Chapter 11
Hope eyes fluttered open. At first she couldn’t figure out where she was, and then it came back to her. She had been performing, not feeling well. It had felt hot onstage.
“Hey”, Kelley said and smiled. Hope looked over and saw Kelley sitting in the chair next to her bed.
“Hey”, Hope said back.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay”, Hope said. “What happened?”
“You were on stage. You went to climb up the side stairs. You got about halfway up, and then you stopped climbing. You put the mic to your mouth and sang a few words, and then you wobbled some more, and then…” Kelley trailed off.
“I fell”, Hope finished for her. She looked over at Kelley and Kelley nodded sadly. Hope looked at Kelley for a moment, and then looked at herself. She was dressed in hospital garb, but she didn’t see any casts or slings. “Well, I feel okay”, she said.
“Yeah, you were lucky. Somehow you fell in such a way that you didn’t break anything.”
“Lucky indeed”, Hope said. “How long have I been here?”
“Since last night. You fell halfway through the set, about 9:30pm. It’s the next day, a bit after 3pm.”
Hope smiled at Kelley, then dropped her smile when she saw Kelley’s face. “What is it, Kel?”
“I shouldn’t have let you go up there”, Kelley said, biting her lip. I should have never let you get up on that stage.”
“Hey, Kel – I begged you, remember? I really wanted to play.”
“Still”, Kelley said. “I should have done the right thing.”
“Hey”, Hope said. “It was me who made that call. It was me who decided to perform, right?”
Kelley was about to say ‘but I should have stopped you’, when the door opened to their room.
“Kelley O’Hara?” a nurse’s voice came.
“Yes?” Kelley said.
“An Abby Wambach is here to see you.”
********
“What the hell happened last night? And why didn’t you call me right away?” Abby asked curtly. They had moved to a private conference room down the hall from Hope’s room. Abby had been notified late last night about Hope fainting by someone who had heard from someone else. The news had spread quick. Thousands of fans had caught the fall while they were recording the show and had posted to social media. Abby’s phone had been ringing off the hook since the accident had happened. She had called Carli right away and then had caught the earliest flight she could this morning to Philadelphia.
“I-I-I’m sorry, I didn’t call right away”, Kelley stammered. She hadn’t called because she had wanted to try to handle the situation herself, especially since she hadn’t done what Abby would have done given Hope’s condition, which was to pull the show. She didn’t really have a plan, but she had been trying to formulate one quick. She wanted to appear like she had the situation under control, that she was capable enough to handle problems when problems arose, but she knew right now that she was in big trouble. She had caved in to what Hope had wanted to do because she and Hope have feelings for each other, because they have a personal relationship, and things had gone badly.
“So, what happened?” Abby asked again.
“Hope fainted, or something. The doctors haven’t told us yet exactly what the cause was”, Kelley said.
“Did you have the tour physician examine her before the show, like I suggested?”
“Yes.”
“And…?”
Kelley exhaled. “He recommended that Hope not perform.”
“And you let her go up onstage anyway?” Abby asked. Her voice was rising. “You knew she wasn’t feeling well, the doctor recommended she take the night off, and you didn’t call the show?”
Kelley didn’t answer, so Abby simply asked “Why?”
“Hope really wanted to play the show”, Kelley said. “It really meant a lot to her.”
“How much do you think it means to her right now, lying in a hospital bed? She could have been killed. Lucky for her she didn’t fall on her head, or break her neck or something. You were supposed to make the right call, do the smart thing, Kelley. I want to know what happened.”
“I’m sorry, Abby. I should have called the show.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Kelley stared at Abby for a moment, and then said, “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of Hope being upset with me if I called this show. She wanted to play it so badly.”
