In Sickness...
January was, as ever, a gruelling time at Holby. All departments found themselves stretched to the max. Patient numbers rose as moods plummeted in a post-Christmas crash, and tensions ran high, resulting in more altercations, more elderly patients suffering from cold related injuries, not to mention the alcohol fuelled illnesses caused by people trying to numb the pain. For AAU and the trauma unit, there were also plenty of patients presenting having fallen in the icy conditions, causing themselves all manner of trauma, both external and internal.
And for Serena, there was Mr Horton. Mr Horton was an elderly man, who had lived alone since his wife died. He had been admitted following a particularly nasty slip on the ice, when he had fallen extremely hard against iron railings, raising the possibility of a liver laceration. This was further complicated by an particularly high temperature, which had turned out to be the ‘flu. He had of course been moved to a side room, and the nursing staff were taking extra precautions even though most had had their flu vaccination. The last thing they needed when they were this busy was to have half the staff go down with the flu, and leave them in the lurch. Fortunately for Mr Horton, Serena had determined that his very uncomfortable bruising proved to be only affecting the soft tissues, and not his internal organs. With no surgery required, it was purely left for him to be nursed through his fever.
A few days after admitting Mr Horton on to the ward, Bernie wandered into the office she shared with Serena, only to find Serena sitting in her chair, yet leaning over her desk, head resting on crossed arms.
“Hello, you! I was wondering where you’d got to!”
Serena didn’t immediately respond.
“Hey, love, are you OK?” Bernie moved swiftly to Serena’s side, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“I’ll be fine. Just this dratted headache”, mumbled Serena into her arm.
Bernie smoothed her hand down Serena’s back, then, noticing the heat the other woman was emitting, lifted her hand to cup Serena’s forehead.
“Serena! You’re burning up! I think you may have a little bit more than a headache!”
“No, no, it’ll be fine. Just need to close my eyes for a moment.”
“Serena, this is silly, you need to go home. You should be in bed!”
“You offering to take me?” Serena’s words were slightly slurred.
“Right, that’s it. No jokes. I’m calling you a taxi. I can’t take you back, AAU can’t afford to lose both of us at short notice. Jason is at home, I’ll call him and make sure he sees you up the stairs, but after that, you need to take yourself to bed. I’ll be home as soon as I can, Serena. But promise me you’ll go to bed and stay there until then?”
“Mmm, okay.” Serena still hadn’t raised her head from her arms.
Bernie hurriedly called a taxi, then went to find Raf to alert him of the situation, before returning to the office and helping Serena on with her coat. She quickly shepherded her down to the main entrance, tucking her safely in the waiting taxi and confirming their address.
The day passed agonisingly slowly. Bernie hadn’t been able to help herself, she had called Jason about half a dozen times, initially to check that Serena had arrived and made it safely up the stairs, and then just general checks in to see how she seemed to be doing. Jason wasn’t proving to be the most effective nurse. He didn’t see the point of keep checking in on Serena, and he was beginning to get annoyed with her calls.
Finally, her shift finished. Bernie dashed into the office, collecting her coat and bag. Barely pausing to say goodbye to her colleagues, she made it down to the car park in record time. She stopped for a moment by Serena’s car – which would now have to be left here overnight. She quickly pulled out the spare set of keys which she carried in the bottom of her bag, and checked through the boot and under the seats for anything Serena might have inadvertently left there. Satisfied that there was nothing of value, she relocked the car, and carried on to her own car. Typical that this should happen on a day when they hadn’t carpooled. Praying to the god of traffic, Bernie pulled out of the car park and made her way home.
Jason was waiting for her when she arrived home, eager to have someone to talk to about the shows he’d watched that day. Putting him off as gently as she could, Bernie ran up the stairs to the bedroom she shared with Serena. Pushing the door open quietly in case Serena was sleeping, she crept into the bedroom. She realised quickly she needn’t have worried, Serena wasn’t sleeping, but she was rather out of it nonetheless, tossing and turning and mumbling to herself. Bernie felt her forehead once more, a little concerned with how warm Serena felt. She stroked her face, trying to elicit a reaction.
“Serena, Serena! I’m home.”
“Mmm? Bernie?” Serena was clearly still aware enough to know what was happening. “Hurts. Everywhere. So cold!”
