Tired
Monster food is composed of magical energy. But this energy also has a certain ‘weight’ to it. Not in the same sense of human food, but sort of like the same thing. Since your bodies are composed up of partly magic, the energy adds to that and makes your overall body weight heavier.
You, who hasn't done much eating (or anything at all) recently, have gotten lighter. It's only when Papyrus suddenly pulls out of the hug and picks you up, that you're self conscious of that fact.
“SANS, HAVE YOU BEEN EATING? YOU FEEL LIGHTER THAN USUAL.”
“pap i'm a skeleton. we're supposed to be light.” You give a small chuckle, trying to divert his attention away from you.
“YEAH BUT… YOU DEFINITELY ARE LIGHTER THAN THE LAST TIME I PICKED YOU UP…” He pauses briefly, “DO NOT FRET! I THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL MAKE YOU SPAGHETTI! ONLY THE BEST SPAGHETTI, FINELY CRAFTED BY ME, MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS. NYEH HEH HEH HEH!”
And with that Papyrus runs back into the house with you still in his arms, not even giving you a chance to protest.
Welp. Seems like you're going to be eating. Not that you're hungry though; everything you eat tastes like cardboard. You doubt even Papyrus’ indescribable spaghetti can even help with that.
Papyrus carries you into the kitchen, only earning a few strange looks from Toriel, Alphys, Undyne, and Asgore. Frisk is in the kitchen when you come in, getting a snack from the fridge.
Papyrus puts you into a chair before speaking to Frisk, “TINY HUMAN! WOULD YOU ALSO LIKE SOME GREAT SPAGHETTI? I WAS MAKING SOME FOR SANS, BUT EVERYONE DESERVES A PORTION OF SPAGHETTI AS GREAT AS MINE!”
Frisk nods enthusiastically, no doubt taking note of you and Papyrus’ more or less happy states. They sit in the chair next to you, while Papyrus goes over to the counter and starts preparing the ingredients.
‘How are you doing Sans?’ They sign as you turn to look at them.
“i'm good kid, thanks.”
‘I'm sorry,” They sign, face becoming somber, ‘I really am sorry. I didn't mean for it… I didn't mean…” You look at their face, and see their eyes becoming wet with the beginnings of tears, ‘I’m so sorry you had to go through that because of me…’
A single tear falls down their face and drips down their chin. “it's okay Frisk. i forgive you. i already did forgive you.”
‘It's not okay, I… made you like this. There's no excuse for that.’
“Frisk… this isn't your fault. it's mine. and the RESETS… well, i forgive you for those. you gotta learn to forgive yourself.”
You forgive them. Curiosity is a nasty thing. You forgive the kid, but you're still afraid of a RESET. A RESET that's bound to happen sooner or later. And even if it is the kids fault, there's no point in being angry with them. It's going to happen anyways. Whoever has the most Determination will RESET. Again and again.
It will never end.
Frisk notices your expression fall and starts to sign again, ‘Sans?’
“yeah?” You say, drawn out of your thoughts.
‘You said to me you were sad before all of this too. What happened?’
Papyrus is happily humming a tune behind you, but you switch to signing just in case. ‘i was just… sad ya know? nothin happened.’
‘Sans…’ They pause a moment, ‘It’s okay to talk about it. We won't judge you for whatever it is if you're worried about that.’
‘it's nothing’ You sign sharply, a bit defensive.
‘Sans… I-we won't judge you for whatever it is. It'll help you get better, Alphys said that.’ They give you a sad look. ‘I don't think it can be worse than what I did.’
So, Alphys probably told everyone, at least everyone in the house, about your HoPe. And how it decreased before. But you can't tell them. It doesn't matter. It didn't happen.
‘But it's not with the RESETS, right?’ You nod your head no, you can give them at least that. ‘Well if you won't tell me, I hope you tell Papyrus or someone. It's not good to bottle things up. I think you know that though.’
“SPAGHETTI!”
Both you and Frisk turn your heads to face Papyrus. He's holding two steaming plates of spaghetti, as well as one on the counter behind him.
“HERE WE ARE.” Papyrus says as he places the plates in front of both you and Frisk. “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?”
‘Orange juice!’ Frisk signs excitedly, while you just say you'll have a glass of water.
“OKAY, I’LL GO GET THAT!” Papyrus runs back over to the fridge to get your drinks.
‘Sans you should talk about it. To Papyrus, if anyone. He's been so worried about you.’
‘yeah, i know kid’ You sign, albeit bitterly, ‘i know he's upset at me.’
‘Sans he's not-’
You cut them off as you start signing again, ‘i know, i know. he's upset at the situation.’ But that's not true. He's upset at you for putting yourself in this situation. Why couldn't you just be a good brother? Papyrus doesn't deserve you.
“HERE HUMAN!” Papyrus says, most likely catching both of you signing to each other, but thankfully not mentioning it. “ORANGE JUICE!”
Frisk gladly takes the glass and takes a sip from it, before starting to shovel forkfuls of pasta into their mouth.
