Oh Sister What the hell art thou thinking?
"Are you okay?" Babe lights down on the frozen moon orbiting Jupiter.
"That was more than a few minutes." Raphael's just sitting on the ice.
"It's a figure of speech." Babe sits next to him. "You wanted to talk to me, though?"
"Yes." But he just sits there in silence, his little sister leaning against him brushing her wings against his as she used to do, and resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm a little out of practice."
"Me, too."
"Michael... is really badly off and I can't do anything for her. She'll just shut down, not saying or acknowledging anything and I can't reach her."
"I know." She consoles him. "That's what we have Alex for."
"You trust this girl?"
"Absolutely."
"Why?"
"She's kind, compassionate, understanding. She and Claire once stole the impala and drove to tiajuana to try and save me from an Aztec god. I wasn't actualy in danger at the time as he was kind of a freind of mine, but they didn't know that." She shrugs.
"I don't trust her. I don't trust what she does."
"What, talk to people?" Babe rolls her eyes.
"That's most of what he did. Talk to people. He always did the most damage with his words."
"Yes, well, belladonna's both a poison and a medicine. It all depends on how you use it. She's doing this out of the goodness of her heart. And that's all. Don't be a jealous little bitch." She attempts to shove him. It's about as successful as it usually it.
"I'm not jealous. And neither am I a little bitch."
"Yes, you are, Raph. You're jealous because she can fix something you can't."
"We don't know that."
"Look, psychology is a new science. You were busy trying to end the world, so of course you didn't get a chance to get current." Babe teases this finally gets a response from him in the form of a withering look.
"Psychology is not a science. It's nothing but philisophical self indulgence with pretentions of efficacy who's true goal is to bolster their own reputations and line their coffers."
"You're thinking tv talk shows. She's in training for the actual proffession. Look, if you don't trust her, just talk to her with Miti there so you know she's being sincere."
"No."
"Okay, now your just being difficult."
"I can't do that. I will never be asking Amitiel to do such a thing ever again."
"Oh, right. no, Miti... right." Babe winces. "I can't believe I forgot about that. What the hell were you thinking?" She smacks him arm.
"That I could fix them and they wouldn't have to die. We've been over this." Not that he's surprised. She never pays attention to anything.
"You're an idiot, Raph."
"You're an irresponsible coward." he retorts almost automatically.
"Yeah, well, that doesnt make you less of an idiot." She just keeps her head on her brothers shoulder. "I still love you though."
"I love you too." he puts an arm around her shoulders.
"I gave everyone blanket amnesty. That includes you and whatever anyone could accuse Michael of besides just being wrong. You get a fresh start if you want it."
" No, I don't get a fresh start. You don't have the authority to do something like that." He scolds her.
"Uh, yes I do. I'm in charge now, remember?" She straightens up. "Or trying to be. I'm not doing a good job of it. We need to find Hannah, she knew what she was doing."
"Hannah? The secretary?"
"Yeah, she stepped in after Metatron was defeated and pulled heaven together the best it had been in a long time apparently, though you know how everyones all nostalgic for the good old days that they can barely remember. Cas is perfectly capable of leading them but everyone's just... I dunno... being little shits and fickle as hell. He's reluctant to lay the law down after everything that happened after he consumed purgatory. Which sucks because he was so great at that. Better than I am definitely." Raphael is forced to agree, not that he'd ever state that out loud. But Castiel was one of the best captains the garrison guarding the earth ever had. He was so earnest and caring and confident that translated to a sort of charisma. That he repeatedly gave all that up to do what was eventually proven to be right, is just amazing. Raphael is starting to think he never understood his younger brother at all. Not that it matters.'
"He killed everyone who took my side, didn't he?" Raphael asks. Babe doesn't answer. "I saw them in the abyss. He slaughtered them. He didn't even try to find a way to spare them, did he?"
"He went insane with the power, declared himself the new god and started killing everyone who opposed him angel and human alike. But he eventually came to his senses, put the souls back, but it was too late. the leviathan held on and destroyed him from the inside. Dad brought him back again of course."
"Our father approved of this blasphemy?" Not that he hasnt ordered mass slaughter before but their father has always been very firm on the issue of who exactly gets the worship.