“I know it feels like you’re chilly, but you’re burning up! We need to cool you down. I need to pull the covers back, OK?”
“No! I want to keep them!” Serena clutched the edge of the duvet as tightly as her aching fingers allowed.
“Come on, Serena, you know better than that. Have you taken anything to bring your fever down? Any paracetomal?”
“No, couldn’t find it.”
“I’m going to get you some right now. It might help you to stop feeling so cold.” Bernie disappeared into the bathroom, to rummage through the cupboard. Finding the paracetomal wedged at the back, she took them back to the bedroom with a glass of water. By the time she returned, Serena was shivering.
“Bernie, feel sick...”
“OK, let’s get you to the bathroom.” Bernie helped Serena to swing her shaky legs round, and she supported her as they made their way to the bathroom. Just in time, it happened, as upon reaching the toilet, Serena was violently ill.
“My, this is a nasty bug you’ve got”, soothed Bernie, holding a cold, damp flannel to Serena’s forehead. “It’s that flu, isn’t it? The one you’ve been treating Mr Horton for. A really vicious strain. I really wish you’d found time to reschedule your vaccination! You spent so much time and energy chasing up the rest of the team, making sure they had theirs, and then to just not make sure you covered yourself! You know how risky it can be, working in a hospital, when you’ve not been protected.”
“Don’t scold. You didn’t have yours either!”
“Oh, that’s not a concern. I never get ill. I have a rock solid immune system. And I heal quickly too. I won’t catch it! Come on, if you’re done, we should get you back to bed.”
Bernie helped Serena back, tucking her in under significantly fewer covers than Serena had been clutching previously, much to Serena’s disgust. Bernie perched on the edge of the bed, stroking Serena’s hair away from her forehead, knowing that any more contact would likely cause more discomfort than solace in her current state. Exhausted, Serena soon drifted off to a calmer sleep than before, and only then did Bernie allow herself to relax and wander downstairs to prepare dinner for Jason and herself, and to listen to all of Jason’s news from the day.
* * *
And so went the following week. Serena’s fever ran for 6 days before finally breaking. Bernie took off what time she could from work, but the ridiculously high turnover on the wards meant that there wasn’t a worse season to need a break. Exhausted from juggling work, Jason’s needs and caring for Serena, Bernie almost felt like she was sleepwalking.
After another night with insufficient sleep from her regular checks on Serena, she rolled over in bed on the seventh morning, to find Serena watching her with more clarity than she had shown since her symptoms began.
“Hi!” said Serena, smiling softly.
“Morning. How are you feeling?” Better than she was, Bernie hoped.
“Actually, I feel much better. I’m not sure I’m ready to get in the ring with Mike Tyson, but I rather think I’ve turned the corner.”
“Thank goodness!” breathed Bernie, sitting up in bed.
Serena pulled herself upright too, although still leaning back on the head of the bed. “Bernie, thank you for all you’ve done for me. I don’t suppose I’ve been the nicest patient ever...”
“Doctors never are.” interjected Bernie.
Serena ignored the interruption. “But you’ve been wonderful. I love you, and if I wasn’t as weak as a blasted kitten, I’d show you how much.”
“Oh, Serena!” smirked Bernie. “I think I can wait a few days until you’ve got your strength back. I love you for more than your body, you know.”
“I rather think I may be testing your devotion at the moment. I have the feeling I might be rather fit to scare the crows! I dread to think what I will face in the mirror!”
Bernie’s eyes roamed across Serena’s unwashed hair, sticking up in tufts all around her unhealthily pallid face. She took in the huge dark circles beneath her eyes, and the scattering of petechiae from the violent expulsion of her stomach contents at the height of her fever.
“Serena, you are beautiful. You are my goddess”, she cupped Serena’s jaw, resting her forehead against the brunette’s. “Illness could never affect how I feel about you. Come on, let’s get you up and washed. You’ll feel much better afterwards”
Serena leaned upon Bernie as she made her way into the bathroom, cursing the weakness she still felt in her limbs. Reaching the sink, and looking into the mirror above, she gave a sharp laugh.
“I don’t know what pantheon you subscribe to, Ms Wolfe, but I rather think you ought to change your religion before someone calls a Psych consult and gets you sectioned!”
“Rubbish!” retorted Bernie. “I know a beautiful woman when I see one! Now come on, let’s get you bathed.”
