Awkward conversations
Harahel anxiously waits underneath the main tree in the garden. Saul seemed so terrified and Rye wouldn't take him down, insisting on going himself. It was probably better. Zachariah is a better fighter and a better healer, a better all around angel. He'll be much more able to help them than Hara could in pretty much any situation that could panic Saul.
"Harahel." He looks up as he hears his eldest brother say his name. It startles him for a moment, but Raphael knows the name of every angel at first glance. He always has. "Where are your wings?"
"I... Miti is keeping them safe for me." Hara can't look up at him.
"Have her bring them to you and I will reattatch them." Raphael stands before him. He can see the female vessel his brother's chosen again.
"You aways find vessels the prettiest shades of brown." Hara looks at him adoringly. "And since it's a girl you can wear the brightest most lovely colors. Are you thinking you'd rather be female, too? Is that why you chose a girl?"
"No. Gabriel simply wished us to be sisters. I saw no reason not to indulge her." Raphale tilts his head. "You prefer to be considered female?"
"I don't know. People seem to think it fits me better and if I'm female I can wear pretty colors and dresses and make up and decorate my body with jewels without people getting angry with me. Or is that just silly?"
"The entire concept of dividing interests into acceptable and unacceptable based solely on the gender of the person doing them is silly. You are not female, you are not male, you are an angel. Gender is arbitrary. There is absolutely no reason you shouldn't take the label you find most convenient for your desires and purposes." Raphael looks down at his younger sibling. "Am I correct in assuming you have still not recovered the blade you discarded all those Days ago?" He would of course remember that too, now that Harahel's been drawn back to his attention.
"Yes." Harahel looks meekly to his feet. "You are."
"It's to be expected. The earth has changed so much you are as likely to find it through happen stance as by any concentrated effort on your part. And you should not be without a blade." Raphael takes his hands from behind his body and presents Harahel with an angel blade. When Hara takes it, he notices the micah coating on the hilt. This is Nathaniel's blade. "Your sacrifice was never properly acknowledged. Not many angels were faced with the choice you were given. You've earned this."
He earned this? The blade of his favorite song. The fallen angel who meant everything to him. The weapon he used to kill it's owner when his library was threatened. Is it the honor of being given the weapon of a dead freind, or an honor as a trophy from a fallen enemy? Nathaniel was both and the thought of weilding his blade makes Hara sick. Before he can stop himself, he hurls it as far away from them as he can, across the empty garden.
Raphael just looks down at him in silent incredulous irritation until Harahel can't avoid his brother's eyes any longer.
"When Amitiel brings your wings to you, call for me." He says cooly and storms off back to the archangel's quarters. The angels that remain defy comprehension. Every single one of them, fickle and emotional, irrational and impulsive. It's as if their minds had been thrown into utter chaos. He' blame Gabriel but it had been starting long before he even knew she was still alive somewhere. No matter how often he was able to quash it and bring them back to peace, it always kept creeping up again. Especially in that broken seraph, Castiel. Let them have each other then. Let them suffer in choas and uncertainty. It's what they chose isn't it? It's what they all chose.
When he returns to Michael's room, she's gone.
"I'm so sorry." Alex apologizes into the phone... "I... no, I wouldn't do that... I ... I just... forgot..." she winces as she says it and puts the noodles into the microwave. "No.... there was a family emergency and I lost track of time and... um... no, I understand... Really? How do you want me to make it up to you?" She turns around to get a napkin and jumps, dropping her phone as she sees Michael standing in her living room.
"You are real."
"Um, hold on...." Alex picks her phone up. "Hey, John,um, something's come up. No... you know what, I'll talk to you later on.... I really don't know. Bye." She hangs up. "Hi. I'd offer you a seat, but..." Alex motions to the empty apartment. "How are you feeling? Are you recharged already?"
"Why were you praying to me? Who are you and what do you want from me?" Michael sits down on the floor by the way, somehow still intimidating despite his exhaustion.
"I'm Alex Jones. I'm a friend of your sister Gabriel's. I was praying to you so you wouldn't feel so alone. And I just want you to get well and be happy and well adjusted, I guess." She walks over and sits across from him.
"Happy and well adjusted?" He says dryly.
"I'm a therapist. In training. kind of. I guess a peer counselor is more accurate. Did I already tell you this? I forget. Anyway. I'm still in school, but I do actually have experience counseling angels and a couple african gods. Those were kind of iffy results. Fueding brothers, one stole the other's inheritance. It got them to have peaceful family dinners and that's about it. Of course, I was kind of captive at the time, but I'm rambling." Alex crosses her legs.
"Which angels?" Michael asks after a moment of thinking.
"Zuriel and Amitiel. Zuriel had a breakdown due to the disharmony in heaven and Amitiel lost then regained all her memories including memories of aiing in interrogating her siblings and what happened to them after. She's still not doing too well, but she's doing much better and will do better."
"How is she not doing well?"
