Lost And Insecure!

Lost And Insecure! 

Lexa had been sitting at the dinner table with the three Griffins in silent, every now and again they would try to make conversation with her, much to their failure as Lexa simply nodded or shook her head while Clarke rolled her eyes at how stupid Lexa was being. She shifted her vegetable side to side on her plate with her fork, even under the table the girls fingers fiddled nervously if not with the hem of her shirt, it was with the leather on the seats or the threads on her ripped jeans it was a habit she had done for years, she like to fiddle with things between her fingers whenever she gets nervous, or if in awkward situations it would stimulate her brain, keep her calm and just focus on twiddling the item, it soothed her it was hard to explain why, or how but it did, no matter how annoying others found the little habit. 

"Do you not like your vegetables?" Abby asked noticing the constant pushing to one side of a plate to the other 

"Not really," Lexa said shyly.

"shit the bed the girl speaks!"Clarke laughed shoving her own vegetables in her mouth while Lexa sank deeper into her seat.

"Clarke!" Jake snapped "Watch your mouth" 

"What? She's like a mute, you could of at least found someone who actually talks!" Clarke explains. "Or a puppy! I would have preferred a puppy!" she declares under Jake's disapproving stare until Clarke just huffs in annoyance.

"Just ignore her" Abby spoke politely with a gentle smile "I think it's good to be quiet sometimes, this one doesn't shut up" She admitted Looking to Clarke before turning back to Lexa who was growing more and more uncomfortable.

"Charming" Clarke huffed once more getting more annoyed by the second while throwing carrots in her mouth more harshly. Not only was she not able to speak her mind, but they had put her down to make Lexa feel more comfortable. 

"May I be excused?" Lexa asked politely lifting her head up for just a second.

"You may" Abby replied looking at the girl apologetically but admiring her manners to leave the table. They weren't like that in their household they simply just got up when finished eating and sorted their plates so she admired the girl for having such a terrible time in care yet still kept her manners.

As the brunette stood up cleared her plate and headed upstairs to her room, she heard quiet mumbling going on in the dinning room between the Griffin family but couldn't bring herself to listen.
---

"I expected better from you" Abby snapped with her tone quiet

"I haven't done anything wrong she doesn't talk!" Clarke scowled at her mother "You're not the one who has to have her in your bedroom, are you? No. you wanted her not me" Clarke pushed back in her chair crossing her arms as her dad continued to give her the look, the look that made her feel guilty, the look to tell her what she is doing is wrong. She hated that look. 
"Would you stop" Clarke snapped "All i said was she didn't talk"

"Clarke," Jake said softly moving to the chair next to her. "Lexa doesn't have a family which you are fortunate to have. This is a new place, new people, wouldn't you be nervous?" Jake questioned his normally mature daughter.

"maybe" Clarke admitted thinking for the first time as she slouched back in her chair. Jake never said anymore he simply stood before squeezing her shoulder knowing Clarke would do the right thing.

--

Lexa wasn't tired even a little bit but she also didn't want to go back downstairs so instead she changed into her pajamas and slouched on her bed scrolling through her iPod in hope to find a song to lose herself and forget about this new place she would temporarily call home. However, as she was about to hit play Clarke walked into the room with more of a slouch than before as she sat on the edge of her bed facing Lexa. She didn't think much to Clarke really, she understood that sharing a room would be a huge change to the blonde and they simply agreed on wanting Lexa to leave this home as quick as possible.
This was not her home and never would be, so why get comfortable?

"I'm sorry for what I said over dinner," Clarke said apologetically her eyes focused completely on Lexa. It was only then she realized she hadn't properly been able to look at Lexa yet as her eyes were always on the ground with her head bowed down stopping anyone seeing Lexa for what she was.

"It's fine"

"It's not" Clarke confessed dropping her gaze to the ground for a second before looking back at Lexa. "Can we start again?" Clarke questioned "I'm Clarke" Clarke tried while holding her hand out for Lexa to shake it. She held her hand there patiently waiting as she could see Lexa nervously shift in her spot while fiddling with the hem of her shirt. 

"I'm Lexa" Hesitantly Lexa reached out and shook Clarke's hand before pulling it back and placing it under her thighs. For the first time Lexa looked up, it was brief and quick but Clarke caught it and she smiled at how innocent Lexa looked.

"Your eyes are incredible" Clarke breathed before she had time to catch her words. Emerald green, and what a green they were, they were captivating in a way that had Clarke's full attention and before she knew it Clarke found herself taking back her earlier silent confession. She wasn't cute, she was gorgeous. However, the moment was over before it could ever really begin as Lexa snapped her head back down after hearing Clarke's compliment while her cheeks flushed a dark shade of pink. Clarke waited a moment before speaking this time but as she watched Lexa's fingers fiddle once more she found herself smiling.

"You don't take compliments to well do you?" Clarke smiled while placing her hands back in her lap. She couldn't deny her compliment was a slip of the tongue but she also couldn't say it wasn't the truth. She watched Lexa shake her head from side to side letting Clarke no that she didn't take compliments well at all. "That's surprising," the blonde said softly shifting more comfortably on her bed but still facing Lexa not ready for their conversation to come to a stop. "I thought someone like you would be use to it" 


"Why would i be use to it?" Lexa mumbled squeezing down on her sleeve.

