Lost And Insecure!

Lost and Insecure!

"You look like a right idiot" Clarke stated staring down the muscular boy. "Haven't you got the hint she isn't interested?" She laughs shifting her eyes to Lexa who looked like she was begging for the ground to swallow her whole. She was struggling with all her might to keep her mouth closed. Her eyes dropped from green to the dirt on the ground suddenly finding her wellies the most interesting thing in the world. The group had fell in to a uncomfortable confused silence but Clarke's gaze remained on the ground biting on the inner of her lip to prevent her from losing her shit. It was those eyes that were stopping her, how they shifted uncomfortably, how they looked right through Clarke's.

"If you got something to say Clarke, then say it" Roan said firmly looking at the blonde in confusion. She had more than something to say, way more than something. She wanted to snap her head back up and laugh in his face for hitting on someone that already belonged to her, she wanted to push him off that stupid log with a smug grin on her face. She wanted to tell him to back the hell of and leave her girlfriend alone. She wanted to push between Lexa and Roan making it impossible for him to even touch her in the slightest.

"Maybe we have all had to much to drink" Monty tries standing to his feet. "Maybe we should all call it a night?" She was grateful to her friend, more grateful than he could ever know for trying to diffuse the situation that was brewing to blow up. Her lip was becoming numb from the fierce grip she held between her teeth. She still wanted to burst, she still wanted to lose her shit for even having the nerve to even attempt on hitting on Lexa on more than one occasion.

"No. Hold on, If you got something to say Clarke then just say it" He pushed standing to his feet staring down the blonde from a distance. "Do you have a problem with me liking Lexa?" He questions walking towards the blonde but not to intimidate her. At that the blondes head raised from the ground looking to her friend then back to Lexa who was already looking at her, waiting on her next move, she looked nervous, uncomfortable yet curious at the same time. She looked more relaxed now that Roan had moved his focus over to the blonde along with himself. Green eyes stayed connected with blue for a short while, lingering hoping that Lexa could ask her unasked question. At just the few words that had left his mouth confessing he did indeed like Lexa, Clarke already wanted to scream in her friends face and demand him to back the hell of, yet Lexa was right over there. She was watching, waiting on the blonde. It was her fault she was in this situation to start with, of course it was. She had been the one who kept it hidden from all her friends as she simply was not ready, but Roan was pushing and pushing and now, well now she needed them to know, she needed Roan to know.

"Actually I do" Clarke snapped. Standing to her feet to confront the boy quickly diverting her gaze from Lexa to Roan to scared to stay focus on Lexa as she isn't entirely sure what's about to come out her mouth forgetting all her friends sitting around the fire in complete silence watching the scene unfold. "I have a huge fucking problem with it" She admitted her tone sour and bitter as she thinks of Roan flirting with Lexa. 

"Why?" he questions confused his tone soft and questioning yet never more confused than he was right now.

"You're making her uncomfortable" She snaps "Are you blind or something?" Roan stares at the blonde for a moment brows furrowed together not sure if the blonde is just joking or not, when he fully realises the anger Clarke's holding on to he turns to face Lexa who quickly becomes even more uncomfortable than before.

"It seems you're the one making her uncomfortable" Roan admits turning back to the blonde. Clarke risked it, she took a glance towards Lexa, and she did infact look uncomfortable her eyes on the ground once more like they had been when Clarke first spoke up, and instantly it caused her to retreat, she didn't want Lexa uncomfortable more than anything she just needed to tame her jealousy. Which felt impossible at this point.  "Look" Roan spoke up after watching the blonde pull back "I don't know what your game is, or what you're doing or mad at exactly, but this is none of your business" He says firmly. "All I did was answer a question truthfully during a game. It's not like we actually have, and if we did its doesn't concern you" He say's taking a seat beside Lexa once more like it was the end of the argument, only it wasn't. Clarke laughed mockingly once more at the boy, unable to tame anything as he refuelled her with his words he wish he hadn't spoken.

"None of my business?" Clarke laughed with a smug grin on her face, forgetting Lexa's state only a moment ago, forgetting those green eyes that wasn't sure where to look or what to do, she forgot it all, and all she could hear was 'if they did something' "You look like a fucking moron" She snarled grin still in place, although she really didn't feel like smiling in the slightest.

"Someone take her to bed" Roan rolled his eyes with a huff "she has had way to many again" He shook his head still not completely aware of what was going on, but fed up already of the conversation that made no sense to him at all.

"Ok that's enough you two" Fin stood to his feet trying to guide Clarke away gently but Clarke wasn't having any of it.

"No" she snapped moving around Fin easily. "I'm to drunk? Me? You're hitting on a girl who is already in a fucking relationship!" she snapped. This time Fin coming infront of her once more.

"Ok that's enough" Fin snaps "Move" He points, pointing in the opposite direction gesturing for Clarke to start moving her feet. "Now" He snaps finally breaking it up. Clarke looked at him with a huff before taking a step back.

"I'm done anyway" she huffs once more before turning around grabbing her beer from the floor and heading down the path towards the lake. She didn't look back, no matter how much she wanted to see Roan's face, she daren't look at the brunette who was sitting beside him. It was the first time saying out loud that herself and Lexa was in a relationship, even if the rest of her friends didn't exactly know she was the person Lexa was in a relationship with, she was a little nervous at Lexa's reaction. So she kept walking, she kept drinking until she could see the Lake in view.

"Oh snap" Anya smirked brow's raised as she looked to Octavia. "I love Griffin Drama!" she admitted turning to the brunette.

"Didn't think it would be long" Octavia admitted feeling Raven slide beside her.

"What the hell just happened?" Raven questioned while all girls looked to a confused Roan.

"Porky got Jealous" Anya smirked. "About time is all I'm saying" she admits holding her hands up in surrender. "I would have done it along time ago."

"Roan looks embarrassed" Raven acknowledged.

"I would be aswel, making moves here and there to find out she isn't available. Muppet" Anya laughed taking a gulp of her drink.

"You don't like him?" Octavia questioned.

"I don't like anyone who becomes a problem to my family." she admits "Someone should check on porky" as Anya is about to stand a hand grips around her forearm pulling her back down.

"Looks like someone has beaten you to it" Raven nod's towards Lexa who had made a silence escape and began following the path Clarke had disappeared down.

