Lost And Insecure!

Lost and Insecure!

"They have been in a accident"

The words kept repeating over and over again until her ears were ringing and couldn't see straight. This couldn't be true, Lexa and her dad are fine. This was just a huge misunderstanding because Lexa would be boarding her plane right now ready to spend the week in Thailand. This just couldn't be right. Yet somehow Clarke's feet had carried her just as quickly to the car as Abby with a death grip on the door handle. She wasn't sure if it was normal to be silent, if she should be worried even more that her mom didn't speak either as she drove threw the empty roads. She was picturing Lexa's smiling lips and bright green eyes as they said goodbye only hours ago. This had to be a mistake, because her girlfriend was perfectly fine only hours ago and her dad was always such a careful driver. Her eyes clamped shut as she pushed the thoughts of her girlfriend and dad injured in someway or even worse. It did nothing to stop the new image of blood trickling down their faces, their car smashed to pieces and their desperate cries for help as the rain poured heavily from the sky. The splatters of the rain against the window became the most interesting thing in the world to Clarke while every droplet splattered in to a small circle she then watched it slowly trickle down the windscreen as the lights around them blurred out behind the watery mess.

"It's raining" She stated pushing her fingers against the window like she could feel the rain drops against her fingertips. 

"Clarke" Abby said softly watching her daughter focus on the world outside the car "Honey" she tired once more this time placing her hand against her daughters knee until the blonde turned to face her "breathe" Abby instructed after studying her daughter for a moment. "Everything will be ok" 

The words instantly left a sickening feeling in Clarke's core. She knew the words were meant to be something to hold on to, were meant to be reassurance, they were meant for comforting words until they reached the hospital but Clarke took them as anything but comfort. Abby's face gave it away with her now pale face and fearful eyes. The same fear she was sure she held in her own blue eyes after being told despite her refusing to believe this was happening.

As they arrived at the hospital all of the blondes senses came to life as the sound of sirens echoed through the night sky, the doctors rushing patients through the doors of the emergency room and the rapid splatter of the rain against her own skin. In that moment Clarke's eyes opened, her heart thudded and her feet had never carried themselves so quickly and desperately in to a building before as the realisation hit her, that this was actually happening.

"Dr Griffin" Harper says quickly not giving Clarke or Abby anytime to approach the front desk.

"Harper" Abby says quickly approaching the young doctor. "What's happening?" She questioned urgently.

"Dr Griffin, maybe we should speak somewhere more privately" She suggest about to guide them to a small private room.

"Please just tell us" Clarke speaks out pleadingly as she reached down and grips her moms hand not wanting to waste anymore time. "Please"

The nod of Abby's head gives Harper the go ahead as they remain standing in the middle of the emergency room.

"ok" Harper says sympathetically. "Jake's femoral artery has been severed" Harper admits knowing she wouldn't need to go in to detail as Abby would understand exactly what this means. "He was taken to theatre immediately, but he has lost a lot of blood"

"Who's operating?" Abby instantly says more frantic "I should be down there" She says ready to stand up and fight against any doctor willing to stop her.

"Dr Griffin" Harper says standing beside her placing her hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "Abby, I assure you he is in the best hands, Jaha is the surgeon."

"and Lexa?" Clarke questioned desperately. "She was in the car with him." she stated wiping the tears shredding down her face.

"She is in a stable position" Harper smiles proudly. "She may have just saved your dads life" She admits looking between Abby and Clarke. "She was very brave, she has a concussion but unfortunately a shard of glass did pierce her stomach but luckily it missed all major organs" She admits. "However it did result in 15 stitches."

"Can we see her?" Clarke questioned eagerly still gripping her moms hand out of fear and relief.

"You can, she is in room 105 she is sleeping right now"

"Thank you" Clarke says along with her mum.

"Thank you" Abby repeats with a gentle smile to her colleague.

"You're welcome" she smiled.

--

Nothing really ever made Clarke freeze, nothing really ever made her stand still unable to take another breath, unable to think properly or even take one more step. She didn't even make it in to room 105 before she froze with all the oxygen being stolen from her lungs. She paused but her eyes did not as they trailed Lexa's sleeping face before jumping to the doctor who was leaving the room with Lexa's bloody clothes, the clothes Lexa was only wearing hours ago. As the door closed shut once more her breathing returned her breath more shakily as the reality of the situation began to settle. She didn't realise her whole body was shaking till she felt her moms arms wrap around her.

