Breaking Convention
Alex gives a deep sigh as she buries her face in the soft fluffy wonderful pillows. Amidst the warm plush haven she hears a car horn beeping obnoxiously and multiple shouts from the street.
“Aleeeeex!” She makes one out and quickly scrambles out of bed to go look out the window in the living room. “Alex! Wooooo! Aleeex!” There’s more honking as she leans out and looks don to see a black convertible with claire, krissy, babe and josephine. “Come on! It’s party time!” Claire stands up and waves.
“Stop honking it’s eight am on a saturday!” She yells down. “I’ll be right down. Jesus!” Alex hastily runs back and puts some clothes on before running down the stairs before they decide to start being annoying again. “This had better be good. I am not a morning person.” She grumbles, getting into the back with Krissy and Claire. Josephine’s in the passenger’s seat looking for something in her purse. “Huh,” Alex looks around. “ I didn’t know they made an impala converti… oh my god! Bree, What did you do? Dean’s going to kill you! What were you thinking?”
“Seatbelts.” Josephine orders.
“I was thinking” Babe snaps her fingers, belting everyone in with 5-point harnesses. “That when Dean thinks about trying to prank me again, he’ll remember the severed roof of the impala in Sheriff Mill’s driveway and reconsider.”
“Seriously? This is like full on godfather crap. I’m surprised you didn’t leave it in his bed dripping motor oil.” Alex covers her face.
“That is a great idea!” Babe snaps her fingers again, missing Alex’s point entirely. “Thanks, alright. Time to haul ass to Smith Center! We have a convention to crash and a woman to torture.”
“What? Why?”
“Oh that bitch!” Claire exclaims. “And they didn’t do anything to her?”
“Nope. Another reason why I stole and converted my future brother-in-laws car. Also I need to get the hell out of dodge, circumstances required that I make a full confession of my many misdeeds to my darling big sister, so I left her a few… novels I wrote on the subject. Don’t worry, I’m hiding all of us of a while.” She reassures them.
“What, everything?” Alex tries to think how many novels that would take. “Why?”
“Think I can borrow those once Mikey’s done with them?” Claire considers.
“Ooo, me too.” Krissy raises her hand, waving it slightly.
“Long story. Sister’s suck. Be glad you two didn’t have to grow up together.” Babe turns back to the road.
“We’re going to have to send Alex back because I’m fairly sure any confession you have to give would prompt either harakiri or an honor killing. What were you thinking?” Claire kicks the drivers seat slightly.
“I had to. She’s only accepting my relationship with Sam on the basis that he’s good for me or at the very least not further corrupting me, so since it’s either clean up my act completely or come clean on my misdeeds so she knows they predate the winchesters, I’d rather make it just as unpleasant for her as it is for me, that bossy control freak.”
“I’d bet you wouldn’t mind having Sam corrupt you, huh Alex?” Krissy comments. Alex gives Claire a glare of death for telling her partner about Alex’s crush.
“I was raised by vampires, he couldn’t possibly actually corrupt me more than they did, I’m sure.” She turns away, to scowl out the window.
“What? You what?” Josephine tries to turn around to look at her.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You brought it up!”
“Oh hey, music!” Claire reaches for the radio but is stopped by the harness. “Bree a little help?” The angel snaps her fingers and the radio turns on. “Great, but do you think you can remove the straight jacket, too?” She tugs the seatbelt. “We’re not hurling ourselves into the abyss, here.”
“I love this song.” Krissy interrupts. “Turn it up, turn it up…. to everyone he meets he is a stranger… dum de dum dum dum de dum dum dum dum dum de dum...something something live until tomorrow… Secret asian man. Secret asian man….givin you a number and taking way your name… doo de doooo doodoodoo doo de dooo..”
“Wait a minute.” Claire covers Krissy’s mouth. “Wait did you say secret ASIAN man? Like as in the continent?”
“Those are the words.” Krissy removes her hands.
“No! It’s agent man.”:
“That’s what I said.”
“Agent-tuh. With a ‘T’ like james bond, secret agent. Did you not notice all the secret agent references? You were just dooodoodooo-ing the friggin bond theme song part.”
“No, it’s asian. It’s political, about the japanese internment camps in world war two. You know, they always wrote controversial social commentary stuff like that in the sixties. Like Cherokee nation and stuff.” Krissy tries to explain. Claire just stares at her. “The spy references were because they thought all japanese people were spies?”
“Oh my god, Alex, Josephine, a little help here?” Claire pleads to the others. Josephine just waves the request away, shaking her head.
“Look up the lyrics. You’ll see.”
“Sure. Hold on.” Alex takes out her phone and after a minute hands it to Krissy. “See agent with a t. It was a theme song to an old spy show on tv.”
“What? Oh goddamn it, dad.” Krissy winces.
