Costia the Comforter
“Lexa?”
“Hi Costia.” Lexa says with a smirk on her face. “Can I come in?”
Costia stands there frozen and obviously shocked. She assumed Lexa would be basking in the arms of Clarke all morning, not standing at her doorstep looking like a vein in her head is gonna pop from anger.
“Yeah sure.” Costia opens the door wide and Lexa walks in surveying the house. “Lex, what are you doing here?”
“House looks the same. Where’s your Mom and Dad?” Lexa ignores the question and Costia rolls her eyes. Typical Lexa.
“They’re on vacation for their anniversary.” Costia says hesitantly, her eyes narrow at Lexa. Lexa nods and walks into their TV room. Costia follows curiously.
“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Costia asks, sitting on the couch. She pats the spot next to her and Lexa sits down.
“You were wrong..about Clarke. She could never love me.” Lexa’s tries to sound casual, attempting to keep her asshole facade in check. Costia, however, doesn't buy it. She is looking at her with such sympathy and Lexa hates it. Lexa would rather be seen as a douche then weak.
“Lex..that can’t be right. I saw the way she looked at you too. The feeling was mutual I’m sure of it.” Costia grabs Lexa’s hands and rubs circles in one of her palms. Lexa bitterly laughs and Costia looks at her confused as to why she is laughing.
“Clarke and Laurel slept together okay!” Lexa snaps, but her voice gets much more vulnerable and quiet. “Look I don’t want to talk about this. That’s not why I came here.” Lexa’s eyes darken, lust evident in her eyes.
Lexa leans in and kisses Costia hard. Costia is taken surprise by the kiss and for a moment she kisses back. She can’t help it. She really does care for Lexa. Lexa smirks into the kiss and lays Costia on her back. Lexa gets on top of Costia and the other girl finally comes back to her senses. This won’t help anyone. Costia gently pushes on her chest and Lexa breaks the kiss immediately.
“Do you not want me?” Lexa’s voice sounds so vulnerable that Costia can’t help but hear the unspoken ‘too’ left out of the question.
“This isn’t going to make you feel better Lex.” Costia says with a sad smile on her face. Lexa Woods is so beautiful, even when she’s heartbroken like she is now.
“Then what will?” Lexa croaks out. Her heart has been pounding like crazy since last night when she heard Clarke was sleeping in Laurel’s bed. Her body is betraying her, specifically her heart. 17 years of her heart subscribing to the mantra of ‘Love is weakness’ and one blonde with the kindest blue eyes unravels all of Lexa’s hard work to build impenetrable walls around her heart.
“I - I don’t know what to do. I want to scream. I want to..I just want to disappear into something, anything. I want to get rid of this feeling.” Lexa speaks quietly, refusing to look at Costia. Costia grabs her hands again and soothes her.
“I know you think you’ve come up with a foolproof way to protect your heart, but Lexa, you’re only hurting yourself more. Meaningless sex is just creating a bigger void, babe. You have to stop running away and ignoring your feelings. One day you will have nowhere to run and you’ll have to face all the feelings that have piled up since you were a kid.” Costia talks softly, careful not to spook Lexa. Lexa is listening to her but refuses to say a word. She is literally shaking.
Truthfully, she’s surprised Lexa didn’t storm out of her to find someone else to have sex with. The old Lexa would have. Deep down, Costia thinks Lexa came here to talk about her feelings and the whole sex thing was a guise. Lexa can’t be seen as weak and to her, that means never talking about how she feels. The fact that Lexa is talking about these things to someone other than Laurel is a massive step.
“Tell me about Clarke. Everything, from the beginning.” Costia says and Lexa looks up for the first time.
“I can’t.” She shakily says.
“Yes you can.” Costia cups her cheeks. “Tell me Lexa. Please, take the first step in the right direction. I believe in you.”
Lexa sighs deeply and stands up pacing. She looks flustered and frustrated but Costia just patiently sits and waits for her to talk. She knows talking about emotions doesn’t come easy for the basketball star.
“It’s like everything before her wasn’t real. It was all just practice.” Lexa says and Costia’s winces at the word choice. Lexa eyes widen when she realizes her mistake. “Fuck. Costia, I didn’t mean that you were practice. Fuck, I’m sorry. I never say the right shit. I should just go.” Lexa rambles and starts to walk out the door.
“Lexa Woods, you get your perfectly sculpted ass back in this room.” Costia speaks with such authority. Lexa stops walking, rooted in her place. Costia realizes she isn’t going to walk back so she gets up and leads her back to the couch.
“Say whatever you feel. Don’t hold back because you think you’re going to hurt my feelings. Just speak true.” Costia softly says, tucking a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear.
Lexa nods and takes a moment to collect her thoughts again. “From the first moment I saw Clarke, I knew she was different. She spoke to me and I felt my heart restart. It was terrifying so I was an especially shitty person to her. I knew that eventually she would see what everyone else sees so I just sped up the process. I didn’t even know what I was feeling, but when I figured it out I tried so hard to deny it. Soon enough though, I grew tired of being an asshole with her. I never have a problem pretending..but with Clarke, it was too much. I started to let her in without even realizing it, telling her things I never talk about. It felt like the most natural thing in the world but I still fought it with every ounce of strength I have. I feel safe around her and yet I’m also so terrified. And then last night, we kissed. I couldn’t take it. I had her but I really didn’t. I know she will never love me, Cos. I know she won’t. Then I found out she slept with my sister and it only proved me right. Only this time, I really really wanted to be wrong.”