"Mom" She whispered unable to speak any louder or say anything else.

"Shh" Abby hummed "It's ok" She whispered kissing the top of her daughters head as she gripped on more tightly. "Everything will be ok"

"Will it?" She questioned the image of Lexa's cut and bruised face making her think other wise, everything was not ok, this was not ok. As Abby exhaled a breath she placed both hands on Clarke's forearms pulling back to look her daughter in the eye. Her tears were evident just as much as the fear she held for her husbands life.

"Lexa will be" Abby reassured with a soft gentle smile "and right now she needs you to go in there and tell her you're here, and tell her you love her" Abby admitted squeezing her forearms gently "I'll give you a minute ok, I'm going to ring Gustus and then find out how it's going in the operating room" Clarke found herself nodding to Abby still struggling to allow this to sink in, it was like she was in denial although they were already caught up in the middle. "I love you mom" Clarke whispered wrapping her arms around Abby's shoulders.

"I love you two honey. Now go" She demanded softly pushing Clarke towards Lexa's room.


--

As she stood by Lexa's bed, she could feel her heart ache. She didn't no where to touch and where not, to scared to hurt Lexa more than she already was. She wanted to take her hand in her own, but her palms were just as cut up as her face. She couldn't stop the tear that shed as she pictured what Lexa and her dad went through.
"Hey you" She whispers sniffing away her tears as she tries to smile "I'm here" she mumbles through the lump in her throat. "I'm here Lex" she repeats finally placing a shaking hand around the outline of the brunettes hair before placing a lingering kiss on the top of her head.
Clarke pulled the chair closer to the bed so she could sit closer to her injured girlfriend but as she took a seat her tears fell silently as her eyes continued to trail the cuts and bruises, she cried out of fear, she cried for the possibility of what could have happened, and she cried out of fear for her dads life. She cried because the impossible actually happened and she had never been more scared in her entire life, and still was.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting their playing with Lexa's baby finger creating her own imaginary events that occurred during the accident, trying to explain how all of Lexa's injuries happened and how her dad was now in surgery fighting for his life, but she knew no matter what way she pictured it, no matter what way she thought it could have happened, each time it left a sickening feeling in her stomach and each time she tried to shake it from her mind but looking at Lexa all broken that's all she could think about as she gritted her teeth. A hand being placed on her back, knocked her from her thoughts, she didn't even realise anyone had come in the room.

"Hey" Anya say softly kneeling down beside her cousin while also looking over to the sleeping brunette. "How's she holding up?" Anya questioned eyeing Lexa's injuries.

"The doctor said she should be fine" Clarke spoke feeling her voice smaller than ever. "Look at her An" she says brokenly. "How can this happen" She whimpers shaking her head.

"Hey" Anya says soothingly gripping Clarke's hand with her own with a gentle squeeze. "She's going to be ok, ok? That's the important thing"

"Yeah" Clarke nods still playing with Lexa's baby finger. "You're right"

"Of course I am" Anya smiles standing to her feet and walking around the opposite side of the bed. "I was also right that Lexa's a secret drama queen" Anya smirks leaning over Lexa slightly. "Isn't that right Legs? Huh?" She questioned waiting a second before she spoke again. "Told you" She said smugly as Clarke smiles for the first time as her cousin, no matter the situation She always makes it lighter.

"What’s this I hear you're like a hero now?" Anya questioned moving Lexa's hair further back away from her face. "I hear you crawled out the smashed up car despite being injured" She smiled proudly "How bad ass are you right now?"

"What?" Clarke questioned looking to her cousin. "How do you know what happened?" She asked confused.

"Your mom was speaking to the police, and another doctor" Anya admits. "Lexa was the one to call an ambulance. She was also found out the car and on Jake's side talking to him to keep him awake keeping pressure on his wound.

"What?" Clarke asked shocked sitting forward as she looked to her resting girlfriend, the girl who was always so scared to speak to new people, the one who only felt completely comfortable around the griffins, the one who would never say boo to a goose. A small proud smile formed as she traced the outline of the brunette's hair once more knowing how much she took comfort in it when ever she was awake.

"Yeah" Anya breathed Seriously. "We should call her bat woman" Anya smirked all seriousness quickly vanished.