“Lee Chambers, you will be missed, but your terrible jokes will not.” Claire says solemnly.
“I swear if Nat starts on the stupid dad jokes when Chrys is born, I’m going all Medea on his ass.” She fumes, crossing her arms.
“You’ll…. kill yourself and your children?” Alex gives her an odd look.
“Good lord no. What the hell, Alex?” Krissy moves away. “Claire, your sister has problems.”
“That’s what Medea did. From the greek myths? Killed herself and her children when her husband left and cheated on her. Or were you talking about the large black man in drag?”
“Martin Lawrence?” Claire guesses, Josephine just gives a tired sigh and looks up at the heavens.
“No that’s the small black man in drag. His name is Tyler Perry and it’s a character. And which do you think? Jesus, Alex. You need some therapy yourself, woman, if that’s where you go first.”
“I thought that someone dating a greek god would know something about greek mythology!”
“We’re not dating! We’re just… meeting frequently for dinner, having sex, and having a child together.”
“Damn, Krissy. What do you do when you’re serious about someone? Sew yourself to his skin?” Claire scolds her. “You and your commitment issues. It’s starting to get ridiculous.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk. Have you even talked to Hel since you checked in about her treaties?”
“Don’t turn this around on me. You’re dating, on good terms, and still sleeping with the man, Krissy. You two are in a relationship.You are having his baby.”
“That was an acccident! Who could have predicted that a greek god would impregnate me during a goddman infertility crisis?”
“Literally ANYONE who knows ANYTHING about greek mythology!” Alex replies.
“She definitely has a point there.” Josephine states.
“Why do you think I liquified my reproductive organs with that potions from Boda after Hypnos roofied me?” Claire adds.
“You know, I don’t know why you’re giving me such a hard time about this. At least Nat knows where he stands with me.” Krissy accuses.
“Kris, you don’t even know where he stands with you.” Claire retorts.
“It’s a big decision, Krissy. Even though she loves Hel, it’s still not exactly an easy choice to make.” Alex rushes to Claire’s defense before Claire can motion her not to.
“What decision?” Babe looks back.
“Can we just drop it, guys?”
“If you love her, then just move in. It’s not rocket science.” Krissy goes on just to be a little shit. “It’s not like she proposed.”
“She may as well have! I’m not talking about this in the car with her father. And why are we in a car driving in the first place? You’re an angel, Bree. You can just zap us anywhere! There is literally no point to this road trip except to piss off Dean.”
“Isn’t that enough?” Babe asks innocently.
“This isn’t going to help you win him over to you marrying his brother, Bree.” Alex reminds her.
“Yeah, no, that’s never going to happen. If he’s going to hate me, I might as well deserve it. Anyways, I also need your help brainstorming how I can ensure this becky woman gets the punishment she so richly deserves without technically violating the oath I made to Sam not to hurt or torment her.”
“Why would you promise that?”
“Because he wouldn’t tell me about his marriage to her unless I did. I stupidly thought it was nomrmal relationship, couldn’t handle him being a hunter issues not she almost made a deal with a demon to keep drugging him with the love potion she used to make him marry her in the first place. Why do I get so damn stupid when it comes to making promised to the people I love?” Babe growls at the steering wheel. “So c’mon, girls, help me out. “
“We should discuss it over lunch. Krissy needs to eat soon.” Josephine checks her schedule.
“What are you hungry for, kiddo?” Babe glances back at her in the rearview mirror.
“Meat. Lots of it. Preferably greasy and salty.”
“No. You will have a spinach salad, bean soup and dried fruit.” Josephine pulls a small beautiful bento box out of her purse.
“Oh that’s gorgeous.” Alex comments as josephine passes it back.
“It has to be to conceal the vileness within. Just the smell of salad dressing makes me sick and it’s inedible without it.” Krissy wrinkles her nose.
“Here, a compromise.” Babe snaps up a taco salad with beans, spinach instead of lettuce, and tons of ground beef, cheese and sour cream.
“Thank you!” Krissy digs in.
“Alright,” Claire steals a chip for Alex and herself and leans back. “So tell us about this would be rapist. We got your back on this, don’t worry.”
“See, this is why you’re going to be my maid of honor, Claire bear.” Babe beams at her.
“Eyes on the road!” Josephine exclaims, but feels silly and mildly annoyed at that when the car just drives itself perfectly.
“Alright, here’s what I’ve found out so far. She’s obsessed with my Sampaquita, runs the fanfiction site morethanbrothers.org which is both hillarious and disturbing, and her current job is managing the affairs, in absentia, for Chuck Shurly, other wise known as Carver Edlund, which includes appearing at these little supernatural conventions in his place, most of which she organizes, Which is why we’re heading to Smith Center. The annual supernatural convention is there this year. Here are copies of her legal obligations and employment contracts, the details of the website, and everything on the convention itself. Also here’s a quick dossier of her current personal life. Now, obviously I can’t do anything personally, or even suggest ideas or improvements, but I can point out flaws and guide you to resources maybe even provide them.” She hands out folders.
