Chapter 7
The next few days were a blur. Soccer had picked up for the girls so she found herself alone in the evenings when practice was held. Allie spent a lot of time with her boyfriend at his house, but the quiet was appreciated so she could study in silence without having to go to the library. She hadn’t seen her roommates much over the past few days, including Tobin in class on Wednesday. She’d saved her a seat but since Tobin came in late she just sat in the back and left with brief wave. Truthfully, it left her feeling really disappointed.
Friday rolled around and she, like most of her roommates, didn’t have any classes. There was a home night game they were prepping for by laying low and sleeping. Christen roamed through the house after lunch and saw each person had their door tightly closed. She went downstairs to the common room where Allie and Tobin were laying on the couch, Allie asleep.
“Hey stranger,” Christen whispered.
Tobin just looked up at her and offered a half smile. Christen sat down next to her but felt Tobin immediately get up. “Where are you going?” she wondered aloud.
Motioning to Allie she said, “I can’t really watch anything with the volume on or she’ll wake up. I’m going to my room.”
“Oh.” Disappointment struck again at the brevity of their encounter. “Do you want to close the door and watch something on our TV?”
She watched her shake her head no. “I should lay down anyway, it’s fine.” Say something so she won’t go. “Can I come with you?” Holy shit what did I just ask to do?
Tobin looked down at her, trying to determine if she was serious or not. “I - I guess so.” Christen rose to her feet slowly, following in Tobin’s footsteps. It was only then she realized she’d never been to the other side of the house and had no idea what Tobin’s room looked like. It was the first room on the second floor towards the back. Alex’s room was opposite of hers with a shared bathroom down the hall.
When she walked into the room, she immediately could have guessed whose room it was. It wasn’t exactly messy, but it was definitely organized chaos. Her desk had stacks of notebooks and papers and she had three piles of laundry on the floor, separated by colors. The bed a simple white down comforter and matching pillows, surprisingly made.
Now what do I do. Luckily Tobin’s room was big enough to hold a queen bed so they were able to sit up, arms length away from each other. She could feel the tension coming from Tobin and couldn’t but think she did something wrong.
“Are you coming tonight?” Tobin asked without looking in her direction.
“Yeah, of course. I’m excited to see you all play.”
“Are you coming out with us after?” Christen tried thinking back to anyone mentioning it. “I didn’t know anyone was planning on it.” Tobin looked at her quickly out of the corner of her eye. “Yeah. We’ll go to Linda’s to eat and have a beer. Some people will stay out if they’re up for it.”
“Are you going to go?”
Tobin snorted before answering. “Definitely.” Christen was trying so hard to ignore the attitude radiating beside her. She slid down further into the bed and fluffed the pillow behind her before resting her head on it. Tobin was watching her intently; she could feel it. After a minute, she mirrored Christen’s actions and turned her head.
She wasn’t sure how long they laid like that, looking at each other, studying the curves of each other’s faces. It felt like they were having a conversation without speaking. “Chris?” Tobin said, breaking the edge from her voice.
“Yeah?”
She waited for Tobin to say something else, but she didn’t. Letting out a big sigh, she rolled over and remained like that until Christen heard soft, rhythmic breathing coming from her lungs. Tobin was so close to her and her fingers were tempted to run over the small patch of bare skin on her lower back that was exposed. Unable to fight the urge, she did it.
It was exhilarating. She wanted to do it again...and again. So she did, twice. There was no way she’d fall asleep now. Her body was alive and for the first time in a while she forged ahead with the mental conversation she’d closed herself off to. The way she felt when she touched her was infinitely more exciting than when Danny or any other guy did. She liked Tobin; she was attracted to her and couldn’t deny it.
At least I think I do. Here we go. The inner conflict started.
You have nothing to compare it to. You don’t know if you actually like Tobin or you just can see yourself getting close like her and Alex are. No, you checked her out multiple times. You think she’s pretty. You think a lot of girls are pretty, it doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. I would sleep with Tobin. Oh my God.
Unable to handle it anymore, Christen carefully rolled off the side of the bed and tiptoed out of the room. She nearly tripped over her own two feet when she heard a voice sleepily whisper, “see you tonight, Chris.”
…………...…..
She spent the rest of the afternoon with her face buried in her pillow. Tobin likely felt her touching her and now she was nervous. She probably thinks I’m so weird. IT took a lot of self convincing for her to finally pull herself up and get ready for the game. She waited until she heard her roommates leave to emerge from her room and take a shower.
