Chapter 11
Ali’s POV:
It was opening day of the season, and we were playing The Dash. We were in the locker room. I looked over at Ashlyn. She was rifling through her bag, maybe looking for her headphones. We haven’t really spoken since we both arrived like twenty minutes ago. In fact, we haven’t spoke much lately in general. We talk more on the field than off of it. I missed talking with her. I hated how we ended things that horrible day in this very room, and I wanted her back in my life. The more she’s in my life the more complete I feel. I walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.
“Hey”, I said.
“Hey”, she said back.
“Um, how have you been? You know, like, outside of this”, meaning soccer. I motioned with my hand to the team around us.
“Okay. You?” she asked.
I smiled slightly and half-nodded/half-shrugged.
“How...um...how are things with Kate?” she continued.
Kate and I had kind of gotten back to a somewhat seeing-each-other relationship, but it wasn’t quite the same. There was a wall up with her now, and we were definitely more disconnected than we were before. I guess I can’t blame her, given what I had done. “Okay, I guess. I’m not sure. I mean, we’re together, in some way, I think…”, I said, trailing off. I looked at Ashlyn, and she smiled an understanding smile. I paused for a moment and then said, “How’s Ashley?”
I winced inside as I asked. Somehow, in the back of my mind, even still, I’d always thought that, if Ashlyn ever decided to settle down, it was going to be with me. Even after everything that had gone down over the last ten years, I had still thought that. I had pictured it so many times in my mind – her asking me out, us walking around after dinner, her stopping us, turning me towards her, looking into my eyes, pulling me close, and kissing me. She’d tell me that she’s been wanting to do that for so long, that she’s done sleeping around and finally realized what she wanted, which was to be with me. Then I would start crying and tell her that I was sorry for the huge mistake I made all those years ago, and that I only wanted for her to give me another chance, and that I’d never push her away ever again. Then she would take me home to our apartment that we shared, the one that we had searched for together, fell in love with together, moved into together and decorated together, and we would make love on the bed that we had been sleeping in together but never slept in together, and then I would fall asleep nestled in her arms, and then wake up the next morning, still being held by her. I’d played that movie over and over in my head, so many times. Then I saw Ashley for the first time about a month ago, at a home game against Portland. She and Ashlyn were canoodling up against Ashlyn’s car in the team parking lot. I was parked a few cars over. At first I thought it was just another one of Ashlyn’s hookups, but then I saw her hanging out on the fringes at some of our practices. Then I saw her again when she picked Ashlyn up from a press conference about a week ago. After we had finished talking with the media, Ashlyn had walked over to her and kissed her. She had taken Ashlyn’s hand and had lead her out of the building, and it was then that reality had struck. I’d seen Ashley around like half a dozen times, and no other woman besides her. I’d never known Ashlyn to have anyone around exclusively that long. Ashlyn Harris might settling down, and I’m not the one settling down with her. Thinking that just burned me inside, but of course it was never going to happen for me and her. If she had wanted to settle down with me, that probably would have happened by now.
“She’s good”, Ashlyn said. We’ve never spoken to each other much about our personal lives. Our answers on that topic have always been pretty short, and these days our conversations in general are pretty short. Not rude, and not curt. Just politely short. We spoke a bit more at surface level, and then Coach Parsons called us to attention and we took our seats. We did not sit next to each other. We always used to sit next to each other. I missed that.
********
Ashlyn's POV:
We were in the locker room, about to take the field against the Dash. The team had started to file out. Ali and I were the last two in the locker room.
“Hey”, I said.
“Hey”, she said back, adjusting her ponytail.
“You ready?” I looked at her and smiled at her a bit.
She looked at me and smiled back a bit. “Yeah, you?”
“Yeah”, I said. Then I took a step closer to her. “Listen, Ali - I know we haven’t talked much lately, but I want you to know that…I’m with you.” I said and smiled.
She looked at me for a moment and then smiled back and said, “And I’m with you.”
“I got your back”, I said.
“And I got yours.”
I smiled at her, and then I exhaled. “Alright, let’s do this”, I said. I looked at her for a moment, and then I pulled her in for a hug. We embraced each other and held each other tight for a few seconds, and then we pulled back and smiled again at each other.
“Let’s get ‘em”, she said and smiled. I smiled back, then put my hand on her back to usher her out of the locker room, and we joined the rest of the team.
********
Ali’s POV:
We were fifteen minutes into the game. The score was 0-0, but the Dash were taking it to us. For the most part we had been playing in our half of the field. I was physically on the field but I just couldn’t focus like I should have been able to. In the last month I had lost my girlfriend and my best friend. I just wanted to go home, lay in my bed and cry.
********
Ashlyn’s POV:
I had already been shot on six times. The four that had been on goal weren’t hard shots to stop, and two had sailed wide, but the fact that I was getting shelled so early on in the game was shaking my confidence.
I glanced at Ali, and I had to say, she was looking a bit lackluster. Normally she’s on point, the rock of this defense, but she just seemed a bit sluggish today. I wanted to call time, to talk with her real quick, maybe even give her a hug, do anything I could to help her get into the game, but that’s not how it works. We were off and running, and would continue to be until the end of the first half.
The Dash were coming again. Jessica McDonald chased the ball down near midfield and tried to slot it through to Kealia Ohai. Kealia trapped it but couldn’t quite turn to take a shot. She passed the ball to Melissa Henderson, who dropped back and then put the ball in the air right in front of the goal around the 18 yard line. And that’s when it happened.