"Any news on my dad?" Clarke questioned not daring to look up in fear. Maybe that's why Abby was outside still, unable to reveal the bad news. Maybe that's why anya was in here instead.

"Not yet" Anya says softly noticing the concern. "He stands a fighting chance he got here quickly thanks to Lexa"

"Yeah" Clarke smiled squeezing Lexa's baby finger. "I love you" Clarke finally says.

--

She wasn't sure how long it had been since she arrived at the hospital but as the sun began to rise through the windows she guessed it had been a few hours, and Clarke was just as restless as she was when she first arrived. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't even sit still as she paced the room waiting on the brunettes eyes to flicker open, to hear her voice and see those beautiful green eyes. She couldn't relax until she knew the girl she loves wakes up, and when she knew her dad would be ok. At one point Clarke wanted to wake Lexa, she wanted to shake her and hold her, tell her everything would be ok, and order her never to scare her again. Yet she knew she should rest, she knew that would be selfish for her own needs therefore left her to sleep but seconds have never felt so long in Clarke's life as the clock ticked her legs paced and Lexa slept.

"Clarke" Abby says popping her head through the door gesturing her to take a step outside, and so she did her heart hammering against her ribs like it did when they first found out. She crossed her arms protectively across her chest gripping her forearms tightly till it hurt, fearing the worst.  

"Your dads just came out of surgery" Abby says softly with a gentle smile "the operation went smoothly, he's stable" Abby smiles watching Clarke's eyes relax and a breath of relief leave her lips.

"He's going to be ok?" Clarke asked hopeful her eyes searching Abby's

"He is going to be ok" Abby confirmed with a beaming smile that felt like forever since she did. As they wrapped their arms around one another they could both feel the relief flood from one another's bodies as they held one another up. The worst was over and all they had to do now was wait. Wait for them to recover, wait to take them home.

"I want to kill them myself" Clarke mumbled smiling in to her mothers neck making Abby laugh.

"Me to" She grinned squeezing her daughter tighter. "Let's wait till they heal first" she teased.

"Deal" Clarke smiled still feeling her body become lighter with every passing second. Nothing could explain the emotions Clarke had felt within the last few hours, and she hoped she would never feel it again.

"Come on" Abby says pulling away "Lets stop being silly" she grinned wiping at her own eyes. "You sit with Lexa and ill sit with your dad, and we will let one another know if anything changes. Deal?" she questioned.

"Ok" Clarke grinned wiping at her own eyes trying to pull herself together. "Tell dad I love him"

"I will" Abby's says gently cupping her daughters face. "Tell Lexa thank you" Abby says sincerely "For everything"

---

"Do you remember when we went on our first date?" Clarke questioned pushing her bum more on the bed as she looked down at her sleeping girlfriend. "there are no words, that can explain how nervous I was" Clarke grinned at the memory as she gripped the steering wheel like it was her lifeline. "I felt sick and my nerves were just getting the better of me, I was so tempted to turn back around. I was close to as well" Clarke admits guiding her fingers down Lexa's jaw bone. "But you shocked me, you shocked me from the moment I met you, from the moment you kissed me to the moment you sang" she admitted. "You continue to shock me everyday" Clarke breathes leaning down and placing a kiss against Lexa's forehead. "I love you so much" she admits smiling as her girlfriend shifts in her sleep.

"it's funny really" Clarke smiles twisting Lexa's hair between her fingers "When I fell in love with you I knew, from that very moment, but I was scared to tell you, scared it was too soon, I was just scared you wouldn't feel it back" Clarke breathes. "but as time goes by, I do nothing but tell you" Clarke laughs "I want to tell you till you get bored of hearing it, I want to tell you the second you open your eyes" Clarke admits staring intensely at her girlfriend with a soft smile. "You scare me still and I think you always will, but not because I fear you won't love me back" Clarke breathes "Its because I'm scared ill lose you" Clarke admits feeling her eyes fill with tears at how that could have happened tonight. 
The blonde stood to her feet and walked over to the window, seeing the rain begin to pour once more as the sun hid behind the clouds, she wiped her cheeks dry as she tried to compose herself.

"Jake" 

As the words were croaked out in to the room, Clarke spun around on the spot to see Lexa's eyes struggling to open as her face scrunched up in pain.

