Lost And Insecure!

Lost And Insecure!

Clarke took a harsh gulp of her drink until the remaining of the bottle was empty. If she turned around she could see Lexa, and if she could see Lexa she could see costia dancing against her and that encouraged Clarke to begin drinking more. Costia seemed to feel the need to continue to touch lexa in one way or another, she would place her hands on her hips as Lexa sway side to side like Clarke had showed the brunette, or costia would place small kisses on Lexa's cheek but what made Clarke's stomach turn was when Lexa would smile and laugh at Costia, allowing the small gestures that The smaller brunette was offering This only encouraged Clarke to throw as much alcohol down her throat until she was completely consumed by alcohol allowing it to slowly take over effecting her vision, her speech and her balance. 

"Ohhh!!" the small group roared as the bottle landed on Bellamy banging there hands all at once on the small coffee table. 

"Get on with it!" Bellamy laughed taking a swig of his drink seeing all the devious smirks as they all thought of the dare he would have to do. 

"Ah, i got one!" Raven announced. "you have to place this lipstick on someones  lips anyone of your choice!" She smirked "No hands of course!" 

"To easy!" He laughed taking the lipstick raven held out "Clarke get your butt here!" He smirked curling his finger to the blonde. 

"why me!?" She slurred just about managing to raise her head from the floor "Do not...ruin mii face.." 

The group roared of laugher as the blonde shakily made her way to stand in front of Bellamy, her speech slurring more with every word she said while circling her hands over her face in warning to keep it pretty.

"of course madam" He smirked before placing the lipstick between his lips and placing his hands behind his back. The group laughed together as Bellamy traced the lipstick over the drunken girls mouth barely getting her lips at all as Clarke had laughed halfway through causing the lipstick to trace over her teeth. 
"Fuck it" Bellamy muttered dropping the lipstick from his lips and clasping both hands either side of Clarke's face and smashing his lips on her own with a big mwah sound when he pulled away he had red lipstick printed around his mouth. The group had been unable to control there giggles throughout the whole thing.

"Cheeky git!" Clarke laughed smacking Bellamys upper arm playfully.

"What you playing?" costia questioned with lexa in tow hand in hand.

"Spin the bottle" Octavia spoke sitting back in her seat beside Bellamy "You in?" She questioned.

"I'm in!" She grinned "i love this game" She admitting guiding lexa to stand around the table. Clarke watched the brunette look at the bottle then to the rest of the group, she looked nervous and unsure and Clarke couldn't help but wonder if Lexa had even had a drink yet, or played this game before for that matter. She wanted to reach out and reassure Lexa, squeeze her hand and ask her if she was ok, she wanted to sit beside her and push Costia out the way. But she didn't, instead she sat quietly reaching for another drink and pouring the liquid down her throat. Clarke had wanted to play this game to stop what ever feeling that were building, she had sat with her back facing the dinning area where lexa and costia had danced to closely together but now It was as if it was being rubbed in her face, and she wasn't even sure what that was.

"Shame it's not seven minutes in heaven" Costia grinned looking up to lexa while flashing her a wink. Clarkes teeth gritted and without thinking she slammed her bottle of beer on the coffee table, everyones gaze instantly snapped to her in confusion.
"Are we playing or what?" She almost snapped not wanting to hear any more from Costia. 

It's just the god dam drink, that's all it is Clarke. The drink. Chill.

Bellamy spun the bottle on the table as he was the last one to complete a dare. The group fell silent waiting patiently on the next victim to be revealed while Clarke never looked up, she clung tighter to her drink, taking large unsteady gulps.

"Raven!!" Octavia giggled seeing the bottle land on her best friend while clapping her hands. 

"Ok so i think we should bring the truth option back in the game" Raven announced bringing her drink to her lips "Who's idea was that again?" 

"Yours!"Fin laughed "and i don't think so" He grinned like the rest of them in pure evilness "Ah got one, take a body shot of someone your choice!!" Clarke immediately rolled her eyes at Finns words. Typical lad. 

"Clarkey lay the fuck down!!" She ordered smirk firmly in place.