---


She kicked fiercely at the stone's beneath her feet, occasionally picking one up and throwing it in the water. The more she had time to think, the more she did nothing but picture Lexa's nervous self sitting uncomfortably as her and Roan's conversation unfolded. Her intentions were never to embarrass her, they were never to make her feel on the spot or uncomfortable in anyway, that was the last thing she wanted, but the thought of his grime hands touching Lexa one more time or flashing that charming smile at her just triggered something in her. Lexa triggered many things in her that Clarke had never felt before, especially this roaring Jealousy that seemed to stay perfectly buried until the brunette showed up in her life. 

The soft cold palm of a hand slid between hers scaring her slightly as she snapped her head to the brunette standing beside her. 

"I'm sorry" Clarke said almost immediately turning to face the brunette resting both hands on Lexa's hips. She gazed in to Lexa's green eyes trying to figure out the situation in her head, trying to find the right words to explain how she feels finally settling for resting her forehead against Lexa's before closing her eyes breathing a sign of relief when Lexa's hands snaked around Clarke holding her too. "I'm so sorry" Clarke breathed once more. "I didn't mean.. I mean" Clarke huffed In annoyance with herself finally flickering her eyes open.

"I hate the thought of you with anyone else" She whispered cupping the brunettes cheek while pushing Lexa's fallen strands of hair away from her face. "He just wouldn't leave you alone. I shouldn't have reacted that way though, I mean, Your just, so beautiful, and so attractive. I can see why he looks, I mean I look, I look all the time. I just hate that he does you know?" she questions in her ramble failing to notice the adoring smile appear on Lexa's lips while the blonde continues to ramble. "I'm jealous" she admits. "I can't stop it. I tried, I try but I hate it. God. I'm such a idiot" she snaps at herself until she raises her gaze once more, "Can I kiss you?" she questions. "I feel like I need to kiss you?" she pleads finally focusing properly on Lexa's smile. "Why are you smiling?" she questions confused but finding it extremely contagious as her smile forms on it's own all of a sudden feeling extremely shy.

"You're a rambler" Lexa says in the softest voice her eyes sparkling like diamonds in the night sky.

"You kind of have that effect on me" Clarke beams raising her hand's around the brunettes neck as she presses their forehead's together once more leaning on her tippy toes, the stress falling off her shoulders as she buries herself in Lexa's playful words.

"I kind of love it" Lexa admits squeezing the blonde gently

"Oh really" She hum's eyes already halfway closed as she leans closer pressing her lips to Lexa's. "Maybe I should do it more then" she whispered between peppered kisses to Lexa's cold lips feeling the smile form beneath her own. Small kisses turned in to lingering one's, and lingering ones soon became deep ones as Clarke's hold around the brunette's neck tightened pressing their bodies flush against one another, nose brushing past each others as they tilted their head from one side to another trying to taste as much as the other as much as they could. Breaths were inhaled sharply as their hungry lips continued to catch one another's with their own. When Clarke's tounge circled Lexa's, the brunette released a moan that sent a rush through Clarke, making her stomach drop in away that made her legs weak. When Lexa's began to pull away Clarke's lips followed until she could no longer reach her lips still hungry for Lexa's as she moved back and flickered her eyes open to see green.

"Sorry" Clarke blushes at how eager she is, but she isn't really sorry, not even in the slightest. Her arm's tighten around Lexa's neck biting on her bottom lip as they both just stand and stare at the other. "Did I make you feel uncomfortable?" Clarke questioned after a moment of silence "Earlier with Roan?"

"I..Um" Lexa fumbled around her words "a little bit" She confessed looking to the ground and back. She had never been in a relationship before, she wasn't sure if she should feel uncomfortable or not. Was it wrong to or wrong not too?

"I'm sorry" Clarke said softly her eyes more saddened than before. "That wasn't what I wanted" She admits. "I never want to make you feel uncomfortable"

"It's ok" Lexa brushed it off as she no longer feels that discomfort standing here with Clarke.

"It's not" Clarke says annoyed at herself. "I could see your discomfort, and I tried to stop myself, but it felt like he just dug that extra bit you know?" Clarke questioned. "I Just needed him to know" she tries to explain feeling herself getting no where.

"Needed him to know what?" Lexa questioned stopping Clarkes next ramble as she eyes the brunette carefully infront of her.

"that you're mine" Clarke confesses hesitantly. "That you're my girlfriend" she confesses studying the brunette infront of her. For the past few weeks with everything that had happened with Clarke and Lexa she never felt the need to officially ask Lexa out, she just felt like it had gone down that path already, like they were already one with their cuddles and kisses and confessions of not wanting other people, yet saying the words to Lexa made her sketchy. Maybe Lexa wasn't on the same page after all? She knew that was nonsense the second she thought it but she still feared just saying it aloud to the girl that has literally turned her world around. The silence became panic to Clarke, panic that instantly made her put her defence back up in fear she had infact got everything wrong. "I mean.. urhh. You don't have to be. I mean if you want? I'm not saying that I own you or anything. Urh not that we are" Clarke  quickly rambles dropping her gaze to the floor as she removed her hands from Lexa's neck suddenly feeling stupid. "I'm just going to shut up" Clarke says defeated with a huff.

"You're rambling again" Lexa said after a moment of silence watching as the blonde lifted her defeated gaze once more. Lexa’s smile grew wider as blue eyes scanned her own working out exactly what she felt. "Is this a new thing you're going to do?" Lexa questioned teasingly

"Unfortunately, yes" Clarke confesses feeling her body become lighter once more as Lexa took that small step closer once more and wrapped her arms back around the blonde. "You make me a fumbling, mumbling mess" She whines her arm's finding Lexa's neck once more.

"Maybe we should head back?" Lexa questions. Both girl's smiles radiating more and more from the other, they were like excited giddy teenager's who looked like they had just won the jackpot as they had a gentle sway between them.

