Mixed Messages

Christen stared out at the Pacific Ocean, wrapped in an oversized sweater to fight the chill from the breeze.  She couldn’t believe just how supportive her parents had been and wondered why she’d dramatized the whole thing in her head.  Her mom was right; her dad was just as loving as she said he’d be.  He made a comment that maybe this was the opportunity to have an athlete in the family when Christen told him about Tobin’s soccer accomplishments to which she laughed, “slow down, Dad.  We practically just met!”  They wanted to go to the game and meet her but Christen asked that they wait, maybe if she could arrange a quick cup of coffee before she had to leave or at a later time. Besides, springing herself on Tobin this weekend would be surprise enough and she thought introducing her family might be over the top.

In a way, things felt right now; almost complete.  The rationalization sounded silly but for her, telling her family meant she could be free to be whatever and do whatever she wanted with Tobin.  As much as she didn’t like it about herself, seeking approval from them was important for something this big.   Their earlier conversation about physical boundaries and rules could be addressed and depending on the outcome of the weekend, she thought when they got back to North Carolina on Sunday night she would bring it up again.  The nights before Tobin had to leave had left her wanting so much more, wanting to touch and be touched.

It was amusing now, Tobin texting her all of yesterday and today, no idea that they were actually so close together.  She was still feeling guilty about the trouble that Tobin had gone through the night she walked out on her at the restaurant so when she realized the night of the semi-final that they’d be in California this weekend, it’d be the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone: tell her parents and support her girlfriend.

Tobin: Miss you.  Are you bored by yourself?  Or is Allie hanging around?

She had begged Allie not to tell anyone about her secret trip, evening offering to pay her off on the way to the airport.  The girl wouldn’t hear of it though, saying she would do her very best to keep her lips sealed.

Christen: She’s around.  Just getting some studying done.  I’ll head to the library all day tomorrow but try to stream the game on my laptop.

Lying wasn’t something she liked doing, but in this instance, it had to happen.

Tobin: You better watch!

“Is that Tobin?”  her mom asked, gazing at her from across the table.  Christen felt herself reddening, realizing she had been smiling to herself while texting.  “Yeah, it is.  She has no idea I’m in California!”

“Isn’t that so sweet?  See? Don’t they say you meet people when you least expect it?”

“Well I definitely didn’t expect it,” she agreed.  “But I kind of wanted to ask you guys.  Did you have any idea that, um..you know?” They weren’t quite putting together what she was saying, based on their facial expressions.  “That I would be interested in girls?”

It clicked to both of her parents now and she witnessed the look they shared.  Her dad nodded at her mom, telling her this was her question to answer.  “Maybe.  You never really were interested in any of the boys, never had a real boyfriend.  I wasn’t sure if it was because you were so focused on school or you just didn’t like them.”  

“To be honest,” Christen started, “I didn’t really know myself.  I tried not to think about it. But it all changed when I went away.  And now, I feel really good about where I’m at.”  

Her dad leaned in across the table.  “That’s all that matters, Christen.”

…

It felt good to sleep in her own bed, in her own house again despite missing having Tobin next to her.  Saturday morning her sisters joined for an early and quick breakfast before she had to hit the road to get to the game on time.  When her parents realized  the night before it would be a five hour plus drive to the stadium, they pulled out the parent card and refused to let her drive.  Instead, her dad booked her the first flight out of LAX into San Jose where she could either Uber or rent a car for the day: her choice.  Grateful to have parents who were so supportive and caring, she graciously accepted the tickets.  It was a little over an hour flight each way, with her return at 9 pm. They even  insisted again that they make the trip with her but she wouldn’t allow it.  “Not yet guys.  Soon, I promise.”  Butterflies swarmed her stomach on the runway, excited to see Tobin’s reaction when she realized she was there.  

When she landed, she went over to the car rental counters to get the best possible deal.  A half hour later, she was in a small compact car and on her way to the stadium.  Hoping to throw Tobin off, she sent a good luck text.

