Lost And Insecure!

Lost And Insecure!

The distance was ridiculously small between Clarke and Lexa giving the blonde barely anytime to decide on the many ways this could plan out. On one hand she really wanted to go over there and push past Roan and kiss the girl she had become so besotted to in the last few weeks, all while putting the message across that Lexa is not to be anyones 'fair game' any longer. Clarke was no fool and she certainly wasn't blind, Lexa was extremely beautiful with a body to die for despite the brunette being completely oblivious to this. As Clarke continued to place one foot in front of the other her eyes trailing the length of Lexa's body causing her to smile instantly. Lexa stood there as Lara Croft with her incredible body on show you would think she would be one of the most confident woman you could come across, with every right of course, yet if you approached her and actually took the time to speak with her, you would hear her very shy nervous voice, you would see her duck her head and struggle to maintain eye contact as her hands started to do anything to distract herself from feeling nervous.
Look's could be so deceiving.
That's partly the reason Clarke's head was torn she knew Lexa for who she was, she knew she was timid, and scared and she certainly didn't want to scare her by marching over there being jealous demanding Roan to back of, bedside's it's not like she has a right to despite wishing she did.

"Hi" Clarke interrupted as she took her final step forward never removing her gaze from the brunette.

"Someone's a little drunk" Roan laughed eyeing the blonde as he stood more straighter removing his hand from the wall behind Lexa.

"I'm fine" Clarke objects

"Your eyes say something different" Roan smirked.

"Ok maybe just a little" Clarke admitted "Can I borrow Lexa for a sec?" Clarke questioned already enwinding there fingers to one.

"As long as you bring her back" He winks looking to the blonde before turning to Lexa

"Promise" Clarke lies having absolutely no intention on bringing her back at all, even more so now after seeing him winking. Still Clarke never spoke her mind, she didn't tell him to leave Lexa alone, she didn't tell him that was lame. She kept the small jealousy streak hidden and buried as she pulled at Lexa's hand guiding her up the stairs.

"How much have you had to drink?" Lexa questioned as she continues to be led by the blonde

"Only a few" Clarke admitted as she pulled a door open checking it was clear before pulling Lexa inside and closing it behind her.

"I have a question left" Clarke finally says after a moment of silence, tugging on Lexa's hand till she was directly in front of her.

"So you do" Lexa smile's that sweet innocent smile as she stares in to green.

"If you could spend a entire day with me, where would we go?" Clarke questioned raising Lexa's entangled hands slightly between them as her thumb glides back and forth

"that's your question?" Lexa smile's already trying to think of her answer.

"It is. Tell me, I want to know" Clarke smile's playing with the tips of Lexa's fingers, before catching green eye's looking in to hers. The silence lingered between them for a moment as Lexa thought of a place, there was no awkwardness between them, infact Lexa was enjoying the silence as she watched Clarke's fingers play with her own, with her eyes all blood shot, her head evidently more heavy than usual as she fort to hold it straight, yet her smile never faltered, and her gaze always found Lexa's after seconds of it dropping.

"The beach" Lexa finally says.

"Why the beach?" Clarke questioned curiously.

"I've never been" Lexa admitted "they look beautiful"

"They are" Clarke admitted looking at Lexa intensely with soft eyes. Her heart ached for the brunette in more ways than one. She hated that Lexa had missed so much normal stuff a child should experience, she hated that Lexa got the short straw in life at such a young age, but admired her strength everyday. How despite her not having parent's or any family at all she fought on and never complained. "Maybe someday we will go" Clarke breathed 

"Maybe" Lexa stayed hopeful as green stayed fixed on blue.

"You kissed me earlier" Clarke breathed getting lost in green, unable to stop herself confessing what she aches to admit. "Every time I look at you, I wish you were kissing me" Clarke whispered taking a small step forward closing the small gap that remained between their bodies "You already know I can't stop thinking about you" Clarke's eyes flickered down to the brunettes lips then back to meet green. Clarke not failing to notice Lexa's breathing changing as her hand gripped a little tighter on Clarke's other hand the blonde thinks it's to stop herself from twiddling. "You scare me." Clarke admitted allowing her finger to trail the outline of Lexa's jaw bone. "You scare me, because I want you so much" she husked pushing her body a little harder in to Lexa's causing her back to gently collide with the door behind her. "You scare me because I've never looked at a girl, like I do you" Clarke confessed lost in the moment, mesmerised by Lexa's beauty right in front of her. "You scare me because I never want our kisses to end" Green eye's continue to watch Clarke speak, to watch her blood shot eyes show so much emotion as her words leave her mouth.

