Lost And Insecure!

Lost And Insecure

I'll cry your tears for you,

I'll do anything to make you comfortable

even if i fall down when im your not around don't worry about me,

don't worry about me.

Clarke could hear the small echo of music leaving her bedroom as walked across the landing already knowing lexa was inside. Her hand wrapped firmly around the door handle only stopping when she Hears a small voice singing to the music. Lexa's voice. The blondes eyes flicker close with a small smile on her face her forehead rest on the door waiting on the girl to continue in song with her angelic voice.

"if i fall you fall, if i rise, we rise together..when i smile, you smile don't worry about me, don't worry about me" Lexa sang unaware of the bedroom door opening. Clarke leaned against the door frame looking upon the singing girl unaware of her presence she looked relaxed and calm, something that was hard to catch on lexa, she was always jittery, jumpy nervous and shy but some how seeing Lexa completely relaxed oblivious to anything else had Clarke biting her lip unknowingly. 

"Ill feel the fear for you, ill cry your tears for you" Lexa continued while Clarke's eyes drifted to Lexa's Moving Lips, the lips that held a incredible voice buried. 

"Your voice is incredible" Clarke breathed after watching the girl a few moments longer. 

Lexa's head snapped up so quick Clarke was sure she would have whiplash, what was a very chilled and relaxed moment quickly changed to embarrassment and nervous. Before Clarke could say anything further Lexa had already silenced the entire room by slamming her laptop closed.

"Sorry.." Lexa muttered bowing her head as her cheeks turn a bright shade of red. "I didn't.. i didn't no anyone was home" She admitted as Clarke's smile remained firmly in place, taking a seat on Lexa's bed, Clarke didn't think twice before she reached out for the brunettes hand and entangled them with her own as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Only it wasn't, they have never held one another’s  hand and Clarke cant seem to understand why all of a sudden she had done it, but she left it there as the brunette didn't pull it back. It felt natural, it felt right and Clarke didn't know why. 

Maybe it was because every night for the past 4 Days she would sooth the stirring brunette whenever a nightmare would occur by rubbing the back of hand, unbeknown to Lexa. Maybe that's why it felt right. Maybe.

"Dont apologise" Clarke stated softly "I didn't know you could sing" she admitted never once hearing the brunette so much as hum to a song since moving in. 

"I can’t" Lexa said shyly dropping her head but still she kept her hand still, allowing the blondes thumb to move back and forth. Eyes darted back and forth at it for a moment.

"I must be deaf then" Clarke teased cocking her head slightly innocently, 

What could have looked awkward to many felt extremely comfortable to Clarke, sitting on the foster kids bed while holding hands as her thumb glided back and forth in the silent lingering room.
At some point, the awkward silences just stopped being awkward, maybe it was when Clarke Let rip on Murphy, either way she was grateful of it. 

"Are you nervous for tonight?" Clarke questioned remembering the girl earlier on at school looking uncomfortable at the mention.

"Yes" Lexa spoke softly bowing her head to watch the soft skin of Clarke's thumb sooth the back of her hand. 

"Ill be there" Clarke offered "Come find me" She breathed aware that it almost sounded like a plea, she did infact want to see Lexa tonight, The blonde admittedly felt excited for the night ahead of them knowing the lexa would be there she had put it down to wanting lexa to have fun, she was just excited for the brunette not herself. That's a lie.

"Wont you be busy" Lexa questioned feeling Clarke's hand beginning to sweat. Her gaze caught Clarke's who was looking at her timidly. cute

"I want you too" Clarke admitted truthfully Starring back at the brunette eye's wondering over the brunette's features again.

"Ok" Lexa whispered squeezing Clarke's hand, letting the room fall silent again both girls not wanting to move, not wanting to look away, both just enchanted with the other and unaware of the bubble building inside each other. 

"Ok" Clarke whispered.