“I told you that artists don’t always agree with their managers. But they hire us to do the smart thing, whether they like it or not”, Abby said. “So, again, why didn’t you pull the show?” When Kelley didn’t answer Abby continued. “So what – Hope would have been upset. Big fucking deal! There would have been a month worth of shows left, and we could have rescheduled this one for the end of the tour. Now we have to cancel the next week and a half, maybe two, just to be safe. That’s about fifteen million dollars in revenue. So”, Abby asked again, “What happened?” Kelley didn’t answer and looked down at her feet. Abby looked at her and asked, “Are you and Hope romantically involved?”
Kelley stared at Abby, fighting the tears that started to well up in her eyes. She thought about what if Hope had fallen and landed on her head and died, or broke her neck. She thought about how this could have been avoided if she hadn’t caved in and agreed to something she knew wasn’t the smart thing to do. Then she thought about the loss of income from her decision to let Hope perform. The guilt overcame her and she said, “Yes.”
“What was that?”
“Yes”, Kelley said. “Hope and I are dating. Or seeing each other. Or something.”
“I knew it”, Abby said. “As soon as I saw you guys on TMZ, I knew it.” Abby stared at Kelley for a moment. She could picture it in her mind, the way last night had all gone down. Hope had really wanted to play the show, despite not feeling well. Kelley had probably initially said no, but Hope had insisted, and instead of doing the smart thing, Kelley had let her personal feelings guide her judgment and had let Hope get onstage. Abby sighed as she continued to look at Kelley. She liked Kelley, and she'd had high hopes for her, but this wasn’t the way to do business. The Firm hadn’t become the most successful artist management company in the world by making sloppy business decisions because its employees were getting romantically involved with their clients. Kelley had made a terrible judgment error.
“I’m sorry, Abby”, Kelley squeaked out.
“We lost a ton of money here, and you put Hope’s life in jeopardy, Kelley.”
“I know, and I’m sorry”, Kelley said again.
Abby looked at Kelley and then said, “I am taking you off the tour.”
Kelley looked up at Abby. “W-w-wait…please…”
“I am taking you off the tour, Kelley. I’m not going to fire you, but I am taking you off of this tour. I was hoping that you would be capable of handling this tour professionally, but it doesn’t seem like that is the case. So, I will be finishing off the tour with Hope.”
“Abby”, Kelley said. She knew she was in no place to argue, but still, she didn’t want to leave.
“Call our travel department right now. They can book you on the first flight back to L.A. There is a car outside right now, the one I arrived here in. Have it take you back to the hotel, and pack your things. Then the car will take you to the airport. I’ll tell Hope right now, and you and I can talk when you get back to L.A.” Abby said. She looked at Kelley for another moment, then shook her head, disappointed. “I told you not to get involved with Hope.” Then she turned around and walked out of the room.
********
Kelley was in her hotel room and was just finishing packing when there was a knock at the door.
“Just a minute!” she yelled, thinking it was someone from the hotel telling her that the car was waiting for her. She was moving as fast as she could, and trying to manage a bunch of swirling emotions. She didn’t need to be hassled right now. She continued to pack, when the knocking came again. “Shit!” Kelley swore. She stormed over to the door and then opened it. It was Hope.
“Hi”, Hope said.
“Hope…hi. How are you feeling?”
“I feel okay”, Hope said. She leaned down to kiss Kelley, but Kelley turned her cheek to Hope’s lips. Hope pulled back, surprised, and then came in the room and shut the door.
“Did you talk with the doctor?” Kelley asked.
“Yeah. They said my blood sugar was low. I told them I’ve been feeling lower on energy overall in the last few months, so they also tested for some other stuff as well, but I won’t hear back for a few days", Hope said. “I thought it was just touring non-stop that was wearing me down, but maybe it’s something else.”
Kelley nodded. “Well, I hope you’re okay”, she said, as she finished zipping up her bag. She signed, then she looked at Hope. “I’m leaving the tour.”
“I know. Abby came to talk with me. That’s why I’m here.” Hope looked at Kelley and then said. “She can’t take you off. I want you here.”
“But she’s my boss”, Kelley said.