"You've been drinking Clarke" Lexa breathes feeling the drop in her chest, but unable to not notice the blonde with her blood shot eyes.

"I'm sober" Clarke admitted "I've had a few, but not enough to be drunk" Clarke tried reassuring the brunette in front of her as her fingertips continued to trail Lexa's jaw bone and across her chin. "I needed to tell you" The blonde whispered flickering her eyes down to the brunettes lips. "i need to feel you" she husked pushing her body even tighter against Lexa's. It amazes Clarke how just by looking at the green eyed beauty she can become overwhelmed, turned on and sappy all at once yet needing to feel Lexa against her was something her body craved even with the slightest of touches.

"Clark-" The brunette stuttered dropping her gaze between the two before bringing her gaze back up. She had been pressed against Clarke a number of times on the couch last night, and in bed when they had kissed but never like this. Clarke was in front of her telling her she needed this, that she needed Lexa and Lexa became that little bit nervous. She wasn't entirely sure what Clarke had meant, by needing to feel her but Lexa was a virgin and all sexual activity made her nervous, she wasn't ready for that despite nearly everyone her age already doing it. Yet she did feel everything Clarke had just confessed, so why did it scare her more?

"Stop me kissing you" Clarke whispered  as blue eyes study green. "If you don't want me. Then stop me" Clarke hummed moving her head forward, Like she had the first time she returned home after their first kiss when Lexa allowed the kiss, not even attempting to stop Clarke. The blonde had already came to notice Lexa was not much of a talker, and when she did words were not exactly her friends, maybe It was the nerves? Maybe it was just the lack of family and friends she had to talk to about normal stuff. So Clarke preferred actions so as she leant closer with her body still firmly pushed against Lexa's her eyes met Green one final time before capturing her lips, a moan pushing past her throat instanly while her eyes clamped shut as there lip's moved softly against one another. Clarke had never really touched a part of Lexa's body other than making small circle's on her lower back as they fall asleep, or just gliding her thumb back and forth over her hip, so when Clarke and Lexa's tongue slowly battled against one another, Clarke's hand trailed the length of Lexa's body coming in contact with Lexa's bare rib's and side's forgetting the top she was wearing revealed her stomach. Clarke's breath hitched instantly and she had to part the kiss to catch her breath once more.

"You’re beautiful" Clarke whispered honestly before capturing her lips once more tugging Lexa forward as she moved backwards further in to the bedroom, their lips never parting as Clarke's hand kept pulling Lexa's hip closer to follow her small steps until the bed hit the bottom of her legs making them tumble to the bed. As they tumbled to the bed their lips parted and Lexa had realised what happened as she hovered above the blonde. "Hey" Clarke whispered studding the brunette above her, noticing the fear and discomfort she had from being on top of the blonde. "Kiss me" Clarke whispered gliding her thumb soothingly across the brunette's cheek, trying to sooth her by taking control from the bottom. As Lexa leaned down to capture Clarke's lips Clarke raised her head slightly capturing them quickly wishing more than anything Lexa's hair wasn't in a plat so she could tangle her finger's in her long beautiful lock's.

They wasn't sure how long they were kissing for, nor did they care as their kisses became more intense, slower and passionate, at some point Clarke had ended up on top much to Lexa's approval relaxing a little more while moaning in one another's mouth's. The blonde kept control of the situation despite every body urge she ever had screaming at her to move further and kiss Lexa's neck or something, she never did. She didn't want to do something Lexa wasn't comfortable with and scare her away, so her hands didn't wonder neither did her mouth. Yet when Lexa's body pushed harder against Clarke's from beneath the blonde was unable to stop her lip's from curling up and smiling as she continued to kiss the girl that scared her. There moment was ruined as the door swung open allowing the loud music to echo louder through the bedroom, and Lexa and Clarke finally realised how lost they had become in one another as they broke apart, realising they are still at the party in Costia's bedroom on her bed.

"Lex?" Costia froze to the spot catching the girls quickly separating at the girls eyes jumped from Clarke to Lexa.