“HERE’S YOUR WATER SANS!” Papyrus says cheerfully, handing you your cup, and you gladly accept. You take a long sip, trying to enjoy the coolness of the water.
The spaghetti, you notice, actually doesn't look half bad. Toriel probably has helped Papyrus improve, and also the fact that Undyne wasn't “helping” this time. You take a small bite, and as expected, it tastes bland to you. But it's not Papyrus’ fault you're messed up, so you compliment his cooking anyways.
“it's really good Papyrus.”
“WELL OF COURSE IT IS, IT WAS MADE BY ME!” He says, though through his words, you can sense a bit of pride from what you said.
‘It's so good Papyrus.’ Frisk signs between bites.
“THANK YOU HUMAN!”
Papyrus then sits down to eat as well, and you all make idle chat about random things. How's ambassador business going? How's the surface? What are your plans? You join in the conversation a bit, but mostly let Frisk and Papyrus do the talking. You just sit there and listen.
Frisk is done first, and shortly after, Papyrus, but you've barely touched yours. You should be hungry right? You really haven't eaten anything. But you don't really feel hungry. Or anything. It's as though your body is living a separate life then your mind.
“SANS? ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH YOURS? YOU SHOULD PROBABLY EAT SOME MORE.” Papyrus says kindly, but you can't bring yourself to. You can't bring yourself to waste food on someone who won't even enjoy it, or put it to use.
“nah paps, it's okay. not really hungry right now.” Papyrus frowns at you quickly, but soon covers it with a smile, but not fast enough so that you didn't notice. “i might actually go lay down a bit if that's okay?” You add as an afterthought.
“SURE THAT’S FINE! JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE TO CLEAN UP.”
Oh that's right. You're still on the whole ‘suicide watch’ thing. Someone has to be with you, even if you're sleeping. And this time, you do actually plan on sleeping. Or at least trying to. God knows how long it's been since you've slept properly, and not because of injuries.
Papyrus starts cleaning up the dishes when you hear the low rumble of Asgore’s voice calling Frisk into the living room. Probably to work on ambassador duties.
Frisk quickly signs goodbye before rushing off to see Asgore. This leaves only you and Papyrus sitting in a peaceful silence, only filled with the sound of rushing water from the sink.
Unfortunately, the period of peace is soon over as Papyrus quickly finishes washing the dishes. He turns the sink off, ending the monotonous sound of streaming water with a few spare drips coming from the faucet.
“OKAY, IF YOU’RE GOOD TO GO, I’M DONE HERE.”
“yeah.” You say, only a bit quiet.
Your fatigue has only really just hit you since your last sleep, now coming in full force. You were probably distracted before, but now it is calm, and there is nothing to distract you from the tiredness that lines your entire body, deep into your soul.
Both of you walk upstairs and into your room in relative silence. Papyrus goes and sits down on his bed, while you lay on yours, facing the wall.
Sleeping… is probably not the best thing right now. Inevitable nightmares can make it seem that way at least. But, you're so, so, tired…
‘Dad?’ You think, as a shadow of a tall, slender figure comes into view. The shadow becomes clearer, details enhanced, and you are stuck staring into the cold dead eye sockets of someone you used to call dad. Someone you didn't save.
His expression changes, morphs from a cold one, to a warm and loving one. He looks up at you, sadness in his eyes.
“Sans…” He says softly, in the voice he only used when he truly cared about you, “Why did you… Why did you let this happen?” His voice is still calm now, but has a bit of a sharper edge to it.
“Sans, didn't you realize I was changing? That I wasn't who I once was? Why didn't you do anything about that? Anything at all?” He says, eye sockets narrowing at you, and his tone gets rougher.
“You let me beat Papyrus. You let me do that. You didn't stop it. You didn't try to stop it. You just sat back and hoped it would go back to the way it was. But it never did. You know why?” He starts grinning wickedly as the once black scenery changes into something all too familiar…
“This place… this is where you did it. This is where you damned me to an eternal hell. Did I deserve that? Did I, your father, deserve that? Did you not even want to save me from insanity? It sure seems like it.” He says, turning away from you.
“You could've done something, you know? You could've tried to change me back. That wasn't who I was, and you know it. You made me deal with my mind slowly dying and being taken over by a madness that consumed me, and yet you did nothing. Did you really not care about your father? Did I mean that little to you?” He asks sadly.
You try and speak, say i'm sorry, but find you physically cannot bring yourself to.
“And yet you have nothing to say about that. You never did care. You still don't care about anyone, or anything.” His voice turns cold once again as he speaks.
“i care.” You finally manage to say, weak and pathetically.
“It's too late for that though, isn't it?” He asks, “ You've already done what has been done. And for once this won't be RESET.”
You body starts moving towards him, towards him as he leans over the edge of his creation. You try and did your heels into the ground, but to no avail. You can't stop it. You've done this already, and now you're going to have to relive it.
You try and scream but find you can't. All he does is stand there, once bitter face replaced by one with a deep frown.
“no!” You manage to scream, but it's too late.
You push him.
He looks at you with a sorrowful expression and says, “This is your fault.”
He falls into the CORE.
You wake up.