Lost And Insecure!

Lost And Insecure!

 

Lexa walked down the crowded school hall while keeping her head bowed. She hated this part, the part when everyone would stare and point while nudging their friends, the part where they would start whispering cruel comments like they couldn't be heard. If there was one thing Lexa had learned over the years after being moved from school to school it was that people could be horrible for no reason at all. After the third school, she gave up trying to make friends and kept to herself choosing to eat lunch alone far away from everyone else where no one could push her, tease her or simply just laugh. Her iPod played a huge roll, blocking out as many damaging words it possibly could, that's why it already sat safely in her back pocket ready to be used.

Stares were followed by points which were followed by an echoing wolf whistle to a burst of laughter.  

Lexa just shamelessly ducked her head moving as quickly as she could to her first lesson while fiddling anxiously with her sleeve. The worst part was everything about this day so far felt normal, nothing unexpected happened. She wondered if the bullies would think what they did to belittle someone was original because each school seemed to have the same pattern. The relief flooded through Lexa the moment she walked through her first Class, English. She introduced herself to the teacher who looked at her curiously before quickly disappearing to the back to sit down. The classrooms are a safe place was all Lexa could think, this being another thing she had learnt over the years, bullies were always tamed when teachers were around. As Lexa slipped her glasses on her face she ignored the curious wondering eyes that filled the classroom and kept her head down until Mr Jaha cleared his throat.

"Morning Class" he beamed clamping his hands together. "We have a new student with us this morning. Would you mind introducing yourself?" he asked warmly turning to Lexa in the back. By the time all eyes were on her Lexa's cheeks were already bright red and her sleeve became the most interesting thing in the world as she twiddled and twirled the thread between her fingers as she stood using every curse word in her head. Her palms were sweaty and her mouth became a desert with all the unwanted eyes just watched her.

"Hi. I.. I'm Lexa" She muttered rubbing the back her neck roughly while dropping her gaze to the ground. She felt like she was on fire with nerves wishing she could just sit down and bury a hole and never resurface again. She didn't want introductions or unnecessary attention, all she wanted was to get through the year in the shadows of the halls allowing everyone to pass her like she was never there to begin with. Instead, no hole appeared and all eyes still remained on her as Mr. Jaha still stood silently waiting for more. By the time he realised that however, Lexa could already hear the quiet muttering of students, the sniggers, and funny looks diverted her way.

"Nice to meet you, Lexa. You may take your seat" he smiled. Lexa's bum hit the seat before he could even finish and suddenly she wished nothing more for the lesson to be over as she took a risky glance around the classroom. "I trust you to all help Lexa and get her use to her new surroundings" he announced with a warning. "Right let's get on shall we. Pull out your book to page 37" As Lexa reached into her bag to retrieve her new books she felt a paper ball hit the side of her face while a laughter came from her right.

"Freak" a boy she hadn't seen before snarled when she looked his way. He laughed high fiving his friend from behind him as he achieves his goal before diverting his attention back to Lexa once more. Lexa's eyes shifted uncomfortably as his eyes looked down at her like she was less than him. She shifted her gaze as quickly as she could and did everything she could to ignore the continuous sniggers. She daren't look up again and sadly wished her favorite lesson done with before it could really ever begin with, yet sadly like every other time she hadn't even done anything to become a target but her theory only proved right as kids certainly never really needed a real reason to be cruel. It was just purely for their sick entertainment.

So why did it never stop hurting any less?

--

When the bell rang Lexa had never felt so relieved. It was lunchtime, and lunchtime meant she could wander off and hide on the field, place her headphones in and block everything out while drifting away. So she did just that, she had rushed out of class so quickly she failed to hear Mr. Jaha asking to speak with her and forgotten her bag in the process. She wondered the field walking further and further out until she found a tree all alone and relaxed against it, only then did her eyes scan the rest of the field and listened to the silence slowly disappear until there wasn't much green left. That was when she saw Clarke for the first time. She stood on the opposite side of the field from her under a  tree with a picnic bench tucked snuggly underneath the tall branches. She couldn't help but watch how Clarke socialized, how her circle of friends seemed to get bigger as the seconds ticked, only when a familiar face from English joins her does Lexa quickly look away.

"Hello" a soft confident voice spoke while waving in front of Lexa's face to catch her attention. Lexa quickly pulled her headphones from her ears feeling instantly confused and anxious by simply having this stranger near her. "You forgot your bag" she smiled innocently placing it next to Lexa.

"Oh. Thank you" Lexa said sincerely yet still confused at why she was bringing it to her.

"Can i sit?" She questioned already placing her bag opposite the shifty brunette and sitting down before permission was granted.

"Um. Ok" Lexa said nervously pulling the other headphone from her ear not wanting to be rude. She wasn't sure what she should do, people normally just left her alone on their breaks to bothered about their own life's to care to hassle Lexa's, so this was kind of weird especially as the girl sat comfortably leaning back on her hands as they buried themselves in the grass. She didn't look like she was going anywhere anytime soon. Unless this was her spot?

