Chapter 10
Ashlyn’s POV:
Ashley and I have been hanging out for a few weeks now. We’ve been keeping it pretty low-key, but I haven’t been out with anyone else, and I don’t think she has been either. I suppose we might as well be dating, even though I’ve never really been the dating type.
“So, what did you think?” Ashley asked as she looped her arm through mine. We were leaving a club near her place. A band called Blackheart was on tour from Chicago. They’re Ashley’s favorite band, and on our previous outing to the zoo I had promised her that I would take her.
“They’re good”, I said. They were kind of like a cross between Green Day and Smashing Pumpkins. Not really my kind of music, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
“They were Janna’s favorite band. We met at one of their shows, like six years ago. I told you that, right?”
I smiled at her and nodded. Ashley had previously been engaged to a woman named Janna. They had been planning a destination wedding in Baja, California. One evening, Janna had been driving home from visiting the wedding planner. She had stopped at a four-way stop sign and had started to cross the intersection. A driver coming cross-traffic had been on his cell phone. He had missed the stop completely and had T-boned Janna right on the driver side door. Janna had been killed on impact. That had been six months ago. Ashley had gone into reclusion for a few months, and then one of her friends suggested that they both try out for the roller derby team. Since then she had slowly but steadily made her way back into social interaction, both platonically and on the dating scene. I was the first person she had met since being back.
“Yes, you did tell me”, I said. Ashley had told me about Janna, and I had told her about Ali. Talking about our former relationships, or in my case, relationship woes, seemed to be working for us, at least for the moment. Maybe it was because neither of us was totally ready to commit to anything, but I think we both liked having someone in our lives who was more than just a friend.
We stopped just outside of Ashley’s apartment.
“Thanks for taking me, Ashlyn”, she said as she turned to me. “That was a fun date.”
I smiled. “Was that a date?” I asked teasingly.
“I think so”, Ashley said. “Wouldn’t you consider that a date?”
“I guess. Maybe. I don’t know”, I said and then laughed. “I’ve just never really thought of myself as the dating type.”
“Well then”, Ashley said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. She looked at me for a moment and then looked down. She took my hands in hers and then, head still kind of tilted down, looked up at me with her brown eyes. “So, um…do you want to come up?”
I thought for a second and then exhaled. “I don’t know”, I said and smiled at her. “I mean, I do, but I kind of don’t.”
“That’s…pretty…cryptic”, she said, staring at me. “So you don’t hook up, and you don’t date. What have we been doing for the past few weeks?”
I laughed at the absurdity. She had me there. “Uh…hanging out?” I said.
She smiled. “Well, I like hanging out, but I would like to date you.”
“I hear you”, I said. “I mean, okay - I like you, I really do, but I feel like I’m still sorting through some stuff, and, well, I think that maybe I should work that stuff out first, before we jump in.” Ashley continued to look up at me, so I went on. “I mean, I guess in my past I was confused, and I used to just hook up with people, not even date them, and I don’t really want to do that anymore”, I said and smiled at her. “At least, that’s not how I want to start things out with you.” I don’t know exactly when I stopped just hooking up with people, but I had made an effort to drop that facet of my life when I left for Tyreso. Maybe it had to do with me wanting to make a clean break and start over, and when I left Ali behind here, 5 years ago, I left the habit of sleeping around as well. Seems like it’s carried over now that I’m back here in the states.
“Okay, I understand. I don’t want to start like that either”, Ashley said, then stepped a bit closer and touched my shirt collar. “But, I would like to date you.” She stood there, fingering my collar and then looked at me. “I mean, you’re open to dating, right?”
I looked at her for another moment and then smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Yeah, of course. I’m open to dating.” I shrugged. “It just has to be the right person, I guess.”
She smiled, then leaned in and kissed me back.
