Mixed Messages

A chirping came from Kelley’s phone on the night stand, but Christen couldn’t tell if it was a call or an alarm.  She felt around for it, but Kelley hopped over her, landing partly on her back.  “OW! Kelley!”

“That’s her ring! That’s her!” she shouted.  Tobin’s eyes were just about the only thing visable to Christen overtop of the covers,  looking so small and child-like opened.  “Who’s her?” she asked through the blanket.

“Ann! The girl I was talking to in the Spring.  I made it a different ring for when she called or texted!”  Christen thought back to the girl who she woke on their couch a month or so ago. “Doesn’t she know it’s early?”  Kelley ignored her as she texted furiously. Christen looked over and saw the amusement on Tobin’s face, as the blanket had been lowered enough to see her mouth now.  “Morning. Breakfast?” Her question was met with an almost violent shake of the head, meaning she was also hungry.   

“I’m coming too,” Kelley let her know.  “Actually wait.  Why would we get breakfast when the tailgate starts at 9?”

Tobin acknowledged her point, saying it wasn’t anything nearly as big as the football games but the soccer parents hosted a tailgate in the parking lot before the 11:30 game.  “They’ll have anything you could possibly want there. I vote we just wait.  At least there’s coffee in here.”  

So Christen volunteered to shower first, wanting to rinse the product from her hair from last night.  She let it air dry before neatly pinning it half up.  A touch of light makeup and a pair of jeans with the same UNC t-shirt Kelley had lent her for the football game  finished her look off.  She was going to wear a jean jacket over top to keep her warm just incase.  

The small but lively tailgate was fun; the parents had gone all out with tents and tables of food.  At 9:00 in the morning some had even started playing beer pong with mimosas.  Christen enjoyed a good morning brunch cocktail but Kelley reminded her she was the DD for the drive home, so she was out of luck.  “Ohhh that’s Christen!” she heard a woman’s voice squeal nearby.  She turned to see a petite blonde woman standing with who she presumed to be her husband and Tobin.  Who in the world is that?  Tobin waved her over to meet Danny’s parents, who she had known for a year or so now.  “Oh we just love Tobin,” Eileen gushed to her. “It’s so refreshing to see your son have an honest to God relationship with a woman his age without trying to date her!”  How many mimosas has this woman had?

She could see Tobin was a little embarrassed but did nothing to stop her.  “But, Danny has mentioned you a few times.  I heard you went to lunch together!”  Christen didn’t know what to say, relying on Tobin to save her.  “Yeah, we’re all friends,” she offered.

“Oh, so you are just friends too?” the hope fading from her voice.  

“Just friends,” Christen confirmed.  If only poor Eileen knew who in this little triangle didn’t want to be just friends.  “Oh dear, well, a mother can hope!” Eileen’s husband elbowed her, signaling her mouth was working overtime and she should quit while she was ahead.  “You girls wanna play us in a friendly game of beer, or I guess mimosa pong?”  

Tobin looked into Christen’s eyes to see if she had any qualms before saying, “sure but give me a minute if you could?”  She walked over to the table with the set of parents while Tobin went in the opposite direction, reappearing a few minutes later.  In either hand was a steaming cup of hot chocolate, caramel drizzle and and  marshmallows on top.  “I know you can’t really drink so…” Christen thanked her, heart strings pulling from the sweet gesture.

They all had a good time and even sat behind Danny’s parents during the game, huddled under a blanket spread across their legs.  Christen loved seeing Tobin get into the game, yelling at the appropriate (okay and some inappropriate) times and cheering on her counterparts.  In the end, UNC was victorious, a huge upset to the home crowd.  Everyone congregated back in the hotel lobby, waiting for the team to return before getting on their bus home.  The girls spread out on different chairs and couches, talking in groups while people all around buzzed.  Christen wasn’t particularly interested in seeing any of her guy friends so she slipped away to get a heads start on cleaning the room and packing her suitcase.

Tobin came a few minutes later in the room alone, shutting the door tightly behind her.  She leaned up against it, drawing eye contact from Christen as she sat on the floor folding her belongings before putting them in her suitcase.  She wasn’t sure what came over her, but she ditched the chore and rose to her feet.  They stood looking at each other, daring one another to make the the first move.  Christen took one, two steps slowly before Tobin did the same.  Now almost nose to nose, Tobin found her dangling hand and used it to back her to the side, up against the wall.  

