Alcohol and Exes
Clarke wakes up under a warm body. Someone is clutching on to her for dear life and snoring into her ear. She slowly opens her eyes and realizes it’s Laurel. Her head is pounding and her bladder is so full it hurts. Laurel looks so peaceful but she has to wake her up right now.
“Laurel.” Clarke softly says. “It’s time to wake up.”
Laurel’s facial features scrunch up. She realizes she’s cuddling Clarke and she creates an appropriate space.
“Shit. I’m sorry.” Laurel mumbles out, obviously embarrassed.
“Hey no worries. It doesn’t bother me.” Clarke says reassuringly. “How are you holding up today?” Clarke’s voice is much softer.
“Better. Alcohol plus exes don’t mix too well.” Laurel chuckles to cover up her hurt and Clarke looks at her with a sympathetic smile.
“Luna is an idiot.” Clarke says sincerely.
“I’m the idiot that thought last night meant something more than it actually did.” Laurel mumbles defeatedly.
“Hey don’t do that.” By now they are sitting up in the bed. Clarke touches Laurel’s hand in support. “You guys dated. You were each other’s firsts. For you, your only. Lines were blurred and alcohol makes them even blurrier. You’re not an idiot.”
“I feel like one.” Laurel says, a little teary eyed. Clarke frowns and pulls her in for a hug.
“Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Clarke rubs her back up and down until Laurel’s sniffles are gone. She didn’t cry a lot but she’s definitely upset and in need of comforting. And that’s what friends do. They comfort each other. After last night, Laurel certainly needed a friend.
///
A few hours ago
“Luna.” Laurel moans and whimpers as Luna expertly pushes her two fingers in and out of the older Woods’. Laurel is propped up on the bathroom counter with her legs wrapped around Luna’s close body.
“Do you like that?” Luna whispers into her ear, sucking on her earlobe. Laurel just moans in response. She knows she isn’t going to last long since it’s been awhile for her. Luna, on the other hand, seems to have picked up some new moves in their time apart. Laurel wills away the thought of Luna with others.
Soon enough, Laurel comes undone on Luna’s fingers. Her head lays on her ex’s shoulder as she tries to catch her breath. Laurel smiles and kisses Luna’s shoulder, causing the older girl to shudder under her lips.
“I gotta go.” Luna mumbles as she retracts herself from Laurel’s embrace. Laurel’s face forms a deeply confused frown.
“Wait, I don’t understand. I thought..I thought that we-” Laurel’s voice is shaky.
“Listen, Laurel, we had something special. I will always cherish it. But I go to college hours away now. It was hard enough to maintain a relationship when I was just in the town over. It’s unrealistic to think we could make long distance work.” Luna says softly, kissing the girl’s forehead.
“Why did you sleep with me then?” Laurel asks, clearly hurt. Her heart is aching. She’s convinced herself for so long that they weren’t romantically compatible, that Luna was only the first gay person she’s ever met and that’s why they had such a strong connection. But she was wrong. Luna was her first love. That’s not something easily forgotten.
Luna looks guilty for a moment. She tucks a strand of Laurel’s sweaty hair behind her cute little ears.
“Sweetie, I thought you realized what this was. I’m so sorry.” Luna gently says. She wishes things could be different, but she doesn’t believe in long distance. The only reason she’s here now is because she’s on a break. She’s leaving in a few days though. It just wouldn’t work.
“If only the circumstances were different, maybe we-” Luna tries to comfort Laurel, but it only falls short.
“I get it.” Laurel cuts her off, jumping off the bathroom counter and hastily buttoning up her pants.
“Laurel-” Luna tries but again Laurel cuts her off.
“I’m fine.” Laurel says it convincingly but the tears say otherwise. She quickly picks up her shirt and throws it on. Luna looks at her regretfully for a second before she buttons her own pants and blouse up. Laurel tries to leave the bathroom but Luna gently grabs her wrist.
“I really am sorry.” Luna attempts to make eye contact but Laurel just stares at the ground, begging her tears not to fall just yet.
“I know you are.” Laurel croaks out and walks away. She goes to run into her room and cry when she collides with a disheveled Clarke.
///
"I'm sorry about Luna." Clarke says sincerely. Laurel deserves so much more.
"Don't be. It's not your fault. We wouldn't have worked out anyways. Luna was right. Long distance is hard." Laurel mumbles defeatedly.
"Yeah but she shouldn't have lead you on." Clarke tries.
"No she shouldn't have. But she thought we were both on the same page. I'm always talking about how I wanted us to stay friends. I think she assumed I didn't have the same feelings I once had for her. She thought this was just a hookup between old lovers. It was a huge miscommunication, but Luna would never hurt me on purpose. I know her too well. Trust me." Laurel states confidently and Clarke nods.
"So you still have feelings for Luna then?" Clarke quietly asks, not trying to upset her further. She ponders the question for a moment.