********
6 years ago
Ali’s POV:
“Hey stud”, I said, as we stretched on the field. I had arrived in Chicago a few weeks ago. I’d been staying at Ashlyn’s place. On the surface, the idea was for me to stay with her until we saw how things were working, and then we could either get a place together or I could find a place of my own. What I really wanted was for things to work out between us, so I could just stay there, and we could finally be together. I mentioned two bedrooms when we had spoke about me moving in, but I don’t want two bedrooms. I want one bedroom, with her. We’re finally in the same town, same apartment, even in the same bed. But for the last two weeks I’ve barely seen her. She’s been out at night a lot. Apparently she’s still sleeping around. Sometimes she’ll head out right after practice. Sometimes she’ll come home for dinner, but then leave after that. We never talk about what she does or where she goes. We hung out the first two days I was in town. I planned on bringing things up the third day, but then she went out on a date and didn’t come back. Evidently my window has long gone.
“Hey princess”, she says. She looked over and smiled at me, looking a little tired.
“Long night?” I asked, trying to make conversation, even thought I didn’t really want to know any details.
“Not too bad. Got to bed at a decent hour.”
Bed, but not to sleep, I’m sure. It hurts just thinking about it, and I am reminded yet again of the biggest mistake of my life. I was silent for a moment and then I came out with it. “Hey, do you think we can maybe go out sometime? Just you and me?”
“Sure”, she said, kind of flatly, and continued stretching. She stretched for another moment and then looked at me. My face must have gone to a pout. “Princess – is something wrong?”
“No”, I said. “I mean, nothing’s wrong.” I was silent for a moment and then said, “Well, I guess, I just thought that, well, maybe we could, um…hang out. I mean, I really haven’t seen you much since I got here, and well, I’m living at your place.” I wished I could call it ‘our’ place.
She stopped stretching and looked at me. “Hey, Al. Of course. I mean, I’ve just been trying to give you a bit of space, just so you can settle in, and we see each other a lot still, like here”, she motioned to the field, “but yeah, we can go out.”
“I’d like that”, I said. “I mean, I don’t want to cramp your style, stud, but I don’t know…before I moved here I’d just thought that we’d be spending more time together. That’s all.”
She looked at me for a few seconds and then smiled. “I’d like that too”, she said. “Tell you what. Tomorrow night, I’m all yours. I’ll take you out for a nice dinner and then whatever else you want to do.”
“Okay”, I smiled back. We continued to smile at each other for a few more seconds, and in that moment I thought, I wish we could just leave right now. I want to go home with her and have her wrap me up in her arms, kiss me like there’s no tomorrow, and then toss me onto the bed, which I want to be our bed, just like she did in Paris.
“Alright! Up and running!” The voice came, the whistle blew, and I was back to reality.
********
Ashlyn’s POV:
“Hey princess, are you ready?” I called into the bedroom.
“In like two minutes”, Ali responded.
“Okay, I need to go to my car and get something. I’ll be right back.” I left the apartment and went down to the car to get the flower I had bought her earlier in the day. One yellow rose. I had wanted to get a red rose, but I was scared of what message that might send and how she might react, so I went with the safe choice. I came back up and knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” she called out from the other side.
“It’s me. I forgot my keys.”
She opened the door and saw me standing there with the rose in my hand. I smiled and offered it to her. “Ash? W-w-what are you doing?” she asked, confused.
“Picking you up for our date, princess.” I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can be clever when it matters. And this matters. “For you.” I handed her the rose.
“Oh my God”, she smiled, twirling the stem in her hand, then she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, close to my lips. “You’re sweet. Thank you.” She took the rose inside and laid it on the counter and then grabbed her purse. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I looked at her and my mouth dropped slightly. She was wearing a cream colored dress, a wide brown belt and matching slignback heels. My heart skipped a beat, maybe two. “You look…wonderful”, I said, and for a moment I forgot that this wasn’t a real date. Somehow, maybe, this fake date could be the start for us, like maybe this night out would lead to actual real dates, and then to us being together, the start of a relationship with the woman I love.
“So do you, stud”, she returned. I was wearing a blue and white checkered shirt, a dark blue tie, and a grey suit. I offered her my arm and lead her down to the car. I opened the passenger side door for her, and then got in, fired up the engine, and off we went.