"Costia -" Lexa tried standing from the bed nervously as she took a step forward, but before Lexa could apologise for doing that in her bedroom the girl had turned on her heel and stormed of down the hall Lexa quickly following not before turning back to Clarke one final time with a smile of apology on her lip's before she left. Clarke bit her lip with a smile as she stood in the room alone trying to straighten herself out, a selfish part of her was glad Costia had seen them kissing although a part of her felt bad. She liked Lexa of course but she didn't want anyone to be hurt in the process, despite Lexa never actually confirming or saying exactly how she felt back, in fact she barely spoke at all, Yet when Clarke began making her way back downstairs to the party she didn't feel so confused about their situation anymore in fact she felt lighter.

--

"Oh shit" Anya quickly gripped Octavia's arm spinning them around to face away from the stairs as Costia came running down followed closely by Lexa.

"What was that?" Octavia questioned sneakily looking over her shoulder once more as she watched both girl's disappear in to a different part of the house.

"Well judging by the face, the walk and the lack of speaking, I'm guessing she's pissed" Anya stated with a smirk on her face before turning back around to there original position.

"Yeah I kinda got that part" Octavia rolled her eye's "I mean what happened?"

"I'm guessing superwoman caught Lara Croft and Wonder woman doing something" Anya laughed "Superheroes ay, so competitive" Anya tut's "Incoming" she warns seeing the beautiful Latina heading there way.

"Why are your clothes still on?" Raven questioned her hands on her hips looking rather displeased.

"Are you trying to get me naked?" Anya teased stepping closer with a smirk and raised eyebrows

"Hardly. Just collecting my debts" Raven stated "What are you waiting for?" She questioned eyeing the dark blonde in front of her. "Someone a little shy"

"Shy? Please." Anya laughed turning her back to the Latina "You may do the honours" She teased scooping her hair to the side waiting on Raven to unzip her witch dress that displayed her breast perfectly.  Raven looked to the zip before turning her gaze to Octavia who had a huge grin on her face while shrugging her shoulders. Raven then moved her hand to the zipper slowly pulling it down Anya's back revealing her long slender spine and tanned back. As the zipper reached the bottom Anya slowly teasingly shook the dress of her shoulder's letting it slowly slide down her body till it hit the floor, leaving her in her boot's and underwear. The Latina allowed her eye's to travel the length of Anya's behind seeing her peachy bum curved perfectly in lacy red French knickers and bra. She looked hot. Anya turned confidently with a teasing smirk on her face taking that extra step closer to the Latina.

"Thanks" She whispered "i normally like to take things slow but ill make a acception for you" She winks looking the Latina up and down while biting her lip "I need a drink. Mouths gone dry" She teased before stepping away swaying her hips purposely for the Latina. Of course Raven turned and looked, who wouldn't? She had a incredible body.

"She is such a flirt" Octavia laughed steeping neared to Raven as she watched Anya walk away too.

"She is annoying" Raven scoffed "Needs knocked down a peg of two"

"With a body like that, I doubt that will happen" Octavia laughed 

"it's alright" Raven tried pushing it of as if she was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Really?" Octavia teased. "Your eye's must be seeing something else then, as your eye's are trained on her arse"

"What the hell is she doing!" Clarke interrupted staring down at her cousin in the kitchen gulping down a bottle of bud in her underwear.

"Raven took her clothes of" Octavia stated.

"I did not"

"You Kinda did"

"She had to remove her clothes, she lost the bet"

"What about the arse staring?" Octavia questioned teasingly, she always enjoyed winding Raven up it was to easy.

"I'm not arse staring"

"You’re starring at my cousins arse?" Clarke questioned with raised eyebrows

"What? No! Octavia" Raven snapped turning her back to Anya and facing her two best friends.

"She is" Octavia continued. 

"I'm not, judging by how she flirt's she properly been banged more time's than a snooze button on a Monday morning" Raven state's quickly looking to Clarke "No offence"

"You realise no offence means you’re about to insult me, but don't get mad right?" Clarke questioned with raised eye brows "And for the record. My cousin is not a slut she's just very forward and very confident" 

"Well I'm not interested." Raven huffs taking a swig of her drink missing the look Octavia gives to Clarke with a smirk plastered on her lips.

