Chapter 10
“Hey!” Hope said to Carli as Carli answered her phone.
“Solo! How’s it going?”
“Good. Guess where I am?”
“Where?”
“In my hotel room…in Philly!”
“Sweet! You’re playing Philly tonight?”
“Yep! Can’t wait. It’s always a special time playing here.” Hope smiled as she spoke into the phone. “The site of our first out-of-town gig.”
“Of course”, Carli said, smiling back at the memory. Right after she had met Hope, she had traveled back from L.A. to Delran Township to visit her parents for a long weekend. Hope had come with her. Carli had called a coffee shop near her parents' house and had talked the manager into letting Hope perform. Hope ended up playing an hour of acoustic songs to twenty people. After Hope had played, she and Carli had used the seven dollars Hope had made in tips to buy two cups of coffee and a pastry, and then they had spent the rest of the night at the coffee shop, talking about how they were going to one day rule the music world together. The next time Hope performed in Philadelphia had been three years later, on a major label and climbing the charts. Carli was her PR manager. Hope had been back four times since then, playing to twenty thousand people a night each time. All of the shows in Philadelphia had been great, made even better by a fond memory of her first show there. Every time Hope played in Philadelphia she would drive past the coffee shop she had played at, reminiscing about her first out-of-town show. It served as a reminder of how far she had come, and of her friendship and musical partnership with Carli. Now she was back in Philly again. Carli had been with her for every Philly show but this one, and for that reason, she was going to make tonight extra good. “Remember both of us cramming into my old twin bed?” Carli continued.
“Oh my God, was that uncomfortable”, Hope groaned, reminiscing.
“I know, right? Halfway through the first night I had to get up and sleep on the floor. Thank God there was carpet in my old bedroom.”
“Hey – I would’ve gotten up and slept on the floor”, Hope said. “I wasn’t spoiled back then…yet”, she added, and then laughed.
Carli laughed as well. “You still aren’t spoiled. You’re just as level-headed as you always have been.” Hope smiled into the phone, and Carli said, “Anyway, you can pay me back by rockin’ the house tonight. So bummed I can’t be there.”
“I know, me too”, Hope said. “It just won’t be the same without you here.”
“Well, crush it all the more then”, Carli said.
“You got it.” Hope said, and then coughed.
“You okay, Solo?”
“Yeah, just picked up a bit of a cough.”
“Bummer, sorry to hear.”
“Thanks. It happens”, Hope said. People often picked up colds on tour. The constant traveling and being in new environments increased the chances of picking up a virus. “I’ll be fine once I hit the stage."
“I hear ya”, Carli said. “So…how’s Kelley doing?” Carli asked, switching gears.
“Um, she’s great. We’re great.”
“Oh yeah…?” Carli let it hang.
“Yeah”, Hope said. Then she took a deep breath and exhaled. “I kind of like her, Car.”
Carli was silent for a moment and then said, “Really… well, what does ‘kind of like her’ mean?”
“Okay, I think I do like her”, Hope said.
“Well, great! I’m happy for you, Solo.” Carli was silent for another moment as she tried to process this and then said, “So, like, what have you two been doing?”
“Well, we’ve been hanging out a lot, and then I took her out to dinner in New York-“
“Ahhhh”, Carli interrupted. “That’s where you were. I saw you guys on TMZ.”
“Yeah, the paparazzi got us right outside the restaurant. We ditched them and went to Central Park afterwards, and then we kissed at the park.”
“Wow, sounds romantic, Solo”, Carli said sincerely.
“It was”, Hope said, smiling, thinking about that night. “And then, like two nights ago, she slept over in my room, and…um…we…um…got together…”
“Wow”, Carli said again. “That was quick.”
“Well no, not really”, Hope said. “I mean, maybe a little, but, you know, I’ve been drawn to her ever since I met her, and that was like over two months ago. I just…I just didn’t act on anything right away because, well, I wanted to take it slow, because, like you said, she’s managing me.”
“That’s smart”, Carli said. “Well, good for you, Solo. Sounds like things are going well then.”
“They are”, Hope said. She smiled as she thought about how well things were going. “I really love being with Kelley. I actually can’t imagine this tour without her.”
“Well good. And she’s still doing a good job managing you?”
“Yeah, as far as I can tell. Everything is running smoothly”, Hope said. Then she coughed again.
“Shit, Solo. You don’t sound too good.”
“I’ll be okay. Maybe I just need to rest for a bit”, Hope said. “Get some shut eye for a few hours before I have to start getting ready.”
“Alright, I’ll let you go then. Tell Kelley I said hi, and knock ‘em dead for me, Solo.”
“You bet, Car. Talk soon”, Hope said, then hung up, put her phone on the nightstand, then laid down in bed. She had started feeling a little under the weather yesterday but had brushed it off. Today she felt even worse. Not terrible, but worse than yesterday. Coughing, a bit light-headed, and a little lacking in energy. Oh well, Hope thought. I’ll be okay. Just need some rest. She was excited to play the show tonight, and she figured that once she got on that stage she would be fine.