“Okay. Jo, take the employment contracts, Krissy, the website, and Alex will take the convention, and I’ll peruse her social life.” Claire flips through as Alex starts to read. “How much plausible deniability do you think you need about this?”
“Enough so that he’ll still be willing to marry me if he finds out about this. And, you know, obviously don’t cause her physical harm or financial ruin unless that ruin comes from exposing her own misdeeds.”
“Gotcha.”
“Sure.”
“What the hell are you supposed to be?” One of a Sam and Dean pair demands of the five girls in tan coveralls and a couple camcorders.
“We’re the cast and crew of Ghostfacers.” Babe turns around to reveal the logo on the back of the jumpsuit. “We face the ghosts.”
“I don’t think so. First of all, you’re all girls.” The Dean points out.
“Very good. Here, have a cookie.” Babe shoves one into his mouth.
“Secondly.” He takes it out, “They don’t wear those things.”
“We’re the reboot.”Claire gives a grin. “Now get lost before I cosplay the hellhound that kills you.”
“And oddly enough, I’m the only one with a college degree.” Josephine grabs her bag from the car. “Where’s the bar? After a six hour drive with these maniacs,I think I’m earned the right to go get white girl wasted.”
“What’s white girl wasted?” Claire asks.
“It’s getting drunk in order to be to behave like you four so while sober.” She retorts and heads off to the main convention hall. The other four laugh and link arms, heading inside.
“Think you can do this?” Claire double checks with Alex who nods. Since Alex isn’t in the book series she’s been designated to make the arrangements.that and her experience as bait.
“Just promise me you won’t kill her and drink her blood.” Alex sighs and walks up to the information desk. “Hi, can I speak to somebody about making an engagement announcement at the beginning of the meet the author segment? My sister’s best friend is getting married and she’s a huge fan of the books and we wanted to surprise her and also publicly pressure her into setting a date. She has commitment issues.” She asks quietly.
“Sure let me run it by Mrs. Rosen-Winchester, but I don’t think there should be a problem. What kind of engagement announcement did you have in mind?”
“Just a brief picture and announcement. We’re willing to pay of course.” Alex hands over a flash drive and the check.
“That won’t be… uh…” The lady looks at the check.
“Here are the specifications for the viewer, which is also on the drive.” Alex hands it back to her. ‘Unfortunately my laptop is broken or I’d let you use that, but I’m pretty sure it should be useable.”
“Okay, thanks, um, I’ll go talk to her and be right back.” the woman lifts the drive up.
“Thanks.” Alex smiles and heads back to the others. “Alright, the trap is set, what now?”
“Now we go to gawk at the ship wars.” Krissy holds up the program.
“Otherwise known as A Conversation on Leading Subcontextual Interpretations.” Babe reads off.
“Sounds good.”
“Hi, I love your outfits. It’s such a meta joke.” A brunette comments. “Classic Supernatural. So much more creative than more Sam and Deans”
“Thanks.” Babe smiles. “Let me guess your costumes. You’re.. Claire novak.” She points to the blonde woman next to the brunette. “And you’re Ben Braeden.”
“Oh my god, know way. You got it!” The blonde gapes. “It’s so obscure you know, but they’re our favorite uncommon pairing.”
“Your favorite what?” Claire exclaims, slightly more loudly than neccessary. “What the fuck…” the others just start to snicker. “How did… why… who the hell is Ben Braeden?”
“Dean’s son, Duh.” Faux Claire gives her an incredulous look.
“Wait, Dean has a son? How old is he?” Krissy perks up at this, abandoning her amusement.
“It’s not certain officially, but yeah, he so does.” She nods. “We just think it’s so perfect. You know, Castiel’s daughter, and Dean’s son. Even if Destiel isn’t canon, we think this…”
“I am not… Cas… Claire is not Castiel’s daughter! She’s Jimmy and Amanda Novak’s and you can’t… You don’t just… Why…”
“C’mon lets go get a drink.” Krissy tugs on Claire’s arm as Alex and Babe stay amused and repressing laughter.
“Krissy, you’re pregnant. You can’t drink.” Claire chides her.
“It’s better than all those freaks pairing Sam and Dean romantically, I mean, they’re brothers. Ewww.” Faux claire makes a disgusted face.
“Plus it makes it a meta joke since we’re actually sisters. Step sisters.” Faux Ben grins.
“Nice.” Babe nods appreciatively.
“Now, I have to ask you an ultra serious question.” Faux Claire’s face gets ultra serious. “Sam, Dean or Cas?”
“Sam.” Alex and Babe say at once.