Christen: I’m having a hard time connecting to the stream! It keeps freezing on me.  I might have to find another way to watch but good luck!!

Tobin: I brought my laptop with me to study otherwise I’d tell you to try mine.  :( Bummer.

She snickered as she set the phone back down in the cupholder so she could turn to follow the signs for the stadium. In her head, she hadn’t worked out yet what exactly she was going to do to draw attention to herself so Tobin knew she was there.  The chances of her seeing a text would be slim but the stadium was big enough to get lost in the crowd.   Her nerves were building when the gate attendant scanned her ticket and she settled into a seat in a section at midfield where there was mostly UNC shirts and signs. Across the field, she spied Tobin warming up intensely.  It was out of her comfort zone to stand up and yell and moving closer to the field wasn’t an option, so she sat back and tried to enjoy herself throughout the ticking minutes and starting lineups. I can’t believe I’m here. If Tobin only knew how much went into this.

While the girls shed their jackets and gathered for a huddle before taking the field, she saw Ali who wasn’t starting today idly looking up in the crowd.  Christen gave a little over the head wave, catching her attention.  Ali’s face lit up in disbelief and flashed a big smile before turning to look around the circle to where the rest of their friends were.  First, she tapped Alex who was focused and gestured towards her direction.  Trying to make it easier to be spotted, she stood.  Alex waved and tapped Kelley beside her, who ended up nudging Tobin.

Tobin looked like she was going to faint.

Christen was smiling ear to ear at the reaction, pleased with just how much her presence had affected Tobin.  She gave a small wave while she sat back down in her seat, never breaking her eye contact.  She was met with a smile so big that it made the honey toned eyes she’d grown to love looking in disappear altogether.  In her head, it was one of those moments from a movie that had the sappy music in the background right before the credits rolled.  

An exciting first half kept her on the edge of her seat, knuckles white from grasping the cold metal.  Defensive pressure was evident from the outset and UNC was held to only one shot from Alex on a breakaway.  The Tar Heels were looking a little shaky but were doing their part to keep the other team off the scoreboard. After the halftime break, Christen clutched a coffee from the concession stand with both hands when she saw Tobin jogging out to the field.  Just the sight of her was exciting and as soon as she took her spot in the midfield, she saw her look discreetly towards her.  Christen gave a look of encouragement, not knowing whether Tobin could really see it or not, silently willing her to have a good half and ultimately win.

It worked.  In the 77th minute, a UNC defender she’d met a few times crashed down on the ball after being pushed outside their own box.  A free kick was awarded and taken quickly, Tobin releasing up the sidelines.  She dribbled in and out of defenders that were flat-footed, finding Alex with a gorgeous through ball that split the centerbacks.  A perfect finish put them up 1-0 and they thwarted the last ditch effort for an equalizer into the 92nd minute.  

Christen watched Tobin for a few minutes celebrating with her teammates, genuinely happy for every girl. They were all giddy, wrapping each other in warm hugs and dancing around. The trophy presentation was short and unsure of what to do now, she started to file out with the crowd to throw out her coffee cup.  

“Christen!”   Her neck craned to look in the direction of the voice that was just beyond the tall man in front of her.  It was Kelley, standing as close to the barrier as she could with a lot of room still between them.  Christen leaned over the railing, “Congratulations, Kel! So exciting!”   Her friend beamed back at her, nodding wildly.  “Are you sticking around?  We’ll all go out with our families, you should stay if you can!” She didn’t know if Tobin would want her to or if she should play it safe and head to the airport, so she shrugged her shoulders in response.  Tobin was coming up behind Kelley now, waving her hands at Christen.  “HEY!”  

“Hey yourself! Surprised?” Christen called.  