--

"Costia wait" Lexa speaks finally speaks out after following her throughout the house till she was outside. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have gone in your room"

"You think it's because you was in my room?" Costia snaps, finally stopping and spinning around causing Lexa to come to a halt also not wanting to be to close to Costia as she was clearly angry.

"I'm sorry" Lexa mumbled slightly confused but sorry non the less. 

"Clarke." Costia finally speaks after a few moments of silence that lingered between the two. "You were kissing Clarke" Lexa remained quiet not needing to answer the question Costia already knew the answer to. She felt uncomfortable as she twiddled her finger's on the edge of her shorts. "I thought -" Costia paused looking to her feet and back to Lexa. "I thought we were getting closer" Costia voice was small and soft as she two looked more shifty letting the anger vanish from her body.

"We were. We are" Lexa says confused. "You’re my best friend" She stated as if it was the most obvious thing. This caused Costia to laugh in her throat as she dropped her gaze to the floor once more.

"Friends?" Costia questioned. "I thought..i don't know" Costia released a heavy breath placing her self on a sunbed by her pool. Lexa took a few steps forward with her arms crossed over her chest as she placed a seat on the sunbed opposite Costia.

"I'm sorry" Lexa said more softer. "I don't understand" She admitted a little embarrassed. 

"I thought we were heading for something more" Costia admitted playing with her fingers between them coping Lexa's nervous habit. "I guess I was wrong" Costia smiled weakly "It's not your fault" She tried reassuring the brunette who sat nervously in front of her, something Costia was no longer use to. Lexa was always confident and bubbly around her, she spoke with ease and no longer became nervous while in a conversation, and she hated seeing Lexa back that way. Despite the hurt she felt, she knew Lexa wasn't use to normal social things and emotions she wasn't surprised she was oblivious to the whole thing.

"I'm sorry" Lexa could only repeat as she looked to the ground between them feeling more nervous as the seconds passed. Anya was right. "I didn't know" Lexa admitted. 

"it's ok" Costia finally breath's "I just wasn't expecting that, I was going to ask you out just last week before we got interrupted"

"When?"

"In the car. When we went to the movies" Costia admitted. "So you and Clarke?" Costia questioned "Do you like her?" There was a long silence, Lexa had never discussed Clarke with anyone other than her book under her pillow. So when Costia asked the question Lexa wasn't entirely sure how to answer the question. She had kissed Clarke on many occasions and enjoyed every single moment of all of them, like Clarke she hated to stop. 

"I guess" Lexa nodded nervously.

"You guess?" Costia smirked rolling her eyes at typical Lexa. "You were just making out in my bed"

"She makes me feel safe" Lexa admitted after a moment playing with her own fingers unconsciously.

"How does she feel about you?" Costia questioned looking to Lexa's hands and back. 

"I don't know" Lexa shrugs looking to her own hands before meeting Costia's eyes once more. "She said she cant stop thinking about me" Lexa admitted beginning to bury herself in her own thoughts as she replayed everything Clarke had confessed only moments ago. "I think she does" Lexa's lips turned in to a small smile. 

"She also makes you nervous" Costia grinned pointing to Lexa's twiddling hands. "As jealous as I am" Costia admitted "I'm glad someone's making you smile like that" Lexa only smiles at the brunette as she nervously looks down between them once more and back to Costia.

"I am sorry" Lexa apologised once more.

"Stop apologising" Costia pleaded taking Lexa's hand in her own. "Lets get back. I need a drink" She laughs standing up.

--

When Lexa returned hand in hand with Costia the party had become more wilder than she remembered it from earlier. Everyone was halfway drunk if not drunk already stumbling around while dancing and trying to hold there drink properly without spilling it, failing mostly. 

"Want one?" Costia questioned moving around people to the fridge

"No thanks" Lexa smiled scanning her eyes through the crowds of people, her eyes instantly falling on a almost naked Anya.

"Whys Anya got no clothes on?" Lexa questioned as Costia returned.

"Lost the bet remember." Costia laughed. "Her body is 'wow'" Costia smiled "I think she’s trying to get Raven on a date"

"She's leaving tomorrow" Lexa admitted confused at getting a date on the day you leave.