Jessica, who had charged forward from midfield, went up to get a head on the ball. So did Ali, but Jessica was up first and had the advantage. She went hard for the ball, but instead of heading the ball she headbutted Ali. She was coming down on it and nailed Ali right in the side of the head, near the temple. Ali fell like a stone, with Jessica falling right on top of her. Everyone on our bench immediately got up. The crowd went silent. The world went into slow motion. I stood there for a second, stunned, and then called time. The whistle blew. Ali wasn’t moving. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong, but I knew it wasn’t good. I’ve taken some hard knocks to the head before. As a goalkeeper that’s just part of the game. But I’ve never taken anything like the blow I just saw Ali take. Jessica had come right down into her full force. A blow that was supposed to send the ball to the back of the net instead landed right on Ali’s temple and sent her sprawling to the ground. I was immediately worried. I was worried, and I was angry. It wasn’t Jessica’s fault. I’ve known her since our days together at North Carolina, and we’ve always gotten along pretty well. But someone had hurt Ali. It wasn’t intentional, and it could have happened to anyone, but I got heated up. Something came over me. I ran out of the box and up to Jessica. I stood between her and where Ali was laying.
“What the fuck, McDonald?!”
“Harris, chill”, she said, putting her hands up.
“Don’t fuckin’ tell me to chill”, I said. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth.
“Dude, it was an accident”, McDonald said. She started to walk towards Ali. “I’ll go check on h-“
“Back the fuck up”, I said, pointing at her, and I gave her a look like I was going to pounce. I didn’t care if she was going to check on Ali. For a split second all I could think of was pounding the daylights out of her. Jessica’s eyes widened and she looked at me, stunned, confused and frightened. She backed off, and then I turned around and looked at Ali. She was lying face down, not moving. I knelt down beside her and lightly touched her shoulder.
“Ali”, I said. No response. “Princess”, I tried again. Again, no response. “Baby”, I tried for a third time. Still nothing.
“Harris”, I heard a voice say. I looked up and saw Rodney, our head trainer, and two other members of our staff. Rodney put his hand on my shoulder. “Harris, we gotta get in here”, he said, trying to usher me aside, but I wouldn’t budge. I needed to be right by Ali's side.
“Harris, we need to turn her over.” It was Kim, the assistant trainer. I still wouldn’t move. I needed to be right here for my princess. “Harris – please”, Kim said. “We need to turn her over.” She lightly grabbed my arm and I turned around to face her. “Please”, she said again. I paused for a moment, and then relinquished, and she ushered me up to a standing position. She guided me back three feet and then knelt down beside Ali. She and Rodney counted to three and then gently turned Ali over. Ali laid motionless, her mouth slightly open. My heart lurched, and I knelt down next to her again.
“Princess”, I said, touching her arm lightly. “It’s me. I’m here, baby”, I said. Still no movement. “Baby, I’m with you”, I said again, as the trainers tended to her. By now players from both teams were crowding around, along with some of the press. Someone came up behind me and gently put her hands on my arms. I whirled around and saw Amanda DaCosta. She was trying to pull me away. It was probably the right thing to do, so the trainers could work unencumbered, but I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t want to leave my princess’ side.
“Harris, let the trainers do their job”, she said gently.
“Get the fuck off me”, I growled, wrenching my arms out of her grasp. I remained kneeling next to Ali. “Baby, I’m here”, I said again, as the trainers continued to tend to her.
We stayed like that for 15 minutes. I continued to talk to her. She remained motionless. The trainers couldn’t get her to respond. They finally picked her up, put her on a stretcher, and wheeled her off of the field and into an ambulance. I stayed by her the whole time until I had reached the sidelines. Tears were in my eyes. The ref gave us two minutes to collect ourselves and then restarted the game.
I was a wreck the rest of the game. We lost 2-1, but I didn’t care. I was worried to death about losing the woman I love, not some soccer game.
********
7 Years ago
Ali’s POV
I was in Sao Paolo, Brazil with the national team. We were getting ready for the quarterfinals of the Intercontinental Cup and were about to leave the locker room to take the field. The team had started to file out. Ashlyn and I faced each other and went into our own little quick pre-game ritual that we’d developed. We held hands and touched our foreheads together, then closed our eyes.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Ready”, she said back. “Ready?” she asked back.
“Ready", I said back. "I’m with you”, I said.
“I’m with you", she said back. "I’ve got your back”, she said.
“I’ve got your back”, I said back. I could feel her breath on my lips, so close and right there. We stayed touching foreheads for a few more seconds, and then we opened our eyes and smiled at each other.
“Let’s get ‘em”, I said, and then we embraced each other. Even though my heart aches for her, and it hurts to feel her touch as much as I love it, I won't give up our little pre-game ritual. I love the feeling of her holding me tight. In that moment, I feel safe and secure, like she’ll take care of me and be there for me, not only from behind me in the goal, but in everything else in my life. Sometimes I think about taking one of these moments to open up and tell her how I really feel, but it’s not the place nor the time. This is game time. We held each other tight for a few seconds, and then we pulled back and smiled again at each other.
“Let’s do this”, she said. She punched her hands together, squared her shoulders and walked out of the locker room. I smiled and followed her out to join the rest of our team.