She didn’t say a word, her face in complete awe.  Kelley started talking to Tobin, not discreetly, she just couldn’t make out what they were saying because of the distance.  Finally, Tobin yelled back, “can you stay? We’re all going out after this.  I can text you the details as soon as I get my phone” she signaled like they were playing charades.  What am I going to do while I wait?  “Sure!”  Tobin gave her a thumbs up and turned away so she and Kelley could get back to the on-field celebration.  Christen took her time leaving, stopping at the bathroom to reapply some light makeup and fix her hair.  Looking pretty good for sitting outside all afternoon.  On the leisurely stroll back to her car, her phone buzzed in her coat pocket.

Tobin: Hey!  We’re gonna head back to the hotel and get ready to go out.  Do you wanna come here?

She read the address Tobin sent her, looking at her google maps.  It was only about a mile away, not too far. She would probably beat the bus back so she decided now would be a good time to get gas for the trip back to the airport and call her mom to let her know the plan.

Christen: Yeah, I’ll be there in like 20 minutes.  What’s your room number when I get there?

Tobin: 544.  I’ll leave the door open for you.

Christen dialed her mom’s cell phone number only to miss her and get the voicemail recording.  “Hey mom and dad. The game’s over; we won.  I’m gonna go out to dinner with everyone but I’ll be back in time to make my flight.  I’ll let you know right before I take off.  Love you guys.”

A half hour later, she decided it was safe to get out of her car and into the hotel.  She went straight for the elevator bank, unwilling to ask someone for directions to 544.  It was easy enough to navigate and the moment she stepped out into the hall she knew she was in the right place.  Music blasted from the rooms, girls half dressed running around.  “Hey Christen!” she heard someone yell, unaware of who it came from in the confusion.  Her eyes were focused on the numbers of the door, 536, 538, 539….544. The door was open just enough for her to push against it, revealing what looked like a bomb had gone off.  There were clothes, shoes water bottles and junk littered on the floor.  “Tobin?”

“CHRIS? HEY!”  She could hear the familiar voice from beyond the closed bathroom door, music almost drowning her out. “Be out in a second.”  It took every little piece of her not to pick up the belongings on the floor and tidy up the space and instead sit on the closest bed.  “Hi,” Tobin said, stepping out into the room with wet hair and a short white towel wrapped around her body.  Her skin was glistening and her face looked so fresh that it was like a magnetic force that pulled Christen off of the bed and immediately towards her, wrapping her arms around soft cotton.  “Hi,” she returned, so softly it was barely audible.  

Tobin took a second to respond, but pressed her body back into hers.  “I’m so happy you’re here,” she said, her hands rubbing up and down Christen’s back.  Pulling back, their eyes met.  The sight took Christen’s breath away, like she’d been hit by a truck and was gasping for air.  The only thing that would give her life was kissing Tobin, so she did.  Her head bent forward, softly meeting a warm pair of lips at first and then with a swift gradation of intensity, she clung to Tobin.  An insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors down her body. She wasn’t the only one who was overcome with want in the moment, Tobin separating their lips only for a moment so she could spray hungry kisses along her cheeks, jaw.

I don’t want to wait.  I want her now.  Christen cleverly unhooked the makeshift knot in Tobin’s towel, letting it slide open and exposing most of her breasts.  They’d explored each other in the sanctuary of each other’s beds, but standing there in a hotel room with the door ajar for anyone to walk in at any given moment was such a turn on.  “Babe…” Tobin muttered.  Christen dipped her head down to run her lips over the swells of her cleavage, taking them fully into her mouth with the guidance of Tobin’s hand resting on the back of her head.  “We need to stop…” she told her, but not removing herself from Christen’s mouth.  

Her fingertips teased Tobin, who showed her appreciation with some light hums and moans.  Eventually, she stood upright to capture her mouth again.  She was stopped.  “Chris, Alex will be back any second.  She’s just trying on outfits in someone else’s room.” It was disappointing to say the least, the pool between her legs unwilling to stop from collecting. On cue, Alex ripped through the door like a bull in a china shop, hands full of shirts falling off of hangers.  