"I Don't know" Costia shrugged "Raven turned her down anyway" Costia took a big gulp from her drink before taking Lexa's hand in her own once more "Let's dance" Costia ordered already dragging Lexa to the crowded living room. It didn't take long for Lexa to find Clarke dancing with Raven, Fin and Roan, of course she would be dancing, it was her escape. Costia turned around to face Lexa as she began dancing, while Lexa did her typical dance of moving one foot side to side, while taking quick glances over Costia's shoulder to the blonde she wasn't long kissing, her eyes were clamped shut with her hand's running through her hair as she bopped her hip to the beat quickly. 

"You know, now that I know, I feel kind of silly. I must have been blind" Costia shouts over the music enough for Lexa to hear as she turned around to Clarke herself before continuing to dance.

"Sorry" Lexa mumbled turning her gaze away as she continued to dance, Only for Costia to shake her head and laugh at her dorky friend. They danced for a few minutes without Lexa doing secret glances over her shoulder to the blonde, however that didn't last long as she took another quick glance a few minutes later freezing a little when she seen Clarke watching her from across the room slowly swaying her hips still side to side. The sweet smile on Clarke's lip's made her fingers tingle as she mouthed a silent 'hi' to Lexa.
Lexa bowed her head a little nervously as her feet moved side to side, before looking up once more to a very big smile now on Clarke's lips.

"Go over there already" Costia laughed pushing Lexa towards Clarke until she was to close to turn around.

As Lexa approached the small group dancing Costia watched on with a smile on her face, which soon fell when eyes were no longer on her, to say she was gutted would be a understatement, she thought what ever she was feeling towards Lexa was reciprocated. Yet she was left feeling silly with Lexa having no clue of what was going on between them in Costia's head. Despite it all, she was happy to see Lexa smile, she noticed it quickly when she questioned the brunette about the blonde. Costia wasn't even a competitor.

"Hi" Clarke smiled pulling at Lexa's hand instantly to dance with her. "You ok?" She questioned in her ear as she leant close.

"Yeah" Lexa smiled, beginning to move her feet once more.

"What have I told you about dancing?" Clarke laughed gripping Lexa's hips and guiding her like she had before. "Like this" Clarke directed as she guided her hips gently slightly brushing her thumb against Lexa's bare stomach as her hand remained fixed on her hip. Like every other time Lexa had to try focusing on anything else, other than Clarke touching her bare skin as her fingers tingled with intensity. "You have two left feet" Clarke teased.

"I do not" Lexa smiled looking down at her own feet as they moved.

"Just a little" Clarke grinned pulling Lexa closer leaving hardly any distance between them. Somehow Clarke and Lexa slightly parted from the group as they danced with one another leaving some space between them. Clarke had decided she loved dancing for a whole other reason as she swayed to the beat against Lexa, there was no words that ever needed spoken when they danced, it was relaxed and soft and everything Clarke wanted, especially being able to be closer to Lexa with no questions asked. 

"I cant believe Anya actually took her Clothes of" Lexa admitted as she watched Anya approach a Dancing Raven.

"She always pays her debts" Clarke smiled pulling at Lexa and turning her around so Clarkes chest was pushed in to Lexa's back, she felt Lexa stop dancing. "Keep going" Clarke ordered replacing her hand back on Lexa's hips and guiding her once more. She continued relaxing back in Clarke's hold, as Clarke took control once more moving her hip's against Lexa. 

"Does she like Raven?" Lexa questioned.

"I think so" Clarke whispered as her head came beside Lexa's neck resisting the urge to kiss her neck, her breathing changing.

"Does Rave- Does she like her?" Lexa stuttered feeling her fingers tingle from the closeness and the warm breath from Clarke's lips.

"I don't know" Clarke breathed never removing her gaze from the body pressed tightly to hers not interested in anything but Lexa. "Let's not talk about them" 

Lexa smiled softly looking to the small group as she continued to dance against Clarke, having her control the situation in everyway if Clarke wanted her to move, she would move, if she needed her to turn around she would, but as she remains pressed up against Clarke's chest from behind the brunette hopes Clarke doesn't want her to move anywhere at all, as soft finger's hold her hips and warm breath breathed on her neck and cheek, she feels safe. Clarke is her safety net, and Clarke always seems to catch her when she needs her.