Lexa feels the tears falling and she quickly wipes them away, cursing herself. She jumps up fast and Costia follows her lead.
“I shouldn’t have said all that.” Lexa tries to backtrack but Costia won’t let her.
“Hey Woods. You spoke now it’s only fair you allow me the same courtesy. Okay? You can leave after if you really want to.” Costia speaks firm, holding Lexa’s sad puppy dog face in her hands. Lexa nods and Costia begins speaking.
“You deserve to be loved. Maybe the person will be Clarke, maybe it isn’t. This is a huge step though Lexa. You were a girl who never let anyone near your heart. When we were together, you never stayed the night. We didn’t talk about feelings. It was strictly sex. And now, within a few months of knowing this girl, you are articulating what you feel. You’re trying and that’s all anyone can ask for. Keep trying Lexa. Not for Clarke. But for yourself. Maybe Clarke came into your life for this very moment. To be fair though, you can’t expect Clarke to know the true extent of your feelings. You ran away from that kiss and started dancing with me.” Costia speaks softly and Lexa hangs on every word. The last sentence makes Lexa look guilty like she’s about to speak up.
“I know that’s how you deal with things. You run away. But Clarke can’t possibly assume you have feelings for her when you hide them from everyone...including yourself. Now if what you say is true and Clarke and Laurel slept together, well then blondie is missing out on a wonderful smartass with legs to die for and a heart so fucking big.” Costia playfully winks at the last sentence and Lexa releases a watery laugh as she’s still holding the tears at bay.
Costia hugs Lexa and the younger girl mumbles a quiet oh so vulnerable ‘thank you Cos.’ Costia kisses her wet cheek and Lexa makes her way to the door, emotionally drained from the events that have transpired in the past 24 hours.
“For what it’s worth, I thought Clarke really was into you too. How did you find out they slept together?” Costia asks curiously while standing on the porch. Lexa winces, not wanting to remember this.
“Clarke slept in her bed last night.” Lexa mumbles defeatedly.
“Naked?” Costia asks, a little confused.
“What?” Lexa frowns in confusion.
“I mean, did you walk in on them or something? Were they naked? Lex, please don’t tell me you just assumed this because they slept in the same bed. Friends can crash in the same bed without sex being involved.” Costia looks at Lexa incredulously and Lexa shakes her head, too stubborn to believe otherwise.
“No, I didn’t see. But they both had hickeys this morning! Octavia even asked.” Lexa weakly defends.
“Oh I see. And did Clarke say that they did?"
"No..I - I ran out of the house before I could hear what she said." Lexa rubs her neck and doesn't look Costia in the eye. Costia just sighs.
The evidence is pretty overwhelming except she was observing Clarke all night. At first, she assumed Clarke was Lexa's current hookup buddy. Clarke kept throwing Lexa massive hearteyes the whole night. Costia felt bad for her actually because she knows that Lexa wasn't going to commit. But then she saw Lexa doing the same thing. Then that kiss happened and well, she knew. Costia likes to believe she can read people pretty damn well. And she read Clarke Griffin like an open book. There's no way she didn't feel something for Lexa. Costia is sure of it.
"Lex it’s still not verified. It’s a party. People hook up with people. Sure, they could have slept together but they might not have! You're the dummy who ran off before you could find out the truth."
"They slept together! End of discussion." Lexa snaps and Costia shakes her head.
"Let me ask you something, why are you so hellbent on believing they slept together?” Costia asks and Lexa furrows her eyebrows.
“Because...because they just did okay!” Lexa huffs, obviously frustrated she can’t specify her thoughts. This is why she doesn’t like talking about this kind of stuff. She’s never been good at it. She never learned how.
“Maybe they did. I’m not trying to give you false hope here. But maybe they didn’t. Lexa, you have to start communicating better or else nobody will know what you’re thinking or feeling. People can only go on what people say and their actions. Your actions very rarely reflect how you feel... so how can you expect anyone to know what you want? I say you find out for real what happened between Clarke and Laurel. If they slept together, don’t run off on me and hit rock bottom. You need to learn how to deal with your shit better or your whole life will be a mess. Be better for yourself. But if I am right and Clarke and Laurel didn’t sleep together, you fight for her. Do you hear me? You are worthy of love. Don’t fuck this up. I believe in you. You have me in your corner, always. I’m just a phone call or text away.”
“Thanks Cos.” Lexa hugs Costia and walks to her bike. She’s about to put her helmet on when Costia screams out to her.
“Promise me you’ll try to not go out and be stupid?” Costia yells out and Lexa chuckles.
“I promise.” Lexa chuckles but she really does mean it. She’s tired of living this way. If Clarke is with Laurel, it will break her heart. Clarke will forever be the one that got away. But if by some miracle, it’s all been a huge miscommunication..well then Lexa Woods will fight for Clarke Griffin. That’s her promise to herself. Only time will tell if she makes good on it.