"Lexa" Clarke breathed swallowing hard as she stepped closer till she was leaning over the bed. "Hey" She says softly "Shh. It's ok" She soothed "Jake's fine" She reassured searching for green eyes.

"Clarke" Lexa croaked her eyes opening in the slightest before they slammed back down again.

"It's me. I'm here" Clarke reassured placing her bum on side of Lexa's bed. "I'm here" Clarke confirmed wanting to hold Lexa but not sure where.

"Clarke" Lexa breathed her eyes fighting to stay open as green connected with blue. The fear and worry held behind Lexa's eyes had Clarke placing her hand instantly on Lexa's cheek.

"You're safe" she whispers "God you scared me" she admits resting her forehead on the brunettes for the first time she felt like she was left raw at how scared she truly was, just by the flicker of green eyes. The thought of not seeing them again, the thought of not hearing her voice. She clamped her eyes shut ridding the thought as green eyes lazily watched her before she felt Lexa's hand rest on the side of her head.

"I'm sorry" she whispers swallowing harshly loud enough to hear.

"Shh" Clarke hushed "Don't be silly" Clarke shakes her head with a teary smile "I love you" she mumbles kissing the top of her head gently. "God I love you" Clarke breaths again a tear falling on Lexa. The gentle palm of Lexa's hand cupping Clarke's cheek in such a lazy way had Clarke smiling at how adorable she looked like she was using her last bit of strength to reassure her that she was ok, and Clarke knew Lexa was the only one who could truly do that.

"I'm here" Lexa croaked allowing her eyes to fall closed, to heavy to keep them open.

"My mom said thank you" Clarke whispers after a moment with a proud smile, not even sure if Lexa was still awake.

"What for?" Lexa mumbled ready to give in.

"Saving my dads life" Clarke smiles allowing her happy tears to trickle down her face.

"He saved mine" Lexa breathed just before she fell back to sleep. Leaving Clarke with a beaming smile but confused by Lexa's words. She placed a tender kiss on Lexa's forehead before texting her mom to let her know Lexa had woken up briefly.

---


"Someone decided to finally wake up" Clarke teases as she steps in to jakes hospital room. It was the first time she seen her dad since the accident, and his face was much like Lexa's bruised and cut up, however Lexa's was slightly worse to her face.

"How's Lexa?" he asked immediately

"She's good" Clarke says honestly placing a seat. "She's asleep right now. She was only awake for a little while, but she seems good" Clarke nodded with a gentle smile. "How are you?" she questioned concerned looking down to his covered thigh.

"I'm ok" He says reaching out to grab his daughters hand removing the fear and the worry.

"What happened?" Clarke questioned still needing answers on how this could happen. He shook his head bowing his head before raising it.

"It all happened really fast" he admits. "Our light was green I went to go but a van clearly didn't stop at their own red light so it hit my side of the car throwing our car around"

Clarke almost flinched at the story her anger hidden beneath at how one stupid dangerous driver could have killed two people she loved. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Lexa said you saved her" Clarke said after a moment which caused Jake to smile, before letting out a gentle laugh with a shake of the head.

"Me?" he questioned his face winching in pain as he laughed. "I did nothing" he said sadly "I wish I did, but really Lexa was the warrior, she saved me without a doubt" He admits squeezing his daughters hand.

"How?" She questioned wanting to know the events of what happened.

Jake settled comfortable against his bed winching as he turned to face his daughter more. He took her hand once more in his own with a gentle squeeze.
"All of it"? He questioned

"Yeah" Clarke said nervously ready to create the events of what happened In her own head.

"I saw the car before it hit so I placed my hand over her hoping it would help somehow in holding her body to the chair" He admitted. "But the force was.. to strong" he admits. "the car was threw across the road and Lexa hit her head against the window knocking herself out for a second" he admits feeling Clarke's hand tighten on his own he looked to their hands before back to his daughter. "I remained awake but I had a piece of metal in my thigh, and I was hit pretty badly also" he says looking to his wife then back to his daughter. "I couldn't really move, and I was struggling to speak and I felt dizzy, but I did try to wake Lexa not that it did much"

"What happened?" Clarke questioned.

"She woke a few second later, confused, scared and in a lot of pain" He admits. "a big piece of glass had somehow inserted her skin and she was struggling to even move" he says gently.