"Maybe we should" Clarke confirmed biting on her lip once more as her eyes flickered down to Lexa's delicate red lips. "Just one more kiss first" she whispers cheekily closing the gap this time not wasting time with building it up as she searched for Lexa's tongue against hers. Clarke's finger's pushing in brown lock's massaging Lexa's scalp as she taste the girl again and again, pushing her tongue harder and deeper against Lexa's till she could feel her underwear become wet. The whimper leaving Lexa's mouth again only causing the ache between her legs to increase while she gripped at anything and everything she could get hold of off Lexa. The kiss came to a end way to quickly for Clarke's liking and without even opening her eyes this time she found her brain working on it's own accord "Just one more kiss. I promise this time" she mumbled instantly placing her lips back on Lexa's after inhaling a sharp breath. Lexa didn't object, but Clarke did feel the smile grow on Lexa's lips as she kissed her more sensual than before, the drop in her stomach making her brow furrow as her tongue pushed forcefully against Lexa's. God she wanted more, so much more with the ache between her legs and the drop in her stomach her whole body was on fire, a aching fire that Lexa had lit personally herself. A fire that only Lexa could put out. When the kiss parted again Clarke couldn't hold back the whine as she tried following Lexa's lips once again, as a reward getting one more pick as Lexa giggled already fiddling with the corner of Clarke's Jeans.

"I hate that you're a good kisser" She pouted taking Lexa's fiddling hand with her own as she guided her back down the path they came from.

"You think I'm a good kisser?" Lexa questioned all innocently.

"Oh you have no idea" Clarke admitted with a smile biting on her lip once more as she looked to their hand's swinging between them.

As they walked back to their friends Clarke couldn't help her jaw ache, she really couldn't. Anyone would think she had been smiling permanently for a year with the heavy throbbing feeling she felt from it. Yet all she had been doing was smiling with or at Lexa, the happy buzz, giddy feeling she felt was just over powering she couldn't even describe how her body just wanted to have a fit of excitement, kick out scream out, stretch out what ever, but what ever it was it was ready to burst, like really ready to burst. She struggled not clamping her hand tighter against Lexa's with the excitement circling her body, yet she wasn't even sure what she felt this way exactly right now. As the two approached the tent all they could hear was laughter, chatter and laugh music playing causing Clarke to raise her brow's at Lexa with a smirk.

"Come on" She grinned pulling the girl quicker towards her friends seeing Anya dancing with Raven and Octavia shouting out to the sky along with the music. While Fin stood to the side a little pointing his finger's to the sky to the beat, his only dance move unfortunately. While Roan Jasper and Costia sat playing a game of cards with a drink in the middle. "I love this song!" Clarke beamed pulling Lexa closer to herself as she turned around to face the brunette.

"Play that song!! The one that makes me go all night long!! The one that makes me think of you! That's all you gotta do!" Clarke shout's pointing one hand to the sky as her eyes closed grinning when she opens them once more pulling Lexa close. "Come on Lex" She grin's placing her hands on her hips "Dance with me" She laughs letting her body find the upbeat song letting her body have some fun as her smile never disappeared at the brunette. "play that song, the one that makes me go all night long, the one that makes me think of you, that's all you got to do!" she shouts out once more when the chorus comes back around earning a giggle from Lexa as she danced silly to the beat, well tried.

"You only no the chorus?" Lexa questions over the song still dancing side to side enjoying mainly watching Clarke's body go crazy to the beat while screaming the chorus.

"Don't judge" Clarke winked "Not everyone can sing like you" she grinned gripping Lexa's hand once more and holding it up as she wrapped the other around her back as if they were dancing to a slow song yet moving more erratic to one side to the other. "Play that song!! The one that makes me go all night long! The one that makes me think of you!! That's all you got to do" Clarke shouts once more with a giggle at the end "Ready for a twirl" She grin's at Lexa's wide eyes before pushing Lexa out from her arm's and pulling her back in "Beautiful" Clarke laughed "Maybe could do with a little more practice" She grins bouncing her body harder to the beat "One more time" she say's looking in to green. "Ready?" She questions this time waiting on Lexa to nod finally relaxing as the song continues to play out, enjoying Clarke's playful dance. "Go" She whispers pushing Lexa out once more before pulling her back more forceful bringing her to Clarke's chest.

"Sexy" Clarke whispered as Lexa's hand landed on Clarke's shoulders breathing the same oxygen, while feeling each other's breaths while Lexa blushed as the compliment. She's not sure she would ever get use to them. The song was coming to a ending with it's final chorus, Jasper muted the song as the chorus was ready to play out.

"Play that song!! the one that makes me go all night long!! The one that makes me think of you!! That's all you got to do!" The whole group shout, including Lexa, before Jasper turned the music back up letting the melody play out.

"I love seeing you have fun" Clarke admitted softly playing with Lexa's fingers as another song began to play out. "You look beautiful" she admitted pulling at Lexa's hand so she was closer.

"Ohh look who's back" Anya grinned placing her arms around both girls shoulder's swaying her hips drunkenly to the beat. "How's my angry porky doing?" she laughs

"Shut up Anya" Clarke rolled her eyes at her cousin but smiled non the less. "I'm fine now. Thanks"

"Good to hear it!" Anya looked over her shoulder to the boys before looking to Lexa and Clarke once more. "Roan's face" Anya laughed once more clearly drunk. "Priceless"

"I should probably apologise" Clarke said twitching her lip to the side, she really didn't want to, I mean she shouldn't have to really, but Roan had no idea of knowing.

"Don't bother. Finn filled him in when you left" Anya brushed off "I love camping" she admitted looking to Lexa "Do you love camping legs?" she questioned drunkenly.

"Wait? Finn?" Clarke asked confused. "How does he know?" she questioned confused looking over her shoulder to the long haired boy.

"Something about you screaming it last night or something at the lake?" Anya stated oblivious and not really bothered. "I don't know what am I woman?" Anya huffed playfully.

"Hi" Costia smiled approaching the three girls "Could I borrow Lexa for a sec?" she questioned Looking to all three girl's before letting her eyes fall on Lexa. Clarke didn't answer she just smiled at the brunette as Lexa disappeared with Costia. 

"So" Anya said with a smirk 

"What?"

"nothing" Anya continued to smirk with a knowing look.

"Anya!"

"Clarke"

"You're annoying"

"I didn't do anything" She laughs innocently. "Where are you going?" she questions as Clarke walks in to the tent with a smirk still in place.

"I need to do something" Clarke admits "Stand on watch"

"Watch for what?" Anya questioned looking past the entrance then back to Clarke

"What you may see can never be spoken of again understood?" Clarke questioned

"Understood" Anya said confused looking out the exit again as the music continued to play out.