"I doubt it. I think he was just... forgiven." Babe shrugs. But that's even more incomprehensible.
"Why? Why would he be forgiven for the highest offense known to existence? He declared himself the new god?"
"Maybe because he was sorry? Truly genuinely remorseful and aware of the full extent of how badly he fucked up and asked for forgiveness? As per that whole mess in roman times?"
"I didn't realize that applied to us." Raphael looks at the storms of Jupiter.
"It applies to everybody."
"I don't know where everything got so off track. I try to think back but every step of the way, I don't know what I could have done differently, what I should have done. When did all my choices become trying to find the lesser of two evils. Why did reason fail me? I tried to do what was needed, no matter how I felt or wished it could be different."
"Maybe that's where you went wrong. When you decided to shut down your heart. The Raphael I remember was the kindest gentlest most understanding angel there was. Sure you were cranky but it was because you cared not because you didn't. You took risks, tried things you had little hope of succeeding, like when I came back with those hellfire burns."
"It wasn't a decision." Raphael says quietly. "I just... hurt and then I didn't... It happened twice and I didn't have any control over it either time. Or that breif time when I started feeling real feelings again..." his voice trails off.
"You fell in love." Babe smiles.
"Yes."
"Details, Raph. What happened?" she prods.
"Other humans." He leans his head against hers. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, when you do, you know I'll understand." She reassures him.
"Meli was everything humanity should be. A heart that shone so brightly even as it just snuffed out. Her soul was lost... I kept looking. Every chance I got, which wasn't often, but.. I never... Nothing good ever lasts. There is so much pain and suffering and I couldn't do anything. But afterwards... after we won... I could have... we could have put an end to it... Maybe. I couldn't take it anymore."
"I'm sorry. I understand. I couldn't either." She hugs him tightly. "I wasn't as strong as you, Raph, as any of you. I loved all of you how could I choose?"
"You did, though. You chose humanity over all of us." Raphael points out not a little bitterly.
"They were innoccent victims caught in the middle of this. There was no good reason that they had to fight it out on earth."
"It gave Lucifer an advantage. He never would have given it up." Raphael shakes his head.
"Maybe. But you know killing him would have destroyed her, right? Michael never would have recovered from that." Babe pushes away looking at her big brother, who just looks away. "I get you wanted it over, but at her expense? I don't understand that."
"Maybe, or maybe she finally would have been able to move past it all. You don't know what it was like after having to put him in the cage. When dad left she just went to the throne room and sat down and didn't say anything to anyone went to the throne room and sat down and didn't say anything to anyone, do anything unless she had to. I tried to take care of things, let her have space, time, make her get out and down to earth that once. She almost snapped out of it with Joan but like I said, nothing good every lasts. I kept thinking...if only Gabriel were here, she'd be causing all sorts of trouble and Michael would be forced to come out and do something to deal with her. She might even laugh. She never laugh after you left. Not once. And then, when Lucifer was caged, she never smiled either. not real smiles. Sad smiles, bitter smiles, maybe. Nothing I could do could change that. I wasn't enough. I was a fool to think I ever could have been."
"You're enough, Raph. You're just not everything. No one is. We weren't made to be. You know that."
"We need you Gabriel. We always did. Please come back with me and talk to her. I know she wants to see you." He pleads. His sister just gives a derisive snort.
"She wants to rip me a new one for leaving in the first place. That's what Michael wants."
"Maybe. But you know you have it coming. Anything is better than having her lapse into that silence and stillness...." Raphael interprets his sister's reluctant shrug as her conceding his point. "Just don't tell her about your ridiculous infatuation with Sam Winchester and everything should be fine."
"It's not a ridiculous infatuation. I love him. He's everything humanity should be." Babe takes a breath. "What's more, he loves me as well. Once my divorce to Sygn is settled, we're going to get married."
"Have you lost your mind?"
"That is one of the side effects of being madly in love, yes." She nods with an infuriatingly serious expression for this ridiculous statement.
"He is your brother's vessel!"
"He's Sam, one of the greatest things in our father's creation and more than just the role he was assigned. He... inspires me to be better than I am and loves me even though I'm just me. I feel complete in a way I haven't in such a long time. Surely you understand that feeling."