"Can we go home?" Clarke whispers as Lexa turn's her gaze to the side slightly seeing Clarke looking at her with soft tender blue eyes, the brunette finds herself nodding before Clarke entangles their hands together pulling her gently away from the music, away from there friends, and away from prying eyes to be alone with Clarke.

"Should we wait for Anya?" Lexa questioned wondering how the other Griffin would get home. Both girls turn to see Anya flirting with Raven on the dance floor, no doubt trying to get a dance out of the Latina.

"I think she's good" Clarke smiled before heading towards the door where they sneak away quietly.

---

Clarke didn't even make it home before she pulled Lexa close attaching their lips. As they had walked along the path under the streetlights hand in hand Clarke was unable to resist any longer as she kept thinking of their kiss from earlier on in the night, along with the dancing they had just done being so close to the brunettes exposed neck. A car horn had startled them as they drove past the two girls kissing shouting out there windows with a 'oi oi' That only made them smile as they parted lips quickly focusing on returning back home hand in hand.

The bedroom door didn't even need to click closed before Clarke's pushed Lexa against the bedroom door each hand either side of the brunette's head as stare in to green eyes for the millionth time, never feeling like its enough.
"Lex" Clarke whispered "What are you doing to me?" The blonde questioned for the second time. She demanded an answer, she needed a answer. She needed to know why she was struggling with every body urge to not take Lexa on the spot in fear of scaring her, she needed to know why her stomach fluttered with just a simple look from those beautiful green eyes. Everything Lexa did made Clarke’s heart flutter or drop, where Lexa would go Clarkes eyes would follow if not being able to be close she would at least enjoy being able to see her. She needed an answer. She needed to know why Lexa was the only woman she had ever looked at in such a way, and become besotted so quickly with.

"The same thing you’re doing to me" Lexa whispered nervously flicking her eyes  between the two of them before back to Blue. Those words made Clarke's breath hitch, her stomach flutter and her heart pound. The brunette had never confirmed any feelings, never confessed any feelings unlike Clarke. Lexa had remained tight lipped with only the actions Clarke dared her with, which was enough for the blonde, well so she thought. That is until she spoke those words and confirmed everything Clarke hoped for.
Clarkes lips collided with Lexa’s, the kiss was hungry yet tender at the same time. The blonde hooked her finger through Lexa's short's pulling her further in the room with her as she searched for the bed. When the bed came in contact with her leg she stood still kissing Lexa as she begged for entrance with her tongue. Clarke directed Lexa in front of the bed remembering how awkward and uncomfortable Lexa was earlier when she was above the blonde. When Clarke had Lexa in the correct position she gently pushed her back on the bed following with her parting the kiss for mere seconds before quickly capturing them once more.

Clarke had never kissed any other part of Lexa's body before out of fear but as she felt Lexa's hand slide in blonde locks gripping it gently keeping her in position and close, Clarke's mind went wild as her lips slowly trailed down Lexa's exposed neck kissing and nipping gently before sucking on her pulse point. The moan that escaped Lexa's mouth was nothing like any other moan she had heard and it made her stomach flutter and drop in excitement at the same time, taking Clarkes breath away for a second.
The grip in Clarke's hair tightened as Clarke continued to suck feeling herself slipping, becoming lost in the brunette she was beginning to lose control as her body rocked against Lexa's knowing If Lexa moaned like that again she wont be able to stop.
"I'm not ready" Lexa stuttered out finally able to compose herself as her heart pounded. Clarke Stopped instantly quickly hovering above the brunette and capturing green.

"That's ok" Clarke whispered moving her hand gliding her finger down Lexa's jaw bone. "I would never push for anything" Clarke whispered with a soft smile before capturing Lexa's lips with a small kiss. "I want to know everything about you" Clarke admitted looking deep in to green as she positioned herself comfortably on top of Lexa careful not to lean to much weight on the brunette.

"I'm sorry" Lexa said nervously.

"For what?" Clarke questioned scanning Lexa's nervous embarrassed facial expressions.

"Stopping." Lexa mumbled feeling small.

"Don't" Clarke tried to reassure. "We shouldn't anyway" Clarke admitted knowing its way to soon "that wasn't my intentions. I just wanted to kiss a little, and I couldn't stop myself." Clarke breathed continuing to trail Lexa's strong Jaw line. "Besides I meant what I said" Clarke admitted with a soft smile on her lips "I want to know everything there is to no about you Lexa woods"