The first thing she noticed was the ringing in her ear as her vision blurred out as she flickered her eyes open. It was dark, very dark. She could see pieces of the car with every flicker as she looked around until her eyes landed on Jake. His lips were moving but nothing was heard accept the ringing, her eyes scattered quickly across the car to the broken glass, with blood trickling down her forehead. Then it was like a light switch went of and turned all her senses on, she could hear, and she could feel. God could she feel.

"Jake" She croaked out confused and dizzy as she looked down to her stomach where she found a large piece of glass sticking out.

"Lexa" He says winching as he speaks. "You’re ok Lex" He says reassuringly but the tears in the corner of his eyes showed the pain he truly felt. "I cant move" He says after a minute as he looks down at his leg. "Are you hurt?" He questioned his heavy eyes struggling to keep fixated on the brunette.

"I.." She winched as she shifts in her seat struggling to move with the glass moving inside her with every movement she makes. As her eyes wonder around the car once more she noticed Jake's injury and his constant hitching of his breath. "I'm ok" she finally manages lifting her shaky hands to unbuckle the seat belt.

"I need to move this" He states taking a deep breath as he moved his own shaky hands on top of it.

"Don't" Lexa says quickly "Leave it in" she says turning to face Jake.

"I can't move"

"You could have hit something" she says noticing the amount of blood coming from the wound "If you move it, you make it worse" she says quickly. Before pushing her car door open with a rough shove causing her to scream out in pain as the door clicked open and she landed on the floor with a thud. She winched on the ground as the glass remained firmly in her stomach. She reached in to her back pocket gripping her phone as she lay on the wet ground and dialled 911.

"Lexa" Jake says after she hung up the phone, his voice weak.

with a struggle she pushed her self on all fours feeling the glass beneath her palms splitting the skin as she fort to stand up winching as she desperately needed to move the piece of glass. She shakily made her way over to Jake's side of the car gripping on the side of the car as she did to help see straight as the blood continued to trickle down her face in to her eye.

"I'm here" She says breathlessly her body almost collapsing in to his side of the car. "Stay awake" She pleaded desperately as she pulled his door open with force. "I'm going to unbuckle your belt" she instructed feeling dizzy as she faltered slightly. The rain soaking her through till she was shivering to the bone. As she undone his seatbelt she looked at his wound and noticed how much blood trickled down his leg.

"I Need to tie something around your leg to stop the blood flow" Lexa says while pealing of her jacket. "Stay still" She orders as she wraps it gently around his leg careful not to hit anything "Stay awake Jake" She pleads noticing his eyes getting heavier. "Tell me a story" she pleads taking his hand in her own as she drops to the ground exhausted herself.

"What. Story" he breaths trying his best to stay aware.

"The happiest day of your life"

"That's easy" He smiles weekly his eyes falling shut as Lexa grips his hand tightly. "When Clarke was born" He swallows. "I cried" He admitted. coughing loudly.

"Why was that your happiest day?" she questioned looking down at the piece of glass in her stomach.

"She was so tiny" She says. "her whole hand didn't even reach around my thumb. She was my everything the second my eyes fell on her" He admitted. "Lexa" Jake breathed.

"Yeah"

"I'm glad my daughter has you" He admits with a gentle smile his tear finally sheading from his eyes, although it wasn't from crying it was more from the pain. "I'm tired" he says quietly.

"Keep them open" She orders squeezing his hand once more as her own eyes began to close her body beginning to feel numb from the heavy rain and her head making it hard to think. "Clarke needs you"  she finally says as the sirens of the ambulance feel their ears and the flashing lights blur their vision. Only then does Lexa give in and allow her eyes to close.

--

"If she just stayed in her seat and did nothing, I wouldn't be here" Jake says weakly "You see, I'm not the one that saved her"  Jake admits squeezing his daughters hand. "You have a warrior" he beams "She ignored her own pain, and her own body and fort" he said proudly.

The tears that Clarke had filling her eyes weren't sad tears, they weren't worry tears, they were proud tears. Tears that lit up her blue eyes as her smile grew. Her Lexa, the Lexa that no one would ever call a warrior or a fighter proved everyone wrong again, because that is exactly what she has been her entire life.

"Send her my love" Jake says softly as his daughter already was standing.

"I will" She smiles turning out the room and heading for the girl she loves.


Delayed as hell I know and it isn't even that long. Sorry everyone but something's better than nothing right?