“Whoa!” she called, throwing her hands over top of her eyes at the sight of the girls.  

Christen giggled while Tobin frantically covered herself up.  “Sorry,” she stuttered, completely embarrassed in the situation.  Lucky for them, Alex was in a forgiving mood.  “Christen! I had no idea you were coming this weekend!”

“No one did, actually.  It was a surprise.”  She made herself comfortable again on the bed which she now figured was Alex’s since there were way more clothes spread out on it than the other one.  “Well thanks so much for coming, it really does mean a lot.”

Tobin snickered from inside the bathroom where she assumed she was changing into actual clothes.  “She didn’t come for you, ya know!”  Alex gave Christen a teasing look, “oh, Christen didn’t tell you?  She was just using you to get to me. Sorry, Tobs.”  

The wet hair dangled out of door frame, exposing only half a nose  and piercing eyes.  “Try me.”

The next half an hour was spent explaining the complicated travel schedule Christen took in order to be there while they other two put on the finishing touches to their outfits, appearance.  She glazed over the portion about telling her parents about her new relationship in front of Alex, only because she wasn’t sure that it was best she was involved in the conversation. “So do you feel better?” Tobin quietly asked, now sitting next to her.

“Much.”  

…

They were inseparable at the restaurant.  Whether it was by touch or talking, they never seemed to leave other.  Parents and coaches had turned a blind eye to upperclassman handing the girls beers and other celebratory drinks, likely just happy they would be there to keep everything under control.  In the few kisses they managed to steal, Christen could taste the beer Tobin was drinking.  “I wish I could have one, but I don’t want to drink before I have to drive back to the airport.”

“What time’s your flight again?” Tobin asked, practically chugging her third drink.  She looked down at her phone.  “In three hours, so I shouldn’t stay much longer.  Maybe half an hour at the most.”

“Come with me,” Tobin set down her almost empty glass and pulled her arm.  Where is she taking me?  They spilled out into the parking lot of the restaurant, away from the noise and knowing eyes of their friends.  Before she could question what was going on, her body flew back against the brick building into the dim shadow of the overhead lights.  An insistent mouth was overtop of her own, teeth nibbling into her bottom lip - it was aggressive, but not unwanted.

She allowed herself to be controlled, succumbing to every move asked of her. The ends up her hair were swept behind her neck, tickling while she was  When they came up for air, Tobin’s eyes blazed into her own.  “Stay tonight.”  

Stay?  I have a flight.  I can’t stay...can I?  “Tobin, I…”

“I know, you have a flight.  But can we change it so you fly back tomorrow?  I want to be with you tonight. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I left on Thursday and now that you’re here, I don’t want you to go.”  Her forehead leaned against her own, leaving little room between them.

Christen was struggling to make a decision.  “I want to stay.  But I don’t know, I think I would feel bad doing that to my parents.  They’ve been  so great about this whole thing so I don’t wanna mess that up. But I want to be with you, too.”  A silent standoff commenced.  Finally, she broke the ice,  “I can’t, Tobin.  I’m sorry.”   

The letdown in the brown eyes was so transparent, but she was supportive, “I understand, I just thought I’d take a shot at being selfish.” If you don’t leave in the next few minutes, you’ll never go.  “I should probably go now so I have enough time to return the rental car.  Can you tell everyone I had to go and then I’ll call you when I get to the airport?”

Tobin laid a gentle kiss to her lips, “of course.” The slight pain in her voice was evident.

“Thanks.”  Christen shifted her weight between her feet.  “Tomorrow night we can do something just the two of us, sleep in whichever room you want.”  And we’re going to do more than just sleep.

“Tomorrow night,” she repeated.  “See you then, Chris.” Tobin slowly unlocked their fingers and stepped backwards, giving her the space to drive off toward the airport.

“Can’t wait.”