Chapter 16
She had to wait three whole hours before Tobin would return. It was becoming routine that they were pulled away from each other at the most inopportune times, so she thought she’d be used to it by now but it didn’t make it any easier. She could guess from the kiss exactly what Tobin thought of her note but words would be so much more helpful in calming her.
Did she stay in the common room and wait for them all to come in? Should she go up to her room and let Tobin come up to her? These thoughts all swirled in her head, causing way more anxiety than they should have. Realizing that she didn’t have to second her guess herself, a simple text to Tobin fixed it.
Christen: Do you want to stay here and talk? Go somewhere?
Tobin: Mind if we just go to my room? I want to shower first.
Christen: That’s fine! I’ll come up when you’re ready.
Tobin: Be home in about 45 minutes, my door is already unlocked.
Christen took the opportunity to freshen up to kill some time, wanting to look her best when Tobin returned. She hopped in the shower with her hair pulled back into a tight bun so it wouldn’t get wet and started to rub every square inch of her body with her beachy scented body wash. Her legs were a bit prickly from her lack of shaving the past week so she lathered some shaving cream and went to work. Suddenly, it hit her. She and Tobin had never ventured past a point of small touches and kissing. Was there a reason to think that Tobin would expect more than that tonight? Or soon? It freaked her out a little, not for a lack of wanting but just because she never been down that path before. All her past trysts were with guys while Tobin was...experienced. Do I tell her this? Or do I just let it happen and go from there?
She finished in the shower, stepping out feeling like a whole new (and clean) woman. Her hair was wavy once it was released from the hair tie holding it back and it looked voluminous, sexy even. She brushed her teeth vigorously while allowing her moisturizer to settle in so she could apply just a hint of natural makeup.
When it was all said and done, she felt confident and pretty pleased with her effort. Tobin’s earlier text seemed like an invitation to go ahead up to her room, so she walked over that way contemplating how to greet her. Where should I sit, she thought. I could turn the TV on and lay in her bed. No, that’s making myself too comfortable. I could just sit on the desk chair and wait. No, too Sopranos. She filled the room with light with just one flick of the switch and decided she’d just sit on the edge of the bed. It wasn’t too long before she heard noise downstairs and her heart accelerated pumps as feet thumped over the hardwood floors.
“Christen?” Tobin was calling her name, obviously the one coming up the stairs. She got to her feet. “Yeah?”
Tobin pushed the door the whole way open and stood so their bodies were squared across from one another. She quickly shut it tightly behind her, a ‘click’ softly echoing through the room. Just like hours earlier, they didn’t say a word but instead found themselves tangled in one another with more passion, more urgency. Christen’s hands snaked up the side of Tobin’s torso and around her front to link behind her neck, pulling her inward to get a second taste. Tobin whimpered underneath the contact, opening her mouth to give full access to explore which Christen willingly took, running the tip of her tongue over top of Tobin’s. She could smell the faint mixture of holiday food and sweat as a result of what had kept them apart but oddly enough it was such a turn on. Christen started to pull back, knowing that as perfect as this was that talking had to happen. Tobin wasn’t having it, pulling her tightly back in by the small of her back and continuing to run her lips overtop of her own.
“Tobin,” she breathed in between kisses. But the rest of her words were lost against Tobin’s mouth. She kissed her more gently now, carefully. She groaned softly, low in her throat as the arms that were previously circled around her fell away. Christen leaned back to notice the eyes looking intently into her own, They were perfectly big, perfectly something. She nudged her nose against the side of Tobin’s cheek as her eyelids stuck together. She wanted to open them, she wanted to see every emotion running through Tobin at that time but feared opening them would end this moment she had dreamed of.
“Let’s talk,” Tobin told her, pulling at her hand to sit down on the bed.
“Did you want to shower first?” Christen asked, recalling the reason why Tobin had suggested they talk in her room. She was rewarded with a heart melting smile and soft peck to her lips. “I’d rather talk to you but if you want me to shower first, I can.”
“No,” Christen quickly assured her, “I want to talk, too.” She sat down on top of the white down comforter, legs criss-crossed and mirroring Tobin. “So, where do we start?”
“I think my first question for you is, why didn’t you tell me that you were upset about everything? I had no idea and I want you to be able to tell me things.” Christen put her head down in shame, knowing that she should have spoken sooner to avoid the mountain of heartache they both had felt. “I don’t know, I’ve never done any of this before. I convinced myself that you wanted to be with Shirley and I wasn’t good enough for you. You were upset when you came to me the night you two talked and I thought you went back to bed with her until Kelley told me you didn’t and -
“Wait,” Tobin interrupted her rambling. “You actually thought I would spend the night with her?” Her eyes were wide, disbelief pouring through them.