"I can't really go into too much detail. Confidentiality and all that." Alex apologizes. "I wouldn't have said that much but they said I could tell you I counseled them."
"And Gabriel is alive."
"Yes. She got brought back, twice. She's okay now. So is Raphael." Alex looks at Michael who's looking at the floor not speaking or asking questions. "Lucifer... he died fighting the darkness with your father, who along with the darkness has not been seen since. The best theory is that he sacrificed himself to take her out and safeguard humanity and all of existence, but no one can remember."
"Are you certain he was fighting against the darkness?" Michael asks quietly.
"Yes. He was using Castiel as a vessel at the time. He did make your father apologize to him first, though."
"That sounds like him." There's the faintest ghost of a smile as he says it. "How do you use another angel as a vessel?"
"I don't know. Everything in incredibly weird. Are you okay?" she reaches over to touch his hand, releived when it's simply warm, without burning searing pain.
"Why are you asking if I'm okay again?"
"Because loosing your father and brother are painful events."
"My father abandoned me a long time ago. Now I just know for certain he's never coming back." He almost looks at his hand as Alex gives it a comforting squeeze. "He died heroically. For love. I'm glad of that."
"Well, your brother may have hated humanity but he loved his father and I'm pretty sure he liked some other parts of creation, too. At least not enough to want everything destroyed." Alex pats his hand and takes hers back. Michael just looks at her, surprised at her statement.
"How did you know I was talking about Lucifer and not my father?"
"Because I know what it's like to have family that could be called monsters. And to still love them and yet have to oppose them even to their deaths. I don't know if anyone ever thanked you for that. For standing up and opposing him, for us. So thank you. I can only imagine how hard it was for you." Her words affect him like nothing else she's said yet and he clearly has to work not to fall apart.
"You think I did the right thing?" He challenges.
"I think you were doing the wrong thing for the right reason and that's the next best thing. And at great personal cost to yourself and I think that should be appreciated."
"An A for effort." Michael gives a wry grin and looks out the window. "Only results matter, Alex. not effort."
"That's not true."
"You're young. You'll learn." she's sure he doesn't mean to sound so condescending, but it still irritates her as much as the affectionate pat on the head that accompanies his statement. The microwave beeps so Alex gets up and goes to get her noodles.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm starving. Are you hungry? Or just... want something? Not that I have anything I have clam sauce if you like spagghetti and I know Bree likes sweet stuff. I have a couple twizz...lers..." Alex opens the cabinet and sighs. "Had a couple. Dammit Bree, I don't even like tootsie rolls. Do you like tootsie rolls?" She asks as her twizzlers have been eaten and replaced with an equivalent amount of tootsie rolls.
"I don't need to eat and have no desire to eat. I appreciate the offer, though."
"Michael" Raphael appears as Alex gets her form. "Are you alright?" What are you doing here?" She turns to see a young black woman in a very professional pants suit kneeling down before the archangel.
"Hello?" Alex steps forwards. The woman looks back at her wit an incredibly unfreindly glare.
"How did you bring her here?" Raphael demands. Michael says something quietly in enochian eliciting a barely concealed eyeroll from him. "Him here." He corrects himself.
"I didn't? And you are..."
"Raphael. I'm taking him back to heaven. Do not interfere with his recovery again."
"I'm not returning to heaven." Michael says quietly. "I don't belong there anymore." Raphael looks absolutely bewildered by this and is at a loss as to how to respond short of the unthinkable direct contradiction.
"Bree's actually set up her studio for you in case you didn't feel ready for that." Alex informs them. "It's right downstairs. It's protected and warded. If you wanted to see it, I have the key." Another unfreindly glare.
"Is she there?" Michael asks, uncertainly, maybe a bit hopefully. Alex isn't sure.
"I don't know. I can ask her to meet you there." Alex takes her phone back out of her pocket.
"She has a phone?"
"Yeah. Prayer's kind of one way street for us humans. hey, Bree... No, I'm fine. yeah. No he got a ride home a few hours ago with your brother... Yeah, Michael's here. Would you like to show him the apartment?... Your apartment. There's nothing in my apartment but my air mattress and I hardly think that would be appropriate.... what could possible be more im... oh shit! He what?.... No... Oh jesus, is he okay?... good. Just ... remember that you can't kill him, okay?... You know what I mean, Bree... No, I know. yeah that's a big problem. Um, do you want to ta...ah, okay?" Alex looks at her phone. "She hung up. Im, there's kind of a family emergengcy. Her son was kidnapped by a werewolf cult, it's..."
"She has a son!" Michael looks absolutely horrified.
"No. Foster son. He's... it's... it's complicated. I'll let her tell you about that whole situation." Alex taps her phone in her hand, then stops and looks at the time. "Shit!... I have a job interview like now, so help yourself to anything in the apartment. I'll leave the key on the counter. Bree's apartment is the next floor down. it's the one with the 'Casa Neurotica' sign, shaped like a straight jacket hanging on the door. I forget the apartment number but they've all fallen off the doors anyways. Unless, I mean, unless you need me to stay..."