"A part of me will always care deeply for her. I'm not really sure to be honest. I thought I moved on and then last night happened. I don't really know." Laurel looks so confused and a little sad. Clarke just wants to comfort her and make her feel better.
"You don't have to know. Your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid. Do you hear me?" Clarke says genuinely and Laurel smiles and hugs her.
"Thanks for being here Clarke. You're such a good friend."
"No problem. I'll be here if you ever need me." Clarke pats her on the back and end the comforting embrace.
“For what it’s worth, I think you made the right decision.” Laurel says softly. Clarke looks at her in confusion until she realizes what she was talking about. Clarke nods in agreement, consumed in her own thoughts about last night's events.
“I was just so angry.” Clarke mumbles.
“Yeah, you mentioned being so angry last night when we were crying to each other.” Laurel chuckles and Clarke cracks a smile.
“You never said why you were so angry though.” Laurel speaks gently, leaving room for Clarke to explain if she wants to but never pressuring her to disclose anything she’s not comfortable with.
Clarke bites her lip and looks at Laurel. Should she tell her that she has feelings for Lexa? Should she tell her she hooked up with Echo because she was angry? Angry at herself for developing feelings for Lexa. Angry at herself for believing Lexa might return those feelings. And maybe even a little irrationally angry at Lexa. She knows it's not Lexa's fault. But drunk Clarke last night was all but rational.
But at the end of the day, what good would telling Laurel all of this do? Laurel would just look at her with pity. Lexa doesn’t like her like that anyways. After seeing Lexa with Costia last night, it made Lexa’s feelings towards her perfectly clear to Clarke. Clarke is the idiot who thought she had a chance. Now she just feels stupid. Then she tried to compensate by getting with Echo. Oh god. Echo.
“I was just being stupid.” Clarke weakly states and Laurel nods. She knows Clarke isn’t telling her something but she will when she’s ready.
“So how far did you end up going with Echo?” Laurel winks and Clarke laughs, remembering last night’s events.
///
A few hours ago
“Would it be okay if I took this off?” Echo bites her lip and Clarke finds herself nodding. Echo smiles and unzips Clarke’s dress.
“I love your body.” Echo murmurs as she kisses down Clarke’s neck, sucking hard. Clarke knows that Echo is going to give her at least one hickey with that level of suction but in the heat of the moment, she couldn’t care less.
“Take yours off too.” Clarke pants out and Echo breaks her lips from Clarke’s overheated skin. The soccer player has a tight dress on so she needs some help getting out of it. With shaky hands, Clarke unzips her dress and slowly lifts it off the girl.
Echo’s breasts are on full display and Clarke would be lying if she didn’t drool just a tad when she saw Echo’s matching red lace bra and panties. Echo dives in for another kiss. Her hands roaming the newly showcased skin.
It doesn’t feel right though. Sure, it’s hot. Echo is hot. A half naked girl grinding and kissing on her is of course, hot. But Clarke is running away from something and she knows it. A part of herself desperately wants to drown in this. She wants to have sex with Echo just because she can. Maybe she’s trying to prove something. But that wouldn’t be fair to her or to Echo. Lexa very well might be having sex with Costia right now, but that doesn’t mean Clarke needs to one up her.
Echo’s hand slips under her bra and Clarke arches her back into the touch. She moans lightly and Echo smirks. Instantly, she wishes that it was Lexa’s smirk not Echo’s. In that moment, she knows she has to stop this.
Clarke shouldn’t be thinking about another girl when she loses her virginity. She told Laurel she doesn’t need to be in love when she has sex for the first time. And she meant it. But she does want to be fully into it. She doesn’t want her mind wandering to someone else. So no, she can’t do this. She will regret it.
“Echo wait.” Clarke quietly says but Echo hears it immediately and pulls away respectfully.
“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” Echo says breathlessly. This girl truly is so nice. Clarke wishes she could just be into Echo. It would make things so much easier. But life isn’t easy sometimes.
“Actually yes. I..well I’m a virgin. I just think this is going a little too far for me.” Clarke rambles a little and Echo’s eyes widen.
“Clarke, I had no idea. I would have slowed this down if I knew. I’m so sorry.” Echo rambles back and Clarke chuckles a little. Echo is so concerned she overstepped her boundaries but Clarke isn’t upset with her. It was both of their choices to go this far.
“Hey, it’s fine. I didn’t do anything I haven’t done before. Besides, I was comfortable throughout the whole thing. Okay? No harm here.” Clarke calms the girl down and smiles. Echo sighs in relief.
“Okay. Do you want to go back down to the party then?” Echo says while biting her lip.
“Sure, but I think it’s a good idea to put some clothes on first.” Clarke teases and Echo chuckles and mumbles that Clarke is a smartass.
The pair leaves the guest bedroom and a crying Laurel runs straight into Clarke.
“Shit, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t looking where I..Clarke? What are you doing up here?” A sniffling Laurel rambles until she looks at the disheveled state Clarke and Echo are in. Then she gets it. “Oh.”