********
Ali’s POV:
“That was wonderful. Thank you”, I said. Dinner was amazing. Ashlyn had taken me to a German restaurant. The food was delicious, and the restaurant was dark and quiet. It made me feel like I was on a real date. A real date with the woman of my dreams. It’s been three years since I pushed her away in Germany, and I'm still in love with her as much as I ever have been.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it”, Ashlyn said. We were walking arm in arm in Grant Park. The temperature had dropped a bit, so Ashlyn had taken off her jacket and draped it over my shoulders. As we neared Buckingham Fountain, we could see people in wedding garb wading in the pool surrounding the fountain. “Looks like a wedding party”, she said.
“Nothing like a wedding fountain pool party”, I said. As I watched them play in the water I thought about what things would be like if I had just made the right choice. We’d probably be married and maybe even have a kid by now.
“I was just thinking that myself”, she said and laughed. She smiled at me and then leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
It’d be nice, if right now, we could kiss for real. I imagined her stopping me, turning me to face her, pulling me close, and kissing me under the clear Chicago night time summer sky. “Hmmmm”, I sighed to myself as I thought about that, but it came out louder than I thought.
“Huh?” she asked.
“Oh nothing”, I said. “I was just thinking about…you know…weddings…”
“Do you ever think about getting married?” she asks me casually.
Yes, to you, I thought. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I mean, maybe someday I’d like to, but, you know…” I let it trail off. I waited for a few seconds and then said, “You?”
“Yeah, I do”, she said. “I mean, I’d like to, someday maybe, but, well, you know.” She looked at me and smiled. “You have to find the right person first, I guess.”
“Yeah”, I said. I’ve found the right person. She’s right next to me. Out loud I said, “I mean, our schedule is pretty crazy. Being athletes and all.” She looked at me again. “It’d probably be hard to be married to an athlete.”
She was silent for a moment and then said, “We could marry each other.” She looked at me and smiled. My heart fluttered a bit.
“Yeah, I guess we could”, I said, smiling back, trying to stay calm.
“I mean, we would understand each others’ schedules, at least.”
“Yeah, that’s true”. But that wouldn’t be the only reason I’d marry her. In fact, I can’t think of a reason I wouldn’t marry her.
We walked for a bit more and then took a seat on some steps next to the fountain. She sat on the step above me.
“Are you warm enough?” she asked me. It had been a warm June day and evening, but the temperature had cooled off as it does at night near the lakefront.
“It’s a little chilly, but I’ll be alright.”
“Here, princess”, she said. She switched the around jacket so it was covering me like a blanket, and then she pulled me back into her and rubbed my shoulders to warm them up. We watched the wedding party tromp through the water.
“So, what kind of wedding would we have?” I asked her.
She thought for a moment and then said, “How about one in Hawaii? We could finally take that trip we talked about so long ago.”
“Yeah”, I said, and started to daydream. “On the beach.”
“Sunny afternoon.”
“Our family and best friends.”
“And then a big luau for dinner.”
“Fruity drinks with umbrellas.”
“And a scrimmage on the beach.”
I laughed softly. “And then afterwards we could swim in the ocean at night”, I said. And then make love on the beach, under the stars, I though to myself. I looked up. The stars were out tonight. I felt Ashlyn kiss the back of my head, and I spotted the brightest star in the sky and made a wish.
********
Ashlyn’s POV:
We got home and changed for bed. I turned off the lights and we climbed in.
“Hey stud”, Ali said and turned to face me.
I turned to face her. “Hey princess.”
“Thank you for taking me out tonight. I had a lovely time.”
“You’re welcome. Thanks for coming out with me.”
We laid in silence for a moment and then she said, “I enjoyed planning our wedding.”
I laughed softly, but inside it hurt. I knew the reality. I wasn’t going to be marrying her. I was about to say something when my phone buzzed. I looked at it.
“Booty call, stud?” she asked, a light tone in her voice.
It was. But I wasn’t going to answer it.
“No, it’s nothing princess”, I said, softly. At least I wasn’t going to answer it tonight. Tonight was for her and me. But, as I laid there next to the woman of my dreams, reality raised its ugly head and I felt a sour feeling in my stomach. This was just a fantasy, and really, when it came right down to it, we’d never be together. So I’d probably answer that call tomorrow.