Lost And Insecure!

Lost and Insecure

For a moment everything froze. There was no movement or sound as Lexa starred at the stunned blonde who could only stare back, with a smile that slowly started to fade as she blinked at Lexa’s words. It felt like a life time had passed as her cheeks began to burn a shade of red and her heart thudded against her rips while fear increased through her bones. She opened the door to her heart giving Clarke permission to hurt her in everyway, while ignoring her head telling her to retreat, to close up, to say she was joking because somewhere, somehow Lexa felt at ease trusting Clarke with everything she has to offer. Time seemed to tick slowly, she had no doubt it was mere seconds but felt like hours as Clarke swallowed harshly finally closing her mouth as she turns fully to face Lexa with a spark in blue eyes.
"What?" Clarke whispered swallowing once more in disbelief the furrow in her brows creasing further as she eyed Lexa seriously, more carefully as her chest raised and fell. She watched the blondes reaction nervously biting on her bottom lip the lump even bigger now in her throat, until she see's Clarke's lips turn backup in to a small smile.
Before Lexa has time to say anything, to confirm the ache she feels everyday in her heart for the blonde, to confirm Clarke is the only person she has ever confessed her love too while meaning each and every word to the fullest, Clarke is on her feet pulling Lexa with her excusing them for a minute while they went and fetched a present upstairs. It was a big blur to Lexa, one minute she is staring at the blonde declaring her love, the next Clarke is holding her hand as she pulls her upstairs and in to the bedroom before closing the door. As the door clicked shut Clarke's hand tightened against Lexa's pulling her infront of her as she gazed at the brunette, searching for something and Lexa was sure she knew what Clarke was looking for.

"You love me?" Clarke questioned quietly her eyes flickering across Lexa's face for any hint of lie, any hint of any misunderstand, like she didn't believe the words Lexa had spoke and Lexa was quick to notice. The furrow in her brows creased automatically as she didn't understand why Clarke was doubting it.

"Can I read you the last entry?" Lexa questioned nervously never losing eye contact from the blue eyes infront of her, that held fear Clarke had never held before which confused Lexa even more but somehow she found herself needing to comfort Clarke as their hands still held on to one another. Lexa found her thumb gliding across the back of Clarke's hand for reassurance. Reassurance for what she wasn't sure, but she felt it necessary. Only when Clarke nodded with a still confused expression did Lexa move over to their bed and grab the book and her glasses before turning the page until she found the correct date. She looked at Clarke one last time as she stood infront of her nervously biting on her bottom lip while slipping her glasses on.

"23rd December" Lexa reads looking over the book one more time as Clarke focuses fully on her.

23rd December

Something happened today, I realised something about Clarke, about us.
For weeks now I couldn't understand it, couldn't even begin to put how I felt in to words.
Yet it's the most real thing I've ever felt in my entire life.
I watched her sleep every morning and just in those few minutes,
I would find a thousand things I love about her, things she does to make me smile and memories she helped create I never thought
I would have.
Truth is I'm in Love with Clarke Griffin, and I think I have been for sometime.
I think that's the reason I've struggled to write about her to the point I ended up tapping my pen against the book, because nothing could explain how this truly feels.
She consumes me in away I've never felt, with love and adventure and everyday I would wake with a smile.
She doesn't know it yet but, she saved me.
She saved me from my dark place that i began to accept as home, she stole me away, but saved my life too, but somewhere in the middle
she showed me a place so different and beautiful, i can never get it out my mind, and i cant get her out of it either.

The way she looks in my eyes, it scares me, the way she knows just what to say, it scares me.
The way  I tell her things I can't even tell myself, that scares me but what scares me the most is I love the way she scares me.
I wish i wasn't so nervous all the time, i wish i could just speak like a normal person because despite my fears i want to tell her, i need to tell her because every nerve in my entire body is screaming it when ever she looks at..

 