"Hi girls!!" Abby announced at the door Making Clarke quickly snap her hand back in to her lap, she was sure she caught pain In Lexa's eyes right before she bowed her head, and Clarke instantly felt guilty for moving so quickly. 

"Hi mum" Clarke turned smiling at her mum "You’re home early" She noticed standing from Lexa's bed. 

"im on call..but at least i could come home for abit" She grinned "Um Lexa, me and jake was hoping to speak with you for a moment if that's ok?" She questioned looking to the silent girl sitting on her bed. 

"Um yh. Ok" she mumbled raising her head looking to abby then to Clarke. Already? Lexa thought feeling the all to familiar feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, which quickly replaced the buzzing felling Clarke had unknowingly left. 

"Good, we will be in the front room" She smiled leaving the girls to it. Lexa tried to hide the disappointment in her eyes but it was to evident not to see, this had happened far to often, The Griffin's were already going to send her back for being a freak. 

"Relax" Clarke soothed reaching for Lexa's hand as she did only a few moment's ago, as much as lexa wanted to pull away once more, she couldn't she let her take her hand in her own. "Why are you nervous?" Clarke questioned "She just want's to talk" She tried calming the girl once more, opening Lexa's palm between them as she swirled circles with her finger tips, Waiting on lexa to speak. 

"They’re sending me back" Lexa admitted as if she knew already, Clarke didnt smile, she felt for the girl, she felt for her sad eyes and sad lips

"They’re not sending you back" Clarke promised "You should get to know my mum" Clarke grinned "You have more in common than you think" 

//

Lexa was never disappointed when she got sent back in to the system with the rest of the kid's that didn't have a foster home, she was hurt admittedly that once again she wasn't wanted, she was hurt that they never took the time to get to know her to finally be able to relax and feel comfortable, comfortable enough to feel like it was home. 
But it had only been a week, since she came in to the griffin house hold, this will be the shortest foster home she ever had.

"Hi" Abby smiled at the brunette entered the living room "Come sit down" she patted the couch beside her as Jake smiled at her from his own person chair.

"Hi" Lexa smiled nervously placing herself next to abby "Did i do something wrong?"She questioned looking To Mr and Mrs griffin. 

"Course you didn't kido" Jake smiled leaning forward in his chair "We just wanted to talk" he announced and something about his tone of voice soothed the brunette. 

"we noticed you haven't unpacked your stuff" abby says softly not wanting to scare the already timid girl "We was just wondering what was going on? Is there something bothering you?" She questioned wanting nothing more than Lexa to relax and trust them.  Lexa shrugged her shoulder's. 

"Do you not like it here?" Jake questioned

"no.. i do" Lexa admitted fiddaling with her finger's once more "It just.." she stopped not wanting to show her own vulnerability to the griffins, not to anyone. 

"You know" Abby decided to open up a little for encouragement "I use to be in the system to" Abby admitted Only making Lexa look up instantly catching her attention completely. 

"You did?" 

"Yeh..i went home to home until i found the right one" Abby admitted remembering the home she was raised in by such incredibly people, the place she could finally call home. "I understand what it's like, i understand that it's difficult and you feel like you have no one to help you" 

"Lexa" Jake spoke softly "We’re not going to give up on you" He said sincerely "If you’re scared or worried about that don’t be. You’re here to stay” 

Lexa felt her belly flutter, a nice flutter it was the first time someone had told her that they wouldn't give up on her, that they were here to stay. 

"Is that the reason you haven't unpacked?" Abby questioned already knowing the answer. 

"Yeh" Lexa mumbled "I didn't want to unpack, to pack again" She admitted. 

"Well...How about you unpack...and then we will throw your cases away?" He questioned "You’re stuck here then" He beamed sitting next to her before nudging her with his shoulder, making Lexa smile.

"Lexa" Abby said a little more seriously after seeing the Lexa smile "We choose to do this because we want someone like yourself, to have a better life, to not have to worry so young...im not doing it so you call me mum, or to be your parent, i just want you to have your childhood..Everyone deserves that" She smiled placing her hand around the girl's shoulder kissing her temple. 