* * *
Later the next day, after she had returned from her shift at work, Bernie was rather looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with Serena, who had called her earlier to say she’d managed to get up and get downstairs. Jason had finally got fed up of having no one to sit with every evening and watch his programmes, and so he had gone to stay with Alan for a bit, several days earlier. ‘A cozy evening in, cuddled up under a blanket on the sofa, just what the doctor ordered!’ thought Bernie to herself, preparing to leave the office. She had missed her usual interactions with Serena immensely, for although they hadn’t been apart, Serena’s illness had temporarily robbed her of her fierce spirit and wit. Still, tonight would be perfect, even without the Shiraz, which Serena wasn’t yet well enough to return to.
Pulling up outside their home, Bernie felt the beginnings of a nagging headache. She rolled her neck, trying to release the tension in her shoulders. This was not part of the plan! She decided to ignore her discomfort and get on with her perfect evening.
Serena had done more than just get up. Somehow, she’d found enough strength to prepare a simple meal too.
“Hello love!” Bernie announced her return. “You made dinner! You didn’t have to do that!”
“Hello. I wanted to. You’ve done so much for me whilst I’ve been ill, I wanted to make it up to you. Besides, you are looking a little tired. It can’t have been easy for you, juggling all the responsibilities.”
“Well, I have to admit, it did get a little easier when Jason went to Alan’s!” remarked Bernie, “Though it is rather quiet around here. Rather perfect for a cozy evening, wouldn’t you say?”
“I would indeed. Come on, let’s eat before it gets cold, then we can sit down together.”
Dinner itself was a subdued affair. Serena hadn’t yet got her appetite back, and Bernie found that for some reason, she had lost hers too. When Serena commented on how little she’d eaten, she brushed the concerns aside, saying that she was just tired, and she had snacked a lot at work.
“I dread to think what state our office will be in, by the time I return!” retorted Serena drily. She remembered too well what had happened when she had been off before, suspended by Hanssen. She had returned to a situation where she couldn’t even see her desktop for the detritus Bernie had left scattered across it. Food wrappers, coffee cups, you name it, and it was there. Still, at least she needn’t fear for the department itself. As before, she had no doubt that Bernie would have run it with anything other than military precision.
“Actually, I’ve been very careful,” remarked Bernie. “And if I have left one or two things around, I promise you, they’re on my desk – not yours!”
“We will see. Anyway, if you’re done, I’ll clear away and we can go and relax.”
“No, you go through now. I will clear away.” Bernie collected the dishes, scraping the leftovers into the bin before loading the sink. “Dishes will keep.” She remarked. For once, Serena agreed with her.
In the end, the two women wandered through to the living room together. Curling up on the sofa, and pulling a big blanket across both their laps, Bernie dropped her head on to Serena’s shoulder with a groan.
“Bernie? What’s up?” asked Serena, concerned.
“Just a bit of a headache. I’ve had a day of it.” Replied Bernie.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nothing really to talk about. Same old same old. I just need a good night sleep, then I’ll be tip top again.”
“Do you want to go up now?”
“No, let’s just stay down here for a bit. I think if we go to bed now, I might just fall straight to sleep, and I want to spend some time with you first.”
Staying on the sofa didn’t seem to be working very well to keep Bernie awake, Serena noted a short time later, feeling Bernie’s weight against her increase as she relaxed into sleep. She wasn’t in the least surprised at how tired Bernie must be feeling.
“Bernie!” Serena shook her gently. “Bernie, come on, time to go to bed.”
Bernie roused with difficulty. Her head really was pounding. She managed to stagger up the stairs and strip her clothes off before falling into bed, and straight to sleep.
* * *
The next morning proved to be no better. Bernie’s head now felt like it had a vice gripped around it. She lay still in bed on waking, tense with pain. Worse still, it had spread. All her joints were aching too. She must have been more tired than she realised.
Soon after, Serena roused. She rolled over, and snuggled up to Bernie, wrapping her arms and leg around her. Bernie whimpered as the movements and pressure caused the pains to flare into full force.
“Bernie, what’s wrong?” Serena came to full wakefulness immediately.
“I’m just run down. I probably need another good night, then I’ll be fine.”
“Bernie – you’ve got the flu!” said Serena, half teasingly, half pityingly.