There was no such luck of escaping her thoughts as she let the warm water run over her. Her eyes were closed and she retreated back to the first time she realized Tobin was….Tobin. She replayed the way she leaned against the counter and listened to her patiently, her dreamy gold-flecked eyes looking into hers, her lean body that was soft to the touch and the way she just moved in general. But most of all, her smile. Christen was sure that smile was the cure to anything bad and would do most anything to see it over and over.
Christen snapped her eyes open and looked down. Inadvertently, she found her hand touching herself. This had never happened before and despite being all alone, she was embarrassed. She grabbed a towel and exited the bathroom. That’s it, you have got to do something to figure out your feelings. It’s not going to go away. Tonight, say something to her tonight.
She watched all of her teammates from the stands with Allie play a great game, but she couldn’t help but focus on Tobin most of the time. Not because Tobin was genuinely a great player and mesmerizing on the ball, but because she was easy to look at. Her home white jersey clung to her body against what Christen could only presume was sweat, revealing a pretty nice outline.
“How long do you think they’ll take before we can meet them,” Christen asked Allie, eyes focused on Tobin walking to the fieldhouse with her teammates. “
Allie pulled out her phone and said she’d text Alex, who usually took the longest, to ask. That gave Christen a really good idea. She took her own phone out and found the text from Tobin earlier in the week. It hurt her a little to see she never got a response from her last message, but she continued to type.
Christen: Great game!
She shoved the phone in her pocket, hoping Allie wouldn’t see. The last thing she needed was someone catching on to her growing feelings.
Buzzing.
Tobin: Thanks. Are you still up for Linda’s? We’ll be there in like 20 minutes.
Christen: I’ll save you a seat :)
“Why don’t we go over now and try to get a few tables?” Christen suggested. Allie agreed it’d be smart to at least see what they could get before the crowd arrived and their efforts paid off. They had two rectangular tables set up for them, easily seating 12 people. Their roommates came in clusters, first Ali and her girlfriend (who was so kind to Christen), then Julie and Kelley. Other soccer players came in and stood around the table but Christen fiercely protected the seat next to hers for Tobin by putting a jacket, her purse on it.
“Hey Christen, I’m glad you’re here.” No. No, no no.
Danny stood a little too closely, almost making her scoot back in her chair. She flashed a polite, quick smile at him but didn’t say anything. Unable to read her signals, he started to pick up the purse and jacket from the empty-bodied chair.
“No! I saved that for Tobin,” she exclaimed.
“She won’t care,” he started to say. No, I don’t want to be stuck here with him. “Actually I think she’ll be exhausted when she gets here so she might need to sit down.”
He was insistent. “She’ll be cool with it. I’ll find her another chair.” Great. “So can I get you a drink or something?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m going to wait until everyone gets here, thanks.” Christen turned her head away, giving her best standoffish look. It wasn’t working. “So I had a lot of fun at lunch with you the other day and wanted to know if you wanted to tailgate with us this weekend. All of the guys come and your roommates are welcomed too.”
Christen peered up to see Ali and Ashlyn were doing a horrible job being discreet and eavesdropping. She looked to them with wide eyes, signaling for some help. Ali jumped in, “We already have plans but we’ll probably see you guys!” Christen wanted to mouth thank you but knew she’d be caught. Smiling sweetly, she confirmed the lie. “Bummer.”
“Oh, that’s cool. Well maybe we can meet up anyway and….” Christen didn’t hear the rest of his sentence because at that moment she saw Tobin walk in the door, trailing a step behind Alex. Their eyes met before Tobin surveyed the scene and saw her spot had already been claimed. She swore she saw a glimpse of sadness behind her eyes before her face turned stoic and looked away. Christen tracked her across the room to the bar where she ordered something.
“Christen?” Danny had put his arm across the back of her chair and raised his eyebrows at her. She looked back at him. “Yes? No?” Shoot, what did he ask. Probably if I want something. Just say no, it’s the safer choice.
“Sorry! No.”
She watched him smile. “Great, so then why don’t I drop the tickets off to your house tomorrow morning and then when you’re done with your tailgate you can come with me.” Oh God, what did I just agree to? “Uh, ok, um.” she sputtered.
Tobin and Alex walked up to table, drinks in hand. “Hey ladies,” Danny said. Alex returned his pleasantry, striking up conversation about their earlier victory. Christen searched for Tobin’s eyes that were clearly avoiding hers. She was concentrated on Danny’s face, not daring to look to the the right. Come on, Tobin. Look at me.
