Chapter XVIII
"This is Clarke."
"Hey honey."
"Oh, hey mom, what's up?"
"Well, your dad and I were talking about coming down to visit all of you at some point and... well... Do you have plans for Christmas yet? Would you be interested in us coming down to spend Christmas with you?"
"Oh, uh, we haven't made any plans yet, but let me run the idea by the others and I'll get back to you? It could be fun." Clarke grins into the phone.
*
Lexa has just come home, she is now leaning against the wall admiring the beautiful creature that is her girlfriend sitting at the kitchen table, one hand distractedly doodling away in her sketchbook, the other holding her phone to her ear.
Clarke's hair is up in a lazy ponytail and she's wearing sweatpants and Lexa's green hoodie and two mismatched fluffy socks and it's so Clarke and Lexa wants nothing more than to tackle her with hugs and kisses.
But for now she lets herself stand in the doorway watching her girlfriend, happily chatting along with someone Lexa suspects is Clarke's mom. They've been talking on the phone a lot lately, catching up. She knows Clarke wishes she could just drive up there, but it's a four hour ride and Clarke is not quite ready for such a long trip, and certainly not a trip up the route on which Clarke's car accident happened.
Lexa decides to give them some privacy but Clarke catches her eyes before she gets a chance to turn around. Clarke puts down her pencil and gestures for Lexa to come closer, wiggling her fingers towards Lexa.
"That sounds really nice, mom. I'll let you know when I talk to them, okay?" Clarke says as Lexa grabs her hand. "Bye mom, say hi to dad."
"Girlfriend of mine," Clarke puts the phone down and grins at Lexa as she pulls her in for a kiss, "how was your day?"
Lexa shrugs. Working at the library has become a boring task she wishes she didn't have to do. She reaches for the notepad to tell Clarke about her day.
'Work was boring.
Had a late lunch with Niylah, she said we probably won't hear back from the board before January.
My day got infinitely better when I came home to you'
Lexa studies Clarke's drawing while Clarke reads her note. Immediately, she gets lost in it. It's the two of them standing by the windows, Clarke's head on Lexa's chest, Lexa's arms wrapped around Clarke, both looking out of the windows at the falling snowflakes outside. Lexa is always so deeply impressed with how well Clarke manages to capture all their special moments in her drawings and for a moment in time Lexa is back there watching snowflakes with-
"Lex?" Clarke pokes her softly on her hip to get her attention.
Lexa is so lost in the drawing that she has to force her eyes off it to look at Clarke. Only then does she realize that maybe Clarke has been talking to her. The apology in Lexa's wide eyes has Clarke chuckling.
"That was my mom. She wanted to hear about our Christmas plans and asked if we wanted them to come down to spend Christmas with us, all of us. What do you think?"
It doesn't even matter that Lexa is nervous about meeting Clarke's parents. The hopeful smile on Clarke's lips is all Lexa needs to agree to anything Clarke wants.
So Lexa grins at her and says "Yes." and Clarke grins back as she says "Yes? Okay, I'll ask the others later."
*
"Clarke?"
"Yeah Lex?"
"Do they know?" Lexa whispers carefully.
"Yeah, don't worry, nobody cares if you use your notepad."
Lexa nods against Clarke's neck, pressing her lips against the naked skin there. She's gotten comfortable using short sentences around Clarke, mostly still only one word around everyone else. With the prospect of meeting Clarke's parents for the first time tomorrow she just doesn't know if she'll be comfortable enough to speak at all.
"Really, Lex, don't worry. They're gonna love you." Clarke says as she twists in Lexa's arms. She reaches up to cup Lexa's cheek. "I love you and you love me, and so they'll love you too. Notepad or not."
Lexa sighs and relaxes under Clarke's touch and Clarke leans in to kiss her softly. Her eyes flutter shut in the dark right before Clarke whispers, "Goodnight, Lex."
*
Abby and Jake Griffin arrives early on the 24th. They're nearly crying on the doorstep when Clarke and Raven greets them with big grins on their faces and long awaited hugs. Anya and Lexa are standing a few steps away watching the reunion with smiles on their faces. Clarke has Abby's smile and Jake's eyes and Lexa feels an immense gratitude towards these two people for raising someone like Clarke.
Jake is the first to greet the sisters. His smile is bright and proud as he shakes their hands. Abby pulls them into a hug and Clarke sends Lexa a reassuring smile over Abby's shoulder, something that doesn't go unnoticed by Jake.
They love the house and they don't mind the limited space of the guest room and Jake swoons over the piano demanding that "no one gets food or presents before someone plays for me."
"Jake..." Abby sighs.
"What honey?" Jake looks at his wife with innocent eyes. Abby rolls her eyes before sharing a soft smile with her husband.