Before Lexa could even finish Clarke's lips are on her own, silencing her as her diary becomes trapped between their bodies. It took only a second for Lexa to realise what was happening as Clarke cupped her cheek moving her lips against her own, and another second later for Lexa to kiss her back, forgetting the fear she held through out reading as her shaky hands now become steady as she places one hand on Clarke's hip. The soft whimper that Vibrated from Clarke's mouth instantly sent tingles to the tip of Lexa's fingers unable to stop her own whine of approval as Clarke's hand slid in to Lexa's mane gripping the root's gently as she guided her backwards until she hit the bedside cabinet with a thump. Everything felt blurry, from the moment she said I love you, to the moment they raced up the stairs reading the final entry to her diary, to kissing Clarke right now. Her tongue felt cold but her lips were eager capturing Lexa's bottom lip between her's with a occasional nibble while holding her body as close as she could against the brunettes. Lexa questioned if it was possible to forget everything going on around you from a simple kiss as her skin burned with desire, wishing, hoping Clarke would never stop. The girl she fell in love with was kissing her making her fears feel even sillier as Clarke grinds her hip desperately against Lexa allowing another gasp to escape the blonde's beautiful lips as she breaths breathlessly, but Lexa isn't ready to stop yet. She captures Clarke's lips once more forgetting the book between them and letting go to place it at the back of Clarke's neck, keeping her close as she explores the taste of Clarke's tongue while her hand subconsciously begins moving from her hip to Clarke's bum.

"Um" Clarke hums parting the kiss with a wide smile but unable to move more than a inch away from Lexa lips. "I love it when you're confident" Clarke husks her eyes dropping to Lexa's lips before capturing her bottom lip between her teeth with a gentle tug. Green eyes couldn't do much, they felt enchanted by the blonde but Clarke had answered her question, you could indeed get lost and forget everything from a simple kiss. "Say it" Clarke ordered gently now biting on her own bottom lip as blue eyes get lost in green, making Lexa look at her nervously.

"Say what?" Lexa questioned stupidly but trying to bite down her nerves once more at a confession she had now made more than once, but she couldn't help the fear that kept seeping through the first time was almost like she couldn't stop it, like it had its own power, own control as it pushed itself up her throat and past her lips not giving her anytime to think on it to be scared. The second was just as easy as she read it word from word stopped her also having time to panic, but now she was bare, raw, no obstacles or camouflage keeping her safe. She felt the blonde shift against her making her fear only increase but Clarke quickly noticed as she places her hand's around Lexa's neck pushing a few fingers in to the back of hair soothingly.

"Do you remember the carnival on Halloween?" Clarke questioned with a smile. "We got on the Ferris wheel together, and I was petrified of the height but you, you were carefree" Clarke said gently remembering Lexa take her hand soothingly. "That was the first time I truly noticed that we're not that different. You wasn't scared but I was, and instead of me making you feel secure you did it for me" Clarke admits. "We are just scared of different things" Clarke continues to play with the back of Lexa's neck hoping she would understand exactly what she was saying. "I think that was the moment I started falling in Love with you" Clarke breaths never breaking eye contact from Green eyes as Lexa's body stiffens at her confession.

"You- You love me?" Lexa questioned studying Clarke more than she ever has.

"I love you" Clarke confirms her smile growing as she watched Lexa's eyes flicker over her face until they land on her lips. "I love you" Clarke says on purpose as Lexa watches the words leave her mouth. Only then did Lexa raise her gaze back in to blue eyes a smile forming on her own lips as she takes a deep breath.

"I love you two" Lexa admits while holding Clarke even tighter in her arms to scared to let go incase this was all a dream. The smile that formed on Clarke's lips said otherwise, and Lexa's was soon copying her girlfriend as she bit on her bottom lip nervously until Clarke brought their lips together once more. Everything about the kiss was different, it was slow, certain and it exchanged those three words silently.

"Umm Lex?" Clarke whispered resting her forehead against the girl she loved.

"Umm" Lexa hummed

"when will you write in your diary again?" Clarke questioned with a grin.

"I'm not sure" Lexa said confused. "Why?"

"Because I want to read what you write about the sex" Clarke laughs kissing her girlfriend once more as she teasingly backs away to her bedroom door "Come on everyone's waiting" Clarke grinned leading the way down the stairs before taking Lexa's hand in her own as they enter the living room where the family wait.

"Lexa" Anya says immediately as the girls return back to their original seating.

"Yeah?"

"Did Clarke touch your elf?" Anya smirked wiggling her eye brows before laughing.

"I hate her too" Lexa whispers to her girlfriend trying to hide the bright shade of red from the laughing family.

---

Christmas with the Griffins was a experience Lexa was sure she would never forget. It wasn't because Jake made them all wear Santa hats, or how Indra and Abby would argue the best way to stuff the turkey with sharp knifes in their hands as if it was completely normal, it wasn't the way Anya continued to be funny with puns or smart comments, it wasn't even the way Clarke's eyes lit up every time she tore open another present as if she was seven years old who got the doll she always dreamt about. It was the way Clarke's eyes followed her everywhere with that spark clearer than ever, it was the way Clarke touched her when ever she brushed past with a gentle kiss to the cheek, head or lips before she continued what ever it was she was doing, it was the way Clarke whispered 'I love you' in her ear before kissing her lips gently as they passed one another in the hall to the bathroom, it was the way the family all choose to sit outside on the garden furniture as the night drew to a end with the log burner keeping them warm along with Blankets wrapped firmly around them. It was the way Clarke didn't hesitate in pulling Lexa between her legs on the garden sofa as she fiddled with the ends of her brown locks  while she rested on her chest as she laughed along with her family to something Lexa was to lost in Clarke to hear.

