Chapter 18
Christen was upstairs in her room now, trying to salvage a few minutes to read her notes and complete a review guide for one of her classes. She had a final this week since her professor decided their last regular class would be better for the assessment rather than during the scheduled final time. Tobin was on her side of the house, getting a shower and ready for bed. They decided to sleep in Christen’s room tonight for a change of pace and secretly, she was glad since there was something about being in your own bed at night when you’re really tired.
Her mind, however, drifted to the exchange they had on the couch. Had she squandered another moment to tell Tobin how she was feeling, or was she not really looking for anything in return? It didn’t seem to bother her that Christen didn’t append anything to the comment and they just continued to makeout until they tired. Lost in her own thoughts, she barely noticed Tobin had slipped into the room, hair damp and wearing a pair of short cotton shorts and a t-shirt that clung against her braless chest.
“Do you need more time?” she asked as she strolled in Christen’s direction, eyeing the open notebook atd laptop in front of her.
Not with you looking like that. “No, I’m done. I have all day tomorrow to study.” Christen reached out so Tobin could lift her out of her desk chair and guide her towards the bed. She grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, but knew very well she wasn’t planning on watching it. Her hands wrapped around Tobin’s back, pulling them together as they fell backwards onto her bed, mouths open and ready to explore. A hunger from inside of her took control, guiding Tobin’s lips underneath of her own, her hands snaking beneath her shirt to the sides of her torso. Tobin’s body was responsive, her abs contracting to the touch as she returned the kiss, tasting and smelling fresh from her shower. Her hands were flirting with the top of waistband where Christen was now aching. “Please, go lower,” she graveled. Tobin seemed to like that, hearing the desperation in her voice as she looked into her eyes. She let her palm smooth over the soft flannel of her pajamas pants. “Take your shirt off,” Tobin murmured before sinking back into a deep kiss. Christen complied, pulling her long hair through the shirt, exposing her nude colored bra. She was now in her hands, mouth nipping and hands dragging upward while low moans sent warmth pooling at the juncture of her thighs. Things were heating up as Tobin flipped Christen on her back, her hands dragged up the sides of her thighs to clutch her hips, hard.
Christen let her head fell back on a gasp, giving Tobin the room she needed to trail her lips down her neck. Lost to the moment, she fisted a handful of her drying hair and arched her back. Her breathing grew harsher by the moment while a tongue licked across the swells of her cleavage, dipping down into the valley between, before tracing all the way back up her throat.
She wanted Tobin now but knew if she told her in the moment, she’d be denied. “Tobin...please. I want to…” Her intuition was correct. “babe…I told you…” Tobin sputtered in between kisses. Whining now, Christen tried her hardest to sway her. “Please? I want to!” Tobin wiggled out of her grip and hung over top of her. “I definitely want to. But we don’t need to, you know? I told you that when you’re ready you have to tell me at a moment other than this that way I know you really mean it. I don’t want you to regret it.”
“Regret it?” Christen questioned. “I wouldn’t regret anything.” Her fingers twirled the ends of Tobin hair. “Maybe regret isn’t the word,” she returned, “but I just don’t want you to rush into something without thinking about it first.” Her eyes were shining before she dipped in closer, “besides I’m having fun just kissing you all day.”
So that’s what they did until they were too exhausted to keep their eyes open. They explored the top regions of each other with their hands, mouths and teeth.
“Hey girlfriend, whatcha up to?” Kelley asked as she fell onto Christen’s bed the next evening. She was in the zone from studying and had banished Tobin to another room in the house. Kelley propped herself up on her elbows while she closed her notebook and turned to face her, “not much, just getting some work done before I can watch TV and Tobin comes up so we can go to bed.”
“Ooh,” her friend teased. “So this is like a serious thing then?”
“I think it is,” Christen told her. “We’re finally on the same page.”
“I’m so happy for you!” Kelley exclaimed, reaching out to hug her. “Now, have you told your parents or are you avoiding it?” She knows me too well. “I’m not avoiding it,” she lied, “just haven’t really had the chance. But I swear I’m working on it.”
“Rip it off like a bandaid. Just do it,” Kelley suggested. “You’ll feel better no matter the reaction you get, but I know your family, they won’t be upset or anything.” She knew her friend was probably right.