“But I’m the client”, Hope said. “And I want you on my tour.”
“Well, good luck getting that past Abby”, Kelley said, defeated.
Hope though for a moment and then said, “Well what if you just stay on my tour, but not as my manager?”
“What?”
“Just stay on my tour. Not as a manager, but as…I don’t know, just to keep me company. I like having you here. I like being around you. I like being with you, Kelley.”
“And do what? What am I going to do?”
“You don’t have to do anything. You can just hang out. Like I said, keep me company. Musicians bring people that they are seeing on tour all the time. I take it you told Abby about us?” Kelley nodded. “So, that’s not a secret. Plus, there‘s only one month left on this tour anyway. Certainly you can manage just hanging out with me for a month?” Hope said with a smile. She could tell Kelley was upset and was trying to lighten the mood.
“I can’t”, Kelley says. “I mean, I don’t think I could be on this tour and have to see Abby everyday.”
Hope thought for a moment and then said, “Okay, I’ll let her go then. I’ll fire The Firm and take you as my manager.”
“Wait, what?” Kelley asked, surprised.
“I’ll fire The Firm and hire you”, Hope said.
“Hope…I don’t have the experience to manage you.”
“Sure you do. Plus, I can pull Carli back in to help. What you don’t know, she can help you with.” Hope looked at Kelley and said, “You’ve done just fine the last couple of months”, Hope said.
“Until last night”, Kelley mumbled.
“What was that?”
“I shouldn’t have let you play last night.” Kelley said.
“Hey, I already said, it was my call”, Hope said.
“But I should have insisted that you didn’t play. Instead…”
Hope looked at Kelley and then walked over to her. She put her hands on Kelley’s arms. “Kelley, I want you to stay here. Manage me. Be with me.” She paused for a moment and then said, “Unless you don’t want to be with me…”
“I shouldn’t have let you play last night.” Kelley said again and pulled away from Hope’s arms.
“Kelley, for like the tenth time, I was the one wh-“
“But I should have stopped you!” Kelley yelled. “Don’t you see? I can’t manage you if I’m romantically involved with you, Hope.” Kelley stared at Hope for a moment and then said, “I’m falling for you, and I can’t make the decisions I need to make if I’m with you like that.”
“Kelley, that’s silly. It was one show, one little thing last night.”
“You could have died, Hope! How could I have possibly even let you get yourself into a situation like that? It was stupid! I should have just said no and pulled the show, whether you liked it or not. And I could have done that if I didn’t like you so much. But the way you looked at me last night…I just couldn’t say no. And if I had done the right thing last night, it would have been just one show you missed. Now you’re out for like six to eight more shows. All that money…” Kelley drifted off.
“Is this about money, Kelley?” Hope asked. “I have money. You don’t have to worry about money. I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to work if you don’t want to.”
“But I want to work, Hope. And if you fire Abby, I doubt she’ll take me back at the Firm. Even if you keep her on as manager for the rest of the tour and I just tag along, she probably won’t take me back either”, Kelley said. She didn’t want to have to see Abby every day for the rest of the tour, and she certainly didn’t want to look like a freeloader either. “Hope, The Firm is the largest management company in the world. And people talk. If I get fired from there, word will spread about me. It’s not just artists that get gossiped about. And then what am I going to do for a living?”
“I just said, you don’t have to work. I have money.”
“But I want to work, Hope. I want to earn the money I get.”
Hope sighed. “Kelley, I can tell you’re upset right now, but you don’t need to be. Hey – it was me that fell, and I’m not upset. Plus, like I said, I want you here, and I can take care of you." Hope paused for a moment and then said, "Look – just stay until the end of the tour. Think of it as we well-earned vacation for all of the hard work that you have already put in”, Hope said with a smile, trying to bring some levity to Kelley’s mood. “Then, when we get back to L.A., we can figure things out. And if The Firm lets you go, then I can support you while you look for new employment.”