"I bet you can't" Anya argues turning fully in her seat to face her blonde cousin. Clarke just grins in Lexa's neck succeeding in winding her cousin up, knowing its far to easy.

"Name it" Clarke says confidently distracted already as she plays with Lexa's hands beneath the blanket as Lexa turns her head to the side to look at the blonde.

"If I win you aren't allowed to kiss Lexa all night" Anya smirks devilishly.

"What?" Lexa questioned confused at what the two girls are actually betting.

"Anya thinks she knows more animal puns than me" Clarke laughs "She thinks she's quicker"

"No thinking about it, I know" Anya smirks "Your girlfriend here is to pussy to put her money where her mouth is"

"We're not betting money" Clarke deadpans.

"Well what ever, Lexa's lips. What's up Clarke scared to lose?" Anya pushes.

"Hardly" Clarke mumbles placing her feet against Lexa's cold ones. "You cold?" Clarke whispers in the brunettes ear as she nuzzles even closer to her girlfriend enjoying the feeling of Lexa laying between her legs and against her chest, everything about it was comfortable and cosy, and quiet honestly Clarke was dreading the moment she would have to move back inside the house. The nod of Lexa's head had Clarke instantly snaking her hands tighter around Lexa before gliding her thumb against Lexa's hip bone. "If I win you sleep on the couch"

"We're on the couch" Gustus points out

"Floor then in the living room"

"Deal!" Anya quickly says confidently swinging her legs on the floor to face her soon to be loser cousin. "This arguing is becoming unbearable" Anya grins proudly making Clarke roll her eyes and laugh.

"That's the SEALIEST thing I've ever heard"

"I find this AMOOSING" Anya giggled to that one along with her dad.

"Your animal puns QUACK ME UP!" Clarke says immediately with out hesitation to distracted with Lexa to truly focus having the aim only to beat Anya so her and Lexa would sleep alone, and that was more motivation that she would ever need.

"Good one" Jake admits before swigging on his beer and looking to his wife proudly.

"Don't make me PUMA PANTS" Anya says quickly, having her dad nod proudly.

"Anya's got it in the bag" Gustus says proudly to his brother with a wide grin.

"Come on Clarke" Jake encourages laughing.

"HAWKWARD" Clarke laughs looking to her parents then back to her cousin making the entire family laugh even Lexa.

"TOADALY" Anya agrees before high fiving her dad. "But my dads right" Anya smirks

"ALPACA your things" Clarke winks at her cousin before turning to focus on the brunette giggling in her arms. "What you laughing at?" she whispers with a playful smile.

"Nothing" Lexa smiles squeezing Clarke's hand from beneath the blanket. "I'm rooting for you" She whispers quietly making Clarke beam more as she turns back to her cousin trying to think quickly and that's when Clarke knew she had her.

"Are you SQUIDING me right now" Anya says quickly already becoming lost in her own thoughts as she tries to think of another.

"Your KOALAFICATIONS are completely IRRELEPHANT right now" Clarke smirks with her double pun.

"Fuck you" Anya snarls pushing back in her chair.

"Oh and Clarke wins" Jake cheers with laugher along with his brother.

"Looks like you're on the floor" Clarke says proudly biting on her bottom lip as she turns to face her girlfriend, suddenly feeling completely fine about leaving this spot.

"see what you have to look forward too" Abby says looking to Lexa.

"Hey you're still with me are you not?" Jake says smugly placing his arm around his wife. "Anyway what's this I hear, apparently you can sing" Jake says turning to his daughters girlfriend who all of a sudden looked awkward at the mention of singing 

"Um- just a little" Lexa says awkwardly "I'm not very good"

"She is" Clarke quickly corrects while having Abby nodding along.

"Well I would very much love to hear you" He admits playing with his wives hand like Lexa was playing with Clarkes in the warmth of their blanket.

"I- UM I don't think so" Lexa tries to decline without being rude shaking her head as her body stiffens on Clarke.

"Can I ask why?" Jake questions carefully as he noticed Lexa's discomfort.