“I’ll get you girls a chair if you want,” Danny offered. Alex nodded back at him but Tobin didn’t reply. “I saved this one for you Tobin, I’m sorry,” Christen said hoping to let her know she really had tried.
“It’s fine, someone more important came along,” she retorted. The snarkiness even caught Alex off guard and she shot her a look. “Tobin..” Christen started before Danny made commotion in front of them, sliding chairs into a tight spot opposite of them. She couldn’t stop staring at Tobin; all she wanted to do was to tell Danny to take a hike and tell her she wanted to be next to her.
“So I heard you guys are doing a tailgate tomorrow. I invited Christen to ours but she’s going to just meet up and sit with me in our section at the game. Do you guys want to come too? I have 3 more tickets.” I am? Oh, that’s what I agreed to. It was just getting worse and worse.
Tobin looked at her. “No thanks Danny, you two have fun.” Christen’s eyes and facial expression pleaded with Tobin not to buy into what he was saying.
“Suit yourself, I bet our tickets are better than yours,” he joked.
She was desperate. “Tobin, I have to go to the bathroom, come with me?”
“I’m good.” Ok, what else can I try.
“I need someone to hold my purse and drink. Public bathrooms gross me out. Please?”
Alex interjected, “Why don’t you just leave them at the table?” Her voice and face showed she thought Christen was kind of dense for not thinking of that in the first place. Tobin’s face showed she knew exactly what Christen was trying. Danny continued to be oblivious, of course.
“Right. Good idea Alex. Well, I’m going to order something to eat while I’m up, too. I’ll get everyone else another round. Can you help me carry them, Tobin?”
Finally, Tobin gave in. “Okay.” Christen had exactly two minutes to have a conversation away from the prying ears and eyes of everyone at the table. What she hated most was her and Tobin were stuck in this game that no one else knew was happening. Or at least she thought that’s what it was. She had read the Alex/Tobin thing all wrong so maybe she was wrong about this too?
“Tobin, I’m sorry, I really did save that seat for you. He came over and just sat down.”
“It’s fine.” Tobin looked straight ahead as they waited for the drinks. Christen took a deep breath, “No, it’s not. I promised you I’d save you a seat and I don’t want you to think I didn’t.”
“It’s just a chair, Christen.” Why is she being so stubborn? She wasn’t going to let Tobin walk away without getting some type of closure from this conversation. “Then why do I get the sense that you’re upset with me?” Her voice was low, not wanting to make a scene.
Tobin blinked at her a few times. “You really have no idea?”
Christen had a few ideas, but didn’t want to put any of them out there in the chance she was off. Did Tobin feel the same type of attraction to her? Was she upset about her and Danny? Was she mad about what happened in her room earlier? She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
Tobin shook her head and muttered, “unbelievable” before walking away, leaving Christen standing alone.
………………
Christen avoided Tobin for the rest of the night. She thought maybe giving her a chance to cool down would be best at this point. She also tried to avoid Danny who seemed to show up everywhere she drifted. Clearly, body language was not something that he read very well.
On the way home, Ali made a point to ask if everything was okay. “Is it that obvious?” Christen asked. Ali nodded. “Kinda. I got the impression you weren’t really into going with him tomorrow. Why’d you say yes?”
Christen groaned. “Ali, I wasn’t even paying attention to him. I said no thinking I was shooting him down!” Ali laughed, “can you get out of it?” She thought for a minute. “I want to go to the tailgate and the game, but just not with him so I can’t say I’m sick or anything.”
Softly suggesting, Ali told her she could just be honest with him and tell her she’s not interested. “I know, I could. I hate rejecting people, though. I’m better at just withdrawing, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint!”
She realized that unfortunately, she would just have to suck it up tomorrow. Everyone was home and getting ready for bed when she thought it might be worth it to try to talk to Tobin again. Christen took out her contacts and put her glasses on, changed into pajamas. Tiptoeing downstairs, the common room door was shut. She pressed her ear to it but didn’t hear any sounds, signaling the other side of the house was probably in bed.
Trying not to disturb the floorboards underneath her up the steps, she could see the light was out underneath Tobin’s door. She had only a few moments to decide whether to stay or go. Going for it, she knocked softly three times. “Tobin?”
Nothing. She’s probably sleeping already. Try one more time. “Tobin, it’s Christen,” she called quietly, turning the doorknob. Peeking in the room, she could just make out Tobin’s face from the streetlight shining in her uncurtained window.
“Not now Christen. Just go.”
Before shutting the door, she swore she saw tears coming from Tobin’s eyes.