The blonde waited for the song to hit it's peak, blaring throughout the tent enough to cover what ever it was Clarke was about to do. Then it hit, when Anya turned back around Clarke was laying on a sleeping back, almost like having a tantrum on the floor as her legs and arm's kicked out, throwing her body to the side as her arm's punched in the air and she screeched with excitement, stopping when the beat dropped, energy drained out her as she caught her breath all while Anya struggled not to laugh with the most confused expression on her face. As Clarke stood to her feet flattening her hair, letting her pink cheeks die down she cleared her throat and walked towards Anya and the exit.

"What the fucking hell was that?" Anya questioned

"Never speak of it again" Clarke ordered exiting the tent as if nothing happened leaving Anya confused as hell, but laughed to herself anyway as Clarke disappeared. 

"The fuck" Anya Shouted after the blonde with a giggle.

---

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Clarke questioned looking to Finn.

"Course" He smiled standing to his feet patting himself down "Back in a minute boys" He said whacking Roan's back.

"Clarke" Roan said quickly before they had time to walk of. "If I would have known you were together, I would never have" he tried to explain. "I had no idea" he admitted looking apologetic.

"No, I apologise" Clarke admitted. "I shouldn't have gone of like that, like you said you didn't know I was just" she stuttered.

"Jealous?"

"Yeah" Clarke admitted twitching her lip to the side "That would be the one"

"Shall we just forget this whole thing ever happened?" he questioned.

"Deal" she agreed "As long as you stop hitting on Lexa" she added

"No more hitting on Lexa" he laughed holding his hands in surrender "You got it"

"Good" she smiles hugging the muscular boy before turning back to Finn. "Ready?" she questions before watching him nod.

They both walked away from the tent beside one another Clarke trying to process what to exactly say to her ex who apparently knows about Lexa know.

"So.." Clarke tried standing to a holt turning to face the boy, before "You know?" she questions kicking the stones beneath her feet.

"About you and Lexa?" Finn questions with a soft smile. "I do." He admits "You told me last night"

"Oh god" She groans covering her face with the palms of her hands. "I'm so sorry"

"Don't be" he smiles softly. "Not every day, you hear your ex has turned gay, but hey. I'm cool with it" Finn admitted. "At least it explains it you're in to girls"

"Girl"

"What?"

"You said girls. It's just a girl" Clarke admits looking back to the camp her eyes automatically falling on the brunette with her best friend having a drink, and once again Lexa's nose crinkled as she taste the bitter drink. "What did I say to you?" she questioned turning back. "I mean how did I tell you?"

"It went something along the lines of... 'We are not having sex!!"' he laughed "You gave me the pointed finger and everything as you singled out each and every word" He laughed "It was hilarious"

"I didn't" She cringes

"You did. Then you started talking about Lexa and asked if I thought she was hot? When I said yeah, you hit me" he laughed "Claimed she was yours so back off" He laughed taking a swig of his drink.

"Oh my god!" she cringed even more her cheeks going a bright shade of pink. "I'm so sorry" she laughs. "I need to stop drinking" They both laughed.

"You like her huh?" he questioned watching the blondes eyes fixate on the brunette in the distance once more.

"I do" Clarke admits a small smile creeping across her lips. "I really do"

"She's lucky to have you Clarke" he says turning to the blonde

"Thank you" She beams bringing the bottle to her lips but unable to drink some from the beaming smile coating her face.

"What are you waiting for?" he questioned.

"What?" she questioned.

"Stop staring at her and go get her" he laughed. That's all it took for Clarke to take of, to take of in the direction towards the girl that had done nothing but make her smile, make her heart beat ten times faster than it should, and make her stomach drop in ways that made her feel more alive than she has in her whole seventeen year's of life.
As she got closer she slowed down her pace, not wanting to look as eager as defiantly was. There she was, her girl sitting on a log talking with Costia with her radiating smile and beautiful green eyes.

"Hey" Clarke whispered sliding on the log beside the brunette eyes already connected.

"Hey" Lexa smiles her full attention now on Clarke. 

Clarke raised her palm to Lexa's cheek biting her inner lip as she did so her eyes already drifted down to Lexa's lips. There was no fear, no worry, no doubt in Clarke's mind as she leaned forward and captured Lexa's lips, infront of everyone to see, she was done hiding, she was done not being able to kiss Lexa when she wanted, when she needed. It was a short kiss, a simple kiss but said just as much as all the others if not more. This was a kiss where both girls knew where they stood, a kiss that striped every doubt away leaving just them Kissing infront of everyone before pulling apart with smiles on their lips, only at this point did both girls hear the cheer's of their friends and wolf whistles causing them both to blush before focusing back on one another once more.

"You know" Clarke whispered taking the drink from Lexa's hand. "You don't need to drink this" she grinned. Taking a sip of Lexa's drink herself.

"Why wouldn't I drink it?" Lexa questioned taking her drink back.

"My girlfriend doesn't like beer?" Clarke teased biting her bottom lip as she eyes the brunette not missing the way the word 'girlfriend' feels of the tip of her tongue.

"Does she not?" Lexa plays along taking a swig of her drink as a challenge, but failing to not crinkle her nose at the bitter taste making Clarke giggle.

"Your nose is a give away" She laugh's tapping the end of Lexa's nose. "It's the cutest thing" she admits watching it crinkle all over again.

---

One by one they had all made there way to bed, all but Lexa and Clarke. They remained sitting by the camp fire the more people that went to bed the closer they became until the last one had disappeared in to the tent. They were to awake to sleep, their smiles radiating from one to the other as they sat on the ground, backs resting on the logs behind them curled in to blanket as the fire crackles in front of them.

"What was your mum like?" Clarke questioned guiding her index finger to Lexa's palm tracing circles.

"She was young" Lexa admitted after a moment, the change of topic making her shift in her spot uncomfortably not expecting the question at all. She was only Six years old when her mum died, the memory of her death more distinguished than the few happy ones she had. "and beautiful" Lexa admitted remembering her mothers green eyes as she tucked her in goodnight.

"Did she look like you?" Clarke questioned more quieter incase the remaining of the camp mates were still awake while still absentmindedly tracing Lexa's palm as she stare in to green eyes.