“Right, so anything new going on with you?” Christen asked, hoping to change the subject. “Actually, yeah. So you know that girl I was telling you about, the one who slept over?”
“Ann” she confirmed.
“Yes! Ok so we started talking again and she asked if I wanted to go to happy hour next Monday at this restaurant cause a portion of the proceeds goes to this charity she’s working for.” Christen was happy for Kelley, “that’s great!”
Her face didn’t match Christen’s enthusiasm, in fact it looked pale and nervous. “Is it not a great thing?”
Kelley’s mouth twitched. “Well I said I would go and she was excited and said ‘oh good, how many people will you be bringing’.” Poor girl, she thought it was a date. “Oh man, sorry Kel.”
“No, I think I’m the one to be sorry cause I panicked and told her I’d bring my three roommates.” Christen’s mouth dropped open, “So I have to go? I have finals the next day!”
“It’ll be really quick, an hour tops, I swear! 5-6, which is enough time to have a quick drink and eat something before you have to study again. We can even get dinner to go, on me, and then you can go to the library or back here to eat.” Knowing how good of a friend Kelley had been in the past few months, it was hard to say anything but yes. “Ok, I get to pick what we get though,” she said pretending to be unhappy.
“DEAL!” Kelley’s spirits seemed lifted, just as the motion she was making off of Christen’s bed. “And Ali and Jules already said yes. You can invite Tobin if you want since I know you’re in that sick honeymoon phase.”
Rolling her eyes, Christen denied the claim. “We are not. In fact on honeymoons you typically...you know. Which we have not for the record.” A freckled face with brown eyes that went wider than the moon stared at her in shock. “You haven’t? She felt shy now, despite Kelley being one of her best friends. “No. Just taking it slow.”
Kelley seemed to understand what she was trying to say. “Well coulda fooled me. But that’s good I guess. But still invite her to come, it’ll be a good break for you. I’m going to downstairs to get a coffee, want me to bring anything back up for you?”
“No,” Christen replied. “Unless you happen to see Tobin, tell her she’s welcome to come up.”
She could tell Kelley wanted to add a smart remark, but the look she shot her shut her up. Minutes later, Tobin came barreling through the door. “I heard I’ve been summoned?”
Getting up from her chair to close the space between them, she said “Yeah. I need help studying.” Tobin looked a little confused, trying to figure out what subject she would be able to help with. “What class?”
She smirked, running her hands up the side of Tobin’s body towards her neck. “Anatomy.”
………………………….
Monday...Tuesday…..Wednesday. The minutes flew by each day as Christen put the final touches on papers, projections, organizing study notes. It was a pattern of class, study, class, work, class, eat dinner with Tobin and her roommates, study, TV and bed with Tobin. They were coming dangerously close to breaking the agreement each night, but she had decided it wasn’t going to happen until after Tobin was back from their match this weekend. She had to leave super early Thursday morning, so they were already in bed by 8:30 Wednesday night.
“Are you more excited or nervous?” Christen asked from underneath the weight of Tobin’s arm around her back.
“Excited,” Tobin told her. She placed a lazy kiss on her bare shoulder. “I just want to get out there and get going, you know?” Pretending to be hurt, Christen frowned. “You want to leave me here all myself?”
Feeling the vibrations of Tobin laughing behind her, she heard her say, “no of course not. Wish you could come with us. Sometimes I forget you don’t play.” They drifted off to sleep not much later, Tobin nudging her awake from a deep sleep in the pitch black. “Babe, I have to go. It’s four-thirty. Do you want me to set an alarm for you to get up or do you have one already?” Tobin looked adorable behind her blurred vision in UNC travel gear, a snapback taming her likely unruly hair. “No, it’s okay,” Christen assured her. “ I have one set. Just kiss me before you go.” She reached up with her arms, Tobin swooping down into them and anchoring her chin into the crook of her neck.
“Miss you, I’ll see you Sunday night.” She pulled up and left a kiss on her lips, light and soft but so meaningful. They smiled at one another before Tobin closed her eyes and retreated. “Time to go.” It took a while for her to fall back asleep, missing the presence of Tobin beside her.
