Chapter 13
When Alex had seen Olivia and Barba standing on the balcony together she told herself not to be jealous. She told herself that it was ridiculous to think that the two would never talk again. They had shared friends and had known each other before they started dating. It wasn’t exactly reasonable to think that they would never talk to each other again yet Alex felt a pang of jealousy as she watched her girlfriend place her hand on his arm. Alex turned away. She told herself that it she was not the kind of jealous person who spied on her partner but she was also worried about what she might see if she kept looking. The past few months with Olivia had been good but not great. There was something in between them and Alex was fairly certain it was a combination of Olivia not being over Barba and their fraught past. Alex told Olivia that she had to catch up on some paperwork and couldn’t spend the weekend with her though that was only partially true.
The following week was the start of a trial for SVU and the two women only saw each other during work until Thursday night. Alex had been at the office until well after dinner but Olivia had told her to come over anyways. “You learning to cook has been a god-send.” Alex said as she dug into the stir-fry that Olivia had made that night.
“I always could cook.” Olivia defended and Alex raised an eyebrow. “Remember that one time I made you chicken soup when you were sick!”
“About that …”
“You said it was good.”
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings but it wasn’t being sick that stopped me from finishing the bowl.” Alex admitted with a small grin.
“No!”
“Well, you’ve redeemed yourself.” Alex smiled. “Wow, do you realize that was over ten years ago?”
“Yeah, I guess it was.” Olivia replied.
“A lot has changed.” Alex sighed and reached out for the other woman’s hand. “When I came back to New York I didn’t think you would want to see me.”
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2011
The moment that Alex opened the door to her apartment it was clear what she wanted to talk about. The small living room was filled with un-filled boxes and a suitcase. “You’re leaving again.” Olivia stated before Alex had a chance to start explaining.
“Well, yes.” Alex sighed. “I got a job offer in D.C.”
“And you’re taking it? You just got back a few months ago.”
“I know but it feels like the right decision.” Alex explained. “Ever since I came back here I feel like I don’t belong. I feel like I’m trying to fit back into a life that doesn’t exist anymore.” Impulse took over Olivia and she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist and kissed her. The kiss was long and full. It was one of those kisses that communicated feelings more than words every good. Olivia could feel tears escape her eyes but she did not stop kissing the woman. They held onto each other. They held onto what they knew was already gone.
“Good luck.” Olivia choked out as they still held onto each other.