Chapter 9
2009
When Olivia had first heard, through the grapevine, that Alexandra Cabot was out of witness protection and back in New York her immediate impulse was to call the woman. She had managed to wait for a few weeks but eventually, one lonely evening, she found herself calling. She left a quick message and waited anxiously for the next few days to hear back. She asked the rest of the squad and other ADA’s if anyone had heard from Cabot but no one had. She called every few weeks in hopes of hearing back but never did. Eventually, she stopped trying and forced herself not to think about Cabot. Eventually three years had passed with no word from Alex. That was until the surprise murder of a recently convicted child molester had the squad standing on the street waiting for Cragen and Greylek to give them the okay to enter.
“It’s not Greylek.” Fin stated and when Benson turned around she wasn’t sure who she was expecting to see but she had definitely not expected the tall, blonde ADA to be striding towards them.
“Alex.” Olivia breathed, eyes wide with shock.
Three years. Alex had been out of witness protection for three years. Olivia was torn. Part of her wanted to wrap her arms around the other woman while the other part of her wanted to yell at her and demand to know why Alex hadn’t returned any of her calls. All she could do was stare at her – wide-eyed.
The two women found themselves, for the first time in five years, sitting at the small Italian restaurant they used to frequent. They sat awkwardly over a bottle of red wine and waited for their entrees. Neither knew how to start this conversation after so long. “Why didn’t you call me?” The words tumbled out of Olivia’s mouth. She had been trying so hard not to say anything but the words came out anyways.
“Like I said before I tried but I … I just couldn’t.” Alex replied. “When I came back my old life was gone and I figured if I was going to lose everything good I should at least be able to forget the bad. I wanted to forget it all.”
“Why did you come back now?”
“McCoy asked me.”
“You could have said no.”
“Alright,” Alex sighed. “The truth? I spent the last three years trying to start a new life here in New York. I had my identity back but everything else was gone. I tried to move on and forget but I couldn’t. I was miserable. I couldn’t move on because … because I left so many loose ends.” Alex reached out and took Olivia’s hands in hers. “I’m so, so sorry for not calling you but … can we try again?”
“Alex …”
“Look Liv, I don’t know how long I’ll be at SVU before they put me back in appeals but I know that I agreed to come back because I had to see you. I … I love you Olivia.” The two had never shared those words. Alex’s confession hung in the air between them as the waiter brought their dinners. Neither moved to start eating. Neither moved at all. Olivia opened her mouth only to shut it again – unsure of what words might come out if she started to speak. Alex sat frozen, unblinking, afraid that if she did tears would fall down her face. They sat for several moments until finally Olivia let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.
“I love you too.”