it feels like she is dying.

"i could.." Lexa stuttered stunned by the confession. "What?" Lexa questioned in disbelief. "is that how i made you feel?" she questioned after a moment.

"Not really" Clarke admits thinking about the whole thing back, "i just had a weak moment and my fears of losing you got the better of me. I just know that a lot of people can get caught up in the attention and being noticed and then i just though of little old me still studying and rooted here because I'm studying" Clarke breaths "I Know you love me" Clarke admits trying to clear the mess up and wipe the worry and confusion settling in green eyes.

"i could never leave you behind" Lexa whispers a little hurt and broken that Clarke had felt this way for even a moment and the way she cupped Clarke's cheek showed Clarke exactly how scarred she was of losing the blonde too. "Before you i didn't really understand love. I saw it but i didn't get it" Lexa admitted "Now i do. I think i do" Lexa breathes green eyes scanning Clarke's face hoping her words could do justice for how she feels. "i don't feel like you're my soul mate. i feel like you are my soul, without you I'm nothing" Lexa breaths tears in her eyes as she clutches Clarke. "Without you i have no inspiration, no deepest desires, no true meaning to smile the way i do" Lexa confesses soothing her thumb over Clarke's bottom lip. "Without you, i have nothing. You are my anchor to everything good" She whispers capturing Clarke's lips with her own with a slow sensual kiss allowing a single tear to fall. Clarke kisses back just as eagerly before swiftly pushing Lexa back against the sand while climbing above her while pushing her tongue more fiercely against Lexas.

"You know" Clarke whispers biting on Lexa's bottom lip to withdraw a moan. "You're getting way better with words" Clarke husked biting down Lexa's chin until she was showering wet kisses against Lexa's collar bone making Lexa's body buck in to hers for something more.

"I love you." Lexa breathed pulling Clarke away to look at her for just a moment. She wanted her to see the meaning. To watch her say the words with more truth than she has ever had, because she didn't just love Clarke, she was a complete goner.

"I love you two" Clarke whispered with a gentle smile turning to look at the rocks where the sun had disappeared behind. "We missed the sunset" she whined her plan ruined.

"I'm more of a star and moon kind of girl anyway" Lexa says shrugging her shoulder while looking up in to blue. "we can make out while we wait" Lexa says cheekily and Clarke certainly had no objections.

"who's Niylah?" Lexa quickly questioned as Clarke was leaning down making Clarke pause while a large smile appeared on her lips.

"Niylah?" Clarke questioned with a furrow but her smile remained. "From my med class"

"Yeah" Lexa says. "I've never heard about her before" Lexa furrows studying the blonde who began laughing.

"That's because she is no one." Clarke giggled leaning down to peck her jealous girlfriends lips. "I can tell you about Mr packman if you like, he's a nobody to. Complete dick though" Clarke smirked while continuing to pepper kisses over Lexa's plump lips.

"Shut up" Lexa mumbled a blush creeping across her cheeks. She wasn't jealous she tells herself. Just curious to the girl sitting in a corner nursing her girlfriend back to health on her own while Lexa knew nothing about it. Just curiosity. That's all it is.

"i love your jealous side" Clarke laughed pushing her lips harder on to Lexa's as she began pushing Lexa's t-shirt up to feel those sexy abs beneath. "Skinny dipping?" Clarke asked cheekily. "I really want you naked right now"