Somehow, she got through the day with the help of a few texts that made her heart leap for joy every time her phone vibrated. When she found herself back in bed that same night, sans her girlfriend, she started getting that feeling. Her stomach was uneasy, her skin was flushed and her breathing was shallow. Tomorrow had been circled on her calendar all week and she had been convincing herself she had more time. No going back, she thought.
On Friday morning, Christen woke up way earlier than her alarm that was set for five a.m. Her body was shaking all over, nervous for the day in front of her. The house was quiet and dark, the winter dawn not yet shedding light. A hot shower calmed her briefly and she relaxed while she meticulously applied some makeup and dried her hair. Running through a mental checklist, she finally was ready to go and face the day.
Hours later, Christen sat patiently at the kitchen counter, tapping her fingers in anticipation. The morning had required a series of deep breathing exercises, meditation (or at least she tried) and effort to put one foot in front of the other. Now, she was almost dripping in sweat while watching the door, waiting and waiting.
After about twenty minutes a faint ‘click’ was heard beyond the door, sending her lungs and heart into overdrive. On baited breath, she watched the door slowly open, a figure practically falling over herself while carrying way too many bags. Their identical eyes met, one pair in surprise, one in fear.
“Christen! What are you doing here?!”
She spun to her right to fully face the person, a serious look on her face. “Hi, Mom. I need to talk to you.”
…………..
“I can’t believe it! You’re here. What’s wrong, is something the matter?” her mom asked while running her hands over top of her arms, inspecting her up and down.
“No, I don’t think so. I just needed to talk to you,” Christen said, silently telling herself not to chicken out.
Her mother looked concerned. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong? You shouldn’t be here for another week and a half!” Christen pulled back out of her mother’s reach. “Can we go sit down in the living room maybe?” She watched her mother track her with her eyes all the way into the other room. “Ok, we’re sitting. Now tell me, what’s going on?”
She took a deep breath, ready to lay out the speech she’d rehearsed on the long flight from North Carolina.
“Mom, I’m here for two reasons actually, but they’re connected. I’m not sure how to tell you this but I’m going to just kind of lay it out. Over the past few months I’ve been away from home for the first time without the safety net of my family and friends and put myself out there for new things and experiences. Part of me has always noticed my sisters and friends in relationships and I wondered why I never felt that way about anyone, so I just kinda avoided any type of relationship. But I’ve met someone. Actually, you’ve met them,” she told her.
Her mom shifted in her chair, clearly intrigued by where this was going. “I have? I don’t think I met anyone at UNC unless it was someone you already knew or they don’t go there?”
“You kinda met them at UNC,” Christen confirmed. “You met her.”
Her mom’s expression brightened. “Her?” The tone of her voice was raised a little, not necessarily in a bad way, just questioning. “Is it a roommate? Oh my gosh, is it Kelley?!” Christen couldn’t help but burst out laughing, happy that the ice was somewhat broken by what she hoped was a joke. “No definitely not Kelley, mom. Remember that girl who spilled coffee all over me the weekend you moved me into the house? Turns out she’s one of my roommates and we ended up really hitting it off.”
She watched her mom process all the new information before a half smile crept onto her face. “So, you like the coffee girl?” “Tobin,” she told her. “Yes. I really like Tobin. Which brings me to the second reason I’m here which is that she’s a soccer player and they have a huge game in San Jose which I’m hoping to surprise her at tomorrow.”
“Christen, are you telling me that you’re dating a girl named Tobin who is one of your roommates?”
“Yes,” she squeaked. Ok, there it is. It’s out there.
“Okay. So what time is the game tomorrow? Do you need a car or would you want us to go with you?” She was in shock. Okay? That’s it? “Mom. Do you have anything you need or want to say about what I just told you?”
“Honey, I’ll be honest. I’m more surprised that you felt you had to fly across the country like this and sit me down to talk about it than you actually telling me. If that’s helpful for you than that’s okay but I love you and I’m sure I’ll love whoever you love.”
“What do you think Dad will say,” Christen asked, not convinced he’d have the same reaction. “Oh,” her mom sighed, starting to raise out of her armchair. “He’ll probably joke that he’ll miss out on a chance to have a son-in-law to balance out the estrogen but then tell you there’s nothing more he loves than a beautiful girl.” She kissed Christen on the top of the head. “We love you, Christen - no matter what. Now c’mon, let’s go call him and ask if he wants to meet us for lunch.”