"We don't." Raphael says curtly. Michael just shakes his head.
"Okay. I'll be back in a couple hours." Alex grabs her jacket and purse and races out the door. Raphael waits for her to come back in for her shoes before resuming his conversation with his sibling.
"This is who you came to." Raphael comments snidely, not a little hurt in his voice. "An infant who forgets her shoes and important meetings."
"She came for me in the cage. I wanted to understand why."
"I came for you too."
"You're my brother, you love me. I'm nothing to her but she reached out to me anyway. She thinks I was wrong but thanked me anyway. Nobody's ever thanked me for anything before, much less for what they considered a well intentioned mistake." Michael looks thoughtful and looks aside,
"You still need to recover, Michael. You're so weak... what happened?" Raphael pushes aside the pain and discomfort caused by his elder siblings statement, but Michael lapses into unresponsive silence again, shutting down completely at the mention of the cage. Soon, though, the call from Harahel arrives. Amitiel's brought his wings. "I promised to heal one of our brothers. i'll be back shortly...." he informs Michael, feeling both reluctant and desperate to leave her side. "Come back with me." But there's still no response.
"When were you going to tell me?" Thanatos brushes one of Krissy's curls away from her face as they lie together in his new cushioned bed, a vast improvement from the flat funereal slab he had previously.
"When I decided what to do. I just found out, Nat."
"What's to decide? We'll marry as soon as possible. I'll obtain you a house near a hospice so I can come and go freely. I know giving up hunting will be difficult for you, but i swear I will keep you both safe and happy." he kisses her cheeks.
"I'm not marrying you, Nat." She sits up. "I'm not giving up hunting, either. It's who I am."
"Don't be foolish." he gently chides her. "Our child deserves a name and a mother, a stable family, to be well provided for, to be safe."
"I agree." Krissy takes a breath. "If I keep the pregnancy."
"You... would destroy my child?" Thanatos sounds both hurt and heartbroken at the very possibility. Krissy can't even look him in the eye.
"I don't know. I haven't decided. I could murder Claire for telling you. I only just got hara to understand he shouldn't blab it to everybody. Whether I have the baby or not, though, I'm not marrying you. If I have it, I'll have to give it away."
"We can get a wet nurse if you insist.... why won't you marry me? Do you think I can't provide for you? I'm a god. I have access to countless treasures and offerings. Do you still think I don't love you? That I wouldn't be good to you?" He places a hand on her cheek.
"None of that matters. I can provide for myself. And I know you do. But I don't love you, Nat. I don't want to be your wife. I don't want to be tied to you for ever because of this child, either. I don't want to bring a child into this life, but I still don't know." Thanatos looks away and doesn't say anything for the longest time. "Nat?"
"Why don't you love me?"
"I don't know. I just... don't..."
"You think so badly of me that you'd kill an innocent child just to avoid any ties to me?"
"No that's not what I'm saying."
"Isn't it?" he gets to his feet. "Get dressed. I'll take you... well, you don't have a home, do you? So I'll take you as near as I can to where you wish to go."
"Conrad Springs, Kansas." Krissy leans over the side of the bed and picks up her clothes from the floor.
"Why would you give yourself to me if you didn't love me?" The plaintive question hurts Krissy's heart.
"Because you're handsome and kind and cared for me and I... I don't know. I'm sorry. I never told you I loved you. I never lied to you." But she knows as she says it that it's cold comfort. She didn't say it but she let herself pretend. That she loved him, that she could love him. That it didn't matter. "I'm sorry, Nat."
"I could make you marry me." He leans on his desk, not looking at her. "I could keep you here, force you to bear my child. My brother would help me. I don't have to... to just accept any of this."
"You could try." Krissy says cooly. "It would not end well for either of you. And I still wouldn't love you. I wouldn't even like you anymore."
"I know." Thanatos lowers his head. "Where in Conrad Springs?"
"Wherever. I need some time alone to think." She shrugs, pulling on her boots.
"Very well." he puts an arm around her waist when she finishes and takes her to a small house. "The woman inside has just had a mild seizure and is choking on a grape. You can probably save her." he nods to the door. Krissy smiles and goes to test the door. She can see the woman on the kitchen floor turning blue, and breaks the window pane, reaching in to unlock and open the door, quickly running to the woman to perform the heimlich. When the grape pops out and she's breathing comfortably again, Krissy calls for an ambulance.
"Thank you, Nat. You're a good man." Krissy looks back as he walks over to them.
"Krissy... I will do or not do anything you require of me if only you'll have this baby. I swear it by everything I am, on olympus, on hades... on everything." he pleads.
"I'll... take that into consideration." Is all Krissy can say. Thanatos leaves as the woman starts to come around. "Hey. Sorry to intrude, but I was lost and came to see if I could use your bathroom and saw you fall through the window. I've called an ambulance. Oh, wow, here it comes." She looks back as a firetruck pulls up in front. Hopefully the woman won't have her arrested.