"Why the hell am i doing all the dares?" She groaned 

"You taste the best!" Raven confessed "Lay down" she ordered once more with a pointed finger "Jasper fetch me the tequila salt and lime!" she ordered 

"This is what i call entertainment" Finn announced watching Clarke lay down perched up on her elbows.

"Thanks bud!" Raven took the items she needed from jasper before lowering her lips to Clarke's neck wetting it with her tongue and placing a small amount of salt over it, then She placed the lime between Clarkes lips and poured the tequila in the shot glass. 

"Hmm. No shot on the stomach please!" Bellamy interrupted. 

"She has a dress on" Raven pointed out the obvious "How do you expect me to do that" 

"Figure it out" He smirked huddling around like the rest of the group. 

"Feels like im the only one being dared!" Clarke huffed removing the lime from her lips and sitting up removing the straps down her arms and shuffling her dress down stopping just before her waist line. "There get on with it" She huffed now laying back down half naked, normally Clarke would care, normally she wouldn't strip her clothes half off her body and would tell them to pick someone else, but the alcohol had intoxicated the blonde, her body felt num and her actions were just as num. This wasn't Clarke. 
"Ready?" Raven questioned tearing the small amount of liquid on Clarke's stomach and in her belly button, The blonde nodded looking around the group crowding around them, the boys eyes just trailing her body while the girls watched both the girls laughing at the dare they had choose. 

Then Green met blue. 

Clarke didn't move her gaze, not once, not when Ravens tongue started on her stomach drinking down the shot, Not when she trailed it up to her chest, not when she sucked on the salt from her neck, her eyes fluttered at the feel as it was admittedly a weak spot for Clarke but blue remained firmly on green, even When Raven hovered over Clarkes lips taking the lime between her teeth. That wasn't the weird part, the weird part was Lexa never looked away once either, her eyes didn't falter, they wasn't searching the blondes body like the boys she wasn't laughing with the girls glad of the dare they had all choose, no. Lexa was gazing in to the blue eyes that were gazing right back.

"Earth to Clarke!" Finn smirked waving his hand in front of the blonde "You can get dressed now babe" He announced as she still was laying on the floor half naked, she snapped back to reality after temporarily losing herself. Pulling her dress up quickly and standing to her feet 

"Your body is incredible" Finn whispered in her ear Clarke smiled at the boy but her head wasn't in it. All she could think about was the girl behind her, the girl with the green eyes who felt like they were burning her from the inside out, a feeling Clarke was unfamiliar with. Yet the blonde wanted nothing more than to turn back around and catch her gaze once more only when Clarke finally did Lexa's eyes were on the floor with her body just as shifty as when they first met.

"Next!!" Jasper grinned already spinning the bottle as everyone stood correctly around the table. Clarke felt Finns hand slide around her back gripping at her hip pressing the side of there bodies against one another. Clarke had never felt wrong with Finn, she has been his girlfriend after all for the last two years now and they had always had a nice calm relaxing relationship, they felt comfortable with one another and they always had, but Finns hand felt out of place, like she didnt want it there, like it suddenly didn't belong anymore. While the game continued Clarke stood their trying to fight her new emotions. Lexa was a girl. Clarke wasn't gay, she was straight. Wasn't she?

it's just the alcohol, The blonde kept thinking.

Only it wasn't. 

"Oh it's the newbie" The small group looked even more pleased than all the previous dares "What can we give you you little minx!" Raven grinned looking around the group trying to come up with the best dare for Lexa. If Lexa didn't look uncomfortable before, she certainly did now when the blondes eyes fixated on her, she looked nervous, and scared. Clarke now knew she had never played this game before, and she wanted so bad to reassure the brunette, that things would be ok, that it's just a game, but all thoughts of saying anything were lost when Clarke heard Fin speak up.

"Well as Costia wanted to play 7 minutes in heaven, that sounds like a good dare to me" He smirked oblivious to Clarke's widened eyes. "So lexa we dare you to get in that cupboard" he pointed to the cupboard beneath the stairs 

"Who's going in with her?" Bellamy questioned with a smirk on his face eyeing up the brunette in her leather trousers and white crop top, that only angered Clarke more, 

"Spin the bottle and we will find out" Fin announced with a grin.