Echo and Clarke go red with embarrassment for being caught. Clarke is more concerned with Laurel in this moment though. She’s never seen the girl cry. She usually is so strong.
“Echo, I’m gonna stay and talk to Laurel. Maybe I’ll see you later?” Clarke softly says and Echo nods in understanding.
“Of course. I hope everything is okay.” Echo says sympathetically and makes her way downstairs.
Laurel is shaking. Clarke envelops her in a hug and Laurel just breaks down.
“I’m such an idiot. I - I thought .. I thought she wanted to be with m-me a-gain.” Laurel cries and hiccups into Clarke’s neck. Some guy runs past them and vomits in the bathroom nearby. Clarke winces at the smell.
“Let’s go to your bedroom and talk okay? Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”
And the two girls talked for a few hours about Luna and a little about Echo. It was an important bonding moment that secured their titles as very close friends, and they will keep this title for the rest of their lives.
///
“About the same as I went with Niylah. I’m glad I didn’t have sex with her.” Clarke states and Laurel laughs a little.
“That bad huh?”
“No!” Clarke chuckles and shakes her head. “It was really hot. Like really really hot.”
“Well tell me how you really feel.” Laurel teases and both girls laugh. Clarke’s face turns red.
“It’s just it wasn’t right. I kept thinking about-” Clarke’s eyes widen and she shuts her mouth. She almost told Lexa’s sister that she kept thinking about Lexa.
“Kept thinking about who?” Laurel asks, clearly intrigued. Clarke bites her lip. How is she going to cover this one up?
“I just kept thinking about how I wasn’t ready.” Clarke says truthfully. She wasn’t ready. Partly, because she kept thinking about Lexa. But that’s going to stay Clarke’s little secret for the time being.
“Well then I’m glad you stopped it. I’m proud of you Clarke.” Laurel smiles and hugs her. Clarke thanks her for listening and Laurel does the same.
“Alright we stink of alcohol and bad decisions. You shower first and then I’ll go.” Laurel says as she hops off the bed. Clarke chuckles and goes into the bathroom to wash away her sins from the night prior. She winces in the mirror when she sees that big hickey but there’s nothing she can do about it now. Except maybe put some concealer on it when she gets home. Octavia’s surprise birthday party was sure filled with a hell of a lot of surprises.
///
Clarke is left dumbfounded and confused as Lexa hurries out of the house. Lexa looks really upset. But why? It’s almost as if she’s upset with her. But what did Clarke do to Lexa? She doesn’t care about Clarke like that. She slept with Costia last night. The thought alone makes Clarke’s stomach twist in the most unpleasant of ways.
Laurel goes after Lexa but the younger girl is already on her bike and driving away. Clarke decides to put her attention towards Octavia.
“Jesus Christ O, what the hell?!” Clarke half yells at Octavia. At least the girl has some sense to look sorry.
“I’m really sorry Clarke. I have such a big mouth sometimes. I’m so hungover, I wasn’t thinking straight.” Octavia pleads and Clarke rolls her eyes.
“Whatever. I don’t care that people know I’m a virgin. It’s not like I’m ashamed. Stop jumping to conclusions though. Me and Laurel absolutely didn’t sleep together. Does everyone think that we did?” Clarke suddenly sounds a little worried by the end of the sentence. She doesn’t want Lexa to think she slept with her sister. Not that it matters, Lexa doesn’t want her anyways. But still, if Lexa thinks Laurel and Clarke are a thing, there will be no chance for her and Lexa. And that bothers her more than anything else.
“I mean you did sleep in the same bed last night.” Lincoln supplies helpfully.
“And you both have hickeys. It wasn’t that far of a jump Clarkey.” Octavia guiltily says. Clarke’s eyes widen. She gets it. It totally seems like they hooked up. So now Lexa thinks she slept with Laurel. But that still doesn’t explain why she’s upset. The only logical reason Clarke can think of is that Lexa has feelings for her too. Clarke shakes her head. That’s just wishful thinking on her part.
“I just...I don’t understand what the fuck is going on. Why did Lexa leave like that? And where is she going?”
“I have no clue. But I’m going to go look for her.” Laurel says breathlessly as she goes to grab her keys. “Any of you coming?” She turns back and asks. Clarke immediately volunteers.
“I’m coming.”
///
Lexa is furious while she rides her bike down the roads. Her blood is pumping and her heartbeat is pounding in her ears. She can barely see straight. She knows she has no right to feel this way. Clarke isn’t hers. She isn’t Clarkes. Clarke has no idea how she feels. She’s allowed to do as she pleases. But the fact that Clarke hooked up with her sister...well that stings the most out of all of this.
Lexa gets to her destination and jumps off her bike, carelessly ripping her helmet off. She walks up the stairs of the house and pounds on the door. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing here. She didn’t have anywhere else to go though and this was the first place she could think of. The door opens and the person on the other side is clearly surprised to see her.
“Lexa?”
“Hi Costia.”