********
“Hope”, Kelley said as she touched Hope’s shoulder. Kelley had been out running around for most of the day. Now it was 3pm, and it was time to get ready and then head to the venue. Kelley shook Hope lightly, trying to rustle her awake.
“Hmmmm”, Hope said, sleepily.
“Hope, you need to get up”, Kelley said. “We have to leave for the venue soon.”
Hope rolled over and then opened her eyes. Kelley was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at her.
“Are you okay?” Kelley asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine”, Hope said. “Just tired, or worn out, or something…” Hope trailed off.
“Are you okay to play tonight?” Kelley asked.
“Yes”, Hope said resolutely, perking up. “Absolutely. I just need a shower and then I’ll be good to go.” Hope got up out of bed and started walking to the shower, but paused halfway there and propped her hand against the bathroom doorway for support. Then she coughed and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Hope, what’s wrong?” Kelley asked.
“Nothing, I’m fine”, Hope said. “It’s just a cold. Happens when you travel.”
“Hope-“ Kelley began, but Hope cut her off.
“I’ll be fine, Kel. Just give me a few minutes in the shower”, she said, and then shut the door.
********
“Kelley”, Abby answered the phone. Kelley was at the venue. Hope was soundchecking. It was three hours to showtime.
“Abby – Hope isn’t feeling well.”
“What do you mean?”
“Right now she’s coughing, and she was sleeping like all day. I woke her up to come to the venue, and when I did, she was really out of it. Then she went to walk to the shower, and she had to stop halfway there and rest on the doorway.”
“So, what are you saying? Are you saying she isn’t well enough to perform?”
“I’m not sure”, Kelley answered. “She says she feels okay, but I’m just not sure.”
"Think this is related to how she wasn’t feeling well a few nights ago, when you guys missed the Vanity Fair interview?”
Kelley had to stop to think about that for a moment, and then remembered that she had told Abby that Hope hadn’t been feeling well, to cover for the fact that in reality she and Hope had simply left the venue right after Hope had gotten offstage so they could go back to Hope’s hotel room and make love. “Uh, yeah, maybe it’s related to that, I don’t know”, Kelley said.
“Well, it’s your call as her manager. If you need to pull her, then pull her. It will suck, the promoter will freak, and we’ll lose a bunch of money, but God forbid if she goes up on that stage and passes out, hits her head or something and then misses the next week or two of shows. Then we’ll lose a lot more money.”
“But I know she really wants to play here tonight. What if she says she’s okay?”
“It’s still your call”, Abby said. “Hope may say she feels fine. She may even say she feels fine even if she doesn’t feel fine. She’s an artist. She’ll say what she feels. That’s what artists do. They’re based off of emotion. You are the manager. You need to make the right decisions and the right calls, and sometimes your artist may not agree or like what you decide, but you have to make those calls anyway. That’s your job. Are you clear on that?”
“Yes, Abby”, Kelley said.
“Good. See how Hope looks when she gets offstage. Have the tour doctor take a look at her if you feel that is necessary.” The tour employed a traveling physician that attended to Hope, the other musicians and the crew. “Then make the call.”
“Got it. Thanks Abby”, Kelley said, then hung up.
********
After Hope finished soundcheck Kelley had summoned the tour doctor take a look at her. Hope had argued against it, but Kelley had insisted. Now they were in Hope’s dressing room. Hope was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. The doctor had just finished his exam.
“You do feel warm, and your eyes look a little unsteady”, the doctor said as he put away his mini examination light. “You don’t feel light-headed or anything?”
“Correct”, Hope lied. “I feel fine. Just a bit of a cough. I can make it through one show.”
“Well, my advice is to rest anyway. Take tonight off to be safe”, the doctor said.
“I can’t”, Hope said. “There’s twenty thousand people coming to see me tonight."
“Well, that’s my advice”, the doctor said. He looked at Hope and then nodded at Kelley and then left the room.
“Hope”, Kelley said, kneeling before Hope and taking her hands. “If you don’t feel well then you shouldn’t get up onstage.”
“Kel, I’m just a little sick”, Hope said. “I’ll be fine. “I’ve performed sick before.”
“The doctor said you should take the night off”, Kelley pushed.
“The doctor doesn’t have twenty thousand people here to see him perform”, Hope shot back.
“But it’s a long set. Two hours you’re going to be up there. Hundred degree lights. High energy show. You’ll be-“
“Fine”, Hope interrupted her. “I’ll be fine.” She stared at Kelley for a moment, trying to appear together, ready to go. Inside she still felt weak and light-headed, but there was no way she would miss this show. She had canceled shows before, and any other show on this tour she would have considered canceling, but not this one. This was Philly, where she and Carli had done their first out-of-town show together, all those years ago, Carli calling the coffee shop to book Hope, and Hope playing to twenty people. This is where they had gotten their start together and had forged their professional bond and friendship. She’d be damned if she'd miss this show. Hope continued to stare at Kelley, but try as she might, she couldn’t hold it. Her gaze fell, and she squeezed her eyes shut.