Kelley was silent for a moment and then said the tough thing that she had been avoiding. “But what if you leave?” Kelley said. “What if you leave me?”
“What!? Kelley, I’m not going to leave you. I like you”, Hope said, becoming exasperated. She stared at Kelley. “Kelley, what is it? Do you not want to be with me or something?”
“I don’t know...I guess I just can’t rely on you always being with me. I mean, my dad walked out on us...”
“Jesus, Kelley!” Hope yelled. “I’m not your dad! And I’m not going to just walk out on you! God, why is that so hard for you to believe me?”
Because, Kelley thought, I just can’t believe it. I just can’t believe that someone like Hope Solo would actually be even remotely interested in being in a relationship with me. “Well, I don’t know”, she said out loud.
“Well what DO you know, Kelley? All I’ve heard out of you is 'I don’t know, I don’t know'!" Hope yelled again. “What is it that you want?”
“I don’t know what I want!” Kelley yelled back. The truth was, Kelley really didn’t know. So many thoughts were swirling around in her head. She couldn’t stay on the tour if Abby was the manager. She’d be reminded everyday of her failure, and it would kill her to see Abby doing the job that she was supposed to be doing, not to mention the feeling of shame that she felt over letting Abby down, after Abby had given her the opportunity to work with Hope, the disappointed look on Abby's face burned into her mind. She couldn’t manage Hope if they were together. She had already proven that she wasn’t able to make the right decisions. She felt guilty enough as it was right now, just looking at Hope, knowing that she could have stopped Hope from performing, but she hadn’t, and Hope had ended up in the hospital. And, tempting as Hope's offer was, she just couldn’t live the life of a girlfriend to a famous rock star. Yes, she wanted security. Her father’s departure and her mother’s constant verbal reminders of the financial hardship he had left the family in had cemented that in her mind, but more than that, she wanted to be independent. She wanted to be able to take care of herself. It wasn’t enough to just be with someone who could take care of her. Again, part of Kelley just couldn’t believe that someone like Hope Solo would stay with her for the rest of her life. But beyond that, she wanted to make something of herself. Even if she had been sure that Hope would stay with her forever, she still wanted to forge her own place in this world.
“Kelley…” Hope said.
“Look, Hope”, Kelley began. “I just don’t know. I feel so confused right now. I mean…I’m falling for you, and a part of me wants to be with you, even though another part of me can’t believe it’s real, that someone like you would actually want to be with someone like me-“
“Kelley-“, Hope said again, but Kelley cut her off.
“But more than that, I want to be self-sufficient. I want to manage artists. I want to tour. I want a life. I want my own life, Hope.”
Hope stared at her. She had never realized so many thoughts had been going through Kelley’s head. She had never planned on falling for Kelley. It just kind of happened. But it did happen, and now they were dealing with it. And Hope had always been a more “go with the flow” person. She had come from nothing. She had survived off of nothing. And now, even with all of her millions, she could still go back to nothing. As long as she had a few things in life she would be happy. One of those was music. Another was friends, good friends like Carli. And another, she realized, was Kelley. Hope had always thought of Kelley as being more methodical and less go-with-the-flow than herself, but right now the difference was becoming apparent. She looked Kelley in the eye and then said, “Well, I want to be with you. And I want you to be with me. And I don’t want to be away from you for months at a time. So if you want to make a living managing bands on tour, but you don’t want to manage me, then what do you want, Kelley?”
Kelley stared at Hope for a moment. She was trapped, unsure, and didn’t know what to do. “I’m sorry, Hope…”Kelley mumbled, a tear forming in her eye. “But maybe I just don’t know what I want.”
Hope looked back at Kelley, a tear of hurt forming in her own eye. “Fine, Kelley. You let me know when you figure it out”, she said. She stared at Kelley for another moment, and then she felt the tear trickle down her cheek. She blinked it away, then turned around and walked out of the room, and Kelley shut her eyes as the tears started to roll down her cheeks.