"I get stage fright" Lexa admits "I'm really not that good" Lexa smiles weakly but feeling the tight squeeze of Clarke's hand against hers as she tries to help Lexa relax once more.

"That's a shame" He says sadly while he looks like his in thought. "One moment" he says before getting up and walking in the house and returning a few moments later clutching Lexa's new guitar and another small gift wrapped perfectly.

"May I?" Jake questioned clutching the guitar to his stomach as he places a seat beside his wife once more with the wrapped present on the arm on the chair. She nodded instantly watching him play with the strings while tuning it correctly. Once he was done he placed the end of it on his knee while his arm came around the instrument resting near the strings. "Your mum was right music is one of the strongest forms of magic" he confirms looking at the inscription. "Lets see what magic we can do" he grins pulling his fingers across the strings to make a melody. "Mind you, my singing is dreadful don't judge" He laughs "Lets do a song we all know. How about a bit of kings of Leon?" He questioned looking around his family who seem to nod in acknowledgement. "Someone like you it is" He smiles now looking at the strings as he begins to play the familiar tune.

"I've been roaming around always looking down in all I see" Jake starts with a wide grin while tapping his foot to the beat.

"Painted faces fill the places, I cant reach" The family all sing in sync startling Lexa but causing her to look around to the confident family. "You know that I could use somebody, you know that I could use somebody" They continue to sing while Jake looks at Lexa with a gentle nod of encouragement to join in.

"Someone like you and all you know, and how you speak, countless lovers undercover of the street" Lexa joins shyly but thankful the family's singing hides her voice to be singled out, and with the gentle squeeze of Clarke's hand and curled smile Lexa slowly relaxed more singing more confidently along with the rest of the family until her smile grows widely at how ridiculous they must all look, but how fun it is at the same time. Jake gives the rest of the family a knowing look as the song continues to play so when the singing begins, Lexa is singing alone. Her voice is beautiful and confident until she realises everyone is watching her and no longer singing, causing her to stutter a few words until jake gives her a reassuring nod and a gentle smile.

"I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see" Lexa sings finishing the song. The moment the song finishes Clarke nuzzles in to her neck tighter kissing her gently as the rest of the family clap and beam with bright smiles complimenting her with her talents.

"I guess your mum was right" Jake smiles  placing the guitar aside. "Music is a form of magic" He agrees "You're voice is beautiful" He admits.

"Thank you" Lexa says shyly blushing a shade of pink not quite use to the attention.

"But last but not least" Jake grins picking up the present he had placed beside him "Me and Abby got you one more gift" He admits handing over the small box. Lexa wasn't sure what to say, or what to do. She felt awkward earlier opening presents infront of people and thanking them, it was something she wasn't use to and something she wasn't sure she ever would, but the griffins had already got her more than enough.

"You already got me to much" Lexa shakes her head feeling her palms sweat

"Nonsense" Jake says "Open it, before Clarke burst and opens it first" He laughs knowing his daughter had a weakness for wrapped gifts. The unknown she would call it, and she hated that.

"Ok" Lexa says slowly pulling the neatly wrapped bow from the top before pulling the lid of the box of, revealing a key.

"You deserve your own Car" Abby says softly leaning forward and placing her hand on her husbands knee.

If Lexa didn't know what to say before, she certainty didn't have a clue now as she looked to the key then to her foster parents who were already laughing at Lexa's bopping mouth.

"No way" Clarke gasped biting her lip in excitement.

"I Think that look is thanks' enough" Jake grinned turning to his wife as Lexa's face seemed frozen in shock.

"Dude! Foster me!" Anya pleaded causing the family to laugh.

"this is to much" Lexa stuttered unable to accept something worth so much.

"Nonsense" Jake laughed. "Clarke has one. You will be treated equal. The car is the same only yours is a black Golf"

"Thank you" Lexa finally breaths having no other words worthy of even beginning to express how thankful she truly was.

"You are very welcome" Jake smiles "Go on, I know your both itching to check it out" he shoos with a laugh as Clarke is already bouncing up pulling Lexa with her.

---


It was almost midnight when Clarke and Lexa finally made a escape to their bedroom, exhausted from the long day with the new Confessions of their love. Yet the moment the door Closed and they collapsed in to bed neither girl was tired despite nearly falling asleep in the garden. They gazed at one another in the moonlight lit room, as their bodies melted in to one and without even saying a word their lips collided in the softest, sweetest of ways, like they had savoured it for this very moment. Their kiss spoke volumes with all the things they had yet to say and both understood. Their bodies collided in everyway possible as they closed every gab that was once available, while Clarke's confident hands trail Lexa's perfect abs itching to dig her finger nails in Lexa's tanned skin. 