"If it's ok with you, we would like you to call this your home" 

Lexa found herself smiling, she felt her heart clench and for the first time in seventeen years she felt like she had someone, someone who wanted her around, someone who cared what she was doing, she felt the love from a family, a family who was not her's by blood, but a family who was opening there arms and allowing her to join.
She snaked her arm's around Abby's neck and cuddled the grown woman, she cuddled her tightly like she never cuddled before, and abby just cuddled her right back, both with smiles on their faces. 

"Ill take that as a yes" Abby smirked as the girl just nodded against her "Good.. let's get you unpacked" She grinned pulling apart from the hug, eager to get the girl settled in properly, once and for all. 

//


"Are you going to emerge from the bathroom any time soon?" Costia teased slouching back  against her bed. Costia was all dressed and ready "Im sure you look fine!" she whined desperate to see Lexa in the clothes she brunette tried to protest against. Costia had been picturing Lexa in the black leather pants and white crop top from the second she entered the bathroom, only now she was growing impatient, she wanted to see the tall brunettes abs she wanted to see the leather wrapped tightly around her thighs. 

"I look silly" Lexa mumbled behind the door "Im getting changed" 

"Dont you dare!" Costia demanded sitting up immediately "You come out, or im coming in" 

"Costia" Lexa pleaded 

"In or out?" Costia laughed "Your choice" 

"Fine" The brunette huffed unlocking the door bowing her head while wrapping her arm's around her bare stomach, she looked up to costia who didn't say a word "I look ridiculous don't i?" She scoffed getting ready to turn back around and change in to her normal clothes. 
Costia's hand wrapped firmly around Lexa's wrist pulling her back eyeing up the girl once more. 

"You look amazing" Costia smiled honestly "sexy infact” she winked cheekily unable to move her gaze from the brunettes body. 

"Thank's" Lexa muttered noticing the girls eyes wonder making her bow her head, her fingers fiddling with her own fingers as she had no sleeve.

"Come on" Costia whispered "People are arriving, we should go downstairs, after all i am the host!" She stated the obvious

"Can i?" Lexa cleared her throat as her nerves already began to seek through at the thought of going downstairs in to the party even worse now with these clothes she has to wear. "Can i come down in a minute?" she questioned "i need to get use to these clothes" she added 

"Of course" Costia smiled kissing Lexa's cheek quickly before eyeing Lexa once more while reversing to her bedroom door "Dont be to long though" She added biting on her bottom lip at how incredible Lexa body's made that outfit look. Lexa smiled back until costia disappeared, when the door clicked close, Lexa let out a loud hard huff she didn't want to go downstairs at all. 

//

Clarke's hips moved side to side slowly, gently but aggressively with every beat that echoed through the house, her hips matched the beat perfectly. Dancing was a passion, she could lose herself, bury herself yet feel herself two it was something about the music and the beat that willingly moved your body, she thought dancing was a way to express your passion. It was sexy. Rough hands grip her hips from behind pulling her in tightly.

"Trying to get me going already?" Fin questioned always unable to resist Clarke when her body loses itself to the beat "You’re so sexy" He husked kissing the side of her face as Clarke grind her hips more aggressively, teasing on purpose.

"i need to try now?" Clarke cocked a eyebrow cheekily while turning in her boyfriends embrace, snaking her arms around his neck 

"Not even a little" He admitted knowing full well he would do anything Clarke asked of him without questioning it once. 

"Good" She whispered pecking his lip's continuing to bop her hip's to the beat. 

"There you are!!" Raven shouted over the music grabbing at the blonde's arm "knew i would fine you dancing" She laughed "Come on!" she pulled not even allowing Clarke to speak as she pulled her away from dancing bunch. 

"Where are you taking me?" Clarke questioned allowing her hand to be dragged 

"For a drink of course. Where else?" She questioned. 