Christen stopped breathing.  Her eyes roamed over Tobin’s tightened jaw, down towards her lips and back up to her eyes.  Her free fingers reached out to her shoulders, pulling her closer. She felt her veins throb and realized she’d never wanted anyone like this before; it was more than just lust at this point.  Tobin’s weight pressed against her and she inhaled her shampoo, her perfume and that extra scent that’s just..Tobin. It was the most delicious smell she’d ever become familiar with.  Their hands trembled together as she read the arousal behind the honey-like eyes melting into hers.

It was a surprisingly soft kiss, their lips lying against each other, sending a current running through her body.  Tobin pulled back first, making her eyes flutter open to see where she had gone. The kiss was different than the one she’d played in her mind many times before but somehow it felt every bit as good she imagined. Christen immediately missed the warmth over her so she took snaked her hands up to Tobin’s face, placing it between her hands while she opened her mouth ever so slightly.  Making contact, Tobin pressed her body against Christen’s as she slid her tongue past the entrance of her lips.  She could taste the chocolately flavor lingering from the drink they’d shared earlier, a brief reminder of just how much she had fallen for her already. Tobin was now kissing her harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need  she’d never known before.  It had stolen her breath and showed her that every other kiss in her life has been wrong.

Before they could indulge any further, a sound at the door broke their connection.  Barely separating before it swung open, Kelley strolled inside, eyeing them with suspicion.

“What’s going on here?” she asked.

Christen tried to think on her feet, “My contact fell out while I was packing.  She was helping me put it back in.”  Clearly Kelley didn’t buy her answer, but she didn’t think it was her place to admit the truth at the moment.  Now, she was sure of how Tobin felt about her but it would make her feel better to talk it out before letting on to anyone else.

Tobin peeked in her direction, trying to keep a straight face. It was their secret, intimate moment for now and she was more than okay with that.  

“Okay weirdos, let’s hit the road,” Kelley commanded. “I want another slice of that pie from that place.”

Chocolate pie, I could definitely go for that again.

…….

The next week prompted Fall Break, which took the soccer girls (including Tobin) away from her for five full days as they traveled up the coast to New England.  For a full day, she contemplated road-tripping by herself just to be near Tobin.  The only time they had alone since they got back from South Carolina was at night time, before bed when they watched TV or made a late night ice cream run.  It wasn’t enough time or space to be able to replicate what had happened in the hotel room, mostly out of fear that her roommates would walk in or there was no buildup to the moment.  Christen wanted to tell at least Kelley what was going on but she thought it was important to talk to Tobin about it first.

After classes resumed, the guys team held a mixer at their house to thank them for traveling the four and half hours down to South Carolina to support them.  Christen, now an honorary member, was invited by both her roommates and several of the guys she’d interacted with in class, including Danny.  

They pregamed lightly that Friday knowing they had a game Sunday and couldn’t afford to be hungover the next day for their walkthrough.  Tobin looked so good to her, ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt and snapback.  She herself had on tight black jeans that left little to the imagination and a silky red, deep v-neck tank top. When she walked in the room, she felt Tobin undressing her with her eyes.  She tapped her own chin, politely telling Tobin to pick her mouth up off the ground.  Things were good between them - really good.  They’d yet to discuss or attempt the kiss again, mostly because it was impossible to find a moment alone with the presence of 5 needy roommates, soccer and classes.  But still, they texted nonstop, took their sweet time walking to and from class and found excuses to pop by each other’s rooms.  

They barely were further than 5 feet from each other during the mixer.  If Tobin went outside, Christen followed.  If Christen went to get a drink, Tobin tagged along.  She didn’t feel suffocated and missed her anytime she left her field of vision.  

“Hey, I need to go to the bathroom.  You don’t have to come with me, I’ll bring you a drink back when I come out.  Okay?”  Tobin held onto her elbow as she whispered in her ear.  The brush of Tobin’s lips against her warmed her in the cool November night.  “Okay,” she said.  “I’ll wait for you”.  

Christen watched her walk across the lawn and inside, not blinking until she was out of sight.  Danny and Sully had been standing with them, talking about their upcoming group project for class.  Sully politely excused himself to get another drink leaving her and Danny alone.

“So…” she started.  She looked up and saw him smirking at her.

“Christen, is there something going on there?”  Danny gestured his cup towards the path Tobin had just taken.”

She halted her steps, making him turn back to face her.  “I’m sorry, that was really forward of me.  But am I completely off?  Are you into Tobin?”  Christen had no idea what to say.  Danny certainly was not the first person she wanted to admit this to.  Her lack of response was all he really need to confirm his suspicions.  