"If you want to make him happy, his favorite is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I know you know that one." Clarke whispers to Lexa.
While Abby, Raven and Anya are in the kitchen cooking their Christmas dinner and Clarke and Jake decorates the Christmas tree, Lexa slides in behind the piano and plays Jake's favorite. She smiles his way when the song ends.
"Thank you Lexa," he says, joy on his lips and awe in his eyes. "That's my favorite classical piece but I've got a feeling you already knew that." He looks at his daughter who shrugs at his accusation.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Clarke says, wearing those same innocent eyes Jake had earlier. Lexa knows that smile because it's so Clarke, because it's not innocent at all. It's like a kid trying to hide they didn't just break a vase playing soccer indoors. Clarke usually wears that smile when she's having dirty thoughts involving Lexa but won't admit it. But Lexa knows.
"Feel free to play anything you want anytime you want while I'm here," he says smiling at Lexa.
Lexa nods at him as she gets up to join the father and the daughter decorating the Christmas tree.
*
They don't ask the usual questions because Clarke has already told them about Lexa and Anya. Instead, Abby takes a seat next to Lexa by the coffee table and says, "I think it's admirable that you want to help children get a better start in life. Also, I'm forever grateful that you've helped Clarke move forward." Abby looks at her with a care only a concerned parent is able to and Lexa feels humbled and slightly flushed by the compliments. Clarke was right. There was no reason to feel nervous about meeting them. They've done nothing but make her feel comfortable. Proud even.
"She helped me too." Lexa surprises herself by speaking in front of Abby. It's nerve-racking in that way Lexa assumes jumping out of an airplane alone with only a parachute on her back would feel like.
Free-falling.
Maybe the parachute is broken.
Maybe she won't pull the handle in time.
Maybe she'll break her legs trying to land steadily on the ground.
Maybe it's going to be the best damn adrenaline rush of her life.
Her eyes immediately seek the strength in Clarke's eyes and Clarke is already there looking at her, ready to catch her when she comes tumbling down towards the ground.
Clarke is safe landing.
Clarke reassures her with a soft smile and Lexa can't help the half smile she returns to Clarke. They don't notice, but both Abby and Jake looks at both at them before finding each other in a similar smile. "I see now where Clarke has the sappy smiling from," Anya whispers to Raven who snorts trying to hold back laughter.
*
"Clarke," Lexa whispers, tugging at her sleeve to get her attention, only hers.
Lexa has spent most of the evening contemplating doing this now, tomorrow along with her other present or waiting for Clarke's birthday in January. But tonight, a rush of bravery has been running through her veins and the burning sensation tells her it's now or never.
It's important to Lexa. Because Clarke deserves only the best.
"Mh, yeah?" Clarke looks at her.
"Merry Christmas." Lexa pulls a small present out from behind her back and gives it to Clarke.
"Oh, uh, what's this?"
Lexa smiles, biting her lip nervously, waiting for Clarke to unwrap.
It's flat and in the shape of one of Lexa's small notepads and when Clarke unwraps it she chuckles, because yeah, it is a notepad. She flips it over and reads the two words in Lexa's handwriting.
'Clarke's Song'
The words are surrounded by tiny mutated stick man snowflakes, just like that first one that hangs in a frame out in the hallway.
"Wait... Is this... Did you write me a song?" Clarke looks at her with unsure eyes. When Lexa nods, Clarke's eyes soften.
Lexa nudges her head softly towards the couch area where everyone else is sitting, gesturing for Clarke to take a seat.
Clarke cups her cheek and leans up to kiss her softly. "I love you," she says earning another kiss from Lexa.
Clarke takes a seat next to her dad facing the piano, clutching the notepad in her hands like it was her most priced possession. She watches Lexa take a seat by the piano stretching her hands and fingers a few times.
Lexa moves her hands over the keys and she plays a snippet of a melody, softly, the last note hangs in the air around her when she looks at Clarke. She can see the remembrance in her eyes. It's the first snippet of melody she made Clarke play that day in the Kids Center.
Lexa doesn't know this but Clarke sometimes plays that snippet by the piano when she's home alone. Because it reminds her of Lexa, because the snippet vibrates through her veins and it feels like home.
Clarke thinks it sounds like snowflakes floating softly through the crisp winter air. It's what she sees when she closes her eyes and if she pretends to lift her head to look upwards, she can almost feel the cool tingling when they land on her nose and cheeks and melts into water drops on her skin.
She can almost feel the inevitable grin taking over her face.
She can almost feel Lexa's soft kisses traveling down her neck, fingertips sliding down her back, barely touching her skin but surely enough touching her heart, melting it even.
Lexa plays the snippet again letting the pedal hold every note in a combined harmonized cluster and Clarke can feel it vibrating under her skin.