“Hope”, Kelley said.
“I’m okay”, Hope said, looking at Kelley. Then her eyes started to glaze over, and she shook her head, trying to regain focus.
Kelley looked at Hope for a moment as Hope struggled to regain focus and then said, “That’s it – I’m calling the performance.” She stood up to walk out of the room.
“No!” Hope yelled and stood up.
Kelley stopped and turned around. It was the first time Hope had ever yelled at her.
“Hope…”
“No”, Hope said again, calmer but just as firm. “I am playing this show, Kelley. This is Philly. This is where I had my first out-of-town gig. That’s a big deal, for any musician. You never forget your first out-of-town gig. And this was where mine was. Right here, fifteen minutes from this arena." She looked at Kelley for a moment and then continued. "Look, Kelley, this town is special to me. This is where Carli and I made a pledge to each other that we would take on the music world and come out on top. Now, I am on top. And Carli isn’t here tonight. This is the first Philly show that she hasn’t been around for, so I’m performing for her tonight. I told her that I would rock this place to the fucking ground, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
Kelley stared at Hope. “Listen, Hope, I understand that Philly means a lot to you, but-“
“But nothing, Kelley. I am playing this show. Trust me – I’ll be fine when I get up there.” She walked over to Kelley and grabbed her hands. “Listen, I know you’re just looking out for me and doing what you think is right, but I’ve performed thousands of shows, and I’ve performed feeling a lot worse than this”, Hope said and looked Kelley in the eyes. “Please, Kel – playing this show means so much to me. Please understand and support me on this.”
Kelley stared back into Hope’s eyes. Her gut told her that Hope shouldn’t perform tonight. She thought about Abby, her boss, the best artist manager she knew, and what she would do right now in this situation. The safe thing to do would be to cancel the show. That’s what Abby would do. Kelley knew she should make the call and cancel the show. That would be the professional thing to do. Then Kelley looked at Hope, the woman she was falling for, and she knew how much this show meant personally to her. She imagined making the call, the crushed look on Hope’s face, the havoc that may wreak in their personal relationship, and she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Okay”, Kelley said and exhaled deeply. “If you truly feel well enough to play, then okay – I won’t call the show. I’ll support you.”
“Thank you”, Hope said. She smiled her brilliant smile and then leaned down and kissed Kelley on the lips. “You’re the best.”
Kelley smiled back. “You’re welcome. Just…you know…have a great show”, Kelley said, but inside she thought just don’t collapse onstage and get hurt.
********
They were halfway through the show. It was hot on stage, Hope thought. Unusually hot. But she felt pretty good. She had started off a bit slower than usual. Not that anyone in the crowd had noticed, judging by the ear-splitting level of screaming in the Wells Fargo Center. Hope had felt sluggish and out of it at the start of the show, but now, halfway in, she was feeling better. The band launched into the tenth song, one of Hope’s chart-topping hits. Hope strutted to the front of the stage and took the crowd in the palm of her hand. She belted out the chorus and the crowd went wild, twenty thousand people singing along, hands in the air. Then, as Megan launched into her guitar solo, Hope walked to the side of the stage and started to climb some stairs that led to a platform that jutted out over the crowd. She was going to sing the last chorus from there. This was a standard procedure for her biggest hits, and it always brought down the house. She got halfway up the stairs, and then it happened. She started to feel dizzy. The lightheadedness that had gone away after the first couple of songs came back. The music started to warp, like a record player slowing down. The lights, already intense when she was down at stage level, suddenly felt ten times hotter. She thought she might have heard something that sounded like Kelley’s voice yelling, but she wasn’t sure. She started to sing into the mic, but she couldn’t hear anything, and suddenly the world went black.
********
Kelley was watching Hope from the side of the stage, fingers crossed the whole time. Hope had started off a little slow, but she had gotten better as the performance had gone on. Now they were halfway through the set, and if things kept improving as the set went on, it was going to end up being a great performance. Then she saw Hope walk towards her and start to climb the stairs on her side of the stage, and instantly Kelley’s instincts screamed out. No, Hope, she thought. Don’t do it. I know you usually get up on the platform during the hit songs, but please skip it tonight. Then she watched as Hope, halfway up the stairs, stopped climbing. She seemed to wobble for a moment, and then put the mic to her mouth. Kelley yelled out for Hope but Hope didn’t hear her. Hope started to sing and got the first few words of the last chorus out, but as soon as she did, she stopped singing, wobbled some more, and then Kelley’s heart lurched as Hope fell ten feet down off of the staircase and onto the hard wood of the stage.