secret boyfriend material
Maya was proud of herself for “fake coming out” to her mom. (It was a fake coming out, that's what she kept telling herself.) Riley was proud of her too. She kept whispering it into her ear before nuzzling her head in her neck while they slow danced. And when Riley said that she was proud of Maya, that was all that mattered to her. Making Riley proud, made Maya proud. And even though she was proud of herself, after the dance when she went home to her apartment, she cried. She cried because even though her being gay and coming out wasn't real (it wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real), her mom thought it was. And no matter how many fights and snide comments she made, her mother’s opinion still meant a lot to her. She cried because Riley would never love her the way she loved Riley. She cried because she didn't know what all of this meant. She cried because she fucking hated Lucas Friar. He had to come with his stupid Texan charm and his stories about horses that Riley would not shut up about. And it left a fire burning in Maya’s stomach. But she wasn't jealous, she couldn't be jealous. Maybe she was just...protective. She didn't want Riley to get hurt. That's what it was. At least that's what she told herself, over and over again, like a mantra, until she believed it. She hated Lucas Friar because she knew that he saw Riley as a challenge and a prize instead of a person. She hated Lucas Friar because he snuck looks at Riley when he thought no one was looking. She hated Lucas Friar because she knew his reputation. She hated Lucas Friar because she shouldn't be up at 3 am, crying, because she hated him so goddamn much. But she was. And the fact of the matter is, is that it boiled down to one reason: she hated Lucas Friar because he was stealing her girl away. And the saddest part to Maya was that Riley wasn't even her girl, not in the way that she was Riley’s.
The next day, Riley swore that she must have imagined everything that happened with Lucas in her head because all he was doing was flirting with some Sarah girl. Riley didn't know Sarah. She didn't really know anyone besides Maya, Farkle, and Lucas (or at least she thought she knew him). But Lucas was smiling at Sarah the way that he smiled at her that day in the dugout. And Riley did not like this feeling. She didn't like this feeling one bit. Nevertheless, even though Lucas wasn't smiling at her, he was still smiling, and Riley still felt the butterflies in her stomach. So when Lucas finally got away from Sarah (stupid Sarah, Riley thought to herself), Riley walked over to him, trying her best to hide her jealousy.
“Hey, who was that you were talking to? I've never seen her around before,” Riley knew that sounded like a dig at Sarah - maybe it was a little bit - but she wasn't lying; she didn't know who Sarah was.
“That's Sarah Carpenter,” Lucas said, with a sparkle in his eyes that made Riley want to throw up. “She's really great. She's so passionate. So beautiful. Don't you think so?”
Right, I'm supposed to be a lesbian, Riley reminded herself.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's got...great...great hair,” Riley half heartedly offered.
Great hair? What were you thinking? He's going to see right through your act.
“Yeah, she does. But what I really love about her is her personality, it's so raw and passionate.”
And that's when Riley really thought when she was going to throw up. When she heard Lucas Friar say the word love. Lucas Friar, who had never had a girlfriend for more than a month. Riley wasn't sure if she wanted to throw up, cry, or both. It definitely felt like both. But she had to keep up the act. She had to act like this didn't faze her. And she was getting pretty good at that. But she hated Sarah. She didn’t really have a reason to hate Sarah and that made her hate Sarah even more.
“I...uh, gotta go, talk to my girlfriend,” Riley said, swallowing her feelings and nausea.
Riley and Maya met in the halls, at 10:15, like they always did during third period. They both asked their teachers for a bathroom break, (using the emergency card, and once a month, using the lady card), so that they could see each other. It was torture for them not to be in the same class. It was so much easier when they practically had the same exact schedule in middle school and had all the same teachers in elementary school. They ran towards the middle of the hall to embrace each other, like the hadn’t seen each other in forever. And to them it felt like forever. If forever lasted one hour. They whispered ‘I missed you’s into the other’s hairs and stayed like that for a while before pulling away.
“We should talk about this whole lesbian thing, Peaches,” Riley said in a mumble.
“You’re not backing out now, are you?” Maya didn’t want Riley to back out, as selfish as it seemed. She liked keeping up the charade. “You know, if we break up or tell them the truth, they’re going to overcome their opposition to the death penalty.”
“I know, I know, I know,” Riley replied, with a sigh. “I just worry that you’re not getting anything out of this.”
“It’s fine,” Maya lied. Well she was getting something out of it. “Maybe I should get a secret boyfriend like you. You seem to like it.”
“Yeah, you should!” Riley agreed. “What about Brandon? You two are both rebels.”
“That’s true, I’ll talk to him at lunch.”
“Okay, we gotta get back to class now.”