"Do you...Do you want me to move?" Lexa questioned already grabbing her things like she didn't need confirmation.

"Why would I want you to move?" The girl questions curiously yet equally as confused as Lexa. She didn't really no how to answer that so instead she shrugged which still brought her back to why was she still sitting here then but Lexa being Lexa remained quiet letting the silence fall around them while shifting uncomfortably and playing with the wire of her iPod.

"I'm Costia" The other girl finally speaks holding her hand out. 

"Lexa" she says shifting in her spot.

"Don't worry about Murphy" Costia smiled protecting herself from the winter's air as she wraps her arms around herself.

"Murphy?" Lexa questioned confused finally looking up and taking the girl in, in front of her. Her eyes green like Lexa's, light brown hair that hung perfectly around her face with gentle curls, she looked like a real girlies girl but effortlessly beautiful. 

"He was the one that threw paper at you," she said sympathetically "He's a jerk. Don't listen to him, he can't exactly talk. Not like you would want him to actually his breath is like a dogs arse" she says disgustedly but somehow Costia managed to draw a smile from Lexa's lips. "You look better when your eyes aren't on the ground," Costia said softly her eyes trailing Lexa carefully for the first time. Of course, that only made Lexa's nerves return increased and her eyes immediately turned to where Costia had just said. Compliments were certainly not her thing.

"Thanks" Lexa muttered her fingers twitching against her jeans.

"You're welcome Lexa" Costia said softly "God it's cold today" she continued to speak freely and Lexa could only listen secretly enjoying the presence of someone else acknowledging her existence which made her feel a strange kind of warmth.

//

From the distance Clarke watched Lexa leaning against the tree as another girl approached and sat opposite the brunette. She watched as they talked for a while oblivious to whatever her group of friends was talking about. She hadn't spoken to Lexa at school yet, she had passed her in the hall once or twice but decided just to carry on with her friends instead not wanting to be caught up talking with the new girl who barely looks up anyway, it's not like Lexa noticed.
"Have you met the new girl?" Bellamy asks snapping her from her obvious line of sight as Bellamy turns to Lexa. "Pretty hot right?" he grins "Weird but hot" 

"I have" Clarke admits turning to Lexa once more. "She's actually the girl my mum and dad fostered"

"No way!" Ravens gasps her attention caught while looking to the odd shifty girl across the field "She? I mean Lexa is living with you?" she questioned shocked. "I didn't think your parents would go through with it" she smirks " I mean who would after having you for seventeen years" she laughs rather proud of herself.

"Shut up" Clarke laughs hitting her friend playfully.

"Yo, on a serious note she is kind of weird though" 

"Why?" She questioned wanting to know how they have come up with their opinion so quickly 

"She doesn't talk"

"Or look up" Bellamy interrupted 

"Yeah or that.. she just constantly playing with things in her hands"

"She's probably nervous" Clarke defends "It is her first day, and she doesn't know anyone" She returns her gaze back to Lexa who had began standing up with the other girl. She couldn't make out the other girl as her back was to her but that didn't stop her squinting in the process.

"Well look's like she has found her first friend" Raven grinned 

"Who is it? "Clarke questioned unable to remove her gaze as Lexa laughed.

"Costia!" Raven laughed "She's in for a real treat" Raven tried to suppress her giggle

"What does that mean?" Clarke questioned confused. She knew Costia, everyone did. She was the popular girl who through only the best parties and never needed a group of friends surrounding her as whoever she approached wanted a piece of her anyway. She was the girl whose parents gave her money instead of love to shut her up and they went off and did as they pleased. She was confident loud, and bratty when she didn't get her own way. So why was she talking with Lexa? Clarke questioned frowning even more but as she watched the two girls interact there was just something she didn't like, and she didn't know what.

///

The day continued to go at snail speed as it always did, and Lexa couldn't help wonder why weekends seem to go so fast as if you never had a day off in the first place, but the second you were back at school it's like someone hit pause on the time, she just wanted to go back to the griffin household, get in her bed and hide, she just wanted to write in her diary and doodle about the event's of the day, And when the final bell rang, letting them all know School was now finished the brunette grabbed her bag and made way into the hall way which quickly filled with all the other student's she kept her gaze down as she headed for the Exit.
Before she had time to take one more step someone had pushed into her with such force that she collided into the locker smacking her face, dropping her books to the floor as the locker made a slamming noise. 

Everyone in the hallway watched on as Lexa clutched her nose already beginning to feel the blood trickle down, but as Lexa looked up she swallowed thickly as everyone's eyes were on her while the same boy from earlier started laughing and high fiving another lad as they walked away. 


"You fucking arse hole" Came a harsh tone pushing into Murphy's chest "Think you’re some big man do you!" she snapped in his face once more before quickly hurrying to Lexa's side, and helping her up. 

"Are you OK?" She questioned Looking concerned Lexa didn't reply she only nodded that she was fine, but with the blood seeping through her fingers she clearly wasn't. "Come on, lets get you cleaned up" Costia smiled pulling the girl in to the bathroom. 