"No" Lexa said quickly shaking her head with a soft smile covering her lips. "She was beautiful. Carefree" Lexa admitted "and silly"

"Silly?" Clarke questioned mirroring Lexa's smile.

"Extremely." Lexa admitted after a moments silence while her brain wrapped around the memory. "I remember coming home from my granddads, and she had brought me a treat. We didn't have much so it was rare but she brought a pack of iced strawberry ring doughnuts" She paused for a moment looking down to Clarke's trailing fingers before catching her gaze to finish the story. "When she turned around to get them, she placed two over her eyes so she could see through the holes and chased me around the house changing her voice" Lexa held back her laugh at the memory, trying to forget the part where her father barged in and ruined everything with his shouting and screaming.

"She sounds fun" Clarke sooths with a honest smile.

"She was" was all Lexa could say allowing the silence to linger between them once more while the memory's of her mother flooded her brain.

"What was her name?"

"Hannah"

"Did you know if you spell Hannah backwards it says the same?" Clarke questioned trying to lighten the mood once more, thankfully it worked as Lexa released a small nervous giggle squeezing the blondes hand.

"I did" Lexa laughs "She told me once"

"Yours spells Axel" Clarke finally says after a moment of thinking of it "I suppose Hannah got the better end" Clarke laughed.

"My full names actually Alexandria" Lexa admitted fiddling with the blondes fingers. "But I hate it"

"Alexandria" Clarke hummed testing it on the tip of her tongue "Alexandria. It's different"

"It was my grandma's name. Its a horrible name"

"I like it" Clarke admitted. "Alexandria" Clarke grinned wiggling her eye brows. While pulling Lexa over her lap until her arms rest on the base of Lexa's lower back. 

"How about your dad?" Clarke questioned more nervously. She remembered Lexa saying he was to blame for her mothers death, but had no clue to what Lexa truly meant. Instantly the brunette stiffened on top of Clarkes lap her gaze dropping between them as her fingers found the edge of the blanket. "We don't have to speak about it" Clarke said cupping Lexa's cheek "We don't have to speak about anything you’re not comfortable with" she whispered Leaning her forehead against Lexa's until green eyes finally raise to connect with blue.

"He was a alcoholic" Lexa admitted, her voice echoing with fear and betrayal. So much pain flooded those normally beautiful green eyes as she bowed her head thinking of the man she once called her father. "He was paranoid. Angry" a crease formed between Lexa's brows as she buried in to her memory's "Aggressive" Clarke listened, that's all she could do as she watched the fear and vulnerability burn through Lexa's flesh like everything had happened only moments ago, it was the kind of fear she had when she woke from her nightmares. It was the kind of fear that had Clarke already soothing Lexa's cheek as she continued to guide her thumb back and forth across her cheek. 

"He killed my mum" her voice barely audible and broken. "He use to shout, and scream all the time, sometimes he would hurt her and send me to my room" Lexa admitted her eyes still wondering for answers she wasn't even sure she had. "Then one day she was gone" Lexa's eyes filled with tears as her vision became blurry. "She was gone" She repeated. 

"I'm so sorry" Clarke held Lexa tightly having nothing else to say, what could she say after all? So she held her tighter, she held her like she would never let go as she felt the tremble in her bones, muscles and breaths. She kissed the side of her head every few seconds while soothing her back, Lexa's sobs never came but tears did shed with the tremble her body held.

"I was six years old" Lexa continued after a long while of silence. "They took me away, and asked me so many questions, so many." The crease in Lexa's brow  reappeared as she pulled back to face the blonde once more. "They told me my mum had gone to heaven, and daddy had done a bad thing" Lexa admitted. "As I got older, I figured the rest out. He went of in a jealous rage. He was accused of being paranoid and he thought she was having an affair" Lexa spoke furrowing her brows repeatedly as she kept her gaze on the dusty dirty ground the entire time. "He strangled her."

"I'm sorry" Clarke said once more cupping the girls cheek once more. "You didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that" 

"Can we talk about something else?" Lexa questioned her gaze still fixated on the ground, unable to focus any longer on anything other than the haunting memory she held for the day. The day everything changed.

"We don't have to talk at all" Clarke hummed snaking her arms around the brunette in a death grip. She felt the fierce finger tips dig in to her back while Lexa held her just as tight. They could feel every curve, every point every breath against each other while the fire continued to crackle carefree infront of them. 

The brunettes thoughts wondered down memory lane back when she was six years old, how everything changed in a matter of hours to how things ended up right here in the blondes arms. Her girlfriends arms. How she even came to get a girlfriend baffled her, how she even came to the point she was camping with friends baffled her also. It was like being young again everything changed so quickly then for the worst, the pain rippled through her like a raw ache that could never be repaired, like now everything changed so quickly and dramatically. Yet there was no ache of pain, only a ache for desire and respect. A ache she didn't even realised she missed to have a family that cared and supplied her with everything she needed, and Clarke. 

Well Clarke was just Clarke.

Where as the blondes mind wondered down a different path, she imagined Lexa all alone being escorted away, she imagined the tears that fell down Lexa's cheek as she was placed in the system with no one to tuck her in with kisses to her forehead anymore, no one to get doughnuts for her and chase around the house, no more Christmas presents or Santa letters. The harsh reality of the world that we all lived in hit Lexa earlier than most, where Clarke still waited for the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa to come, Lexa had her dreams, beliefs and hopes all melted till their was nothing left. She was left alone and Clarke's heart ached as she squeezed Lexa tighter swearing she would never let her go through it again. Ever. Once thing that Clarke was sure of was her jealousy for Lexa needed to die now. She needed it to disappear and never return with the past Lexa feared. How to do this she wasn't sure, but she would try.

"We should sleep" Lexa finally spoke beginning to fiddle with the hair draped down Clarke's back her head not even attempting to move from Clarke's shoulder.

"We should" Clarke whispered kissing Lexa's head once more. They sit like that for a while, still holding one another for a little longer, neither wanting to separate in to separate rooms to their best friends. When they finally stood and headed to the tent, their faces faltered and it wasn't from the conversation they held only moments ago, it was because they wouldn't be holding one another when they fall asleep. 

"Guess this is good night" Lexa mumbled Stopping at the entrance of her room.