"Yes." Raphael sighs. "But Sam Winchester?"
"Yup. I know, it freaked me the hell out, too." She confesses. "I wish you would maybe try to get to know him. Look beyond the label at who he is not who other people decided he should be. Won't you at least try? For me?" Raphael looks at her, not feeling inclined to do any such thing. But he can tell she's sincere, not just playing or caught in some hopeless one way crush again. It can't possibly last. Why push her away over this when he just got her back. Humans are so short lived he won't have to put up with it for long. And when it ends in either death or heartbreak, she'll need him and they'll have to be on good terms.
"Very well, but we are not telling Michael yet."
"Oh, hell no." She agrees finally showing some sense. He doesnt have hope for it lasting very long.
"I would prefer you not marry in secret either or she'll never forgive you." Or marry at all but there's only so much you can reasonably ask of someone you haven't seen in eons
"Didn't plan on it. I'm making my claim known to all of heaven and earth." She sounds so proud of this yet thats arguably even worse. Maybe a secret union would be better.
"If you take his name, I will disown you."
"Well, the name we'll be married under is Singer and not Winchester so no worries there. They're the human identities that are still intact and without felony charges. John Samuel Singer and Gabrielle Xena Callisto. Yeah, I know." She responds to his silence at her absurd and obvious psuedonym, "But it was just pure happen stance, honestly. Anyway, since you're currently a woman would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?"
"I would rather pluck my own wings."
"Let me rephrase that. Will you be one of my bridesmaids?"
"Yes."
"I'd ask you to be the maid of honor, but Claire throws better parties." She nudges him. Raphael just rolls his eyes. "Anyway thanks for being my sister. Its nice having something in common. Is she okay in there?"
"Yes."He replies curtly.
"C'mon, you know you left the next to last vessel a wreck. What the hell was that about?"
"This one was a wreck befrore I found her."
"Or, call me crazy, you could just take care of the damn body. You're a healer, I know you can fix whatever damage your presence caused. I know things suck but that's no reason to take it out on your damn vessel."
"Are you lecturing me about vessels? How long did you have yours? How long was he sealed away in there until you died?"
"Four years. What? We managed to drink enough Mead to get totally wasted one night and talk about the future and he wanted to have a family and children and I was absolutely not up for any that. I'd managed to actually duplicate some things so I though why not try to copy the vessel? So I just split him in half and filled out the rest of each and bam, mitosis."
"That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. That can't possibly have worked."
"It did. Took a hell of a lot out of me though. I barely had enough energy left to sneak back into the garden and recharge and rearrange your shelves."
"You little shit! I thought I had lost my mind!" he shoves her aside. She just snickers.
"You did apparently. Just not that way."
"How many times did you do that?"
"Well, a couple times but the exact number wasn't important. But yeah, me and Siggy twinned about for a while I took the name Loki after this dirty joke that I won't tell you as I know you wont appreciate it. Lost my virginity in this hillarious threeway I got kicked out of for laughing too much, became a trickster god keeping the Jotun out of harms way as much as I could.
"We can't make a human being! It's not possible."
"No, it's like cutting a starfish in half and making two new starfish."
"That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Human beings are not starfish. They dont work that way."
"Maybe but it did work, right? C'mon just try it. It's regular vessel. I had to make adjustments of course. I mean, by the time I found Luci I was all duct tape and patch work but still... It's worth a try right? Or, you know we could just remove her soul and send her up since I doubt you intend to do her any favors."
"You are not killing my vessel. I am not stealing human body!" The look Gabriel gives her brother at this statement is probably as close to resembling Michael as she ever gets.
"Oh, yeah because borrowing it and returning it trashed and unusable or destroying it s just so much better. At least talk to her, Raph. Maybe she's game. You dont know. A vessel is not your fucking right. You know this better than anyone. You wrote the damn book on taking a vessel. What the hell happened?" She moves in front of him. Raphael can't meet her eyes.
"I don't know." He looks away. "We can talk about this after I open the gates."
"Man you still haven't done that yet? Come on let's go take care of that. I got uncle to take charge at Fantasia but I don't think the reapers are that... what?"