Lexa plays the snippet one more time and this time it evolves into echoes of similar snippets that follows after each other like pearls on a string and it slowly grows in volume, into bigger, more intricate harmonies.
Clarke watches Lexa's arms move like waves and her fingers steadily running along the keys. She can basically see the music grow by the way Lexa's posture changes from small and fragile to powerfully owning the space around her as the song evolves.
Clarke can't explain the feelings that grow in her stomach, the ones that take over her body and settles in her heart. She thinks it's not unlike the feelings she has for Lexa. They're hard to put into words too. She does her best to make her drawings explain them. She thinks that maybe that's what Lexa is doing too, writing music.
Lexa ends the song in a crashing crescendo slowly being overtaken by a few soft echoes of what seems to be the theme melody of Clarke's song, the snippet that sounds like snowflakes.
There's a moment of silence where Lexa only hears her own heart beat, erratically beating against her ribcage.
Then her audience breaks into cheers and someone whistles and Lexa needs a moment before she's able to stand from the piano. When she does, Clarke is already by her side pulling her into a hug and she tells herself that she can feel Clarke's heart beating furiatingly fast too.
Clarke doesnt let go of her any time soon and Lexa wishes, just for the briefest of moments, that they were alone because she craves to kiss Clarke inappropriately. Clarke kisses her, though. Softly. Firmly. A hand pulling her closer by her neck. "Thank you, Lex. It's beautiful. I can't believe you wrote me a song!"
When Lexa meets her eyes she realizes that Clarke is crying, just a few slender teardrops sliding down her cheek. She can tell by Clarke's smile that they're happy tears. She thumbs them away and steals another kiss off her lips, both hands cupping Clarke's cheeks.
"Get a room," Raven yells, her voice clearly laced with soft emotion too.
"Shut up, Rae!" Clarke talks back, still smiling at Lexa and by all means ignoring everything else.
*
Everyone has gone to bed and Lexa's head has barely hit her pillow before Clarke straddles her, her fingers softly scratching down Lexa's stomach eliciting a shaky breath from Lexa's lips.
The moon seems to shine a shade brighter tonight because Clarke's hair is more golden than usual and her blue oceans shimmer more than ever before.
Clarke pulls off her own tank top and throws it carelessly on the floor somewhere. She smirks softly as Lexa straightens up to meet her lips. Lips are nipped at and tongues are teasing and when Clarke entangles her fingers in Lexa's hair, purposefully scratching her scalp, Lexa flips Clarke over in one swift motion.
She kisses Clarke's scar first.
Clarke pulls Lexa's face up to meet her own, her legs still wrapped around Lexa's waist.
"Merry Christmas, girlfriend of mine," Clarke husks and Lexa answers by pulling off her own tank top too.
Clarke runs an index finger over Lexa's tattoo, biting her lip thoughtfully. "I'm kinda jealous of this. Your song reminds me of snowflakes."
Lexa knows Clarke is not a tattoo person which is why she had a jeweler make a one of a kind necklace with a snowflake pendant made in white gold with a tiny blue stone in the middle. The snowflake itself is about the same size as her tattoo. That's her real Christmas present for Clarke come Christmas morning.
"Your song," Lexa corrects her.
"Mh, yeah, my song," Clarke agrees with a warm bright smile, shining like the sun. She still can't believe that Lexa wrote her a song. It's the most beautiful, most thoughtful, most important present anyone has ever given her.
Nothing compares.
Not even the present she has for Lexa. She's not easy to buy presents for because Lexa is the kind of person that only ever wants people's approval and recognition. She's the sentimental kind that doesn't care about material things. She's the kind that only needs Clarke and her music and her family. And so Clarke has been racking her brain for the perfect gift for Lexa. Because Lexa deserves only the best.
It's not more than four days ago that Niylah helped her find it. Clarke had asked her to keep it a secret from Lexa if the board approved their proposition before Christmas. So Clarke had taken the formal letter from the board and it's now placed under the Christmas tree waiting for Lexa to find it. Clarke hasn't read it herself because Lexa should be the first one to do so, but Niylah promised it was good news.
Clarke got her a blue hoodie too, because she's taken over Lexa's green one. It's sappy and silly and Lexa is going to love it.
But that's tomorrow.
Right now she wants to kiss that million dollar grin right off Lexa's lips.
So she does.
She leaves soft snowflakes along Lexa's neck and then Lexa leaves burning fireworks down Clarke's stomach.
She begs Lexa to undress her, flushed and out of breath.
She entangles her fingers in Lexa's hair, eagerly holding on with her last bit of strength, anticipating the free-fall to come fully aware that Lexa will catch her when she falls.
Just like she makes sure to always catch Lexa too.