"Guess it is" Clarke hummed playing with the hand between them as she took a step closer closing the gap. Her lips pressed to Lexa's in a lingering kiss, eyes closed as their hands find a place on one another's bodies Clarke hands more confident than Lexa's.

"Night girlfriend" Clarke smirked parting their lips before pecking them once more.

"Night Porky" Lexa giggled silently both swaying a little in to one another innocently. 

"Ill see you soon" Clarke whispered both girls still struggling to take any step away. It took everything in Clarke to pull away, to move back in a reverse manor unable to move her eyes from Lexa, she was just so beautiful.

"Lex" Clarke whispered stopping at the entrance to her own room. "Thank you for sharing that with me" She smiled softly.

They both made it in to their own rooms sinking to the ground in their uncomfortable sleeping bags both thinking of one another. Lexa smiling to herself at Clarke's last words, if only she knew how easy Clarke made it feel to tell her. If only she knew how scared Clarke made her that every wall she had ever built from the moment her mother died, to Titus abusing them, to being bullied every school she went with no one and nothing. Clarke had over come all off it, she didn't know if she feared Clarke more or her past, that caused the crease between her brows to appear once more before falling asleep.

--

The drive home was longer than the drive there if that was even possible. Maybe it was because Lexa was in Costia's car again or maybe it was the new discoveries she had discovered throughout the weekend. They had arrived at the camp with still confusion between the two of them, and left with confirmation of being officially together. Girlfriends if you go by the word Clarke continues to replay in her head, loving the feel the word holds more every time.
When Clarke pulls up outside her house after dropping Octavia and Bellamy home first she slouches back in her chair not rushing to exit. It had been a long weekend, a weekend where she discovered even more about the girl now in her bedroom they shared in the house infront of them. She had discovered that this was way past a crush, it was way past anything she had ever felt before. Her fingers ran through her blonde curls resting her elbow on her car window. 

"You're falling in love with her aren't you?" Anya questions from her passenger seat. Clarke didn't look to her cousin, she didn't look anywhere other than to the house that she knew Lexa was in. The words scared her, not because it wasn't true, but because how easy and natural it felt. It was to soon, way to soon and Clarke certainly could never confess this to Lexa yet, they had only just confirmed their relationship despite already feeling they were together before. So she would not confirm nor deny the claim. She would ignore it and push it to the back of her head. Clarke may have kept her mouth shut and exited the car in silence ignoring her cousins claim, but her head was screaming another. It screamed how much Lexa made her feel comfortable to the point she didn't feel like she needed to be anyone else but herself, it screamed that no matter how much she loved to sleep, reality was finally better than her dreams and therefore she couldn't wait to wake in the morning to see Green already watching her, it screamed how her heart rate increased when she got closer to the brunette. It screamed she had never felt something so strong, so pure and something so fearful yet didn't truly fear it at all.

___

"So what do you want for Christmas?" Clarke questioned turning pages of a book she obviously wasn't reading.

"Shh" Lexa hushed looking around the library looking at the few people studying while  some  started glaring. Clarke smirked following her gaze around the room landing her eyes on one glaring girl causing Clarke to glare mockingly back with a quiet laugh. "Clarke" Lexa whined "I'm trying to study" she whispered finally turning to the blonde sitting beside her.

"I can see that" Clarke acknowledged. "So what do you want for Christmas?" Clarke questioned once more biting her bottom lip as she reached for Lexa's hand. Hiding their relationship had become non existence other than at home as Clarke hadn't quite told Abby and Jake yet.

"I don't do Christmas Clarke" Lexa whispered

"I'm still getting you something" Clarke admitted moving her other hand to curl in the brunettes locks. "It will be our first Christmas together" Lexa smiled nervously. This was a holiday she hadn't celebrated since she was a child, it was a holiday she had began waking up to in the morning to find it a normal day, like every other. Yet the smile lighting up Clarkes face and the constant pestering the blonde had took up on in the last week, had brought a warm feeling to the pit of her stomach, she wasn't the only one who had asked, Abby and Jake did too. Where Clarke felt comfortable to list of things Lexa held back feeling uncomfortable at the question.  Abby and Jake seemed to understand with a nudge to each other but Clarke, Clarke was persistent and she really didn't care. She even teased Lexa with Kisses the night before hovering above her as she traced her finger tips across Lexa's lips, neck and collar bone whispering for Christmas ideas, refusing to kiss her till she spoke up. Till she confessed something she truly wanted, If Lexa had anything in mind she would have confessed, she would have let it slip so fast past her lips just so she could claim Clarke's teasing lips that only seemed to hover over hers, only enough for their lips to brush one another instead of actually taste. Clarke knew what she was doing with the smirk on her face and from the raise of Lexa's body but continued anyway despite her own struggle. Their make out sessions had become more heated than before causing the wetness to build between both girls legs yet neither taking it to the next level.

"Can we talk about this later?" Lexa questioned fiddling with Clarke's fingers held between her hand.

"Fine" Clarke agreed pulling on Lexa's hand so that they were closer "You look sexy in those Glasses" Clarke confessed against the brunettes lips. The pink flush of Lexa's cheeks was embarrassingly visible to everyone who could see her, no matter how many times Clarke complimented her, she still got embarrassed, shaking her head as she nudged the blonde to shut up. The blonde of course only smiled with a small giggle "What? You do?" she questioned innocently pushing her glasses to the top of Lexa's nose. She wasn't sure why she kept blushing, whether it was the compliment itself, or the fact they were untrue. She didn't believe any of them, and could never understand why Clarke continued to say them repeatedly as if trying to print them in her brain, maybe it was because Lexa was already tainted with her ugly past, or maybe it was because no one else had ever said it until now.

"Are you going home?" Lexa questioned nervously changing the subject as she bit her lip.

"I can wait for you"

"No. It's ok. I can meet you at home"

"If you're sure?" Clarke questioned. "Where is she anyway?" Clarke questioned looking around the library.

"I don't know. I don't know what she looks like" Lexa admitted, already wishing she didn't agree to tutoring to gain extra credit.

"Well call me if you need anything" Clarke says standing to her feet with a soft smile on her lips as she bends down to capture Lexa's lips. "See you at home. Girlfriend"

"are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Lexa questioned.

"Not as long as you hate it" She grinned pecking Lexa's lips once more. "Behave" she whispers before disappearing out the library.

