Chapter 17
As the world around her seemed to spin, Lexa began to feel slightly dizzy as her brain tried to wrap itself around the words that she had just heard. They did it. They did it! They got in and actually found something and judging by the sound of Raven’s voice, it had to be something pretty massive.
“Lexa,” Clarke’s voice suddenly filled her ears. “Lex?”
Lexa looked up to find Clarke staring at her with a suddenly softened expression.
“Are you okay?” Clarke questioned her carefully.
“I’m…” Lexa paused and shook her head, quickly schooling her features. “I’m sorry. I have to go,” she said before turning and starting to walk away.
“Oh, so you do know how to use that word,” Clarke’s instantly clipped voice followed.
Lexa stopped and turned back to face her with a realization taking shape in her mind – Clarke didn’t believe that she was sorry for what had happened. “Clarke,” she shook her head. “I told you that I was sorry the night that I left."
“Yeah,” Clarke scoffed lightly. “It probably would have been a little more convincing if you had actually meant it,” she lightly spat before turning and walking away on her own.
Lexa didn’t respond, instead choosing to simply just watch her walk away.
Breaking up with Clarke had been the most painful thing that she had ever done and nothing – nothing about it had been easy and what followed as the news of it spread wasn’t any better either.
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Lexa sat defeated at her piano with the fingers of one hand dancing over the ivory keys and a bottle on gin gripped tightly in the other. She had ended things with Clarke and it had been the most devastating thing that she had ever experienced. Clarke was so heartbroken. She had fought and pleaded with tears streaming from her beautiful blue eyes and the only thing Lexa could do was repeat her position over and over, not showing the slightest bit of emotion. Twenty four hours ago she was warm and filled with love, now there was nothing, she was empty and cold.
Taking a long sip of the bottle, she watched blankly as her phone continued to flood with missed messages and calls.
It had been going off for hours.
O: What the actual fuck?
Raven: What the hell is going on??
Raven: Really, what the fuck is wrong with you?
O: Seriously?? Omg! What’s the matter with you!?
Lincoln: What’s going on? O is freaking out! What happened?
Bellamy: You said you wouldn’t hurt her.
Lincoln: Bangkok? Lexa, what the hell are you doing?!
Missed Calls:
Bellamy (1)
Clarke (5)
Lincoln (3)
Octavia (4)
Raven (17)
Lincoln: Call me back!
Clarke: I don’t understand. Please, talk to me.
Clarke: Why won’t u take my calls??
Monty: That is just so messed up.
Clarke: Please, don’t do this.
Raven: ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE, ASSHOLE! God! I’m going to kick your fucking ass!
Jasper: You’re such an ass!
O: I swear to God, Lexa!!! Answer the phone!!
Clarke: Lexa, please…
O: I can’t believe that after everything you would do this to her. I know how much she means to you! Everyone knows how much you two love each other. You need Clarke, as much as she needs you. Why are you doing this??? Come on, Lexa!
Bang! Bang! Bang! “Lexa!” Bang! Bang! “Open the door!!” Bang! Bang!!
As the sudden sound echoed through the apartment, Lexa jumped and slipped off the piano bench, falling to the floor and shattering the bottle in her hand. She sat for a moment, watching her blood pool on the shiny, cold marble before she heard Anya’s voice boom. “Enough!”
“Where is she?” Lincoln questioned harshly.
“You need to stop,” Anya stated firmly, with touch of annoyance in her voice. “There are things you don’t understand.”
“Then help me,” Lincoln pleaded. “What the hell happened?”
“I made a decision,” Lexa said as she stepped into the room. “That’s what happened.”
“Lexa, what the…” Lincoln began as he stepped forward.
Anya grabbed his arm and gave him a cautioning look. “Lexa,” she said gently and redirected her glance, “you’re bleeding.”
“I fell. There was glass,” Lexa explained as she rubbed the back of her head and grabbed her shirt off of the arm of the couch, quickly wrapping it around her hand. “But, I’m fine – it’s fine,” she shook her head.
Lincoln sighed. “Just tell me what’s going on?”
“I just did.” Lexa replied simply.
“You just up and decided to move to fucking Bangkok?” Lincoln asked, his voice heavy with annoyance.
“Yes,” Lexa nodded.
“Why?” Lincoln shrugged in utter bewilderment.
“That’s not your concern.” Lexa answered blankly.
Lincoln’s eyes widened instantly. “Not my concern? You’re like my sister! Of course it’s my fucking concern!”