Everything was happening way to fast For Clarke's drunken head, she watched Lexa itch the back of her neck nervously, she didn't want to do this, Clarke could tell, her hand dropped to her bare stomach once more wrapping it tightly around herself. Clarke watched the bottle spin nervously hoping, praying the bottle would just disappear and land on no one, she didn't want Lexa in that cupboard for 7 whole minutes doing all sorts. But she had no right, right?

"Looks like it's you costia" Finn announced as the bottle stopped and Clarkes heart thudded against her chest, of all people, all bloody people not her. Just the way She watched Costia smile brightly at Lexa with excitement made her stomach turn, her head hurt, and her mind  become to fuzzy. 

"Lexa you don't have to, if you don't want to" Clarke spoke before speaking, she didn't even care if she looked at the brunette pleadingly, "You dont have to" She repeated 

"Hell with that" Fin smiled "You do the dare or the forfeit, those are the rules and i assure you the forfeit is not worth it" he laughed remembering the many that had occurred amongst the group, one being raven walking in to school on a Monday morning in her underwear, causing her to be in a whole lot of shit in the principals office.

"It's ok" Lexa spoke softly "Ill do it" She smiled. 

no, no, no it is so not ok!!

All Clarke could do was watch as the two girls headed to the cuboard her stomach instantly beginning to turn inside out, and she felt sick. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the fact the images taking over her mind was Costia and Lexa all over one another. 

"First base atleast!" Jasper announced Making the blonde head snap back up 

"That's a joke" Clarke tried 

"No.. it's not" Jasper confirmed "First base at least ladies we need a story to be told!" He smirked as they climbed in the cupboard.

Green met Blue. Then the cupboard Closed. 


A few minutes passed, and each second was getting slower and Clarke felt the urge to just want to pull the door of the hinges and tell them to get out, tell them to stop, and shove Costia away.

"Im going to be sick" Clarke announced quickly dashing to the bathroom. 

//

Clarke slouched around the toilet emptying her guts she felt tired, she felt drained and more than anything she felt upset and confused. She felt like she wanted to cry but lash out in anger to, even in these moments where her body was to weak to even raise her head. She knew she had been in here longer than seven minutes she was glad she didn't want to watch that cupboard door open, she didn't want to see the girls locking lips or more. She already knew that the two girls were caught at something as the door was pulled open, Clarke could hear the roars of wolf whistling and cheers she had no doubt the girls had been caught at something, and that only made her stomach feel more weak. 
Raven had been up to check on her not long after being sick but the blonde had told her she was fine, and to return back to the group, she wanted this time alone, she felt like her brain had become a puzzle, a very confusing hard puzzle where new pieces would just jump out at her and confuse her to no end. 

No one had confused her like Lexa, Clarke had come to realise she was Jealous, deeply shamefully jealousy but yet she had no idea where it had came from, Clarke had never looked at a woman before, not like that, yes she found herself admiring lexa more often than she should. She enjoyed dancing with Lexa, having her body that close against hers but still Clarke felt confused did she like Lexa like that? Why did she like lexa like that? 
It was as if something that had just smacked her in the face while turning a corner, instead of it slowly approaching. Clarke wasn't sure about anything right now. It was time to go home. 
The blonde cleaned herself up and straightened herself out wanting to look presentable as she made her way back downstairs where the game looked like it had been continued as Bellamy and jasper tried popping a balloon between there bodies using no hands pressing hard and fast against one another as the group erupted in laugher. 

"I think im going to go home"Clarke announced as the balloon popped 

"Awh man stay" Raven begged pouting "Not the same without you" 

"I Feel like my head is ready to explode" Clarke admitted feeling the heavy weight and dizziness. 