"Clarkeyy" Octavia screamed  dragging the girl's in to a deathly hug. 

"Im in your boobs!" Clarke mumbled pulling her tightly pressed face away from her breast. 

"Good place to be" Octavia winked turning around and grabbing three beer's from the fridge  "Drink up bitches!" She cheered handing there beer's over each taking a gulp. 

"Urgh.. i hate cheap beer!" Raven whined clenching her eye's closed as she took another gulp. 

"It's free. don’t  complain" Clarke teased. Admittedly the beer was cheap, but not only did Costia supply the place to party, she supplied the booze which everyone loved even more. "Money don't grow on trees you know!" 

"No?" Raven raised a brow "Then why do banks have branches?" She questioned with a smug smile, As if she had the bes thing in the world. 

"She got you there!" Octavia laughed placing her arm around raven's shoulder. 

"Dork" Clarke laughed taking another swig of her cheap beer. 

"Ladies" a voice emerged from the entrance of the kitchen, none of the girl's needed to turn around nor wanted to for that matter, raven rolled her eye's as her back was to him.  "Looking foxy tonight" He smirked walking closer as he eye'd Octavia's body up in her tight black dress.

"Hey douche bag!" Raven finally snapped turning to face the boy "did you know Roses are red, violet's are blue, I've got five finger's and the middle one's for you" She laughed placing her middle finger firmly against his face. Both girl's were unable to stifle there own giggle's trust raven to always say something, not that Murphy didn't deserve it she was livid when she heard what he had done to Lexa, she was more anti bullying than them all combined as when she went to another school before the one she is at now she was targeted at the beginning by two girl's.

"Look." He said softly stepping closer to the girl's "Can we move past it, i stopped" 

"Sorry we don't speak bullshit" She said firmly pulling at the girl's arm's to get away from the piece of trash he is.

"He annoy's me" Octavia announced as all girl's stood in crowded hallway. 

"Who?" Costia interrupted putting her arm's around raven and Clarke's shoulder's already intoxicated with alcohol. "Enjoying the party?" she slurred. 

"It's incredible!!" octavia beamed holding her beer up before taking a swig "Where's your brother?" she asked way to eagerly. 

"Urgh. Gross." Costia looked grossed out at the mention of Octavia and Lincoln. "Dont want to know" She cut her off bowing her head asking as if she was going to be sick with a big smile on her face. 


"Whitttt wooo" 

The blonde furrowed her brows as Raven, Costia and Octavia focused elsewhere, she was about to ask what they were looking at   but when Clarke turned around herself she felt her heart thud against her chest, tingles in her fingertips and a drop in her stomach, a drop she could only explain as a good drop, a unfamiliar drop. 

"Wow" Costia breathed eyeing Lexa's body from head to toe as she walked down the stairs looking more uncomfortable than ever. Clarke couldn't speak, the noise around her muted and she felt hypnotised, she knew she was staring but as much as she tried to pull her eyes away, she couldn't. Her now darkened blue eyes trail Lexa's body from her plump lips, her shadowy eye make up to her Long brunette locks in lose curls. 
"Fuck" Clarke muttered against her bottle of beer, for only herself to hear. Her eyes couldn't look  away the more her eye's lowered the more her stomach did flips. The word Flip's couldn't even justify how Clarke chest and stomach felt right now.
She couldn't help but notice how the leather pant's tug tightly to her long slender Legs, and her stomach could only drop once more as she noticed the white crop top allowing everyone to see her bare tanned flat stomach.

"She looks hot!" Octavia announced. Beautiful Clarke wanted to correct, but she didn't. She wanted nothing more than to approached the girl, she had never felt a urge like it. Without realising it, Clarke was smiling the whole time until Lexa reached the bottom where Costia had waited before wrapping her arms around Lexa and kissing her cheek. When Clarke saw that she quickly looked away struggling to understand the pit now buried in her stomach.

"What was that?" Raven questioned starring at Clarke almost squinting At the blonde as if she just figured something out. Oh no.