Lexa just stared at him.
There was so much emotion radiating from him – love, frustration, pain, and a whole lot of disbelief. It was bad enough that Anya already knew what really happening, she wasn’t going to allow Lincoln to also carry that weight.
Lexa fought to bury the lump in her throat. “You know how much I love all of you – how much I love Clarke and that I want so many great things for all of you,” she said, as her heart pounded furiously in her chest. “But the fact of the matter is that we all have our place in the world and mine is no longer here,” she said firmly. “Now, if you could go,” she added and motioned to the door. “I have packing to see to.”
“Wow...” Lincoln breathed as he shook his head in obvious disappointment and he walked to the door, grabbed the knob and then suddenly stared at her with surprisingly sympathetic eyes. “I think that she’s really going to hate you,” he finally said.
Lexa finally swallowed. “I would expect nothing less,” she confirmed with a nod.
Lincoln stared at her for another second before shaking his head and exiting the apartment.
“In fact, I’m counting on it,” Lexa muttered the second the door clicked shut.
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Lexa sighed as she shook her head and started walking back to her apartment. It was true. She had counted on it and not just from Clarke, but from everyone – all of them. She wanted them to hate her – needed it even, because that was the only way. The only way that they would leave her be and let her go. The only way that they would just, forget about her.
Except that they didn’t. No. If her time back had shown her anything – anything at all, it was that none of them had ever really forgotten. Not her or how she had hurt them.
Finally crossing the threshold into her apartment, Lexa deposited her keys on the table and instantly her eyes fell on Anya, sitting at her desk obviously reading something on the laptop.
“So, what did you find?” Lexa asked eagerly as she approached.
“Well,” Anya looked up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It took a little while for Raven to get in and find the file, which was hidden and protected, but once she gained access,” she paused and shook her head. “God, I don’t even know where to start.”
“Really?” Lexa rounded the desk and looked at the screen. “Sonofa…” she muttered. “It never stopped, did it?”
“I don’t think so,” Anya shook her head as she got to her feet and walked toward the bar.
Slowly dropping down into her chair, Lexa began to click her way through the files, her eyes skimming over the information that had been sealed within for far too long. Some of the things her mind was absorbing, she had no doubt were true – others however, seemed a bit farfetched, though none of it necessarily unbelievable. Either way…
“What now?” Anya’s voice suddenly broke into her thoughts.
“Hm?” Lexa blinked and glanced up at her.
“What are you going to do now?” Anya questioned her again. “It’s all right there in black and white. You can tell them – hell, you can even show them. So, what are you going to do?”
Lexa leaned back in her chair and eyed the screen again as her jaw began to work overtime.
It was true. She could tell them, show them – print it all out in lovely little packets and hand them off one by one. Let it out. Let it be known why she had done what she had done, acted the way that she had. Why she had walked away and cut them all off so quickly. She could, it was all true, but at the same time…God…
“I’m calling a meeting,” Anya said suddenly.
Lexa’s eyes snapped up as she instantly rose to her feet. “I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me. I’m calling a meeting – a family meeting.” Anya responded firmly and set her jaw. “I know you won’t do it. I know it! I can see it in your eyes.”
“That’s not your call to make,” Lexa practically growled and stepped forward.
“Well, I’m making it mine,” Anya fired back at her, “because you won’t and I get it. I know that you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared,” Lexa lied defensively and quickly crossed her arms.
“You are and that’s okay, but Lexa,” Anya shook her head, “this thing has affected both of our lives for far too long and damn it, I want my cousin back!”
“And I want my friend back,” Raven’s voice suddenly joined the conversation.
Lexa instantly spun toward the doorway where Raven had appeared and the look in her eyes told her everything that she needed to know. “I never stopped being your friend, Raven,” she said quietly.
Raven smiled lightly. “I know that,” she said as she walked forward and pulled her into a hug, “now.”
Lexa’s arms went up without thought as she returned the embrace and tried to slow her racing mind. Raven knew the truth, or at least, knew enough of it.
“Thank you,” Raven whispered before giving her one last squeeze and stepping back.
Lexa dropped her hands and lowered her gaze as she nodded in response.
“I’ve already backed up the file, so I’ll leave the laptop with you” Anya said as she crossed the room and picked up her jacket. “I’m going to go make some calls and set things up. I’ll keep you posted.”
