Chapter 12
“How are you feeling?” Carli asked.
It was a week after Hope had blacked out onstage and fallen off of the stairs. Carli and Hope were in Hope’s hotel room. They were still in Philadelphia. Abby had postponed the rest of the tour until the doctor cleared Hope to resume performing. Carli had flown in the day after Abby and, outside of the work she had to do for her other clients, was spending as much time with Hope as possible while she recuperated.
“Better, thanks. I think I’ll be good to resume the tour starting tomorrow. At least that’s what the doctor says.”
“Any word on what caused you to blackout like that?”
Hope looked at Carli and exhaled. “I met with the doctor this morning. He says I have something called Myelodysplastic Syndrome, or MDS. Basically, I have a low red blood cell count.”
“Huh”, Carli said. “So, what causes that?”
“Well, he’s not really sure what caused it, but he thinks part of it may be the constant traveling and performing that I’ve done over the last ten years, not to mention the rock n’ roll diet”, Hope added sheepishly, referring to the large amounts of alcohol and other drugs that musicians often consume, not to mention the usually less-than-healthy meals that musicians eat while on tour. Hope had never been a heavy drinker or drug user, but she had indulged more than the average person, especially when she first started out. It’s just part of the lifestyle, and all rock musicians go through it.
“Wow, okay”, Carli said.
“Yeah, I mean, you know me - I’ve never been a big drinker or anything, but, I guess it’s the combination of enough drinking, smoking some joints, and whatever else, plus years of touring, just all adds up”, Hope said. “Hard living, I guess.”
“Huh”, Carli said, thinking. “So, what does that all mean?”
“Well, I’m not gonna die or anything, but I do need to start moderating my lifestyle”, Hope explained. “You know – eat better, get enough sleep, basically live a more low-impact and sedentary lifestyle.” She paused for a moment, and then said, “I think this is it for me, Car. This is going to be my last tour. I’m going to finish this one up and then that’s it.”
“Wow”, Carli said again. “Really…”
“Yes, really. My last album fulfilled my contract with Interscope, so I’m no longer under contract. I don’t have more obligations.”
Carli stared at Hope. This was big news. “So, what are you going to do after this tour?”
“I don’t know”, Hope said. “I mean, right now I just want to finish it up, and then I’ll figure it out.” She looked at Carli and then said, “I know I was talking about how I felt tired at the end of the last tour and at the beginning of this tour. I didn’t know why. I guess I just thought that touring gets harder as the years go by, but I guess now I know there’s more to it than just getting older.” Carli nodded, and then Hope said, “But even still, even before I knew why…I don’t know. I was considering retiring anyway.”
“Really?” Carli said, surprised. “Like, stop playing completely?”
“No, I’ll always play music”, Hope said. “Maybe just not professionally. Or at least not all the time. You know, I don’t know, I just feel like, my heart’s not in it like it used to. You know, touring all the time, recording around the clock, constantly writing songs, trying to come up with that next chart-topping hit. I mean, I still love playing music, but, I don’t know, just not at the pace I have been. I mean, I’ve been burning it hard for ten years. I guess I’m just kind of burnt out, even without this MDS thing.”
“I hear ya”, Carli said. Then she changed subjects. “Any word from Kelley?”
“Not since she left”, Hope said with a dejected tone in her voice.
Carli put her hand on Hope’s arm. “Hey, I’m sorry. I know you really like her.”
“I do”, Hope said. “I guess…I guess I just don’t understand why she just didn’t want to stay with me, here, on this tour. I mean, it was only for one more month. Then we could have gone back to L.A. and figured things out together. I mean, I would have supported her, while she, or we, were trying to figure things out.”
“Sure, I know you would have”, Carli said. “But it sounds like that’s not what she wanted. I mean, you told me that her dad left when she was younger, and how she wants to be independent and make her own living and have her own career, right?” Hope nodded and Carli continued. “It’s like, she’s just starting out. Think about yourself when you were starting out. Would you have wanted someone to have taken care of you?”
“No, I guess not”, Hope said.
“That’s right. You wanted to make it in the music world, to work your way up to the top. It sounds like that’s what she wants too.”
“I guess so”, Hope said.
“Have you tried to call her or text her?”
“No”, Hope said. “I want to, but I feel like if I call her she won’t answer.”
“Maybe so”, Carli said. “Well, she’s young. Maybe she just needs some time to figure out what she wants.”