“No!” Christen yelped. “Well, I mean no but, yes. At that moment I talked myself into thinking that you could have.” Tobin grabbed ahold of her knees resting in front of her to emphasize her point, “Christen I would never, ever do that. Not to you, not to anyone. It’s just not who I am.”
“I know,” she truthfully assured her. “I know that now looking at it with a calm mindset. I’m so sorry.” It was taking a lot of effort not to cry, something she refused to do anymore in the presence of Tobin. Happy thoughts now. “And for everything else, too. The night in the bathroom, how I treated you in class, just everything. I was so scared.”
“I was nervous, too” Tobin quietly offered. Christen snorted, “yeah, right. Tobin Heath, the effortlessly cool girl who doesn’t let anything bother her except for maybe Kelley O’Hara.” She didn’t get a smile or laugh at her joke. Instead, Tobin dropped her gaze to her lap. “I was serious when I said I never do this. I’ve never actively pursued someone else so every time I asked you to go somewhere or do something with me, I was a bundle of nerves. But it wasn’t like I was scared of the rejection in general, I was just scared that if you said no it meant I couldn’t have you and that was terrifying. So at dinner when you stormed out I was shocked because I thought we were on the same page and what you said was all out of left field.”
“I know,” Christen rushed to say. “And it wasn’t even how I really felt. I mean what I wrote, Tobin. I just couldn’t get it out on the spot that night. I do want to be with you.” The sentiment wasn’t returned immediately, but a smile and small laugh escaped Tobin’s lips. “What?” she asked in response.“If you would have only sat still for two minutes more that night, we’d already be together,” the girl chuckled. “What do you mean?” Christen questioned.
And then Tobin told her everything. “After the game I had a few errands to run and that’s why I was late to meet you.” She saw Tobin pause herself and the wheels turning in her head. “Actually, no. You want me to be honest with you right? Well Shirley somehow found me after the game and begged to have a few minutes more to talk even though I was telling her no over and over. Nothing happened, I swear.”
“I trust you,” Christen confirmed. Tobin kept going, “so I got a late start to the plan I had. I went to the flower shop then to the cafe where we first ‘met’” she laughed, giving air quotes to the word met. “I had set up a little post-dinner date so we could kinda make this thing official.”
Tears brimmed Christen’s eyes as she listened to the story. “What’s wrong?” Tobin asked, eyes full of concern and reaching out to keep them from spilling down her perfectly made up cheeks. She felt so guilty that Tobin had gone through all that trouble and in an instant she’d screwed it all up because of her own insecurities. “I’m sorry, I ruined it.” Instantly, she swallowed up by Tobin’s arms and threw her head against her neck. “Don’t be sorry. We’ll have plenty more chances to do stuff like that and I’m sure I’ll screw them up here and there too.” She’s too good to me.
“So you want to make this an official thing?” she whispered against Tobin’s warm body. She pulled back just enough to find a pool of gold and brown eyeing her. “Of course I do. I know we have more to learn about each other but that’s the fun part” she smirked. Christen felt her body go numb, wondering if she meant what had run through her mind earlier in the shower. It must have shown on her face because Tobin ducked her head as if to read her thoughts. “Is it too quick for you?”
“No,” Christen said honestly. “I just…” her voice trailed off, gaining the courage to let her inside her mind. “I’ve never dated a girl before, heck I’ve barely dated guys! It’s all so new to me so can we kinda take it slow?” Tobin tenderly stroked her hair, “I will do whatever, be whatever you want, Christen. I have nothing but time.”
The words ignited something deep in and the only way she could respond was by showing her. They kissed again and this time it felt so familiar to her. The pressure of their lips was perfect, their movements almost memorized. Christen’s body disintegrated against the touch of Tobin’s fingers working through her hair, pulling it back into a makeshift ponytail to guide her head as they explored each other’s mouths; fast and hard then long and slow. She shifted onto her knees, using her weight to push Tobin backwards on the bed underneath her, arms curled around her neck. They never broke the kiss as Christen straddled Tobin’s flattened body, small moans coming from deep in her throat.
Tobin pushed her upwards, breaking their rapid pace. “We have to stop. You just said let’s take it slow and if we go for another minute I won’t be able to control myself.” She seriously considered saying she didn’t care but the small voice in the back of her brain told her it was for the best. She laid a soft kiss on Tobin’s cheek, “thank you.”
“Okay, shower time. Cold shower time,” Tobin kidded. “But do you want to sleep here tonight? We can sleep in since I don’t have to be at practice until the afternoon.” It was everything Christen had hoped for so she nodded enthusiastically. “Yes!” She was rewarded with a peck on the lips as Tobin got up, giving her free reign of the comfy bed. She watched her collect an extra pair of pajamas before heading into the bathroom, stripping free of her socks and shirt to throw in the laundry basket. Before she left, Tobin turned around and smiled. “Hey Chris?”
