Break
Clarke wakes up first to Lexa cuddling and clutching onto her. Clarke shuts her eyes and sighs deeply. She doesn't know what to do. She loves Lexa but there is a complete break of trust between them. Clarke needs a break before she starts to resent her girlfriend. Is she still her girlfriend? Clarke doesn't even know.
The blonde wiggles stealthily out of Lexa’s grasp. She changes into clothes for the day and quickly gets ready. She knows it's wrong, but Clarke can't be here when Lexa wakes up. She needs some time to think this through.
Clarke gets dressed and goes downstairs, following the smell of bacon.
“Hey Dad.” Clarke walks into the kitchen and steals some bacon that Jake just finished cooking.
“Hey there bug. Mornin.” Jake cheerily chirps out. Jake was always a morning person. Clarke? Not so much.
“Morning. I'm going to go draw by the lake today.” Clarke announces, stealing a couple more pieces of bacon and chugging a cup of orange juice.
“That sounds nice. What about Lexa? It's a beautiful Saturday morning, maybe you two can go for a nice hike or something.” Jake tries, curious to see his daughter’s reaction. He can tell something isn't right between the girls. He just doesn't know what.
“Oh um.. I don't know what she's doing today. I want some space.” Clarke mumbles quietly. Jakes eyes widen slightly before he schools his face.
“Why do you want space? What happened?” Jake gently asks.
“You sure you want to know? It's a lot..” Clarke trails off.
“Of course Clarke. You’re my little girl. And I love Lexa. What's wrong?” Jake asks gently, even though inside he's freaking out a bit. What is so bad that Clarke is this afraid to tell him?
“Well...Lexa got this girl pregnant and then she lied to me about it. Then I told her to leave and instead of going to Laurel’s, she went to go stay over her um… well this girl she used to hook up with and she didn't tell me! And I just don't know how to move past it all. I know she didn't cheat but it still hurts she keeps lying to me. It hurts that she prefers Costia’s comfort over mine.” Clarke sighs deeply. Jake’s eyes are as wide as saucers.
“Oh uh..well…” Jake awkwardly clears his throat. He’s a bit at a loss for words right now. Is Clarke having sex? Should he have given her the talk? Oh god, are they using protection?!
“Dad? You okay?” Clarke asks curiously. “It looks like you just had a mini stroke.” She jokes lightly.
“I’m okay bug. It’s just a lot to take in..um so Lexa had sex with this girl and got her pregnant?” Jake asks slowly.
“Yeah Dad. That’s kind of how it works.” Clarke narrows her eyes at her Dad.
“And this was before..”
“Before me and Lexa got together yeah.” Clarke mumbles and Jake nods.
“So..well is Lexa planning on supporting the child? Do they know their options? What do the girl’s parents say?” Jake goes in full parent mode and Clarke starts to regret telling him this.
“I don’t know Dad. All I know is that Mercedes wants to keep the baby and Lexa will support whatever her decision is. She said it’s her kid too and she will help raise it.” Clarke says truthfully. Jake nods some more, still trying to wrap his head around this.
“I see. And how do you feel about Lexa raising a child with the girl she used to date? Did they date?” Jake asks in a non judgemental tone.
“Um no..they just..well they-”
“I know what you mean. You don’t have to give me details.” Jake waves her off. He tries to be the cool Dad but right now it’s kind of hard when his only baby girl’s girlfriend just got another girl pregnant. Boy was that a lot to take in or what.
“I don’t know how I feel about it. I don’t like the other girl. She’s rude. But I would support Lexa. It’s not about what I want or who I like. It’s about the baby. And Lexa wants to do right by the baby so that’s all that matters to me. I just can’t get past the lying. I don’t know what to do” Clarke says sadly.
“I think you already do. You’re just too afraid to make the decision final.” Jake answers helpfully. “Do what you and you only think is best.”
“Thanks Dad. I love you.” Clarke kisses his cheek. “I think I’ll ask Lexa on that hike like you suggested.”
“Oh anytime.” Jake mumbles. Suddenly he has a very very big headache and he has a pretty strong clue as to why.
///
“Lex. Lex, get up.” Clarke softly says. Lexa’s eyes flutter open. She softly rubs at her eyelids and yawns, stretching out her achy limbs.
“Clarke.” Lexa says in awe, her voice still thick with here. “I didn’t think you’d be here when I woke up.”