“Yeah, I guess so”, Hope said, then trailed off. “I’m just really bummed out, Car. I mean, I was really hoping once this tour was over that Kelley and I would spend more time together. You know, snuggling on the couch, eating ice cream, watching Netflix, that sort of thing.”
Carli looked at Hope and then smiled. “Look, my guess is that she likes you a lot, just like you like her. I don’t think that was goodbye, Hope.” She looked at Hope and smiled, and Hope smiled back. “Listen, you’ve only got a bit left on this tour. If this is your last one, then you should enjoy it. Finish off strong, and then you can go back to L.A. and we can figure out what’s next, okay? Maybe you can give Kelley a call when you get back home, and you guys can figure stuff out. Or you can take that vacation to Hawaii that we talked about before the start of this tour. I’ve always found that problems are best solved with my toes in the sand and a fruity drink in my hand”, Carli said with a smile.
Hope laughed and then said, “Thanks, Car. Once again, here you are, taking care of me.”
“I’m always here for you, Solo. You know that”, Carli said
********
“Oh my God! Is that the famous manager that I saw on TMZ, dating rock star Hope Solo?” Erin said as she answered Kelley’s Skype call.
“Hey, E”, Kelley said into the computer screen.
“What’s up, sis? Where are you now? Florida? Maryland? Wait – are you coming through Atlanta? You guys are coming to Georgia, aren’t you?” Erin asked, excitedly.
“I’m actually back in L.A.” Kelley said.
“Wait, what?” Erin asked. “I thought the tour was going for another month. Wait – did the tour get cancelled? I saw video on Youtube of Hope falling off the stage. Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s okay”, Kelley said. Then she exhaled and said, “but I’m off the tour.”
‘Wait – what happened?” Erin asked, and Kelley brought Erin up to speed on the recent events surrounding her premature return to L.A.
“So…wow. You and Hope…”
“Yeah, we fell for each other,” Kelley said.
“Wow. So, are you like…actually…like…dating Hope Solo?”
“I don’t know. I mean, maybe, although I’m not sure anymore. I mean, I haven’t talked with her in like a week.”
“And why haven’t you talked with her?”
“I don’t know”, Kelley said. “I mean, I want to, but I feel like if I call her she won’t answer. She pretty much told me that I need to figure out what I want.”
“And what do you want?”
“I don’t know, E”, Kelley said. “I mean, I want to be with her, but I want my own life, too.”
“Why can’t you have both? I mean, you don’t have to be her manager to be with her. You can still be with her and not work with her. Most couples don’t work together.”
“Well, I don’t think she wants that. I mean, she pretty much said that she’d want me around if we were to be together, and I can’t be managing another band and be on tour with them and be around Hope at the same time.”
“Well then why not be with Hope? I mean, you like her, right?”
“Well, yeah, but, I mean, I want my own life too”, Kelley said. “I want a career. I want to make something of myself. I don’t want to depend on someone else’s money.”
“Money isn’t everything, Kel”, Erin said.
“Dad left us with nothing. If it’s one thing I do, it’s learn from the past. I’m never falling for an artist I manage ever again, and I’ll never depend upon someone else to support me.”
“Yeah, dad left us, but we made it, didn’t we? We turned out okay. Look, Kel, I understand not wanting to be left out in the cold, but again, money isn’t everything. You and Hope could have a wonderful thing together. You shouldn’t let your worry of money prevent you from being with her, if that’s what you want. I mean, not to sound negative, but if things with Hope don’t work out, you’re smart - you can always get another job.”
“Thanks, sis”, Kelley said.
“What makes you think she’s going to leave you? Has she said or done anything that would make you think that?”
“No, Kelley said. “Quite the opposite, actually. I mean, like I said, she asked me to stay on the tour and said she would support me.”
“Right, so what’s the problem?”
Kelley sighed. “Look, I do like her, a lot. I guess…part of me just still can’t believe that she would want to be with someone like me.”
“What!?” Erin said. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m a nobody, E. Hope’s like one of the biggest rock stars in the world.”
“Okay, first off, sis, you’re amazing. Any woman would be lucky to have you”, Erin said, and Kelley smiled. “And yes, Hope is a rock star, but she’s still just a person. She’s a person, just like you, me and everyone else. All she wants is to be happy, just like we all do. You can always find another job, but it’s much harder to find someone to fall in love with. Money’s not everything, and it’s not even the most important thing”, Erin said. Then she looked Kelley in the eye. “C’mon, sis - isn’t it worth giving it a shot?”