"What was what?" Clarke acted oblivious

"That" Raven said looking to Lexa and back "Did you just.." stopping mid sense Raven's eye's widened "Do you have a thing for the new girl?" Raven questioned eagerly 

"What. No" Clarke tried to looked mortified before taking a big gulp of her beer but truth be told, she had not idea what she had for Lexa. 

"You’re lying." Raven said slowly studying Clarke's features. "Your nostrils flare when you’re lying" 

"I do not have a thing for Lexa raven" 

"What you have a thing for Lexa?" Octavia butted in only coming aware of what they were taking about. 

"No. No." 

"Flare" Raven pointed Clarke's nostril's  

"They are not flaring" Clarke tried to cover her nose quickly 

"Flare" Raven laughed once more 

“they are flaring” Octavia notes, alot drunker than the girls.

"urgh" Clarke huffed "You guy's are so annoying, i do not have a thing for Lexa" She said more quietly turning around seeing the brunette standing nervously With Costia while smiling, and still Clarke wanted to no what she was smiling for. "I don't know, i mean.. im so confused" Clarke admitted turning around to face her friend's one more, and that was the biggest truth Clarke had ever told. She really didn't know what kind of feelings she had for Lexa, but what ever it was it recurred alot.

"We need another drink!" Raven announced "Dont think you heard the last of this conversation" She warned the blonde giving her the look, The look telling her we will speak again when no alcohol is involved. Clarke nodded in understandable. maybe that would be the smart move after all right? Maybe it's just the alcohol kicking in?  It has to be the alcohol. 

A few hours had passed and Clarke had everything to avoid the Brunette who kept making her stomach drop all night, wherever  Clarke would go she would find her eyes searching for Lexa and her heart pounded against her chest each time she found her, she would be smiling or laughing while standing around arkwardly, but her heart would drop when she finally noticed where Lexa went, Costia followed. She had become her shadow through out the night and it angered her more how Lexa would welcome her hand holds and the small kisses on the cheek.

Lexa didn't like Touching, so why is she letting her.

The more time that passed the more intoxicated Clarke became. She became so intoxicated she didn’t even notice how she would gulp her drink down faster when she would catch lexa having fun with Costia.
A tap on her shoulder had her spinning around, and for a brief moment she thought she was imagining things.

"Hi" Lexa smiled innocently crossing her arms across her bare stomach. Clarke gulped, she gulped hard. 

"Hi" Clarke relaxed instantly already wishing she had spoken sooner, her eyes travelled down the brunettes body "I love your outfit" Clarke admitted and she did, she really did. 

"umm.. Thanks" Lexa smiled nervously moving foot to foot her arms still covering her bare stomach. "I feel.. silly" She admitted, she wasn't use to these clothes. The comfortable silence fell among both girls and Clarke could only gaze in to green almost losing herself completely, she slowly moved her hands to the girls wrist guiding them away from her bare stomach before entangling their fingers together, her heart fluttered at Lexa allowed her fingers to slide perfectly between hers. 

"Dont hide yourself" Clarke stepped closer so Lexa could hear without having to shout over the music. "You look beautiful" Clarke admitted for the first time. Her heart beat quickened. She felt like she could wrap herself in to lexa and melt away every time  she smiled, she felt like she could drown in her captivating emerald green eyes. Her eyes flicker to Lexa's and she wonders if there as delicate and smooth like she imagines. 
Why the hell am i imagining her lips!?
Clarke quickly snaps her eyes away clearing her throat slightly 

"You have had many eyes on you tonight?" Clarke tries changing the mood.

"Have i?" Lexa asked unaware 

"Please, how many guys have approached you tonight?" Clarke raised a brow 

"They were just being friendly" Lexa speaks more nervously unaware that all the sleazy guys had been hitting on her. Clarke had watched from a far seeing many boys approach Lexa, she had watched how lexa became more nervous bowed her head while trying to cover herself. She didn't feel comfortable around them, and each time they left her alone Clarke felt relieved, even if it was Costia moving them along sometimes. 