//

"Thank you" Lexa barely whispered as the girl handed her some tissue paper "You don't have to.." 

"I want to" Costia interrupted looking at the girl's red nose "On the plus side, it's not broken" She smiled leaning on the sink behind her, making Lexa smile to.

"I'll give you a ride home if you like?" she questioned

"No.. it ok.. you don't have.." 

"I want to" she smiled interrupting Lexa once more "Come on you" she grinned.

--

Lexa was becoming more surprised by the day, not by how the events of the school day went, no not that at all. This was normal she went to school, people targeted her because she looked funny, because she smells, or because she had the wrong jumper on, anything really. She knew it was just any reason people could grasp people would pick at even if it wasn't true, it wasn't those events that had surprised her. It was Costia, a girl had acknowledged her, she had helped her, and now she was making sure she got home safe too, she was even surprised at the nice car she got in a new white mini range rover. She couldn't help but wonder if she had made a friend, or if Costia was just being human. 

"So will you come?" Costia questioned for the third time during the short journey "It's this weekend"  Lexa didn't want to be rude, she didn't want to turn down the only person that had the decency to talk to her, the only person who had the decency to help her instead of laugh. 

"I don't.. I don't do people" Lexa admitted and she didn't, she hated group's she hated crowds she didn't do people and people didn't like her either so it was just best for all of them for her to stay home. 

"Well I want you there" Costia smiled genuinely "I would love it if you came... think about it" She smiled waving goodbye. 

///


Clarke slammed the door shut behind her leaning back on the front door as she let out a loud huff, detention sucked. She had only been late by ten minutes this morning yet she had to stay an hour after school, how was that fair? Besides, it was Finn's fault he wanted to make out, he wanted just 2 more minutes.
She made her way upstairs to the bedroom already pulling at her jumper upon entering the room, only stopping when she realized Lexa was on the bed, Her eye's slightly bruised and watered. 

"What happened to you?" She questioned quickly making her way to Lexa's side placing her palm on her cheek as she studied her nose Lexa stiffened slightly at the contact not use to it at all, she tried to bow her head but the blonde refused her to do so as she studied the black eye's now beginning to appear

"It's nothing" The brunette muttered, "I'm fine" she snapped her head away once more fiddling with the hem of her top and this time Clarke stepped back a little understanding the brunette was already edgy she didn't want to freak her out more. 

"What happened?" Clarke asked with concern in her tone. The brunette remained silence for a moment thinking of what to say. 
Your friend pushed someone into me? Murphy's been hassling me all day? Your friends a bully. She thought but non of those left her mouth instead the scared insecure girl spoke. 

"I fell into a locker" She half lied The blonde studied the brunette in front of her, she knew falling into a locker by accident wouldn't cause that kind of bruising.

"Lexa" Clarke said softly touching the young girl's leg only for Lexa to instantly move her legs underneath her, she didn't like people touching her.

"sorry" Lexa mutter's pulling her sleeves over her nervous hands " I Don't like being touched" she admits keeping her head bowed 

"Ok" Clarke smiled softly "No touching" she held her hands up innocently "I know you're lying, What happened to your face?" She questioned waiting for the worst, waiting on hearing she had got in a fight, waiting on hearing someone had just punched her and walked away.

"I hit my face in a locker" She clamps her eyes in frustration "I mean I hit my face on the lockers" She admits.

"How?" Clarke questioned smiling at how nervous the girl is.

"your...Um.. your friend" She stutter's  causing Clarke to furrow her brow's in confusion she inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly gritting her teeth

"Which friend?" 

"Murphy" She barely whispered while itching the back of her hand nervously. 

//

Clarke was livid. She was Angry. It was her first day for fuck sake, her first day and that moron had to bully, he had to belittle someone, Clarke was more than angry. 
She was furious.
One thing Clarke wasn't was a bully, she hated it with a passion no matter what group you stand with, or how rich or poor you are you have no right to bully another human being. She was ready to let rip on Murphy, she was ready to rip his head off his neck. 
asshole. 
 
"Clarke, what happened to Lexa's face?" Jake questioned entering the kitchen with his dirty dish, he was unable to get a proper answer out of Lexa, well a reasonable one, one Clarke knew Abby would not accept especially as she was a doctor. 

"I'm handling it" Clarke gulped washing her dish 

"Handling what exactly?" Jake questioned, "Wasn't you with her today at school?" Jake questioned confused why his daughter wouldn't make sure Lexa's first day went smoothly.

"I said I'm handling it, it just some moron at school, ill sort it!" Clarke spoke more firmly "I didn't see her at school, we have different classes" She half lied feeling a little guilty for letting her get on with school life alone.  

"Clarke." Jake snapped firmly but quiet enough for no one else to hear "What is wrong with you?!" He snapped "I expected better than this from you, you knew she knew no one, and you just let her be?" he questioned not really needing an answer he just looked at his daughter with disappointment shaking his head before walking away, he knew his daughter to be soft, loving and caring, she wasn't selfish...in fact he was proud of how unselfish his daughter was he couldn't understand why she was being so Cold toward's Lexa.