“No, I haven’t. I don’t get ill. I’m just tired!”
“You stubborn fool! You’re feverish, achy, your head hurts – I recognise the symptoms having only just come through it myself!”
“Well, I won’t have it. I have to get ready for work!” said Bernie, stubbornly.
“That’s ridiculous. Even if you’re not prepared to acknowledge you’re ill for your own sake, how irresponsible would it be to go into work, and potentially infect everyone else? Our patients are often vulnerable. How would you feel if you infected one of them? AAU is just going to have to do without both of us for a couple of days.” Serena chided Bernie harshly.
“OK, OK. I’ll stay in at home. Just to make you feel happier, not because I really need to!”
“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, you are incorrigible! There’s no weakness in falling ill, you know. Otherwise, what would that make me?”
“I would never dare to call you weak, Serena! Nor would I want to, because to do so would be a lie. That is the last thing anyone could ever accuse you of.”
“There you go then. Stop pretending you’re OK, and let me look after you this time. And I’d just like to mention that you really should have had your flu jab instead of being all gung ho macho army medic about it, now shouldn’t you?” Serena teased gently.
“Low blow, Ms Campbell, low blow!” groaned Bernie. “If I didn’t ache so much, I would throw a pillow at you for that! But instead, just help me get up, and I’ll make you breakfast”.
“Bernie, please stop being such an idiot. If you really want to be as healthy as you like to pretend you are, you must realise that you have to rest. You’re to stay in that bed. You can get up to use the bathroom, but other than that, you’re not to move. I will do anything else that needs doing for you. And that’s my last word.”
Bernie, knowing when she was defeated, and really not feeling too chipper anyway if she was to be completely honest with herself, merely grunted in agreement, before closing her eyes and painfully snuggling under the covers.
* * *
Serena soon discovered that caring for an unwell Bernie Wolfe was not a challenge to be undertaken lightly. Bernie had to be one of the grumpiest, most stubborn invalids in the world. Unwilling to admit how poorly she felt, she insisted on constantly trying to get out of bed and act like she was okay. On balance, Serena wasn’t sure her current situation was actually any worse than Bernie’s when she was ill – I mean, yes, Bernie had had to work, and she’d had Jason for the first couple of days too, but at least Serena had been a model patient compared to Bernie herself. If she hadn’t lost any weight from the flu bug itself, Serena reckoned she’d managed to shed a fair few pounds just from running up and down stairs, making sure that Bernie wasn’t trying to make an escape from bed again in an ill-advised attempt to prove her health. Goodness me, at least she really doesn’t seem to get ill often, otherwise what sort of life would she be committing herself to? Serena wondered as she flopped exhausted on the bed next to Bernie one night.
True to form, however, Bernie did indeed demonstrate a formidable immune system, or at the very least, an incredible force of will, as her malady passed after just a few days, in comparison to the near week that Serena suffered. Serena was torn between being pleased that Bernie had recovered so quickly, the tiniest bit annoyed that she herself hadn’t, and relief that the whole experience was over. And the whole parcel of emotion was wrapped in awe that not once during her flu had Bernie looked anything other than stunning. She said as much to Bernie on the morning after her fever had broken. Bernie had laughed her wonderful crazy laugh, and explained to Serena that she couldn’t imagine a single other person in the world who would agree with her, that as far as Bernie was concerned, she had looked the same old messy, plain woman for years, on tour, at home, everywhere really. It wasn’t that she looked worse when she was ill, it was that she didn’t look any better when she was well. Serena laughed initially, but her laughter quickly died into incredulous silence when she realised that Bernie really believed what she was saying.
“Bernie, you must know that you’re absolutely gorgeous! I’ve been telling you for ages, although admittedly mostly when we’re, well, being intimate. But you must know that I mean it always. And you must know that I’m far from the only person who thinks so? How could you not?”
“I just don’t see myself that way, Serena. But it’s OK. I know you love me, and I love you. I feel thankful every day that you’ve chosen to be with me, when you could have anyone you wanted.”
“I only want you, Bernie. Today, tomorrow, as far into the future as I can see. Just you.”
“Oh, Serena,” Bernie whispered. “You’re all I want too!”
And the two women fell into an embrace, clutching hold of each other as if they would never let go, celebrating their love for each other, and the promise of intimacy to come.