"They wanted to get in your pants" Clarke teased trying to hide her own annoyance, it was only when she squeezed her hands closed she realised her hands were still entangled with lexa's. "Come dance with me?" Clarke questioned after a moment of silence, she had dropped her own gaze  between them trying to get Lexa and other people out of her head, it just kept ticking in her brain, she couldn't quite place it. 

"Oh.. no.. no" Lexa shook her head rapidly looking to all the dancing bodies near by. "I can't dance Clarke. No" she objected, as if it was the worlds scariest place, her fingers began twiddling with Clarkes, and Clarke knew her nerves were now in control, yet Clarke couldn't help her smile from growing as Lexa played nervously with Clarke's fingers, even if it was just because Clarke was holding her hands. 

"Ill help you" Clarke pleaded softly taking further steps backwards leading to the dance floor hoping Lexa would follow, Clarke came to a holt as Lexa stood froze to the spot, her expressions going crazy, before she finally placed one foot in front of the other and allowed Clarke to pull her close. 

"Is this ok?" Clarke  questioned placing her Hands on Lexa's bare hips, her fingers tingling instantly while she tries to hide how her breath hitched at the contact, Lexa nodded standing still as the blonde pulled her closer "And this?" She questioned close enough to feel Lexa's uneven breath being released. 

"Yes" She breathed as blue met green.

"Good." Was the only word that could Leave the blondes mouth as their bodies pressed tightly together, easy reaching distance to kiss. God stop thinking about kissing! Clarke thought finally closing her parted lips. "Now move like this" Clarke continued to whisper to the brunette as she guided her hip to sway slightly from side to side against hers making their bodies move to the beat against one another. "Good" Clarke hummed once more feeling Lexa willingly begin to move her body, Green Never Left Blue, and Clarke noticed Lexa breath didn't even. 

Clarke Lost count on the amount of times Lexa had made the music mute to her ears that night along with everything around them. Without having to even be around the Smoking hot brunette, she was doing things to her, doing things that have never happened before, even right now Clarke wanted nothing more than to lean in and capture Lexa's delicate lips, she wanted to tug on the bottom one. Clarke released a heavy breath, feeling her temperature rising as Lexa placed a shaky hand on the Blondes hip without needing guidance. 

"Is that ok?" Lexa questioned shakily. It took all Clarke's will power to not scream the words yes!! Instead clarke nodded while her chest fluttered again and it still annoyed her how she couldn't describe how it felt. Swaying her hips more aggressively naturally as the beat radiated through the room, she wanted nothing more than to turn around and close her eyes and show Lexa her moves. She knew it was sexy, but she didn't want to scare the girl. 

"Mind if i interrupt?" Costia beamed appearing beside them as they snap their gaze away. Hell yes! Back the fuck away! Clarke wanted to scream enjoying every second of this, more than she should. 

"No" Clarke smiled bowing her head slightly while moving away, It took everything she had to tear herself away from the brunette, but maybe, just maybe Lexa and Costia had something going on. They had been inseparable all night after all.

"I better find fin anyway" Clarke smiled looking to both girls and Clarke could have sworn Lexa looked hurt.

I'm imagining it' 

Clarke had never walked away so quickly out of a room, wanting to create space between them as quickly as possible, she didnt want to turn back and see the girls grinding against one another, she didn't want to see lexa with smiles and cuddles for Costia.

That’s the moment it dawned on her.

She was jealous.

Fuck. 


"Spin the bottle bitches!!!" Raven and Octavia shouted from the top of their lungs from the dining area, many people cheering, some ignoring and carrying on with what they were doing  having no interesting in playing such game. 

"fuck it" Clarke muttered downing the remaining of her beer before heading in the direction to play the game, any distractions would be great right now.

All this shit is just the alcohol wearing in'  Clarke tried to convince herself, But that was a lie.