"God" Clarke breaths coating Lexa's neck in sloppy wet, desperate kisses as Lexa's skin burns against her own. "I want you" Clarke pleads "You drive me crazy" Clarke grits feeling her body rock in to Lexa's eagerly biting back the urge to sink her teeth in to brown skin, but oh how she has the urge. "It's not that I'm horny all the time, it's just that you're so god dam sexy" Clarke whispers brushing her hand over Lexa's covered breast squeezing it gently as the brunette whimpers and rocks her body beneath. Clarke loses what was left of herself as the brunettes lips part, her eyes close while whimpering as Clarke teases her inner thigh while she make's her mark on Lexa's collar bone.

"Clarke" Lexa breaths burying her hand subconsciously in Clarke's hair gripping it tightly as she brings her to her lips letting them collide together in a rhythm they both knew so well, their tongues fighting for dominance that Clarke quickly wins as she rocks in to Lexa's body once more earning another throaty moan, and Clarke swears she will never get bored of hearing it. "Clarke" Lexa breaths once more this time breathless as she cups the blondes cheek, nervousness slowly creeping in green eyes. 

"Can I touch you?" Lexa questioned nervously still struggling to steady her breathing even after the blonde nods.

"You don't have to ask" Clarke whispers kissing Lexa once more until Lexa turns them over leaving Clarke Beneath starring up at a extremely nervous brunette.

The silence lingered between both girls as Clarke watched her nervous girlfriend eye her naked body as her breathing increased.

"Hey" Clarke whispered cupping the brunette to sooth her. "You don't have to."

"What if I'm terrible" Lexa says nervously her eyes drawing down before looking at the blonde once more. "I don't know what I'm doing" Lexa stuttered shaking her head as she raised her body from Clarke's until she was resting on her knees able to see Clarke's pale skin laying out across the bed more clearly. "I want to. I do" Lexa mumbled her eyes already trailing Clarke's curves and pale skin.

"And you think I knew what I was doing?" Clarke questioned amusingly as she sits up and holds her nervous girlfriend. "You are the only woman I've ever slept with, and the only person I've actually ever wanted to impress" Clarke confessed. "I got nervous, but I trusted you, and if I was rubbish then we could work on it, and trust me I am more than happy to work on it" Clarke smiles widely dropping her eyes down to Lexa's body playfully as she wiggles her brows making Lexa smile. "Actually even if you're good I'm more than happy to tell you you're terrible" Clarke smirks "Practice makes perfect" She smiles placing her lips on Lexa's. "But if you don't feel ready, then we can wait" Clarke says more seriously looking deep In to green. When Lexa's lips push firmly against Clarke's guiding her body back till the blondes head was back on the pillow Clarke already had her answer.

"I want to taste you" Lexa admitted threw kisses as her shaky hand trailed down to Clarke's hip. The words send a shiver down Clarke's spine and the familiar drop in her stomach tossed and turned as Lexa's thumb came in to contact with her hipbone. Her body moved freely beneath Lexa pushing more in to the kisses she trailed them down her neck and across her collar bone, but after a minute Clarke noticed Lexa didn't stray from her neck, and her hands never wondered across her body only to her hip.

"Lex" Clarke whispered causing the brunette to stop sucking on Clarke's pulse point. "You can touch me" She says softly taking Lexa's hand in her own and guiding it across her body, feeling her hips, her stomach, her chest until finally they land on her breast only then does Clarke remove her own hand allowing Lexa to now guide herself. "I'm yours" she confesses bringing their lips together once more and in only seconds Clarke can feel how much Lexa is hers as her tongue hungrily dominates the blonde squeezing Clarke's breast desperately like she had been aching to do so for sometime but to worried to take control. Thankfully Lexa got the hint and had no trouble worshipping the blondes body in kisses, licks and sucks until Clarke's moans were continuous and pleading while unable to keep her body still as her own hands get tangled in her own blonde locks.

"babe" Clarke moaned her hand shooting down to Lexa's mane gripping it gently as she is just above her sensitive nerve.

"Is this ok?" Lexa questioned bending Clarke's leg at the knee as she traces kisses down her pubic bone.

"Yes" Clarke almost screams, her breath shakier than ever as her hands move to grip the sheet beneath her waiting and ready.

"What about this?" Lexa questioned placing kisses on Clarke's inner thigh only making her legs open with want, need.