“I wasn’t planning on it. I wanted to clear my head, but after a talk with my dad I decided we should just talk about it now. Get dressed. I’m going to go sketch by the lake and you’re coming with me so we can talk.” Clarke says softly yet still in a stern tone. Lexa instantly grows sweaty and nervous. This already doesn’t sound promising. She feels like she’s a pig on the way to the slaughterhouse.
Lexa and Clarke ride to the lake on Lexa’s motorcycle. Clarke points towards a tree and they settle under it. Clarke stares out and starts sketching the landscape. Lexa anxiously sits there, waiting patiently for her girlfriend to start talking to her. A half hour later, it finally happens.
“How was Mercedes parents?” Clarke asks quietly, refusing to meet Lexa's gaze. Lexa gulps. She has to tell Clarke the truth.
“Well um..” Lexa rubs the back of her neck nervously before continuing. “They're very conservative people so uh when I said I wouldn't marry their daughter they..well they kicked Mercedes out.” Lexa mumbles nervously. Clarke's eyes widen.
“What? Seriously?” Clarke asks, truly shocked by the information.
“Yeah.. So uh well… She's actually -” Lexa rambles a bit before Clarke cuts her off.
“She's living in your house.” Clarke says knowingly.
“Yeah. I was going to tell you but-” Lexa struggles to explain herself.
“But you didn't.”’ Clarke says sternly. This so isn't how Lexa wanted this conversation to go. “Lexa..” Clarke sighs out deeply, gathering her thoughts. Clarke is silent for a few minutes, staring out at the lake in deep thought. It scares the shit out of Lexa.
Clarke puts down her sketchbook and looks Lexa in the eyes. “We need to take a break.” Clarke tries to sound calm but her voice cracks at the end. Incidentally, so does Lexa’s heart.
“Clarke please...don't..” Lexa shuts her eyes and shakes her head. “Don't do this.”
“It's absolutely not permanent. I don't plan on seeing anyone else and I hope it's the same for you. My heart is still yours. I’m still yours.” Clarke says inching closer to the teary eyed Lexa and cupping her cheeks.
“It has nothing to do with the fact that Mercedes is pregnant. I will support you in this. I will be your hand to hold, your support system. But the lying Lex. That's a big deal to me. And until I feel like I can trust you again, there's really no foundation for a relationship. I'm sad that you'd rather talk to Costia about this than me. But I'm even angrier that you lied about the whole thing. You need to learn how to communicate with me or else this never will work. And I need the space to figure out how to be with you again..romantically.” Clarke says firmly.
“You're ending this though. You're ending us.” Lexa says vulnerably, sniffling back her tears.
“No I'm not. Make no mistake, we are not broken up. We are just on a break. If we both work on ourselves, then we will be back to being us in no time.” Clarke says gently, pushing back Lexa’s stray strands of hair.
“I love you Clarke. I'll do anything to show you that." Lexa whispers, gripping the back of Clarke’s neck to press their foreheads together.
“Oh Lexa, I never doubted your love for me. This break is more about you showing me that I can trust you again. I mean I'll still see you. After all, you still live in my house.” Clarke teases and chuckles lightly. Lexa sadly smiles.
“But no kisses, no sex. That being said, please don't feel like you can't talk to me. I'm not leaving you, Lexa. I'm still here. Don't close up on me. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on and how you feel. So much has happened the last few months. It makes sense that you break down a little. I'll be here for that. I'll be here every step of the way. Our romantic relationship is just on hold though.” Clarke says sadly and Lexa nods.
“Does this mean.. I mean are you still my girlfriend?” Lexa asks quietly, her eyes averting Clarke's gaze.
Clarke frowns for a second, thinking of her answer.
“Don't think about the labels, Lex.” Clarke caresses her cheeks. “I'm doing this to save our relationship. This isn't the first step to breaking up. It's just taking a step back while we both sort things out. Okay?” Clarke asks gently.
“Okay. But...can I kiss you one more time before this break is enacted? I need to feel your lips.” Lexa says in an exhausted tone, worrisome that Clarke is going to say no.
“Of course. I was going to suggest that too.” Clarke sadly smiles. “Come here.” The blonde whispers softly.
Lexa angles her head and kisses Clarke soundly and desperately. Their kisses are tinged with sadness and longing. Lexa breaks the kiss after a few minutes and her eyes are sad. She tries to smile at the blonde but it doesn't reach her eyes. Lexa touches Clarke’s lips softly with her thumb.
“You're everything to me. I'm ready to show you that I can be better not only for you, but for myself too.” Lexa whispers to Clarke and the blonde has a small smile on her face. She hopes to god this break works.
