Chapter 6
Space. He had said he needed space. Over a week had passed and there had been no contact. Olivia had had to force herself on several occasions not to text or call him but with each passing day it got harder. She found herself hanging around the courthouse longer than necessary in hopes of seeing him but she never did. She was constantly checking her phone in hopes of seeing his name on the screen but never did. Olivia kept replaying the argument they had had after Alex left her office. It was short. She wanted him to stay so they could talk it out but he insisted on leaving. She had only seen him have that look on his face once before – when he found out about her relationship with Tucker. Olivia gave him space but after over a week she couldn’t take it any longer. He wanted space but what about what she wanted?
After getting off work late Wednesday night she found herself driving to Barba’s apartment instead of her own. She already had Lucy staying overnight since she was unsure when she would be able to get away that night due to the complex case they were dealing with. The doorman recognized her and let her up to his apartment. She knocked sharply three times and waited. Silence. Her first thought was that he might not be home and then realizing that it was nearly one o’clock in the morning she realized he might be asleep. She started to turn away but then heard someone walking and the sound of a deadlock being unlocked. The man who opened the door only vaguely resembled the Rafael Barba that Olivia knew. He looked exhausted and not just due to the late hour. It looked as though he hadn’t slept in days. He had large dark circles under bloodshot eyes and he was in desperate need of a shave.
“Hey,” Barba said flatly. The two looked at each other for a moment neither sure what to say.
“Did I wake you up?” Olivia asked.
“No, I wasn’t sleeping.” Barba replied. “Come in.”
Olivia sat awkwardly on Barba’s couch. It took her a moment to realize what was wrong but then it set in. The place was messy. It wasn’t as messy as many people’s, including hers, apartment but it was messier than she had ever seen it. The coffee table and small kitchen table were both covered in newspapers and legal pads. The kitchen counter had dishes and old take-out boxes spread across it. He returned with two glasses of wine, handed her one, and sat on the recliner. “So, what brings you here at one in the morning on a Wednesday?”
“I had to see you.”
“I was going to call.” Rafael muttered. “I … I just didn’t know what to say.”
“That’s a first.” Olivia had meant it to sound like a joke but the words came out harsh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.” He replied but his tone was still flat.
“I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you about my past with Alex.” Olivia sighed. “It’s just … I never told anyone about it before. It wasn’t that I was trying to hide that an ex was in my life again. I just didn’t know how to admit that I had been involved with … a woman.”
“I get that would be hard for you.” Rafael responded as he moved onto the couch next to her. “But I don’t get why you didn’t tell me. I told you that I was bisexual before we even started dating. How could you think that I would react poorly to the fact that you dated a woman?”
“I … I don’t know.” Olivia admitted.
“Which makes me think that it wasn’t just that but something else too.” Barba stood up. “You clearly aren’t over her, not entirely and I can’t come second.”
“Raf,” Olivia stood up and walked towards him. “You … you’re the person I want to be with.”
“Are you over her? Completely?”
“It’s complicated with her. She left so abruptly and there were a lot of unanswered questions.”
“So, no?”
“But Raf, I love you.”
“I’m sorry Liv but I can’t do this.”
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1988
Rafael Barba stepped out into the snow covered streets of the South Bronx. He zipped his jacket all the way up, put his head down, and began to walk down the street to Eddie’s house. He hadn’t seen his friend, or anyone from the neighbourhood, since he had left for Harvard nearly four months ago. He had waited as long as possible after the start of winter break to leave school but eventually, on December 23rd, he couldn’t put it off any longer. Rafael spotted two people standing with their arms around each other in front of Eddie’s apartment building as he approached. At first, he didn’t think twice about them but as he got closer and he could recognize the person facing him through the snow. Rafael didn’t know that his old friend Alejandro had a girlfriend and was excited to see who the she was until he got closer. The look on Alejandro’s face told him that something was off and a moment later the girl turned around and Rafael was greeted with the face of Yelina – the girl who had broken up with him almost two months ago.