"Yes! Lex" Clarke cries out bucking her hips feeling the warm breath of Lexa's mouth so close.

"and this?" Lexa questions and Clarke almost moans at the sound of her voice changing more confident, that is until Lexa's tongue brushes against her clit teasingly.

"God!" Clarke moans "Yes! YES" Clarke confirms even more eagerly as Lexa smiles cheekily at the blonde with her head pushed back against the pillow.

"I love you Clarke" Lexa breaths unable to stop herself at the sight of the blonde, she needed to say it just once before she begins, incase she is terrible, incase Clarke needed to know, but more importantly because Lexa wanted her to know.

"I love you two" Clarke breaths opening her eyes to look down at her girlfriend laying comfortably between her soaking wet centre.

After that everything went dark for Clarke as her eyes clamped shut at the feel of Lexa's tongue sliding in to her centre. She couldn't control her body, couldn't control her moans, couldn't even control the way her hand gripped the bed sheets till her knuckled turned white as she pleaded Lexa not to stop what ever she was doing, because Lexa was hitting the spot repeatedly. The more Clarke quietly moaned in their empty bedroom the more it pushed Lexa's confident as she slowly trailed her hand up Clarke's body feeling her muscles all tightened as her tongue dug deeper moving faster feeling the slick wetness dripping down her chin.

"Oh. My. God" Clarke gasped aloud covering one hand over her face as her eyes feel ready to roll to the back of her head.. "Fuck" She whined feeling Lexa deeper while her walls clenched tighter and tighter, only when Lexa's other hand started circling Clarke's clit did Clarke fall completely over the edge, screaming out Lexa's name as her hips bucked so rapidly of the bed in to Lexa the brunette grinned and held her down before losing her tongue in her one more letting her ride it out until it became to sensitive.
She smothered Clarke's body in kisses across her rip's across her breast until she found the crook of Clarke's neck with her chest still heaving. Instantly Clarke's hands wrapped around the brunette capturing Lexa in a lingering breathless kiss, still spent from her recent orgasm.

"Oh my god" Clarke repeats this time less of a moan and more of a praise making Lexa giggle before biting her bottom lip at the sight of Clarke.

"Maybe I wasn't that bad after all" Lexa says cheekily brushing blonde hair away from blue eyes.

"Maybe?" Clarke laughed "Babe.. you were terrible. I think we should try again" She smirks before tossing the laughing brunette beneath her. "God you're beautiful" Clarke breaths ready to surrender to Lexa's body, Lexa's control and Lexa's love.

--

Everything about the following week was perfect. From the way no alarm woke them announcing school and unwillingly pulling them apart, from the way blue eyes would catch Lexa watching her sleep as she flickered her own eyes open, to the way Lexa slowly advanced to trailing morning kisses down Clarke's naked body with a husky 'morning' whisper. From the way Clarke loved to tiggle Lexa's rips until she pleaded for her to stop between laugher,  to the way Clarke confessed her love countless times to her girlfriend where Lexa was more reserved so when she said it Clarke lit up just knowing how much it truly means. Even from the way every night they made love learning something new about one another while feeling Lexa's confidence grow each time.

"Please come" Clarke pleaded playing with collar to Lexa's checked shirt. "Who will I kiss?" Clarke questioned with a pout which Lexa kissed away.

"I really have to finish my essay" Lexa admits holding her girlfriends hips.

"Finish it another day" Clarke whines snaking her arms across Lexa's shoulders and around her neck making Lexa laugh.

"I can't. School starts again and I have to hand it in straight away because I'm of to Thailand in the same week"

"Please!" Clarke pleads unable to give in. The though of Lexa sitting at home doing homework, while she's out at a party celebrating New years eve doesn't sit well with her.  "ill have no one to kiss in to the new year"

"You can kiss someone" Lexa says softly.

"What?" Clarke furrows her brows confused with a look to say you did not just say that, but the simple shrug Lexa gave told her she wasn't hearing things.

"It's just a peck" Lexa says "It's not a proper kiss"

"hell no" Clarke says immediately "I don't care if its a New years peck, or a small kiss you're not allowed to kiss anyone, you know that right? Like ever again!" Clarke says more enthusiastically making Lexa laugh.  "I'm not kidding" Clarke defends "These lips may be on you, but there mine" Clarke says capturing Lexa's lips again and again.

"I know" Lexa couldn't help but grin like she was a six year old who got the candy. "I'm just saying. I trust you" Lexa confesses for the first time, because she did, she knew in the way Clarke watched her, in the way they had rolled around beneath the sheets for days and Clarke still asked what she was doing was ok, it was the way Clarke repeated I love you more than necessary in one day because the words still didn't quite do justice for how she felt and Lexa knew the feeling also.