Lexa waited another twenty minutes for a girl named Luna, while fiddling with the hem of her top. She wasn't sure why she agreed to this, she wasn't exactly a peoples person, but the words extra credit was all that seemed to ring in Lexa's ears when she signed up, despite her grades being rather good she was still nervous when it came to applying for universities. She wasn't even sure if she would be able to go but she hoped there was a possibility. Extra credit would always help and always look better than nothing at all, but as Lexa nervously tapped her pencil against the book impatiently mixed with nervous, she wished she just went home with Clarke.

"What's up" A girl grinned sitting in the seat beside Lexa before lifting her legs up on the desk as she chewed on some gum. "You're Lexa I take it?" She questioned. Her presence made her more nervous as she chewed with confidence and Lexa felt a tad intimidated.

"Um Hi.. I mean yes" Lexa stuttered. "Luna?" Lexa questioned digging her nail in the tip of her pencil as she tired to sit up straight with confidence.

"The one and only" She held her hands out as if presenting herself before placing them back in her lap. "Um so are we going to get to it or what?" Luna questioned looking over towards the book Lexa has infront of her.

"Um. Yes. Urh" Lexa scanned the book in panic before closing it again, not entirely sure where to start. "Sorry" she stuttered "I've never done this before"

"Really? you look like a nerd" Luna smirked putting her legs  back down, Lexa scanned her eyes over herself looking at her ripped jeans combat boots and shirt.

"ok" Lexa stuttered "So what do you struggle with?" Lexa suddenly questioned trying to divert the conversation back to its main source.

"Algerbra" Luna says casually pulling a pen from her ear. "Can I borrow a piece of paper, I forgot to bring my book?"

"Yeah sure" Lexa handed over a piece of paper coming full prepared, maybe she was a nerd.

"So why do they use x, or y?" Luna questioned "Not like we will ever use it" Luna shrugged chewing harder on her gum.

"Um.. well its simple really. Just see it as a empty box, you have to work out the answer using the equation look" Lexa wrote down a equation sinking more comfortably in her chair as she started teaching something she already knew "x-2=4" Lexa read out sliding it over to "This is a easy one to explain. X would be six so when you minus 2 it equals 4 you see?" she questioned looking to the wild haired brunette.

"Ok." Luna acknowledges nodding her head. "Write another one"

"Ok" Lexa takes the paper back before scribbling another equation down "X+5=12" Lexa reads, still keeping it simple.

"So it would be 7" Luna says.

"Exactly" Lexa grins getting a little excited at the small success "Now a little harder one." Lexa takes the paper back and writes another equation once again reading it out before handing it over. "x + 2 1/2 =10" Luna stares at the question for a little while, pausing on her gum as she furrows her brows.

"Not a clue" Luna huffs "I hate maths" She whines causing Lexa to twitch her lip, the question was also easy, this was going to be harder than she thought. "aren't you that Lezbo chick?" Luna finally questions eyeing Lexa up and down shamelessly. "Whats it like to kiss a girl?" She grins leaning forward elbows resting on table. 

"Urh" she mumbles flickering her eyes from pen to paper. "So Algebra" lexa tried once more with a extra fidget to her body, all she wanted to do now was go home.

"Ah come on" she pushed "give the straight girl some juicy lezbo gossip" she laughed "You’re dating Blondie right?" She questioned ignoring the discomfort Lexa evidently felt. Luna was pushy, extremely forward and certainly not afraid to ask what ever she thought, they were complete opposites.

"Clarke" Lexa said her girlfriends name proudly, the only words that seem to leave her mouth with confidence.

"Thats the one" Luna nodded "i may be new but gossip spreads fast here, apparently shes little miss popularity and you're well…not" luna dead pans. "Hows that come about?" She questions.

---

When Lexa closes the front door behind her she breathed a sign of relieve letting her head fall back and hit the door as she closed her eyes. She had never gone through a hour with a stranger with so much discomfort. Luna had no shame, nor boundaries as her questions kept firing out one after another. As much as Lexa wanted to just snap, or just stand up and walk away she never did, she remained polite, she remained her shy normal self that would never say boo to a goose, as she answered a few questions in the simplest of answers. She made her way up to their bedroom trying to make the stress of the night vanish before seeing Clarke, but just pushing the bedroom door open was enough, it pushed every stress, every ache and all her previous discomfort away as her eyes land on the blonde swaying her hips to the quiet music playing while reorganising some pictures around her mirror. Immediately feeling the need to wrap her arms around the blonde and feel Clarke's arms wrap Around her while burying deep in the crock of her neck. She wanted and needed to be held, but despite them being official Lexa still feared any lead, Clarke always led with such ease and such comfort, it wasn't that Lexa never wanted to because she did. It was just Clarke always knew what to do, what to say and how to make everything seem like it was floating, but Lexa was just a fumbling nervous wreck with no experience on the right or wrong things to do. The conversation with Luna had left Lexa craving a cuddle, craving to be held how Clarke knew would make everything seem real again. The words 'populars and nerds don't mix' echoed through Lexa’s ears as if Luna was replaying them to her. It struck fear in her all over again, fear she felt a lot when it came to Clarke. She was indeed popular, everyone knew her, everyone spoke to her and since rumours spread about Clarke and Finn splitting a few people had attempted to try it with the blonde, of course knocking each of them back before holding Lexa a little bit tighter and kissing her tenderly. Lost in her fearful thoughts she startled the blonde as she placed one hand on her hip till she spun around in surprise.

"Lex!" Clarke gasped spinning on her heel "you scared me" she softened already studying the brunettes face as her arms come to rest around Lexa's neck.

"Sorry" she muttered, already beginning to hide her face in Clarke's neck before she can get a proper read.

"Hey" Clarke whispered tightening her hold around the brunette feeling the tip of Lexa's nose brush her neck. "Is everything ok?" There was no reply only a nod as Lexa's hands sized Clarke's back before gripping tighter.

"How was tutoring?" Lexa shrugged her shoulders biting her tongue, she knew she wanted to talk to Clarke about it, but she wasn't sure what bothered her the most. Clarke gave her the time she needed to speak to find her correct wording like she usually did, she rubbed her fingers on the back of lexas neck, allowing the brunette to bury herself as far as she liked in her neck.