"i'll Come with you" Lexa interrupted stepping forward And Clarke barely looked up and nodded

"You can stay here tonight" Costia spoke quickly pulling at lexa's arm "I mean you can sleep here if you like" Costia spoke so innocently to lexa her eyes almost pleading. Clarke felt her stomach ache that little bit more she could tell costia liked the brunette, you had to be blind not to see it. 

"I think ill just go home" Lexa smiled nervously not wanting to seem rude

"my mum likes us home" Clarke spoke up lying through her teeth, but lexa looked grateful and thats all that mattered, even if it was for clarkes own selfish reasons really. 

//

"You're so drunk" Lexa smiled innocently helping the blonde in to their bedroom as quietly as possible. 

"I do not get drunk" Clarke bit back with a smile "I get awesome" she announced dropping on to her bed and lexa just smiled, she smiled widely and Clarke loved it. She loved it way to much. Lexa maybe a quiet girl but she said alot with her body, her smile and her eyes and Clarke had slowly been able to start reading her expressions no matter how drunk she was right now. 

"Lexa" Clarke breathed after a few moments of watching the brunette shift around the room 

"Yes?"She questioned turning her gaze to the drunken blonde. 

"You really do look beautiful tonight" Clarke admitted still admiring Lexa's outfit, in this moment she didn't care, she just wanted to tell the girl to stop being scared, stop hiding her body, because she was beautiful, incredibly beautiful. 

"Thanks" The brunette whispered nervously unconsciously placing her hand back around her bare stomach and hiding the bare skin.

Clarke stood up, her eyes clamped shut quickly as she tried to stop the room spinning to keep her balance. Only when she opened her eyes Lexa was closer to her ready to catch her if she fell.

"Don't do that" Clarke whispered removing Lexa's hands away from her stomach once more. "Why are you so shy with a body like yours?" Clarke questioned seeing Lexa’s bow her head, she knew she wouldn't respond, she knew every ounce of nervousness was radiating of the girl. Clarke chose to let the question go, but she still held the girls wrist tightly away from the brunettes stomach. 

"How was your dare?" Clarke questioned needing to know but not really wanting to know the answer hoping Lexa would raise her gaze 

"Fine"She muttered "I've never played" she admitted quietly still with her head buried 

"Did you kiss?" Clarke questioned needing to know, she wanted to know if Lexa likes Costia back, or even if she was interested in girls she wanted to learn everything she could and if now was the only time she had the guts she would take it. 

"Yes" Lexa admitted innocently still not raising her gaze. The silence fell amongst the girls then Clarke released the girls wrist instantly feeling as if she never had a drink that night.

"i think costia likes you" Clarke spoke hating saying the words, but still the silence fell amongst them and what Clarke usually explained as comfortable, now felt very uncomfortable she didn't know what more to say Costia Liked Lexa and they had indeed kissed of there own free will, that pretty much told Clarke all she needed to know.

"We should sleep" Clarke announced turning back around to her own bed pulling her dress down to the floor. Lexa's eyes instantly drawing to the bare girl's back. "Night lexa" She hummed getting between her sheets and placing her back to the brunette as she tried desperately to stop her mind from racing. 

"Night Clarke" 

//

Like every other night, Clarke struggled to sleep, she had dozed of for a few minutes nothing more and nothing less, but like every other night she had woken in time for lexa. Lexa would shift every night becoming drawn in to the nightmares that haunt her, like every other night Clarke made her way out of her own bed and over to Lexa's. She wrapped a blanket around her self quickly before placing her bum on the floor leaning up to Lexa's bed and gliding her thumb across her hand. It soothed her every night, kept her nightmares away and while Clarke normally got Lost In Lexa's sleeping form tonight her mind ran free, she looked at Lexa's lips and could see Costia kissing them, she hated that thought, more than she could even explain to herself. 
She had no idea why She was drew to Lexa so much it was unexpected to say the least, but with each new feeling she discovers about the brunette she wants to explore, and it aches to know she cant. 

"what are you doing to me?" She whispered in to the silent room. Wanting nothing more than that question to be answered. 
Clarke lent back against the bedside cabinet with her hand still holding Lexa's gliding her thumb back and forth.

Then Clarke fell asleep.