Maya groaned. She hated math. They were learning about fractions for the billionth time and she didn’t care for them. Why would she ever need parts of numbers? Who needs parts of numbers? What kind of bullshit is that?
At lunch, she found Brandon, and she tried talking to him. But the only thing he could manage to talk about was himself. Maya tried not to roll her eyes but she was so bored of hearing him drone on and on about how badass that thing he did was. She excused herself from the table and then bumped into a boy she had never seen before.
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I...uh...are those tacos you’re eating?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I go to Paco’s Tacos and keep them in my fridge, then take them to school for lunch. Would you like one?”
And that’s when Maya knew. He was definitely secret boyfriend material.
“Yes! I love Paco’s Tacos. I’m Maya,” she said, thinking that introducing herself to the boy who just offered her a free taco was the right thing to do.
“I know,” he said, with a shy smile. “I’m Charlie. Do you want to get out of here? Away from all the chaos and our annoying peers?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
“I know just the place.”
Charlie had taken Maya to what he called ‘his secret place’, it was the planetarium that practically no one ever used. Except for Charlie. They laid down next to each other on the floor, admiring the images that were projected on the screen. Maya had always been fascinated by the night sky. As an artist, Starry Night by Van Gogh had always been an inspiration to her and seeing the constellations up close made her want to paint forever. She turns her attention away from the stars and to her phone so she can text Riley.
Peaches!!!: Riles, I think I found a secret boyfriend.
Riles: That’s great Peaches!!!! Who is he???
Peaches!!!: His name is Charlie and so far I don't want to poke his eyes out with scissors.
Riles: That's huge for you!! Sometimes you even want to poke Farkle’s eyes out.
Peaches!!!: I know. Gotta go. Spending lunch with him. Love you.
Maya put her phone away so she could spend some time getting to know Charlie.
“How did you get the keys to the planetarium?” Maya asked, turning her head towards Charlie.
“Well, all I had to do was get the serial numbers to all the locks, call the manufacturer, pretend to be the janitor, and they mailed me every key to the school. Does that make me sound like a creepy creep creep?”
“Not at all,” Maya smirked. “In fact, I think it’s impressive.”
Maya actually was impressed, for someone so shy and unassuming, Charlie was kind of a rebel in his right. Which she totally respected and admired.
“I also have other screens set up,” Charlie admitted, pressing a button to show a live stream of the students of Abigail Adams.
“Why do you have cameras on all of the students?” That part might have been a little creepy to Maya.
“Oh, I just did a little wiring from the security footage in the security room, so I technically don’t have them,” he explained. Okay, that’s a little better. “But I do it so I can study the students.”
“Study them?”
“Yeah, I don’t understand the majority of them, so I look at them in their natural habitat to see if I can. And I try to understand them, because I’m supposed to be one.”
Charlie laughed nervously.
“Yeah, I’m weird, I shouldn’t have shown you that, I shouldn’t have brought you here, I’m sorry,” he rambled.
“No, no, no, I can relate, I have a hard time understanding them too,” Maya admitted.
“Yeah, they’re very weird because everyone wants to be different so they stand out just to fit in and it all just seems so...paradoxical.”
Maya nodded, and at the same time they said, “I can’t wait for college.”
They both laughed and Maya wasn’t sure what she felt. She liked Charlie but it wasn’t the same way she liked Riley. But she told herself she could never like someone the way she liked Riley because...it was Riley. So she wasn’t exactly sure what she was feeling. It was nice though. It was comfortable.
“I gotta admit something to you, Maya,” Charlie said, with that same shy smile he wore when he told her he already knew who she was. “I’ve noticed you before, you know, before all the homecoming and lesbian stuff.”
“Really?” Maya was so sure no one had ever noticed her before, she had made herself so small sometimes because she wanted to disappear.
“Yeah, it’s rare you find a girl who’s so pretty and doesn’t even know it.”
Maya's eyes widened. She suddenly wasn't so sure about this secret boyfriend thing anymore. Because even though she wasn't really dating Riley (and she didn't really love her like a girlfriend, she didn't, she didn't, she didn't, she didn't), this whole thing felt like cheating.
“I, uh…” Maya was at a loss for words, which rarely happens, she usually has some witty comeback.
“Just my luck,” Charlie let out a sad chuckle. “I finally meet a girl I like in this school and she's a lesbian.”
“Look, Riley and I are…”
She was going to use the ‘open relationship’ line that Riley had used on Lucas but she had trouble getting it out.
“Um...Riley’s…”
“Hugging Lucas Friar?” Charlie pointed to the screen above them, where the camera showed the dugout and the all too familiar burning in Maya’s stomach.
“I gotta go.”