Lexa tucked her hands into her pockets and nodded again, knowing that there was no way to stop this now. Anya was as stubborn as she was and clearly her mind was made up.
Within minutes of Anya and Raven’s departure Lexa had retrieved the bottle of scotch from the bar and settled herself back at her desk for what she was sure would be a long night of reading. Now, for the first time, she was going to see how deep what she gave up everything for ran and if the tiny shred of hope that she had clung on to for six long years had been in vain.
Hours later Lexa awoke in her chair as a faint light flashed in her eyes and an annoying sound filled her ears. Knocking over the empty scotch bottle as she blindly searched for her phone, she felt a pang of annoyance fire off inside her hazy mind because – God, what time was it?
Anya: Abby’s place tomorrow at three – everyone will be there and I hope you will too.
Lexa stared at the screen and felt her stomach slowly start to churn. Well fuck – that was fast.
As if by some miracle, the following afternoon Lexa found herself making her way down Abby’s driveway and to the back deck where she was sure everyone would be gathering, but it was a struggle. With every step the air around her seemed to be getting thinner and her feet just heavier and heavier. The sound of Abby’s voice suddenly filled her ears and on some ridiculous instinct, Lexa quickly pressed her body against the side of the house and froze, almost fearing to even breathe.
“Not that we’re complaining, Anya,” Abby voice was pleasant. “But, to what do we own the honor?”
“Like I said, family meeting – and one that should have happened a long time ago,” Anya’s voice was even. “I was hoping that Lexa would be here, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to show.”
“Okay guys, everyone come sit down!” Raven suddenly yelled.
Lexa could hear people piling onto the deck, the sounds of mumbled voices and chairs shuffling. She chanced a careful glance around the corner.
“Okay everyone, a lot of things happened a long time ago and it’s time to clear the air. Just try to bear with me, okay?” Anya explained as she set her glass on the table. “I was with Lexa the night she decided to move to Bangkok.
“We know,” Lincoln responded quickly. “I saw you, remember?”
“No,” Anya said looking at the floor. “I mean, I was with her when she decided. I know what you all think, but…”
“Does it really matter?” Bellamy questioned. “I mean, it’s been years.”
“It matters,” Raven retorted quickly. “And if I, of all people, am saying that, you knuckleheads better listen up.”
“I know that everyone knows that she went there to run an office for her parents, but it was actually lead to that decision was,” Anya paused and took a deep breath, “way more complicated.”
Complicated wasn’t the word. Lexa leaned back against the house as her mind tore her back to that night.
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“Father, please” Lexa tried again. “There are a number of people who are more than qualified to handle this. I haven’t even finished school yet. I can’t just pack up and leave.”
“You can, and you will,” he replied quite sternly. “You can collect your little degrees until your heart is content, I do not care, but – you will go where you are needed and right now, that is Bangkok. You will head the new branch. Should you find time for more schooling, by all means enroll.”
“I don’t want to go to Bangkok.” Lexa stated with frustration evident in her voice. “I want to stay here. I love being here. I want…”
“This isn’t about what you want,” he interrupted with a scoff. “This is what you’ve been groomed for. It’s business.”
“But, my friends are here,” Lexa continued to try, “and Clarke…”
“Enough,” his voice raised instantly. “I have had quite enough of your life here.”
“Yeah, of course you have.” Lexa muttered to herself as she lowered her eyes. “Because it actually makes me happy and God forbid…”
SLAP!
In a flash Lexa’s was knocked sideways into the table, causing a collection of items to shatter to the floor and a burning sensation spread over her face. He had heard her.
“You forget yourself, Alexandria,” he was clearly angry now, his eyes were raging. “They are expecting you in Bangkok in three days and you will be there.”
“And if I’m not?” Lexa asked stubbornly as she straightened back up and eyed him, feeling oddly daring.
Her father released a grin and it was the worst thing she had ever seen. “Alexandria, you can’t possibly believe that your fate is the only one that we have control over,” he said as he slowly retrieved a file from his briefcase and handed it to her. “Perhaps this little taste, will remind you.”
Lexa flipped it open and instantly her stomach lurched as her breath hitched. Inside were several pages on every single person that she cared about in the world. Reaching the last page however, her eyes snapped up. “You would burn one of your own?” She questioned, clearly disgusted.
“Without hesitation,” he answered in short.
She knew what it meant. She had seen it before - many times. He was giving her a choice. Leave her life here and go take her place in Bangkok or stay, and watch as her parents destroyed the lives and quite possibly futures of the people that she cared most about – the people that she truly loved.