“Dean, of course.” Krissy rolls her eyes.
“Actually I’m a Gabriel girl myself.” Claire refuses to pick one of the three, all of them having a way too weirdly incestuous vibe to it.
“Aw, aren’t you sweet.” Babe reaches over and pinches her cheek.
“You and Megan.”Faux Ben nudges her stepsister. “Off the beaten path.”
“You’re a Gabriel girl, too, huh?” Babe gives her a dimples smile.
“No, Lucifer.” She mumbles, at least smart enough to be embarrassed about it. The girls just stare at her. “No,it’s just… I mean, he’s just so nice to everybody all the time and just the way he is with Sam is so much nicer than Michael was with Dean and he’s just so misunderstood.” She pleads.
“That is his specialty.” Gabriel shakes her head at the woman. “Being misunderstood.”
“No, he’s just hurting, that’s all. And they all treated him so unfairly. All he did was love his father more than anything. It says so. It’s canon.”
“It’s canon that it’s what he said. You can’t believe the father of lies. You can’t… jesus.” Krissy covers her face.
“Wow.” Claire says as Babe just crosses her arms.
“You met your last boyfriend through a prison pen pal program, didn’t you?” Alex asks dryly. Faux Ben nods with a similar expression.
“Oh my god how did you know? Are you psychic?” Megan whispers. “I know this stuff is real.” Her stepsister just shakes her head.
“You know we really should get going, and maybe find a food stand, I’m getting hungry again.” Krissy complains.
“Here. “Babe pulls a summer sausage out of her pocket and hands it to Krissy.
“Cool, thanks.” She unwraps the end and takes a bite.
“Excuse me,” Someone who is clearly not an official comes over. “You know you can’t bring outside food in here.”
“Who are you, the food police?” She asks, her mouth full, and heads off towards the first panel.
“There are signs everywhere. Just put the sausage away…”
“I will fucking cut you…” Krissy grabs his collar as he reaches for it.
“Krissy!” Claure goes over to her. “She’s pregnant, and besides that missed second breakfast and only got fourteen hours of sleep today, so I’d back off.” She separates the two, leading Krissy off.
“You know, Boda was the same way with Rhys.” Babe comments to Alex. “Just meat, all the time, practically raw, too.”
“Was he born a baby or a cub?”
“A baby, but a fuzzy one. He was a bit early, kind of a runt. Just a little tiny hairy thing, but with those golden wolf eyes. I almost thought he was mine for a minute.” Babe smiles and puts a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “He likes you, you know, and… wants to court you.”
“Like, ‘court me’ court me or take my virginity?”
“Both. Look, I love my son, and you’re a great friend, I love you both very much…”
“You don’t think I’m the type of girl fit to date a god.” Alex interrupts.
“What? No, nothing like that. I just don’t think he’s… Rhys is kind of a whore. Not one to judge, I’m probably where he got it from. Me and, you know, most pagan gods, and I don’t want you getting hurt. Sure he’s not going to actually physically hurt you or treat you badly, but he has very poor impulse control and he’s not patient and I don’t want you getting either pressured or heartbroken. Understand?”
“Yes. He sounds alot like you, honestly. Unless you think he’ll get violent with me…”
“No. He’s a puppy, all sweet and playful and adorable, he leaves the violence for people who threaten his friends and loved ones. He’s not responsible, he’s not reliable, he’s not always honest, he never takes anything seriously unless you make him, but he’s generous to a fault and very sweet and caring. I just think you need someone more grounded, dependability, maybe a bit more intellectual.”
“Jesus, please tell me you’re not trying to set me up with one of your siblings instead.”
“Ha! No. Though interesting your mind goes straight to Michael and Raphael.”
“You said grounded, dependable and intellectual, your brother is the only unattached person I know who actually fits that description.”
“True. and I have it on good authority that one of them referred to you as a manipulative temptress.” Babe taps her chin. "Which may presumably imply he finds you tempting at least."
“Gee, that’s the nicest way I’ve heard someone call someone a whore.” Alex scowls. “Who is this reliable source?”
“Me. I’m the angel of communication, there’s no such thing as a private conversation between my siblings if I really need to hear them. Michael found the comment hilarious.”
“Somehow that’s even more insulting than Raphael calling me a manipulative temptress. I’m assuming it was Raphael since Michael clearly disagreed. Maybe it was that dress?”
“Which dress, that red halter?”
“Yup.”
“Oh yeah, that dress is just… wooo. But no he was just being bitchy and jealous because you were helping Miqa when he couldn’t. I think he’s come around.”
“So what are the chances of him concentrating to some much needed therapy?” Alex rolls her eyes.
“Slightly better than dad coming back to dance the charleston on the top of the venus de milo with auntie.” Babe snorts.
“Gee, how disappointing.”
“C’mon let’s go heckle the shippers."