"I trust you to" Clarke whispers against her girlfriends lips "Mine" she grinned capturing Lexa's plump lips against her own with a sigh of relieve before tugging it between her teeth. "I'm going to miss you" Clarke whined resting her forhead against her girlfriends and as sad as it may sound Clarke was truly gutted Lexa wouldn't be coming.

"Text me" Lexa says softly leaning against her car door as she nudges Clarke to go.

"oh I intend on harassing you" Clarke smirks proudly backing away with a teasing look. "I Love you" Clarke shouts in to the darkened night before she turns and heads in to Octavia's house Leaving Lexa staring down the path her girlfriend once stood with the goofiest smile on her face.

--

She couldn't help that her mind was consumed by the brunette at home, instead of the party that was going on. She couldn't help the way she leaned against the kitchen counter smiling in to her cup as she imagined Lexa snuggled up in their bed with the laptop screen infront of her while her glasses balanced perfectly on her nose. She couldn't help how she was moping around while everyone else seemed thrilled and excited to welcome the new year. It had been a little over two hours and Clarke had yet to dance, yet to join in a game or even truly get lost in the alcohol, instead she was torn between texting Lexa now or waiting so she didn't look so desperate, but she was so desperate too.

"You look like a dog who lost its bone" Octavia bounced leaning over the kitchen counter to grab another drink. "Lost your favourite toy?" she questioned with a smirk.

"Something like that" Clarke whines placing her empty cup on the side. "Lexa's at home"

"I kind of got that with the thing you have going on with your face" Octavia laughed taking a chug of her own beer.

"Nothing going on with my face" Clarke frowned touching her cheek.

"Please. You look like something I drew with my left hand"

"Why thank you Octavia, you can be so kind sometimes" Sarcasm seeping threw every word as the blonde rolls her eyes.

"Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure"

"Remind me again why we're friends?"

"Because we're to lazy to find new ones"

"Ah remind me to get more active"

"Will do" Octavia nods "When I can be bothered" She laughs.

"Dam girl did you sit on a pile of sugar, because you have a sweet ass" A boy whistled from beside the blonde eyeing her with his drunken eyes evidently thinking everything that made Clarke want to slap him.

"The only piece of ass you will be seeing is when your hand slips through your toilet paper." Octavia quickly says shoving the boy away from the blonde "get lost dirt bag!"

"Who was that?" Clarke questioned

"Don't ask me, I swear people just show up." Octavia shrugged "come on lets get fucked" Octavia announced ignoring Clarke's objection as she leads her to the shots.

--

Lexa had been rereading her essay over and over again in hope the next paragraph would just come to her and flow out her mouth so she could type it in, but it never did. Instead she repeated the same words repeatedly until she knew the sentence by heart as frustrations were beginning to get the better of her. It didn't help that she was sitting in the room with all the new memories that made her smile as blue eyes and finger tips would trace her skin soothingly, it also didn't help that her new guitar was resting again the wall practically screaming at her to take a break and have a play. Yet what captured her attention the most was her phone lighting up against the bed sheets with a new message.

Clarke : I should warn you, I'm about to drunk text. x

The message alone brought a bright smile to the brunette's lips as she pulled the blanket up against her mouth, like she was hiding the happiness Clarke brought to her from a few simple words.

Lexa: Should I be worried? x

Clarke : the thought of you touching me gives me goose bumps

Clarke : do you have your glasses on?

She had never text Clarke like this before and she wasn't entirely sure how she should respond, the blonde was drunk she had no doubt as Clarke would always make sure Lexa was comfortable with anything she did, but Clarke speaking to her in a more seductive kind of way confessing her inner most private thoughts.

Lexa : I do x

Clarke : Is it sad that I'm imagining you with your glasses on in our bed? I cant stop thinking about you.

Lexa : I can't stop thinking about you either x

Clarke : Come and pick me up x

Lexa : It hasn't even entered the new year yet?

Clarke : I don't care. I need to see you.

Lexa : ok, i'll just get ready

Clarke: please don't do that. Just come now x

Lexa : Ok x


It took Twenty minutes for Lexa to arrive outside Octavia's house to a already waiting Clarke stumbling against a tree as she wrapped herself in her leather jacket. However the second Clarke noticed Lexa’s car she bolted towards the passenger side jumping in the seat beside Lexa, immediately she noticed the red blood shot eyes due to the alcohol taking its effect.