"You don't see it?" Clarke furrowed her brows intrigued and confused at the same time. She had heard girls claiming to be fat when they aren't, and ugly when they’re gorgeous but never had she watched someone be generally confused about what you're talking about when it comes to compliments. Lexa was truly oblivious to how stunning she was. "You're very attractive" Clarke admitted her eyes racking innocently down Lexa's body with a furrow still buried deep as she watched Lexa clear her throat and shift more uncomfortably, her cheeks not giving her a break. The silence fell amongst them Clarke half expecting Lexa to speak but also not surprised when she remained quiet after another compliment.

"umm. so.." Lexa fidgeted itching her palm "You have a boyfriend" she says randomly wanting to change the topic as quickly as possible.

"I do" Clarke smiled "His name's Finn, he goes to our school actually" Clarke admits standing from her bed before searching her draw for her own pajamas. "You start tomorrow right?"

"Yes" Lexa mumbled once more shifting in her own bed beneath the quilt cover.

"You might meet him," Clarke says stripping out of her clothes without a second thought. Lexa's eyes immediately darted elsewhere, not expected Clarke to just causally strip confidently in front of her, but she found her eyes wondering back before darting them away quickly once more. "Anyway, Goodnight Lexa," Clarke says finally switching the light off and jumping into bed.

"Night" Lexa mumbled her eyes more awake than ever.

---

While shifting through the night, Clarke’s eyes peaked open before automatically closing again. When her brain catches up with the light she seen peaking through she attempts to open her eyes again it takes her a moment or two for her eyes to focus infront of her where she see’s Lexa with a small torch in her mouth aimed at a book as she scribbles something. Heavy with sleep Clarke frowns lifting her head from the pillow ready to ask what the hell Lexa’s doing in the middle of the night, but she managed ms to catch herself just in time when she realises how relaxed Lexa looks. It had been less than 24 hours since they met but this was the most calm she had seen the brunette, there was no twitching, no fiddling just pure concentration when she thought no one was watching. 
Clarke decision came easy, she stayed quiet and laid there silently watching the brunette writing in her book, page after page while taking in Lexa's features. Her eyes were reflecting from the small light and only then was it that Clarke noticed Lexa's insanely strong jawline and slender neck. Her eyes traced her features carefully and discreetly until Lexa shook her from her stare and placed her book under her pillow. Clarke instantly closed her eyes not wanting to be caught but found herself thinking how it would feel to draw Lexa's jaw. Once again there was nothing but darkness and the last thing Clarke heard was Lexa letting out a heavy breath.

Clarke was woken for a second time that night but this time it was a very different scene.

This time Lexa wasn't laying there at peace, she was in fact quite the opposite. Fast asleep while talking in her sleep, she seemed unable to stay still as she shifted in bed like she was having a nightmare. So Clarke did the first thing she could think of at four in the morning.

"Lexa" Clarke said sitting up while rubbing at her eyes. The call did nothing and Lexa still seemed to be stuck in her nightmare so without a second thought Clarke switched on the lamp before placing her bum on Lexa's bed. 

"No! No!..i didn't...wasn't....my fault" Lexa started mumbling mixed up words while Clarke noticed the thick layer of sweat on Lexa's forehead. She wasn't really sure what to do due to not being completely sure what was happening.

"Lexa" Clarke said firmly shaking the brunette to wake up, feeling slightly panicked at the new experience. Only when Lexa jolted upright in bed wide eyes with heavy breathing almost knocking Clarke out did Clarke's eyes widen in worry. She must have had some nightmare. Clarke placed her hands calmly on Lexa's forearms more concerned than before. "Are you ok?" Clarke questioned her eyes scanning green eyes and sweaty cheeks. "I think you were having a nightmare," Clarke said hesitantly not sure if that's what you could call it. For a moment if you could even call it that green wide eyes connected with blue concerned ones and for a moment Clarke thought she was going to speak, but her mouth only opened to close once more.

"Go back to sleep" Lexa said quietly clutching the quilt against her chest before dropping her gaze completely. She didn't see the frown on Clarke's face appear and she was too embarrassed to care.

"I was only making sure you were ok" Clarke bit standing from the bed and marching back to her own. The mood changed swiftly and Clarke wished she never moved at all.

The room falls silent once more as both girls turn their backs to one another but Clarke found it impossible to close her eyes as she stared at the wall confused about what just happened. She had had nightmares before, of course, she had who hasn't? but she could never remember having one quite like she just witnessed. 

"I'm sorry Clarke" Lexa mumbled from beneath her quilt.

Clarke chooses to ignore it as if she hadn't heard and was already asleep. 

----

The morning soon came and both girls got ready in silence. Clarke chooses to dress in her bedroom naturally whereas Lexa disappears into the bathroom instead. The blonde found it strange getting changed in a different room despite having the same bits but said nothing.
"Clarke," Lexa said nervously after entering their room. "I..um" she cleared her throat once more bowing her head before raising it again. "I'm sorry for last night" Lexa apologised nervously playing with her shirt. She had been embarrassed after waking in such a state along with still feeling the effects of the nightmare, they were never easy to shift and she really never meant to take it out on Clarke, never mind her ever witness the state she had become.

"Forget it" Clarke mumbled like she never cared about it anyway. She grabbed her bag threw it over her shoulder and muttered "See you at school" Then the blonde was gone and like every other time Lexa felt uncomfortable she remained fiddling with her top even more so than before. Just when Clarke was beginning to ease up, Lexa went and ruined it.

Not much longer left here anyway Lexa thought.