“Yeah?”
“Me too.” She didn’t have to ask what she was talking about, Christen already knew she was referring to the last line of her note.
……….
Too excited to sleep, Christen and Tobin tossed and turned all night, hands roaming over each other, searching. Their bodies fit perfectly together but her favorite was on her side tucked underneath of Tobin’s arm, head resting on her chest. She could her her steady heart thumping, a sweet reminder that she could speed the rate up at any time. Of course, they were unable to control more than just their hands and half the night was spent licking and sucking until their lips were sufficiently swollen. Tobin had clearly taken everything she had said to heart, slowing things down when either seemed too eager to cross the imaginary line.
When dawn came, Christen sleepily peered through her long eyelashes at a resting Tobin. It was hard to top waking up in any other way and from now on, she’d do her damndest to make sure she didn’t have to. She left a trail of light kisses down the exposed skin between Tobin’s neck and shoulder before slowly getting out bed, hoping to surprise her with breakfast in bed to signify a new beginning between them.
Her good natured gesture was interrupted as she bumped into Alex in the hallway, who raised her eyebrows in amusement. “Didn’t waste any time, did you two?” Christen blushed at the insinuation her roommate made but let her know her she was way off, “no, we just talked. But everything is good.”
“I’m happy for you guys,” Alex informed her. “And maybe now we all won’t have to pretend we didn’t know.” It was funny how Christen had really been so naive about the whole situation; that her roommates wouldn’t see what was really happening. Christen thanked Alex, sincerely, and offered to make her breakfast too. “I could definitely get used to this, Tobin has a keeper,” she obliged.
The pair stood around the kitchen, putting together their best version of a makeshift brunch since no one had bothered to go grocery shopping with the holiday schedule and traveling. Just as she was ready to scrape some eggs from the skillet, she felt a warm pair of hands reach around her waist and a body press up against hers. The contact immediately had her dripping with want. Humming lightly, she finished her chore and then turned around to be face to face with Tobin who looked adorable right after waking up. Her hair was a bit unruly, soft baby pieces floating every which way. She was a knockout with or without makeup, but her skin was flushed, likely from their rubbing bodies all night long. Although Christen hadn’t brushed her teeth yet this morning, she laid a perfectly aimed kiss right on Tobin’s lips, remaining still for more than a few seconds. Tobin nuzzled into her neck, “morning. Breakfast?”
“You two are so cute but can I finish my breakfast without watching you swallow each other’s tongues?” Alex teased from the counter. “Shut it,” Tobin retorted, not even looking in her direction. Christen giggled under the weight of Tobin’s gaze, nudging her to the side so she could finish preparing their meal. The trio enjoyed the next hour together in the common room, nowhere to be or to get done immediately. It was nice for Christen to have this break since the past few months had been on such a tight schedule. Tomorrow was a big day for her roommates and she was sure that Tobin was enjoying a moment to breathe.
She studied Tobin while she was engaged in a heated debate over a soccer game they had on. It was like second nature, the hand that was placed overtop of her legs, tracing shapes lightly without consciously thinking about it. Christen leaned in and laid her head against Tobin’s shoulder as she talked and was compensated by being pulled in closer so she could inhale the scent of Tobin through her shirt. She didn’t know when or how it happened but the next thing she remembered was waking up to an empty, quiet room with a blanket pulled up to her chin.
Confused, she called out Tobin’s name right before she saw the time on the microwave clock: 1:27 p.m.. Oh my God I slept for over two hours! The girls had gone to practice and her heart sank in her chest. Her phone was still upstairs in Tobin’s room so her half asleep legs climbed the steps to get it, only to find she had 3 messages all from Tobin.
Tobin: I had to go but I didn’t want to wake you! Be back around 3:30.
Tobin: Want to go out to dinner tonight? My family will be here and I’d love for you to come with me
Tobin: Christen?
It took a second to process the idea of meeting Tobin’s parents. Would she be introduced as her girlfriend? Of course that’s how she’ll introduce me. Her mouth went dry. In the little bubble they’d created here, she was more than comfortable with everyone knowing they were together; Tobin was incredible. But to the outside world, they had no idea who she was. A small piece of her felt guilty that she would meet Tobin’s family without even mentioning to her own what was going on. It didn’t seem a phone call or text was the appropriate way to do it, either. Still, she wasn’t going to let her apprehension get in the way when it came to this relationship anymore so with a profound breath, she typed out her response.
Christen: I would love to meet them.