"I missed you" Clarke admitted continuing to play with the back of Lexa's neck as Lexa nussled her nose even more.

"Clarke" Lexa breaths after a moment pausing for another brief moment of silence keeping her face buried. "Why me?" She questions with vulnerability and so much innocence. "You can have anyone. Why me?" She questions her fingers nervously clutching the blondes back tighter. Clarke's brows instantly furrowed at the question, wanting to know where this has came from. She wanted to pull Lexa away from her neck and look at her properly, but she stopped herself. The blonde had come to realise Lexa would bury her face when she feels insecure and vulnerable, hoping it would hide her fears and emotions. Instead Clarke regained herself playing with the baby hairs on Lexas neck, while pushing her face against Lexa's in a nuzzle before pulling back once more.
"Why not you?" Clarke questioned feeling the soft sway between their bodies. "You're beautiful, and i know you don't see that, but you are" Clarke breathes. "You are the strongest person I've ever met without a doubt, yet you, you carry on, you smile, you laugh" Clarke admits still feeling brown hair between her finger tips and Lexa's flutter of eye lashes against her neck. "You told me you're damaged. I Believe that, as a person not at all, but damaged within yourself definitely. You think so little of yourself, but you don't see what i see" Clarke whispers. "You don't see the soft adorable smile. You don't see those Green eyes. You don't see how incredibly beautiful and caring you are, you just see you damaged and stuck in the system" Clarke breathes feeling the shift of Lexa's body till she is finally able to look in Green. Clarke presses their foreheads together not wanting her to hide again as she cups her cheek. "I want you because, its not about what you have, its about how i feel. I care for you not because you need cared for, but because i want too" Clarke whispers, feeling Lexa's exhale of breath on the tip of her lips. "You know i ask myself that question too, why me?" Clarke questions. "But i won't fight it, I've got use to catching myself smiling at absolutely nothing" Clarke smiles biting the bottom of her lip.

Looking in to Lexa's green eyes was like looking deep in to her soul, a whirlwind of emotions as Clarke helps her to believe this is all real once again, the wave of relief, the adoration, the sparkle Clarke had come to love, the pink cheeks at the blush down to every last compliment. She was adorable, vulnerable and a little in shock at Clarke's confession, the confession that seeped through the blondes lips like it was from memory, like she had practised it repeatedly ready for Lexa's doubt to surface once again. Clarke was always ready, always prepared for Lexa's doubt, Lexa's nightmares, Lexa's panic attacks and more importantly, she always gave her the time she needed to speak while soothing her in comfort. Green and blue eyes continued to gaze at one another, Clarke giving her the time she needs to absorb her confession while holding her close, until Lexa was leaning forward slowly eyes fixed on Clarke's lips until they collided.

From the moment their lips met Lexa's hand moved down to Clarke's hip, while the blonde kept her arms around Lexa's neck pulling to get closer if possible, but as Lexa deepened the kiss unexpectedly taking the lead Clarke whimpered against Lexa's tounge as her belly dropped, she faltered for a moment feeling her body tremble with Lexa's tongue dominating her own. It was just a kiss and Clarke's body was already going crazy dropping her arm's down the length of Lexa's body till she reached her hip aggressively pulling at it till their bodies forced together even tighter. When Lexa moaned at the action Clarkes body regained itself pushing her other hand in brown lock's gripping it tightly to keep her close, never having the desire to part, never wanting Lexa to pull those tender plump lips away. Only when Lexa took a nibble on Clarke's bottom lip her stomach dropped once more as her body became weak from want, from the ache that was Lexa. It was new, it was all new when it came to Lexa and Clarke's body was going crazy because of it, the whimpers leaving her mouth so quickly and willingly. When Lexa released her lip from her teeth Clarke tried flickering her eyes open, but they felt heavy, extremely heavy on the brunette infront of her, so she did what her body screamed. She kissed Lexa harder, she kissed Lexa deeper until they were moving backwards. Lexa took each step willingly pushing her tongue against Clarke's until she could taste every inch. When the bed hit the bottom of her legs their lips parted as Lexa fell in a sitting position looking up at the panting blonde. Clarke stood still trying to catch her breath with heavy dark eyes, the ache in her stomach and down below now over powering, as she watched Lexa look at her so softly, so nervously with heavy breaths, lips wet from Clarke's all Clarke wanted to do was to coat her lip's once more, but she didn't want to cross any line.  Then Lexa surprised her again, her stomach going wild as she laid flat out on her own bed looking up at the blonde with fearful eyes, fearful of rejection. That would never happen.

Clarke slowly climbed above Lexa hovering her lips over Lexa's as her eyes scanned the brunette beneath her. She wanted Clarke just as much, her eyes confirming  just that when they drifted to Clarke's lips again.

"You're so beautiful" Clarke whispered pushing little strands of hair from Lexa's face before pushing her lips to Lexa's. The kiss was softer this time, tender and full of want. Their tongues slipping past each others lips until they circled one another's again, whimper's escaping through the small gaps of their lips until Clarke needed to feel more of Lexa, allowing her body to push firmly against the brunettes, feeling every curve, every bump and the vibration of Lexa's quick heart beat against her chest. It was over powering, the sensation that drove her stomach crazy and weak at Lexa's touch, until her eyes were clamped closed so tight she didn't know if she could take it anymore and she found her self Rocking gently against Lexa needing to feel more of her, wanting to rip her clothes of until she was laying their in all her natural beauty.

Clarke was to lost in Lexa to notice the door was still open to the bedroom, she was to lost in Lexa to hear the front door open and close as she pushed Lexa's top up quickly pushing her hand against Lexa's bare stomach moaning at the feeling. She was to caught up in the sound of the quiet music playing in the room and the sound of their kisses and moans to hear anyone come upstairs. She was to caught up in the way Lexa's body seemed to be reacting beneath hers as she tried to drag more moans from her lips that made her tremble.

"What the hell is going on!" Abby snapped causing both girls to jump apart. Lexa sitting up quickly pulling her shirt back down her stomach while Clarke jumped to her feet panting with eyes widening as she realises what the hell had just happened.

"Mum" Clarke says unable to think properly.

"Down stairs right now. Both of you" Abby snapped glaring from one girl to the other before disappearing with heavy footsteps.