///
1 Month Later
This ‘break’ has been very tough on Lexa and Clarke. Lexa has given Clarke the space she needs but it's been really rough to do so.
Clarke doesn't always eat lunch with their group anymore. Sometimes she stays in the art studio, sometimes she eats with the soccer girls. And that means Echo is there.
Lexa is insanely jealous. She trusts Clarke with her everything but it's tough not to be jealous. She knows Clarke said she doesn't plan on being with anyone else during their ‘break’ but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen. She's seen the whole Friends ‘we were on a break’ controversy. It could happen. She doesn't think it will, but it could. And that sliver of possibility eats away at Lexa's insecurities.
Mercedes has been living in her house. Laurel drives Mercedes home with her everyday. Mercedes is quiet and doesn't really bother anyone. Lexa goes to visit her every few days to make sure the baby is alright. They have a doctor’s appointment coming up soon. Lexa is nervous. It's scary realizing that she's going to be a mother, a mother with someone other than Clarke too. She knows it's early but she Lexa just knows with her everything that Clarke Griffin will one day be her wife. She knows they will have babies together and she knows their love will last. So it's odd to imagine having a child with someone else. God, she really misses Clarke.
Lexa has been going to therapy more often to work on her communication issues on top of grieving for her parents. She's learned something that she already knew : Lexa tends to be self destructive. A part of her knows when she's doing something bad, something that works against her, but she does it anyway. Her therapist is helping her stop the self destructive behavior before it even starts. It's really helping her.
Her and Clarke have a long talk once a week, usually on Sunday mornings. They go to the lake and talk about their week. Lexa is trying really hard to communicate and be open with the blonde. She tells Clarke everything that happens to her. She doesn't lie or avoid the truth. She's truly trying.
Lexa still lives at the Griffin’s but she's sleeping in the guest room now. Her bed's so cold and lonely. She misses Clarke’s warmth sleeping right next to her. She just misses Clarke so much.
It hasn't been easy for Clarke either. Clarke misses Lexa more than she could ever imagine. She missss her kisses and her soft touches. She misses her snores in her ear. She misses their intimate conversations in the dark of the night. She misses Lexa. This break is killing her but she sees the good it's doing for both of them.
They rushed into their relationship. It's good that they took a step back and started working on themselves rather than trying to work on an us with two broken halves of the whole.
Clarke has found herself outside of Lexa. She has been focusing on her art more and making friends outside of the group. Echo has become a close friend of hers. Both of them have essentially forgotten about their party hookup all those months ago and now are strictly friends. Echo is a good friend to have and Clarke is thankful for her.
“Hey Dad. I'm home.” Clarke calls out as she drops her soccer bag on the floor.
“Honey, can you come here for a sec?” Jake calls out in an odd voice.
“Whatsup?” Clarke says suspiciously once she enters Jake’s study.
“Well sweetie, your mom wants you to visit her in California for your upcoming spring break.” Jake says softly. He has no intention of keeping Clarke from Abby. Abby just hasn't had any interest in being a parent the past few years.
“What? Absolutely not!” Clarke shouts out.
“Clarke, sweetie, Abby threatened to take it to the courts. She said she wants to make amends. Maybe you should give it a shot.” Jake supplies helpfully. “She's still your mother after all.”
“She hasn't been a mother to me in a long time.” Clarke mumbles and Jake’s eyes soften.
“Look if you really don't want to go, I'll fight her on it. She really doesn't have a case anyways since she gave away custody already. But I think it'd be good to see her. Maybe she's trying to make amends. Besides you can see Raven. I know you must miss her.” Jake says truthfully. He doesn't want Clarke to hold on to such bitterness about her mother. Maybe they can work through it. Abby might be flawed, but she is still Clarke’s mother.
“I'll go..” Clarke says quietly.
“Are you sure? Because if you don't want to..”
“No I will go. I miss Raven. And I want to see what the she devil herself has to say about walking out on her family for a Pilates instructor with enough plastic surgery to be registered as a Ken doll.” Clarke says nonchalantly. Jake bursts out laughing. He goes up and hugs Clarke, kissing her forehead.
“I'm proud of you for being the bigger person here. I love you kiddo.” Jake says sincerely.
“Love you too Dad.” Clarke replies back. “It shouldn't be that bad.” Clarke lies through her teeth. Even now she can tell this trip to L.A. is going to be a recipe for disaster. Only time will tell how massive that disaster will be and how it will affect her life.