“I’ll do it,” Lexa nodded as a single tear rolled down her face.
“How admirable of you,” he smirked maliciously and walked to the door. “Three days. Send a list of anything that needs tending to and Emerson will see to it.”
Not a moment later, he was gone.
Lexa stood rooted on the spot for a moment or two just trying to digest it all. Suddenly a shadow caught her attention and turning she saw Anya lingering in the doorway. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” Anya answered tightly. “I’m in there, aren’t I?”
Lexa nodded slightly.
“Lexa, you don’t have to…” Anya began, surprisingly soft, but silenced when a sharp glare met her eyes.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Lexa said quickly.
“I won’t.” Anya assured her as she shook her head.
“Promise me,” Lexa almost demanded as she met her eyes.
“I promise,” Anya held her gaze and nodded firmly. “What are you going to do?”
“You already know.” Lexa croaked as took out her phone.
Lexa: We need to talk.
Clarke: Should I come to you?
Lexa: No. I’ll come to you.
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Lexa pressed her head against the house hard as tears streamed down her cheeks. She had known her father. He was powerful, extremely connected and seriously unaffected. Destroying people’s lives was something that he had become known for over the years and he did it with ease and without remorse. If he had already gone far enough to collect the information, then he meant exactly what he was threatening. That much, she knew was true and Anya had known it too.
“Anya contacted me a yesterday morning,” Raven’s voice broke into Lexa’s thoughts, “and asked me to unlock Lexa’s father’s laptop. It took a bit of work, but when I got in, I found files on every single one of us.”
“Files containing what?” Jasper questioned.
“Information. Details about our lives,” Anya answered simply. “Ways to fuck them up,” she added with a slight huff.
“Wait, so, he was going to try and come after us?” Jasper questioned again.
“Not try, he would have succeeded. Ruining people’s lives was like a specialty of his.” Anya answered confidently.
“And apparently, he still kept an eye on all of us even after Lexa left,” Raven added and crossed her arms.
“Oh, come on,” Bellamy said quickly. “What could he have possibly had?”
“Remember that girl that you didn’t know was underage, Bell?” Raven responded loudly.
Silence.
Lexa chanced another glance. Everyone knew about Bellamy’s one night with an underage girl. The girl hadn’t looked as young as she actually was – nowhere near, everyone agreed and though what had happened between the two of them had been entirely consensual – Bellamy was gutted by it and had barely so much as looked at another woman for months afterwards.
“Listen, it doesn’t really matter what he had.” Raven spoke again. “The point is that what he had - including his connections, would have been enough. For some of us, school would have been over. For others, it could have been worse – possibly even been jail time. He even had a file on you, Abby.”
“You have to understand, my uncle was so well connected – so involved in so many things,” Anya paused and shook her head, “so damn powerful and he was going to come after us all – no holds barred. That man always got what he wanted - always.”
“So, you’re saying that Lexa leaving is what protected all of us?” Monty asked.
Anya nodded. “Lexa is a major hard ass, but she loved you all, so much. You were her real family,” she told them, her voice actually soft. “I had never seen her more at home than she was when she was with all of you. She knew what her parents were capable of and she knew that leaving was the only way that she could guarantee they would leave you all alone.”
Lexa continued watching from a far, just letting the tears fall freely. It was true.
“She was so, emotionally void, the night we broke up. She had never been like that with me.” Clarke finally spoke. “I thought…” she paused and stood suddenly and gripped the railing, both shaking and nodding her head as if she had suddenly realized something.
“What is it?” Raven asked, stepping forward.
“When we were arguing, the only hint of emotion that I saw was when she said that she wanted me to have a good life – the best life.” Clarke croaked with tears swimming in her eyes. “God, she’s such an honorable ass.”
“She is,” Anya nodded in agreement. “She let herself be isolated in Bangkok, bending to her parents every word for six years for you – for us. All of us.”
“Wait,” Clarke’s eyes widened as the words sank in. “That means that she didn’t want to leave? That she really was in love with me after all?”
Anya shook her head lightly as a smirk crossed her lips and a sigh escaped her. “Clarke…”
Lexa felt her eyes sharpen on the spot.
Was?
Clearing her throat loudly, Lexa finally stepped around the corner and instantly felt all of their eyes on her, but met only Clarke’s. “Not was,” she said firmly.