"You... asked Death to supervise reincarnation?" Raphael has to take a moment to process the question he just found himself asking. He'd forgotten quite how unfathomable any extended conversation with his baby sister ends up being. He'd blame her time on earth but she's always been this way. It's almost as reassuring as it is exhausting.
"I asked him to assist in transporting souls from one plain of existence to the next, yes." She replies primly, smoothing back her hair. "Are you okay? Can we go take care of this? Or is there something more we need to talk about?"
"No. But when we are finished I do wish you to go see Michael with me."
"I'll think about it. If you think about trying the split." She gets to her feet offering a hand up.
'"Very well," Raphael sighs and follows his little sister back to Heaven.
"Where have you been?!" Some of their remaining siblings crowd around Babe as soon as she reappears.
"You just dissappeared. We couldn't find you." the edge of panic in their voices makes her feel guilty which pisses her off.
"I didn't realize I had to check in if I wanted to do anything or go anywhere." She replies slightly annoyed. "I thought I was in charge."
"Do you understand what being in charge means, Gabriel?" Raphael starts to lec ture her. Obviously not as she assumed it wouldnt involve any more scoldings or lectures or people telling her what she can and can't do. "You can't just do what you like whenever you like without informing anyone of your where abouts. Don't you roll your eyes at me." he takes her by the chin and moves her face till her eyes meet his. "Neither can you shut down communication with Heaven like this. What if there was an emergency? What if they needed to reach you and they couldn't. Lives could be lost. Do you understand me?"
"Yes." Is her sullen and unenthusiastic reply.
"Now go take care of the tasks you've neglected while I reopen the gates. We will be discussing the neccessary qualities of leadership later on."
"Oh, joy." Babe quickly follows the angels down the halls to the throne room.
Everybody avoids him, afraid. Of course they would be. If Castiel destroyed Raphael's followers what would they expect Raphael to do to them. He wouldn't have just blanket executed all of them, though. He'd have given them a second chance, even if it meant repeatdly erasing the rebellion from their minds. Is that really worse than killing them? When at the time it seemed there was nothing after that for them?
Raphael pauses as he reaches the interrogation room. Could he erase Michael's pain? Just take away the memories of everything that hurt her. Erase the betrayals the abandonment the pain the suffering. But how far back would he have to go? They'd never be able to keep the knowledge of it from her. When she found out she'd just end up suffering each heartbreak all over again. He'd have to erase the love that preceeded the betrayal. He'd have to erase Michael. Killing the sister he knows and loves, leaving a blank shell behind.
The thought makes him side, as does the realization that's what he'd been doing, teaching others to do. Saving his siblings from death by killing them peice by piece, taking away their free will and not helping a damn thing. How many of those he had to correct and persuade ever only had to be corrected once? Were they even wrong? He thought they were. Their objections interfered with the mission but was that wrong when ultimately the mission was proven wrong? When Castiel rebelled against heaven after learning he was having them bring the apocalypse on, he was right in doing so. It's indisputable at this point.
How many others were silenced, erased, and persuaded out of what was right? How many did he force astray along with himself? How could he have been so arrogant? he just wanted everything to be the way it should be, to keep them from falling, suffering, dying. But everyone has fallen, suffered, and died. He's lost every single one of them. How did this happen? And how, after everything he'd done, how wrong he's been shown to be, could they not have destroyed these rooms? Raphael takes a breath and snaps his fingers erasing them from existence.
"I appreciate the symbolism, it doesn't undo anything." He looks back to see Rye standing behind him.
"I know."
"It won't keep it from happening again, either."
"It'll make it inconvenient at least. Do you need something?"
"I came to see if you did. And to apologize. I was ungrateful and disrespectful. I owe you so much and I'm in no position to judge. I didn't have to make your decisions. I don't know that I'd have done any better."
"That's not the point is it?" Raphael gives him a sad smile. "The good I did doesn't erase the harm. The mistakes I made aren't magically undone, just because I meant well for most of them. The selfish stubborn bullheadedness of the apocalypse, that doesn't deserve respect. If you'll excuse me, I have to go reopen the gates." Raphael turns and continues on his way, not sparing his sibing another glance.