"Hi" Clarke hummed leaning across the middle to connect her lips with Lexa's.

"Hi" Lexa hummed closing her eyes as she taste the Sambuca on the tip of Clarke's lips. "Are you ok?" Lexa questioned feeling Clarke's hand already reach over and bury in Lexa's hair.

"More than" Clarke hummed shifting her body from her seat until she was climbing over Lexa's body straddling her lap. "Now I get my new Years kiss" Clarke smirks like she had planned it the whole time, which only made Lexa laugh.

"5 minutes Left" Lexa says after looking at the time.

"We can start early" Clarke breaths already capturing Lexa's lips in gentle touches.

"Did you plan this all along?" Lexa has to ask as the tilt in her lips turn up.

"Maybe" Clarke admits mischievously just before deepening the kiss until she could taste every inch of Lexa's mouth. Every time Clarke loses control as her body begins rocking in to Lexa's on its own accord, but this time Clarke seems different, more out of control than usual as her gentle touches become more rough and desperate with moans and whimpers continuously bursting through her lips as she marvelled herself in Lexa's warm beautiful body. The cheers that welcomed the new year in went ignored and unheard in the brunettes car as Clarke begs Lexa silently to never stop touching her, to never stop kissing her and so Lexa obliges allowing her hands to fumble down Clarke's chest squeezing her breast more roughly how Clarke craves.

"Lex" Clarke husky nipping on Lexa's ear lope. "Take me home." She pleads her hands scrapping down Lexa's abs "Take me home and tease me till I'm begging"  

Lexa was sure Clarke could hear the sound of her harsh swallow along with her heart beating rapidly against her rips. If it wasn't the words that had her freezing, it was the way Clarke said it, so desperate, and needing for her, and her only. The way blue eyes turned black when she gazed in to green eyes once more had Lexa nodding in agreement before kissing her girlfriend once more before heading home to do exactly what Clarke had asked. She begged, she pleaded and she cried out her whimpers until she was a withering mess on the bed clutching Lexa in anyway she could as her breathing struggled to calm with every new touch Lexa gave before both exchanging I love yous as they held one another messily.

---

"Come on then squirt time to go" Jake announced popping his head in the girls room "We need to leave now or you will miss the flight"

"Ok" Lexa acknowledges before turning back to her sad girlfriend "It's just a week" Lexa says gently trying to reassure her girlfriend but Lexa's eyes betrayed her as her fears came to life. What if Clarke realised she didn't need Lexa in them seven days, what if Lexa came back and Clarke had found someone else,  I mean they were only starting out and it was early days it could happen.

"I Know" Clarke huffs. "I'm going to miss you far to much"

"You sure you won't come to the airport with me?" Lexa questioned hopeful

"I don't think ill be able to watch you go" Clarke admits "ill be waiting in the terminal for you when you get back" Clarke assures.

"I love you" Lexa says nervously resting her forehead against the blondes.

"I love you more" Clarke smiles pecking Lexa's lips. "Now go" Clarke says sadly pushing the brunette towards the door "Before my dad murders you" she laughs

"Ok" Lexa says equally as sad.

"Lex" Clarke says one last time making the brunette turn.  "Enjoy it" Clarke says proudly "I'm proud of you for doing this, they are lucky to have you" Clarke admits with a gentle smile.

"I'll try" Lexa breaths lingering a moment longer to catch every inch of beauty from her girlfriend "See ya" she whispers before disappearing down the hall.

Clarke listens from her room at the stumbling around downstairs, the quiet goodbyes that Abby and Lexa exchange until she hears the front door opening and closing and all she is left with is silence. She has been dreading this day from the moment she knew she wasn't going, saying goodbye to Lexa was one of the hardest things she has ever built herself up to do even if it was for only a week. She slummed back on the bed ready to fall back in to a deep sleep as she snuggled in to the pillow that held Lexa's wonderful scent. She never gripped something so tight, as she fell asleep feeling like something was missing.

--

"Clarke" She heard feeling her body being shaken away "Clarke wake up" Abby says once more panicked causing the blonde to sit up as her eyes struggle to adjust to the light.

"Mum?" She questioned confused looking towards the window still seeing the skies dark.

"Get changed" Abby ordered panicked as she stood to her feet her eyes unfocused as she scanned the room.

"What's wrong?" Clarke questioned firmly and a hint of panic as the sight of her mum.

"It's your dad and Lexa" Abby's rushed "They have been in a accident" 


Well I think shit just happened? :O Let me know your thoughts! :)