“Oh.  Well that explains why you played so ‘hard to get’.  I guess I didn’t read the signs. Anyway, there’s something I should probably tell you then, about Shi-”

Smack.

Something hard nailed Christen in the side of her head her, causing an immediate sting and blurring her vision.  Danny took her head between his hands.  “Are you okay.  Christen?”  Her eyes refocused to see him intently staring at her with concern.  

“Yeah, I’m...okay.”  A ball rolled at her feet.

“SORRY!”  

She was a little wobbly but managed to keep her balance.   “This is going to bruise.  I gotta go look in a mirror or get out of here.  I’ll talk to you later okay?”  Christen didn’t give him much time to respond as she back-pedaled and got out of dodge.  Knowing it wasn’t the smartest decision to walk home by herself, she scanned the living room for any of her roommates.  Her face was swelling and before anyone could notice the welt, she slipped out the front door into the street.  To make sure she was safe, she jogged the four blocks to their house.  Her plan was to text Tobin as soon as she got there, letting her know what had happened and that she wanted to spare herself any embarrassment.  As she walked up the short driveway, she saw a figure underneath the porch lights, sitting against her side of the house’s door.  It was girl, short and unfamiliar.

“Hello?”  

“Hi!” she called, shooting up.  “Uh, I’m Shirley.  I’m just waiting for Tobin.  I have the right house, right?”

Christen was stunned.  Words failed her as she processed the girl’s face, recognizing it now.  “Y-y-yeah. She’s not home.”

Shirley smiled at her, genuinely.  “Oh, I know.  I actually talked to my old roommates.  She’s at their house but I decided I wanted to surprise her this way.”  

“Do - do you wanna come in and wait for her? I can text her.”  Christen fumbled for her house keys inside her bag.  She felt like an idiot in front of the girl but tried to get herself together as they walked through the door.

“Yeah, just don’t tell her I’m here!  Wow, this is beautiful.  I came to look at it in the spring with her but I think it was a different color and the furniture looks better.”  She looked around the room while Christen went straight for the freezer to get herself some ice while, abandoning Shirley in their living room.  Discreetly holding her phone out of sight, she texted Tobin.

Christen: Come home.

Her message had barely sent when Tobin barreled through the front door.  “Chris! Are you o-”.  Her words were halted by the sight of her ex-girlfriend standing there, eyes narrowing in on her.  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Shirley didn’t budge.  “Well it’s nice to see you too.”  Her mind was shouting at her to leave, run up the stairs as quickly as she could but her body wasn’t hearing it.  She watched the standoff in front of her, noticing Tobin’s confusion and agitation mix.  

“Did you forget what weekend it is?” Shirley asked, stepping closer to where Tobin was frozen by the door.  

“I’m going upstairs.”   Christen barely heard her own timid voice.  

Tobin’s eyes darted towards her, still in the kitchen.  “No,” she firmly told her.  Shirley turned around to look at her.  “It was nice to meet you...oh my gosh I’m sorry I didn’t even ask your name!”

“She’s Christen and she’s staying.  You can be the one to go, Shirley.”  Tobin didn’t break eye contact as she spoke.  It was all making Christen feel too nervous, a pit in her stomach starting to develop deeper.  

“Christen, I’m so sorry to ask but would you mind if we had a few minutes just to talk?  We can go to another room if you want us to?” In a way, she felt bad because the girl was being so polite to her.

“Shirley, we don’t need to talk.”  Christen shook her head.  “It’s okay, Tobin.  My head is pounding anyway, I need to lay down.”  She collected the ice pack and her purse before starting upstairs.  Tobin’s eyes pleaded with her not go, but she knew she had to.

Their voices carried all the way up the steps to where Christen locked her bedroom door behind her.  She leaned against in, closing her eyes.  What in the world just happened? It was a weird feeling, seeing Tobin with the girl who had broken her heart and part of her thought she should run back downstairs to rescue her.  But the truth was, she wasn’t sure that Tobin was even hers to rescue. It upset her to know she’d let this uncertainty this long, failing to tell Tobin with words how she really felt.  Since their kiss in South Carolina it had seemed they were on the same page, but neither ventured to cement it with a conversation.  

All Christen could do now was lie down in her bed, trying to pass the time before she could emerge or Tobin let her know it was safe.  The pain radiating from the left side of her face overcame her so she closed her eyes for some relief.  The seconds turned into minutes and the minutes crept by.  Giving up hope, she rolled over and felt herself drift to sleep.